DEVON, ALONE Part V
The Dream, the Dark, and the Light (1/11)
by Nicole Mayer
Through the murky depths of neverending darkness, there is a sound. A slow, dull hiss, an eerie noise that sends chills throughout my body. It haunts me. It reminds me of something awful, something so dreadful that even *my* memories elude me at the moment. Perhaps I should be grateful for this.
The world is grey now, and I am so terribly sleepy. That noise - that incessant noise - how I wish it would go away. It disturbs my sanctuary of emptiness. I feel as if I am floating through the mysteries of time, an endless presence comforted by the darkness that does not let go.
How long have I been here? I do not know. All I know is that this is my entire life, and has been for as long as I can remember. Floating in nothing, it is the calming absence of everything. I do not even know my own name.
Suddenly, I feel compelled to open my eyes. There is a light, a brilliant, blinding light that pierces through the murky glass before me. I try to lift my hand, to touch that glass, but my arms will not obey. Instead, I concentrate on that strange, confining wall, and watch the rivers of melted ice lazily trace their way down.
With a start, I realise that my heart has begun beating. I did not even realise that it had stopped, but now, now that I am beginning to live again, I wonder how I ever survived without its comforting presence. I exhale, appreciating the wonderful hum of life that is beginning to pour through my body. I am awakening.
What am I waking from? There are too many conflicting images that dart before me, I cannot sort them all out! Flashes of a grim, dark place, flashes of laughter. Two vastly different worlds, yet attached to both, there is a pain. It scares me.
A mist seems to be descending over my body. My body. It does not seem right that I have one - not after so long in the darkness. The murky, cold air begins to swirl as a new breeze breaks through the walls of my coffin. I breathe it in, marvelling at the sensation of being alive. The smells are wonderful - fresh, pure, clean, they promise a wonderful life free from confinement and horrifying metal.
"Devon!" I hear a voice. I gasp. That is my name! And the voice calling it... I cry out as the memories begin to flood back. I am Devon Adair. My life was due to end. Yet here I am, awakening from something terrible.
Now I can make sense of the images, and a different picture punctuates every faltering breath I take. The Stations. Blalock. The Program. My G889. Kassidy Quinn. John Danziger. Everyone whom I loved twisted in some cruel, unfeeling way. Until events escalated into one cataclysmic confrontation...and then...then...
Where am I?
"Devon," I hear the voice again. It is Julia. Julia! Julia - I thought I had lost her forever! Julia...if she is here...then I must be on G889...
"Devon, hold on. I found a cure for your illness, you're going to be alright..." Her words are like a message from an angel. Perhaps Julia is an angel, an angel of light and mercy who has saved me from this world of darkness.
Oh my God, it was a dream.
I fall forward as the door of my coffin finally slides away, yet this time, there are reassuring arms to catch me. Julia, Alonzo...I feel like shrieking with happiness. They are here! And John - *my* John, not the twisted version from my nightmares.
"Devon," he says, caressing my hair and staring at me with what I know to be love in his eyes. "You're gonna be okay. Just stay with me, you can do it..."
He lifts me up, his arms strong and comforting around my cold body, and gently rests me on a bench. Alonzo supports my head, for I am still very weak yet I rejoice in the feeling, for I am not alone. I struggle to make sense of my thoughts. I feel as if I have been gone from G889 for many months.
What is the last thing I recall from here? We were sick, and dying, and how terrible that all seemed. But now it pales in comparison to my personal ordeal on the stations. Within the nightmare.
The dream was *so* real! I feel Julia inject something into my arm, and the hiss reassures me that she knows what she is doing. The last time I was consciously here, in this world, *I* was dying. Carefully, I examine my senses for traces of the devastating pain. It lingers, and my lungs still refuse to draw in regular breaths, but I do not care. I am confident that Julia will save me, and even if she cannot, anything is better than the nightmare world of the Stations.
"Mom?"
"ULY!" I struggle to shout. Uly, my baby, is here, he is alive! I twist my head to look at him, he is so healthy. And real. They are all real, every single one of them. I love them all.
I feel someone take my hand, and smile. The sensation of touch was gone from my life for so long. I was alone, I was an outcast in a society that didn't even care about my existence.
The logical, rational part of my mind is beginning to analyse my dream. I can understand it perfectly, for in the physical world, I was locked away from my friends. I was gone from their lives, and I was alone.
And Council paranoia had run rampant through our small group only hours before my collapse. It makes sense that my confused dreams were amalgamated of these two images, the evil and the terrible aloneness.
I smile, feeling pure relief pour through my body. There is nothing sweeter than waking from a terrifying nightmare, and this nightmare was prolonged by the agonies of cold sleep. I wonder how long have I been away? I recall months on the stations of confusion and terror, yet looking at my friends now, they do not seem to have aged.
John is holding my hand, and he is smiling fondly down at me. I warily try to return the smile, for there is a lingering dream sense attached to his presence. The memory of the other Danziger has tainted my recollections of him, and I fear it will take time for me to trust him again.
Julia's diaglove obscures my vision for a moment. Alonzo asks her a question, his voice full of apprehension.
"Diagnosis, doc?"
"It looks good," replies Julia, the relief in her voice evident. "I'm getting clear readings all over."
There is a subdued cheer throughout the room. Every moment, I feel pain diminishing and scurrying away, as if it never existed. I sigh happily, for this is a more wonderful homecoming than I had ever dreamed possible.
John leans down, to whisper something in my ear. "I missed you," he says tenderly. Then he straightens. "Welcome back, Adair."
Welcome back...to my life. I will never be alone again.
***
Devon lay in the med-tent, still shocked by her return. After all she had been through, every heartache, every horror - it was a nightmare she would never forget. It haunted her. And as she looked around at the bright world of G889 - real sunlight, natural air, she felt as if she had finally come home. But it would be a long time before she would trust anything again.
