Lest We Lose Our Edens, Part 8
by Lia Faile
Even with her enhanced genes, Dr. Julia Heller's patience was wearing thin. It was hard enough dealing with the entire camp hovering around her and Danziger, but True had latched onto her father the moment they'd returned to camp and refused to let go of him. So Julia was having a heck of a time separating her readings from her father's. "Sit still! *Both* of you."
"How badly is he injured?" Devon inquired. "When can he travel?"
"Not for several days. I've given him some of the bone healer vaccine I developed for Alonzo to treat his broke ribs. I've reset his nose and treated his lacerations and concussion. He's badly dehydrated, plus bruised over most of his body."
"Other than that I'm fine, huh doc?" Danziger laughed at his own feeble attempt at humor and winced in pain for his efforts.
"You'll be turning some interesting colors over the next few days, that's for sure!" She bandied back trying to give him a stern look but failing.
Everyone broke out in loud chuckles and big smiles as the tension of the past few days melted away. Julia finished with her ministrations and gave him a sedative so he could sleep through most of the healing process and sent him to bed. Then she moved on to check how Alonzo was doing. She shared his concern over the repeated injuring of the same leg. If this kept up, she couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't develop a permanent limp.
Devon's physical injuries were slight, a few scraps and bruises. How much Gaal's death had cost her psychologically only Devon could say and she avoided or changed the topic everytime it was brought up. She sat there quietly hugging Uly on her lap rocking him and placing occasional kisses on his head. Like most young boys Uly was caught up in the story and was thrilled that his mother was the "hero". The celebrations would have to wait till tomorrow. Everyone was nearly dead on their feet either from physical or mental exhaustion or some combination of both. As Devon stood to take Uly to bed, Walman approached her nervously.
"Um Devon, do you have a minute?"
"Sure, Walman. Uly you go on I'll be right there."
"Devon, I uh, I want to apologize for what I said a couple days ago. I don't know why I said those things. I didn't mean them. They just sorta popped out. You've doing a great job as leader. You proved that today. I'm sorry."
"We both said thing we didn't mean that day Walman. You were scared and concerned about Danziger. You're a good friend. I'm glad you're here. I'd just like to forget the past few days and put it all behind me, how about you?"
"Yeah, sounds good to me. Goodnight, Devon."
"Goodnight, Walman."
***
After laying in bed for several hours unable to sleep, Devon got up. Being careful not to rouse Uly, she padded to the door of their sleeping quarters and quietly slipped out. At first she didn't know where she was going, only that she was too agitated to sleep. She looked at the door to Julia and Alonzo's room. Should she disturb Julia for a sleeping aid? Thinking over the past few days events and the number of people the doctor had treated unceasingly, Devon decided it best to let Julia get some much needed rest.
Nor did she want to go outside and answer a bunch of questions from whomever was on watch now. She was trying to forget what had happened not relive it. Aimlessly circling the main room, Devon found herself standing in front of the Danzigers' door. Maybe she should check on him. Carefully she pulled open the door a crack, and poked her head around it to see if they were asleep. Hearing only deep steady breaths, she entered.
Now that she was in the room, Devon couldn't fathom why she was there. But for some reason, she found it comforting to watch the sleeping pair. Daughter cradled in father's arms. Danziger's appearance had improved overall in the last few hours. The puffiness in his one eye had receded. His nose was straighter and less swollen. Julia was right about one thing though, he had started to turn some interesting shades of purple, green, and black. Well at least he was safe and getting some rest. Devon forced herself to look away from the slumbering pair. She turned towards the door and put her hand on the knob.
"What's the matter, Adair? Making sure I haven't snuck off again?"
Danziger's voice sounded more gravelly then usual and slightly slurred. Most likely a side effect of the various drugs Julia had administered. Devon put what she hoped was a congenial smile on her face and tried to appear unfazed by the piercing stare of the battered mechanic.
"Oh, you're awake. Julia said the sedative would make you sleep till morning."
"Yeah well, Julia didn't figure a restless sleeping kid into her calculations."
Just as he finished that statement, True tossed in her sleep, and planted her elbow into her father's newly healed ribs. Danziger jumped then stiffened in pain. He bit down on an oath, and let out a long hissing breath from between his clenched teeth. A concerned Devon rushed to his side.
"Maybe I should move her back to her own bed. You aren't in the best condition to be playing human mattress tonight." She leaned down and reached out to pick up the sleeping girl. Danziger reached out and grabbed Devon by her forearm.
"That's okay. It reminds me I'm alive and not dreaming."
Startled by the unexpected physical contact, Devon straightened up.The motion caused her arm to be pulled through Danziger's gripping hand. The friction caused little shivers to race up and down her body. It felt incredibly like a caress.
"Cold?" He asked softly watching her intently still holding her by the wrist.
"Uh, yeah. It is a bit chilly tonight."
Devon made a big show of rubbing her upper arms briskly with her hands. The unexpected touch and now its absence reminded her how seldom John ever touched her. Devon was naturally physically reserved, except when it came to Uly or Yale, but Danziger was always slapping somebody on the shoulder, the back or giving someone a friendly hug. Everyone but her it seemed like. Why didn't he try to touch her more often?
