Dirges In The Dark by SecondGuess

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"Oh God, I hope this is worth it." Devon whispered to Bess, squeezing her eyes shut and nearly gasping in huge droughts of air, as though she'd been suffocating in the cloying atmosphere of the Med Tent they had just left. Bess looked equally exhausted as she put a comforting arm around her friend gently, the two of them sinking carefully to the a large chest placed just outside the entrance for this exact reason.

The Med Tent, and the solitary patient confined therein, had become a paradox for the members of Eden Advance over the last twenty-four hours. Once inside, trapped between the layers of sunny yellow vinyl with the Danziger's suffering and the incessant ticking the bone healer's ominous countdown, a person couldn't wait to get outside, to see the sun and try to rid their mind of John's paralyzing agony. Once outside, they all longed to be with him, instantly guilty for taking leave of their promised vigil, remorseful for not spending every second they could in his precious company.

The last night had been a blur, in many ways worse than the initial hours after John's fall because the Edenites were all keenly aware that this time around, John's pain and suffering was voluntary. It was destroying Devon to see him this way again, so soon after their unexpected kiss, so soon after she'd finally allowed herself to dream he wasn't irrevocably lost to her.

John had woken yesterday morning from Julia's final surgery to considerable pain, and his distress had done nothing but increase as they'd waited for his system to rid itself of the barrage of medications he'd been receiving over the past weeks. At first, he'd wanted noise. Despite his discomfort he'd wanted visitors, distractions, he'd wanted to spend all the time he had with his friends.

And they'd come, responsive finally to Julia's gentle prodding and the quiet pleas written between the lines of Danziger's impromptu manifesto. Magus finally found it within her to smile again at John's gentle teasing, a genuine smile that her closest friends had begun to fear was truly extinct. Alonzo and Baines had brought their playing cards, and Danziger and his "card manager" True had taken great pleasure in taking the Ops crew to the cleaners, literally. Having long since lost any personal objects with which to barter--they'd tried at first but each found themselves returning the winnings to their owners at the end of every hand-- they'd taken to wagering chores. It seemed that neither Danziger would be doing any laundry until the bicentennial of New Pacifica colony. True had confessed to Devon later with a proud smile that she was fairly certain no one had been letting her Dad win.

Yale had decided to relocate 'school' to far end of the med-tent, and Uly found it irresistible that Mr. Danziger knew so many of the answers, and was not shy about helping him cheat now and again. Just when the children would think he was asleep, he would pepper their quizzes with sound effects, taking the sting out of wrong answers with his "whaaa whaaa whaaa's" and adding to the competitive spirit between the two students with a victory siren that sounded just like Uly's favorite game show back on the stations.

At first Julia had experienced a palpable relief, allowed herself to indulge in a rare sense of optimism that maybe everything would work out for the best. Team morale seemed to be at an all time high, Danziger seemed to be managing his pain better than she had thought possible, and she'd been able to remove a considerable amount of wreckage during her surgery, as the muscles themselves had begun to reject most of the embedded shards of bone as they attempted to heal themselves. She'd spent the afternoon basking in the unobtrusive din of the Med Tent, synthesizing the vaccine from the detailed notes she'd taken in her attempts to help Alonzo as she listened to her friends reconnect. It seemed the group as she'd come to know it was gone; Eden Advance was back.

Things had taken a downturn just as the sun was setting. After dinner, which was served in the Mess Tent but eaten for the most part in the Med Tent, Alonzo and the guys had gone off to begin modifications for his leg brace, hoping to salvage some of the scrap metal they'd been hauling to create a another identical splint as well.

Bess, Denner and Magus were gathered around the small fire they'd built just outside the Med Tent, plotting and planning and sewing away in an attempt to give Danziger something to wear. With his sudden increase of visitors he'd found himself quite embarrassed by his appearance, and they'd secretly decided that with a few snips and buttons, they would be able to devise something to cover up his 'bare ass' which he jokingly insisted all the women were constantly trying to get a peek at.

