DEVON ALONE - PART III
A Fragile Existence (1/5)
by Nicole Mayer
"Yeah, Kassidy," says John Danziger, the one person who keeps me sane. "My wife."
And with those simple words, I feel myself falling backwards, plunging forever into an abyss of darkness and pain. It is not possible that he is married, no, he belongs to me! I stare at his face in pure horror as the reality of his words begin to sink in. His wife... My world is shattering into a million pieces. He is married. To someone else. Kassidy - I hate her already.
How dare she? How could she marry him? How could *he* do that to me? Okay, so he didn't know that I existed, but surely, in some small part of his consciousness, he could sense me. Feel my presence, and know there was someone out there destined for him for all time.
But if he is with Kassidy, then I have nothing and will never have anything. What is the point in living if I am cursed to be forever alone?
*He* did this to me, that bastard Blalock, and I cannot ever forgive him for that. He played games with my mind and so callously destroyed my soul, only to further his own amusement. Now I live in a world where no one knows me, no one even cares, and John Danziger has become my only reason for living.
Call me crazy, call me obsessed, but this is my life and my only reality since being torn from G889, torn from the Program. Technology, the ultimate hope for the future, and the ultimate weapon is most frightening when in the possession of the evil Council, and worse when twisted as Blalock did. The only good that came from the Program was meeting John.
How can he be married? The computer database didn't hold that information...or perhaps it did.
When I found that he lived, I was too overcome with joy to check. Foolishly, I assumed that even though my entire world had changed, he would be the same because out of all my friends, the whole of Eden Advance, he was the only one who was there. Close by, even on the same station, and the sole friend within my reach.
Besides, he is the only one I want. John, how could you! He is saying something to me.
"Hey, what's wrong? We're friends, right? Don't worry, she's not going to get in some jealous rage or anything about our friendship. Kassidy's pretty cool."
I can't reply. My tongue has frozen in my mouth as I continue to stare at him, willing my face to be a mask. I will not cry, I have shed too many tears since that horrible awakening. And I will not betray my emotions in front of him.
Summoning all of my strength, I say, "You're married." My voice is dull and expressionless, but at least I have forced out some kind of a response.
Finally, John seems to realise that I am a little upset. I stare up into his eyes, and see him promising, "I'll still have time for you, Devon. Don't worry about that."
Does he sense my loneliness? Maybe there is still hope, and he can learn to care for me and love me in the way I love him - undyingly and forever. Or maybe I will have to get rid of Kassidy...a mining accident... NO! My own thoughts are scaring me. Have I really become so obsessed and ruthless?
Voices are creating a battleground out of my head. John is mine! If we're not together, then...
I need to meet Kassidy. See his reaction to her, see if they're truly in love. And then, I will decide whether or not to throw myself out of an airlock.
The void of space is calling me, a sweet, seductive voice which promises so much more than this life now. A silence so great that nothing and no one can ever touch me, even when I am alone. Most importantly, it promises the absence of all pain and heartache. Perhaps one day soon I will follow the call...
I close my eyes briefly, and see myself spinning as a star amongst the jewels set in the eternal night. Devon Adair, the inspiration for the stations, especially those whose lives were cursed by the Syndrome; the one who brought hope of a new world, now floats for an eternity in the true future.
A fitting obituary, as John Danziger stands silently by the viewport and wonders a little wistfully about me. An angel who touched his life... am I an angel? My existence is so confused...
No, Devon, think rationally! If I died, by my own hand, who would care? I can picture a more realistic headline : "Crazy Lady Jumps to Death". My history would be dragged out for everyone to mock, bringing down the Adair family name, and I will be unable to escape the wrath of my parents even in passing. Yale would grieve briefly, but his new life occupies his mind.
I *will not* die so easily. I *will not* give in. There has to be a chance for me to make a life. John Danziger will come around. I can even help Morgan Martin if given the opportunity...something I will endeavour to do. My Eden Project has been decimated, but I can have a new project now - to create friendship and compassion amongst people of the stations, regardless of their status. Work for peace and equality.
Join John's resistance which he *still* pretends does not exist will be a major step. Doesn't he know that he can trust me? Kassidy is a part of it, I'm sure. I need to know more...