*Whoa!* Where did that thought come from?! Why should she crave physical contact with this man? She was only interested in him for what he could do for the survival of the group. Besides, he never listened to her and she couldn't control him. *Ah, but that's what's so appealing about him, isn't it, Devon?*
"I was just checking in on you for Julia. Is there anything I can get you? Anything you need?" Devon asked as she backed up slowly to the door. Reaching behind her she felt the cool hard metal of the knob in her hand.
"No, I have everything I need, right here."
"You mean True."
"True's a part of it."
Nervous and not liking the direction this conversation was taking Devon started to open the door. "Do you want me to wake up Julia so she can give you another sleep aid?"
"No. So do you want to talk about it?"
"Talk about what?"
"About what happened. You killing Gaal. I'm the only other person here who's killed anyone other than Yale and he really doesn't remember it first hand. Isn't that why you're here?"
A denial was about to come out of her mouth when she reconsidered and took up her nervous pacing once more. Danziger watched her patiently allowing her time to collect her thoughts. She finally stopped with her back to him so he couldn't see her unsuccessful battle with her tears. "Did you enjoy it?" She whispered.
"No." This was not what Danziger had expected. "When I killed Katrina I felt relief that I had gotten to her before she was able to harm you. I've never regretted it. The Grendler is another story. That was a stupid mistake. One I hope desperately to never make again."
"Then I'm no better than Gaal."
"Devon, what are you talking about? Come here and sit down." The woman remained where she was lost in her own thoughts. "Devon don't make me get up, I still hurt like hell. You're a helluva lot better than Gaal."
Devon shuffled to the chair by Danziger's bed. She sat on the edge with her hands clasping her knees and her back ramrod straight. Her eyes fixed on the ring she wore on her left hand. "When I shot him the first time...it felt good. I wanted to laugh. I didn't...I shouldn't have pulled the trigger a second time. I believed I was somehow morally superior to him, but I was just deluding myself." She finally met Danziger's gaze. "I *enjoyed* killing him, John. I was *glad* I did it. Now how am I suppose to live with that?"
Danziger placed his hand over hers and squeezed gently. "There *is* a difference between you and Gaal. He killed out of sheer pleasure. Do you want to kill again?"
She shook her head no, and he continued. "Now I don't know who or what made Gaal the way he was. I only know we didn't have anything to do with it and we didn't deserve to have to pay the price for it by constantly looking over our shoulders. There was nothing we could do to help him. That man tried to take your son from you, tried to kill your friends, tried to kill you. Hell, if I could have *I* would have killed him and I probably would have enjoyed it too. That doesn't make us like Gaal. That just shows us we have a dark part to our souls. That struggle to overcome our inner darkness is part of being human. Gaal failed to overcome his darkness. Others may disagree with me, but by giving in to his evil nature Gaal ceased being human. He became something else. I don't know what. Not an animal. Animals don't kill for sport. What did you say Whelan called him? A demon? Maybe that was what he became."
Devon lifted her right hand to her cheek and wiped a tear away. Then she laid her hand on top of his. "Gee John, you've been holding out on me. I didn't know you had a philosophical side."
"I didn't use to. Must be the company I've been keeping lately. Tell me something Devon. Would you really have given True to the Morgans?"
Devon chuckled. "It was the only thing I could think of to get you up and going. No, I wouldn't have. Poor Morgan wouldn't survive past a day."
"No he wouldn't." Danziger smiled as he stroked his child's cheek. "We need to talk Devon."
"I thought we were talking."
"I mean about us."
"Us?" Devon couldn't quite help her voice from squeaking. "You mean 'us' as in the group, right?"
"No, us as in you and me."
Devon pulled her hands free of his and slide back in the chair. "There is no 'us' in that respect." She said neutrally.
"I know. That's what I want to talk about. I had a lot of time to think while I was waiting to die in that stinking cave."
"John, you've been through a traumatic experience and you're under medication. Don't say something you don't really mean or will regret saying later."
"I could never afford the luxury of regrets before." He mused quietly. "Always been working too hard, trying to take care of True. Before long she won't need me to take care of her. Hell, she doesn't think she needs me now! I keep thinking of that time approaching and when it happens, I don't want to face it alone."
"I know that feeling too. I've been having it more and more since Uly's been cured."
"That's why we need to talk."
Devon stood up before he could continue. "I can't deal with this now John."
"You don't know what I'm going to say."
"I don't want to know, not now. I need time. There's just too much to cope with right now. Can we have this discussion later?" Devon had made her way back to the door.
"When?" He demanded refusing to let her escape so easily.
"Later...sometime."
"Goodnight, Devon. Don't forget, I'm just as hard headed as you. I wouldn't let this slide. We *will* continue this talk."
"Yes, we will. Later. Goodnight John. Thanks for being so hard headed." She said as she slipped out the door.
"You're welcome."
-The End-
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks to everyone for the nice letters. -Lia
I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who. --Kipling
//Received by Usenet on 7/2/95
I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who. --Kipling
//Received by Usenet on 7/2/95