Forgiveness by Katherine Tate

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Forgiveness, Part 4 & Conclusion
Katherine Tate

Danziger returned slowly to the camp for two reasons. One, he didn't want to face up to the fact that he really should talk to Morgan. And two, his arms were full of root vegetables that he'd discovered under the tree where Alonzo had picked up the stones. But the increasing snow and his cold hands finally forced him back.

Dumping the vegetables on the table inside the dome, Danziger brushed the snow off the shoulders and arms of his coat. He took the coat off and lay it next to the vegetables on the table. It looked like a major storm was about to hit.

"Morgan?" Devon opened the door to her room and peered out at Danziger.

"Very funny, Adair." he said. Then he took a close look at her. "What happened to you?" he asked, moving closer.

Devon shook her head trying to dismiss the topic of her health.

"Those damn stones of Alonzo's! They're toxic." Devon moved towards the table.

"Toxic! How toxic?"

"John, you found something." Devon picked up a vegetable, examining it with wonder. "You found something!"

Danziger took the vegetable out of Devon's hand and put it back onto the table.

"How toxic?"

Devon was still feeling a little shaky on her feet. She sat down.

"They cause a sort of blistering on the skin. Then respiratory failure." She said it so matter of factly that one might think she was discussing the effects of sunlight on a solar panel.

"Respiratory *failure*?!" cried Danziger. "Is anyone else sick? What about Alonzo? He was working with them the most. What about Uly?"

Devon looked up at Danziger without answering. She had to be careful here. If Danziger knew exactly what was going on she was going to lose him into the storm. She pulled on his arm until he sat next to her on the bench. One of his vegetables rolled off the table on the other side.

"Alonzo was the first to have the reaction; then me. That's when Julia realized it was the stones." Devon pulled open her shirt at the top to show John the blisters, fading but still sore, around her neck. John's hand reached up tentatively to gently touch the skin around the redness.

"Oh man." he said. "You feelin' alright now?"

"Just tired. Just really, really tired." Devon sighed.

Danziger gave her a lopsided grin. His hand moved up from her neck to stroke her cheek. Then it dropped back down to his side.

"What are you doing out here talking to me then? Go to bed!" He leaned back on the table; he was feeling tired himself.

"When I heard you come in I thought . . . I thought maybe you were Morgan." Devon confessed.

"I can't imagine why you would actively seek out Morgan's company." Danziger said, dryly, but without the intensity of the past couple of days.

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True stumbled across the Grendler quite by accident. The bulky body was lying in the shelter of two tree stumps. Despite its shape, the bones of its skeleton were clearly evident just under the skin. The snow had half buried it.

"There you are!" gasped True, putting out a hand to the Grendler's shoulder. "I found you after all."

She began brushing off the snow and gave the creature a good poke like Dad did to her in the morning when she didn't want to get up.

"Look," she said, as she pulled off the necklace from under her coat, "I brought you a present . . . ." True's voice died softly as she suddenly realized why the Grendler wasn't moving. He wasn't asleep like she'd first thought.

"Oh no!" she cried, coughing a little. She pushed the Grendler, hard this time. "No! No, you can't die! I brought you some food, I brought you a present."

True put her arms around the dead creature, alternately coughing and sobbing. Her necklace dangled from her fingers over the Grendler's head.

"NOOOOOO!" she screamed.

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Morgan and Julia had lost True's tracks. Julia was worried that this meant the girl had stopped moving and was unconscious somewhere needing medical assistance. Morgan paced in a circle, his eyes scanning the snow for any indication of disturbance. The snow was falling so fast now that it had covered up the trail of the little girl. The longer it was taking to find her, the more urgently, more frantically Morgan searched.

"I'm going up to that ridge to contact the camp." Julia said to him, raising her voice slightly because of the wind. "Maybe they've heard from her."

Morgan nodded acknowledgement, muttering to himself. He sincerely doubted that True had contacted the camp, but it would be good to check in. He wondered if Danziger had returned. Maybe Danziger was on his way out here right now. Julia trudged away from him. Morgan stood absolutely still listening to the wind blow in gusts around his ears.

"TROOOOO!" he wailed, lifting up his head to howl like a wolf. "C'mon kid, where are you?" he asked the stillness that followed.

Then, faintly, off to his right, Morgan heard something.

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Devon was toying with the idea of not telling Danziger about the situation with True when Bess burst into the dome.

"I thought I saw you come in here." she said to Danziger, "Julia just checked in. They still haven't found her yet."

Danziger sat up straight again; his eyes narrowing.

"Who hasn't found who yet?" he asked sharply. He looked from Bess to Devon. Putting her hand in her hands Devon rested her elbows on her knees. Bess looked decidedly guilty. "Devon! What's going on?"

"It's True. Morgan and Julia are looking for True." Devon confessed.

Danziger jumped up from his seated position. Was there ever going to be a time when he didn't worry about that kid? He doubted it.