Inside the tent, Uly was practicing his reading with a holo-book True had secretly told him was one of her Dad's favorites. It was a very old story, and Yale had to explain to them what many of the words meant, but it was full of adventure and sword fighting and creatures that he and True had never even heard of. Even his mom was enjoying it, despite the fact that, at the beginning, Yale had to constantly shush her for interrupting the story with arguments. When she stopped him to ask how a person could possibly be 'one hundred and eleventy' years old, John told her to 'zip her lip' or get out, and from then on she was pretty quiet.

Danziger himself had grown remarkably quiet shortly after True had done her best to get him to eat dinner. He'd taken a brief nap, but the pain was such that he was never able to nod off for very long. Julia had lost her jovial edge when her equipment had begun registering signs of a returning fever and hypertension, and for the last few hours she'd been watching him like a hawk. This wasn't lost on him, or Devon, who'd begun leaving the Med Tent less and less as the evening wore on. And it certainly wasn't lost on his little doctor, True, who'd learned to interpret Julia's expressions just as well as she'd learned to read the jumbled series of numbers that constantly played our across his monitors. He'd long since given up on keeping his eyes open, preferring this small capacity to hide the worst of it from them, saving himself the torture of their concern reflecting back at him.

With the soothing drone of Uly's stilted reading filling the tent, he'd nudged True gently and tiredly requested another shave, more to calm her jittery nerves than anything else. She needed something to do, and he could sense that it would only be a matter of time before he was in too much pain to indulge her in such trivial things. As he listened to her readying his ablutions, he tried to quell the fatalistic feelings that had begun creeping in with the pain. All afternoon, despite his best efforts to remain positive and distracted, niggling thoughts had swept in without warning, beestings pricking his subconscious.

Last game.

Last meal.

Last shave.

He'd resigned himself to his fate and he stood by his decision with every once of strength he had left, but that didn't make it any less terrifying.

The peace had been shattered in a split second. In one instant, Danziger had been gritting and bearing it, and in the next he simply couldn't any more.

Uly had been reading on, clearly excited about a pony named Bill, with Devon and Julia only half listening as they watched True tenderly spreading the thin lather across her fathers cheeks. In the recent hours Danziger had begun to look odd, even to Devon's inexperienced eyes. It was though there was a current of energy flowing steadily through him, so much so that he was held in place, determined not to move even has his fingers quivered uncontrollably against the sheets and the tendons in his neck stood in high relief.

"Dad, maybe I should do this later." True suddenly decided, resting a hand carefully on his solar plexus. He shook his head tautly, inexplicably desperate for some strain of normalcy.

"S'ok, True-Girl. Go ahead. I'll keep still." He whispered. Her eyes filled with tears, True nodded but made no move to begin. Instead she took his hand, squeezing it in her own as she wiped away the suds as gently as she'd applied them, praying her father would understand why she'd chosen to disobey. When his face was clean again, she leaned in to kiss him softly, wrapping her left hand around his index finger.

"Later, Daddy." She whispered, and a small moan caught in John's throat. There was a startling, single beep from one of the various pieces of equipment, and suddenly his eyes opened to gaze upon her with all the despondency of a wounded animal, begging for mercy.

"Get outta here, True-Girl." He begged suddenly, Julia instantly at his side, the Hypogun primed and ready, though she'd sworn to him that she wouldn't administer any pain-block without his explicit permission. It was part of the deal they'd struck. The other part of the deal, the only part that mattered right now, was that True would be allowed to stay with him unconditionally until the time came to administer the vaccine.

"It's okay, Daddy, I'm gonna stay with you." True responded confidently into the dead silence of the Med Tent. From the corner of her eye, Julia noted that Yale had already swiftly whisked Uly away from the scene. Without her having noticed, Devon had come to stand beside her.

"True, honey…It's getting bad." He rasped, his hand unconsciously clenching painfully around his daughter's. True didn't so much as flinch, determined to bear whatever brunt of her father's pain as she was able to. "Please, honey…please just…" He rasped, startled when Julia deftly applied enough pressure to tendons in his wrist to force True's release.