And now, I know that I will not succumb to the darkness. I am tired of running, of crying, and of being alone. I will fight every adversary, conquer the demons. The first of these is Kassidy, John's wife.
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Devon Adair took a deep breath, and squared her shoulders. "Tell me about Kassidy. Your marriage. I want to learn more about your life." Danziger didn't suspect how hard it was for her to force out those words, and as a result he gave a flippant reply.
"Our marriage...it was something that just kinda happened about two years ago. We were great pals, and it seemed natural." Danziger smiled as he fondly remembered their wedding day. It was nothing more than a formal registering of their names, but at the party afterward, everyone had kept saying what a wonderful match they made and how their lives were the perfect complement. Danziger continued, "She's a great person, full of laughter, fun... and someone you can depend on to always be there."
Woodenly, Devon gave a tiny smile. "She sounds wonderful." Her hands were trembling, so she quickly hid them beneath the table.
"I can't wait for you to meet her," enthused Danziger. Devon nodded. "So how long has she been away?" she managed to ask. "Oh, about six or seven months," replied Danziger. "It doesn't bother us 'cause we know we need to make sacrifices to stay alive in this kind of society."
Impulsively, Danziger offered, "Hey, why don't you come along on Thursday morning? You can meet her then."
Devon refused to meet his eyes and mumbled her response downwards. Even after her internal resolution, she didn't know if she could cope with meeting Kassidy so soon. "I don't think that's such a good idea. You'll probably want to spend the day with her. And the next few as well."
"No," Danziger protested, "our beach trip's still on. Isn't it?" He wouldn't abandon Devon, not now that he'd seen how much she needed good friends. He suspected her fragile hold on life could be severed if Devon felt too alone, and now that he'd come to know her, he could be one of the anchors she needed.
"Come on, Devon, it'll be fun," he promised. Devon glanced up, and saw the pleading in his eyes. He was genuinely worried about her, and she realised that she had to start somewhere.
She would go with him on Thursday. "I'll see you then." "Great! Now I *really* have to go..." Danziger stood, and hurried from the restaurant. Lonely eyes followed his form all the way out, and beyond. Devon was alone.
Story Notes:
Finally, here it is! I admit, this part took longer to write than I initially expected, and ended up with a quite a few more words than anticipated. I hope you enjoy it!
And as to the series itself, I *haven't* given up on it and fully intend to finish it very soon.
NOTE: "Devon, Alone III - A Fragile Existence" is part three of a 4 part series. Each part should be complete in itself, but forms a greater story when read sequentially.
If you are missing any previous parts, feel free to ask me for them. (Warning, I and II have NC-17 ratings.)
"Devon, Alone III - A Fragile Existence" is rated PG-13. It is a dark piece, contains a little language, and is perhaps unsuitable for younger readers.
A huge thanks goes to Sue Sadler. She has been a wonderful help in writing this saga; and her suggestions and comments have inspired many parts of the "Devon, Alone" series. And her affinity for diplomatic wording can't be ignored...thanks for rewriting The Letter!
Thank you to everyone else who wrote to me re parts I and II. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated!
DISCLAIMER: (Yes, it is the same one yet again. My imagination goes into the story, not disclaimers!)
Many of the characters and situations contained within belong to Universal/Amblin Entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.
And as to the series itself, I *haven't* given up on it and fully intend to finish it very soon.
NOTE: "Devon, Alone III - A Fragile Existence" is part three of a 4 part series. Each part should be complete in itself, but forms a greater story when read sequentially.
If you are missing any previous parts, feel free to ask me for them. (Warning, I and II have NC-17 ratings.)
"Devon, Alone III - A Fragile Existence" is rated PG-13. It is a dark piece, contains a little language, and is perhaps unsuitable for younger readers.
A huge thanks goes to Sue Sadler. She has been a wonderful help in writing this saga; and her suggestions and comments have inspired many parts of the "Devon, Alone" series. And her affinity for diplomatic wording can't be ignored...thanks for rewriting The Letter!
Thank you to everyone else who wrote to me re parts I and II. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated!
DISCLAIMER: (Yes, it is the same one yet again. My imagination goes into the story, not disclaimers!)
Many of the characters and situations contained within belong to Universal/Amblin Entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.