"Why? Where did she go that they have to look for her?" he asked the two women. Bess, still looking guilty, glanced over at Devon to explain. Devon rubbed her temples a little and then sat up straight.

"True went looking for a Grendler." she said bluntly, watching Danziger's eyes widen. "It was starving and she's been smuggling it food. I told her she couldn't keep doing it after dark; it was too dangerous."

"Just a little *girl* talk, Adair?" Danziger asked, running his hands through his hair. Suddenly, his hands stopped as he thought of something. "With you and Alonzo so sick, why did Julia go?"

"She was wearing a necklace of stones." Devon told him.

"No, no, oh no." Danziger said before she'd even finished. He took a step forwards towards the table, towards his coat. However Devon was quicker and, snatching the coat from beneath his fingers, she held it tightly to her chest.

"Think about what you're doing, Danziger. There's a storm coming. Julia and Morgan are already out there . . . "

"Give me my coat, Adair." Danziger interrupted.

"They will find her any moment now and bring her back . . .

"Give it to me!" Danziger commanded.

"You'll never find her tracks the way the snow's falling now . . ."

"Devon!"

"All you're going to do is get lost and freeze to death and then what will I tell True when she gets back here with the others?"

"GIVE ME MY COAT!!!" thundered Danziger, leaning over Devon. Bess, frightened, stepped back towards the door.

"What are you going to do, John? Are you going to hit me for it?" whispered Devon. She held her breath.

Danziger took a step back. He looked over at Bess, then back down at Devon still clutching the coat.

"Of course not!" he protested. "Just . . ."

"Good." interrupted Devon, businesslike. "Now listen to me. Stay calm and think rationally. As much as you want to go out there to find her, there is nothing you can do to help her at this point. All you can do is wait. Here."

Danziger reached out to Devon so quickly that for a fleeting second she thought maybe he was going to hit her after all. Instead he deftly grabbed her gear and flicked the headset off her neck. He plunked the gear over his own ears and brought up the mike.

"Morgan? Can you hear me?"

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Morgan found True, gasping for breath, lying slumped over the Grendler's body.

"Julia!" Morgan cried, "Over here, Julia!" He bent over True, who looked at him with unfocused but somewhat surprised eyes.

"I was just trying to help him." she said, simply.

Morgan looked with distaste at the Grendler, but then turned his attention to the girl. He fell onto his knees in the snow and pulled her towards him.

"True, how're you feeling? Are you alright? Where is your necklace?"

Morgan had just determined that the necklace was now in the keeping of the deceased Grendler when Julia arrived. She found Morgan with an unconscious True in his arms.

"Here we go. Here we go." Julia said, comfortingly as she pulled her drug from her bag. As True was beyond hearing, the doctor's soothing words were intended to calm Morgan.

Once assured that True was, in fact, breathing, they prepared to head back towards the camp. Morgan stood up with the girl in his arms; Julia tried to contact Bess. Before she'd had any luck Danziger's voice came clearly over their signal.

"Morgan? Can you hear me?"

Morgan stumbled slightly with shock and nearly lost his balance in the deep snow.

"I've got her." he gasped into his mike. "I've got her. We're heading back now."

"Julia?" was the next question from Danziger back at the camp.

"She'll be fine, John." Julia assured him. 'As long as we don't freeze to death on the way home.' she added to herself.

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While the group waited for the return of Morgan, Julia and True, Bess decided to turn John's vegetables into a soup. She approached Danziger, who was brooding by the doorway.

"Here." she handed him a knife.

"What's that for?" Danziger asked suspiciously.

"It's for cutting vegetables. I need them in uniform chunks." When John didn't move from his watchful position Bess added, "It will help to take your mind off the waiting. C'mon, let's go!"

Bess went back to the table and gathered up the vegetables, including a few that had fallen to the floor. After a moment of hesitation, Danziger followed.

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Morgan thought his arms had never felt so tired. They were going to tear off his body at the shoulders any time now. True dozed, occasionally waking enough to mumble words of sorrow over that stupid dead creature. Once she cried out, startling him into nearly dropping her. She certainly was unable to walk on her own two feet.

Something happened to Morgan, carrying True back to the camp. Something that had been happening to him since Danziger had struck him. He wondered what it would be like to care so much for someone else. Not in the way he cared for Bess, but in a totally new and exciting way.

Children were so dependent that Morgan had always been a little afraid of the responsibility having them would entail. Seeing Danziger's reaction to the fear of losing True had initially reinforced Morgan's feeling that children were best had by other people and not him. But after he thought about it Morgan began to feel something else about the Danzigers. It was envy.

Now, as he stumbled through the powdered snow and blasting wind with Danziger's child in his arms, Morgan started feeling very protective of the girl. It was imperative that they make it back to the dome. Morgan felt driven by something besides a desire to placate Danziger's anger. In fact, truth be told, he wasn't even thinking of John at all.

Julia shuffled ahead of him, finding the path. It was slow going. Not only was the weather against them, but night was falling as well.