"God…m'sorry, baby." A shudder ripped through him, nearly quaking the cot, and when it subsided he frantically reached for Devon.

"Please, get'er outta here, please, Devon, please!" He pleaded in a rush, genuine panic setting in.

"John, just try to relax, alright? I know it's bad, but try to stay calm. True's gonna stay right here with us, you're not scaring her. It's okay." She appeased him gently, giving the girl a small hug from behind, resting her chin on True's head in support.

"I'm not scared, Daddy, it's okay." His daughter promised, rubbing his arm. He shuddered again, his heavy head falling back against his pillow roughly.

"Julia…don't you dare." He panted, eyeing her hand resting against the butt of Hypogun.

"Wouldn't dream of it, John." She assured him from the end of the bed, where the same angry monitor let out two more angry trills. Reaching up to cup his cheek, True leaned in close to meet his unfocused gaze.

"Let it out, Dad. Sometimes it feels better to cry." She divulged with her calm, child-like clarity.

But Danziger didn't cry. He screamed. And so their final vigil began.

Now, outside the tent, Devon looked at Bess' weary expression and wondered what she herself must look like. John's initial panic hadn't lasted for more than a few minutes, he was far too fatigued to carry on for long, and by the time the strange insects of G889 had begun their nocturne he'd fallen eerily silent again, sometimes punctuating the stillness with low, primal moaning on each shallow exhaled breath.

True had done her best to comfort him, and it seemed that she was the only one among the women of Eden Advance who remained totally calm, seemingly unaffected by his agony. Her hard-won place at his bedside was a duty she took very seriously, and she knew that the sight of her own distress would only upset him further.

At times, he would startle as though he'd forgotten she was there completely, and whenever he found himself capable of speech he would routinely, gently ask her to leave. He would try to dream up things she should be doing, ridiculous distractions that she took with a grain of salt.

Instead she wiped his newly feverish face with a cool cloth, talking softly to him about the house he would build for them when they reached New Pacifica, about the day he taught Uly how to run, about how they'd snuck into the zoo on Centurion Station during a cold sleep job to see the last living Elephant.

To the girl's credit, Devon barely even registered a flinch when, at around 14:00 hours he'd begun asking True to run and find her mother.

His confusion was deeply unsettling, but Julia had repeatedly assured she and a tearful Bess that it couldn't be helped, and that it was just the fever and the pain getting the better of him. Devon could see her frown deepening with every muted alarm from his monitors, and every gentle sweep of the DiaGlove, but to the doctor's credit, she never once vocalized any concerns. A few times, under her breath as she worked on the vaccine or peeked under the blankets to tend her post surgical wrappings, the heard the doctor murmur "It's what John wants." And that became a mantra for them all as they watched him hold on for dear life. It's what John wants.

The crackle of vinyl startled Devon and Bess from their respective reveries, and when they looked up, Julia was beside them, squinting in the sunlight. Raising her face to the sky, breathing in the beauty of another perfect day, Devon saw her shoulders visibly relax a bit. Then she turned to study them in the same way they were studying her, and Devon could see it was nothing but a trick of the light.

Julia's rail thin frame was teeming with exhaustion and stress. For all the horrors the doctor had experienced with Danziger, the reality of his injuries she'd experienced in a way neither Bess nor Devon could, Devon knew she would trade places with her in a heartbeat, that she'd longed through the past weeks to be the one with the power, the one who would inevitably save John from his agony, or the one to release him into peace with the knowledge that she'd done everything she could. She would even rather it be her in the bed, in Danziger's place, than to be banished to the sidelines, a incompetent spectator.

"I think we're ready to begin." Julia said quietly, and Bess reacted to this, the very news they had been waiting for, with a startled intake of breath. How could it be that this terrifying inaction, the sight of John in such agony, was still somewhat preferable what they were about to do to him? "Is everyone up yet?"

Devon glanced towards camp, knowing that in every silent tent their friends were undoubtedly wide awake, sitting in the same stunned shock.