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Bess and Danziger had made one heck of a meal; there was no disagreement about this. However, John didn't feel very hungry, so his bowl remained untouched in front of him. The group was more subdued than normal.

Abruptly, John rose from the table and, retrieving his coat, he went outside. Devon looked questioningly at Yale, who shrugged slightly. Although Devon could hear nothing but the wind howling, she went to get her coat and follow John.

The blast of the wind struck Devon so forcefully she gasped. Her eyes squinted, trying to see Danziger without the tiny flakes of snow blowing into them. He was just a dark shape at the end of the camp.

"Morgan!" she heard him call. "Julia!"

Devon stepped away from the shelter of the dome's entrance to go to Danziger. Before she'd made it halfway across to him, he turned around. Now there were three dark shapes instead of one.

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Morgan's sight was so limited that he literally bumped into Danziger, who'd come out to greet the exhausted trio. He passed the mechanic his daughter with parts of relief and regret. Relief because his arms were aching; regret because he knew he'd never get that close to True again. Once passed to her father True's need of Morgan was over.

Then suddenly Devon was there to help guide them into the safety and warmth of the dome. Morgan was greeted by his wife, whose emotional hug nearly knocked him off his unsteady feet. Then she pulled him to the table where there was soup. Hot soup! Morgan's body had forgotten what warmth felt like; he was looking forward to reminding it.

Danziger and Julia were pulling True's coat and boots off her; John was vigorously rubbing her hands, arms and feet. Julia was reassuring him that True was going to recover from the toxic reaction of the stones. Morgan watched them in a haze.

As True woke up she was aware only of being really, *really* cold and sad. Dad was looking down at her, a worried frown creasing his face.

"I wasn't able to save him." True whispered, suddenly remembering. Dad pulled her into a gentle hug as she began to cry. "He died anyway. I wasn't able to help him."

"Shush, baby." Danziger stroked her head in comfort. "You tried your best. That's all you can do."

True fell silent, holding on to Dad, clinging to him for consolation. Devon appeared with a bowl of soup. One of Dad's arms let go of True so he could take the bowl from Devon. So distraught was True that she let Dad feed her, something he hadn't done since she was a little kid.

It was very quiet in the dome but True was not aware of anything besides the feeling of warmth returning to her toes and fingers. Her soup finished she leaned against Dad.

"You know, True, " he said softly into her ear, "If you've got a problem to solve you can come to me for help."

True looked up at him. Her exhaustion made her speak where before she would have remained silent.

"Dad, you wouldn't have helped me save a Grendler's life." she told him matter-of-factly. "You wouldn't have let me give him any food."

Danziger wanted to ask 'How do you know, when you didn't even try to ask me?' but he had to admit she was probably right. If True had come to him, before all this had happened, with a scheme to save a starving Grendler he most likely would not have agreed to it.

"True, even if you felt you couldn't talk to me, there's always Devon, or Yale, or Bess, or Julia. My point is that we're a team out here and you shouldn't feel like you have to deal with things by yourself. Please, talk to someone, even if it's not me, before you take on a project like this again. OK sport?" It hurt Danziger to tell her to speak with someone else; it hurt him to think she couldn't talk to him about anything. But he couldn't risk having her run off again by herself.

"OK Dad." True said. She looked over to Devon who was giving her one of those maternal looks. True lifted her head to Dad again. "Uh, there's something else you should know."

"What's that?" Danziger asked, holding his breath.

"The night that Morgan was on guard duty. The Grendler was with me. That's what he was shooting at."

Danziger sighed and looked over at Morgan who was watching them from the safety of the other side of the table. He found that he couldn't feel any anger at the bureaucrat any more. It was an exhausted emotion.

"Let's get you to bed, kiddo." he said to True, standing up. True stood also, and walked over to where Morgan was sitting. She put her arms around his neck.

"Thanks Morgan." True said somberly. It was hard to say who was more surprised, Morgan or Danziger. She headed in the direction of bed.

Danziger hesitated to follow her. Instead, he went towards Morgan as well. Morgan, finally shook out of his haze by the display of affection from the mechanic's daughter, tried to stand up but got his feet caught on the bench and he ended up sitting abruptly down again.

"Morgan," Danziger said, "I've been behaving like an idiot. I was afraid and it made me angry. Uh, I'm sorry I hit you."

"Ah, " Morgan was caught off his guard. "I'm sorry I fired the weapon."

"You probably saved her life today. I owe you a lot for that."

Morgan thought about how he'd felt while carrying True back to camp. In a flash he considered what it would be like to have a daughter of his own.

"No, not really." Morgan told him. "Not really."

Voice of Devon:
"We have spent so much together, as a diverse team in unexpected situations. It seems that polite words like 'thank you' come easier than sincere words like 'I'm sorry.' We have found that it is necessary to look within to forgive ourselves before we can truly forgive each other. And, in looking within, we find the most unlikely people."

-The End-

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