"Do you honestly think anyone slept at all last night?" She asked ruefully.

"Well, for Danziger's sake, I hope they managed to get some rest." Julia responded, rubbing a hand across her eyes. This is going to have to be quick and seamless."

"No room for error." Bess whispered, the other group mantra, as she stood wearily.

"I'll go find everyone, I'm sure they're ready." Julia nodded thankfully, squeezing the Earth-Res' hand.

"I'm going to need you two in there first to get him covered up some, then Alonzo and his team to help get the braces on his legs. He told me how grateful he was, that you and the girls made him something to wear." The soft affirmation worked wonders for Bess' cloudy expression.

"Well, we can't have everyone in camp sneaking a peek, now can we?" She asked, her tone sarcastic and at the same time full of the considerate sensibility that they all admired.

She was off in a flash, leaving Devon and Julia to gaze back at the Med Tent door as though it was the very gateway to hell.

"It'll be fine." Devon barked out, a little too loudly, to no one in particular. Julia nodded wordlessly as she held open the flap for her friend.

Inside, they were greeted with the sound of raspy laughter, coming from Danziger himself. True was at his side, smiling slightly and patting his arm, though she was undoubtedly in a much less jovial mood.

"Shhhh, Dad, you need to relax, it's time to be quiet." She hushed him ineffectually, looking to Devon and Julia for back-up.

"What's so funny, Danziger?" Julia asked curiously, knowing the best way to cope with his delirium was to indulge him. It made her fairly queasy to do so, but she knew it was much better for all parties involved, giving Danziger a sense that he wasn't going completely crazy and the Edenites a chance to lighten up a bit, enjoy John's rare bursts of humor. He squinted his eyes open slightly and immediately reached for Devon's hand.

He'd been doing that more and more lately, with less and less discretion.

"Adair…Devon…c'mere." He giggled, and she did so, gently placing a hand on the crown of True's head tenderly as she took a seat beside her.

"What is it, Danziger? You're getting yourself all riled up." She informed him without much hope he'd listen. The last several hours had taken there toll, and the circles beneath his eyes were deep bruises, his lean face framed by dull, tangled curls. It killed her to see him this way, knowing even has he stared back at her through dilated pupils he could just as likely be seeing Elle, or Alex Wentworth, or a Grendler. There had been a stretch of time when he had been convinced Bess was her, and even Devon's own presence in the tent couldn't convince him otherwise. It seemed the only person he could never forget, never mistake, was True. In that respect, Devon was almost grateful it was time to administer the vaccine. She didn't want to be on the same planet as him the day John thought he'd lost his True-Girl.

"So funny…'m so stupid." He continued hazily.

"I don't think I follow, John." She informed him carefully, glancing at Julia as the doctor bustled around her workstation, shaking her head with a weary smile.

"Got hit…byda…" Another chuckle, another wince. "…shankin 'Rover…s'stupid!" He finished proudly, letting out a huge sigh, and True caught Devon's eye as if to say, "You see what I've been dealing with?"

"Not one of your prouder moments, huh, Danziger?" She teased him gently. "No one thinks you're stupid, John, it was just an accident."

He groaned, though Devon was unsure if it was the pain of he simply didn't like her response.

"Everyone's accident." He informed her seriously, and she took a few moments to fill in what she believed were the blanks.

"Everyone's an accident?"

"Elle's accident…Eben's accident...shankin' Ro'noke." He elaborated deliriously, and at Devon's troubled expression True spoke up calmly.

"Dad, sometimes things happen and there's no one to blame. It doesn't mean you have to blame yourself." Danziger looked at his daughter for a few moments, as though he was waiting for his brain to catch up with him.

"You're no accident..." He whispered, his eyes falling shut as he nodded off again.

"Are we gonna do this thing or not, Julia?" True asked suddenly, her frustration finally getting the better of her.

As if on cue, Bess chose that moment to enter, in her hands the bundle of clothing they'd tailored for Danziger.

"Everything ready?" She asked, a tinge of excitement in her voice.

"We're ready." Julia replied.

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