Julia was hovering by her, but there was really no need. Devon was feeling absolutely fine. Well, perhaps not as fit and healthy as she once had been (there was still that dull ache in her head, a result of the cold sleep, Julia assured her) but Devon didn't care. She knew she would be fine, and there was no stopping Devon Adair once she had decided on something.
What bothered her now was not her physical well-being, but her thoughts. There was so much to think about, and so many joys to take delight in. She couldn't wait to see Uly again and hold him in her arms. The time on the stations, the nightmare, had been cold and lonely. She missed him so much.
But he was outside now, alive, and playing with True. He laughed and it was music to Devon's ears. He was her son, and he was real.
*Stop thinking that,* she chided herself, but Blalock's words eerily haunted her, mocking that Ulysses was nothing more than an image. Devon squeezed her eyes shut hoping to block out the memories, but the darkness only brought more sad thoughts. She snapped her eyes open and instead looked at Julia.
Julia. Her friend, perhaps the closest friend Devon Adair had ever had. Julia meant a lot to her, and life without her as a friend had been empty and cold. Devon vowed to let Julia know this soon. But not now, now was a time for healing and believing in a miracle.
"You're going to be fine," pronounced Julia again. "I feel so bad that we had to put you through this. If only I'd..." She broke off, and flushed a deep red.
"Julia, what is it?" asked Devon. The doctor's eyes jumped nervously around the tent.
"It's my fault!" she finally burst out. "You were having an allergic reaction to some of the pollen in the air - something we hadn't yet been exposed to."
Devon nodded, eager to hear the cause of her illness. She could understand the reasons behind this, it was spring, and every day the colonists had encountered some new kind of plant or flower. "How does that make it your fault?" Devon asked hesitantly.
Julia opened her mouth to speak. "You were dying. I couldn't find anything wrong with you. And do you know why? I was depending on the diaglove."
"And it was malfunctioning," suddenly broke in Devon, surprising herself. How could she have possibly known that? Devon saw the startled confirmation on Julia's face.
"You're right, sand had penetrated its inner circuits. I forgot to regularly check it," Julia admitted.
Outrage momentarily surged inside Devon. If only Julia had been more careful...then Devon would have never gone through all that pain! But just as quickly as the anger came, it passed. On the stations, dirt in equipment was never a problem, and it was the stations that had shaped everyone's lives. She couldn't blame Julia.
"I'm so sorry, Devon," Julia apologised. "I shouldn't have relied on my diaglove so much - I'm a doctor! I should be able to tell when a patient is having an allergic reaction. I shouldn't be depending on my medical equipment to tell me what my eyes can!"
"Julia, it's alright," Devon said calmly. Inside she wasn't so calm, but she was going to do everything she could to allow her life to get back to normal and erase the past horror.
"But you didn't deserve to go through that," Julia said contritely. "You almost died, and it was my fault. And then we put you in cold sleep for two weeks, two weeks that weren't even necessary."
*It felt a lot longer than two weeks* thought Devon. *It was months...* She quickly quelled the thought. "Those weeks gave you the time to find a cure, though," reminded Devon.
"That was nothing," sighed Julia. "Once I knew what the problem was, synthesising an antidote was no trouble at all. No, this is my fault and I hope you can forgive me."
Devon smiled warmly. How could she not forgive Julia? The doctor had brought her home. "It's already forgotten," Devon promised. "So we had a short stopover on our way to New Pacifica, but that's not going to change anything. We'll get there, and we'll do it together."
Obviously relieved, Julia smiled back. She ran one more scan over Devon's body. "You shouldn't have any more problems, even if that pollen permeates every part of the air."
"Good. So how soon can I get up?" Devon was itching to go outside, to run free through the huge plains and laugh in the real sunlight.
"Soon," Julia promised. "Your reaction to cold sleep in your weakened condition wasn't good. You told me you had bad dreams?" Devon nodded. "That's one of the factors I'm talking about, and the cryo chambers were old. It wasn't the best thing to do for a patient. Or a friend."
"But you saved my life," reminded Devon. "Thank you."
Julia brushed aside the praise, and straightened up her medical equipment. "Rest a while longer," she directed. "I should be going, I think there's a certain mechanic who's very anxious to talk to you..." There was more than a hint of mischief in Julia's voice as she began to walk out, but Devon's hand on her arm stopped her.
"Don't go."
"What?"
"Don't go, don't leave me alone with him..." Devon's voice was low, urgent, and desperate. She couldn't explain the sudden avalanche of feelings that had descended upon her at the mention of John Danziger. Anger, hurt, betrayal, embarrassment, and even a sense of fear that stemmed from the Danziger who wasn't.
"But Devon..." began Julia, worried about her patient again. "You and John were so close, I can't understand what..."
"Please, Julia," Devon said firmly, but there was a pleading in her voice, "tell him I can't see anyone just yet. Tell him I need more time to recover. Tell him anything, I just - can't face him right now."
Julia's expression was dubious, but she conceded to Devon's wishes. "Alright, I'll tell him, but he's not going to like it. That man cares for you a lot."
Devon nodded, but she couldn't quite believe it anymore. *He didn't trust me*
*He walked out on me*
*He betrayed me*
*He wasn't there when I needed him the most* Devon had been through so much anguish and heartache, and she had changed. She didn't think she could ever trust John Danziger again.
Story Notes:
Well, it's finally here. It's finally done. The entire saga. 65 000 words, which officially makes it the longest, continuing piece I have ever written. (I *will* get that novel done someday!) Subsequently, this is a long introduction so please bear with me.
This, the fifth part, is quite different from the rest. Most of it can be read without knowing the back story as I have attempted to re-explain significant ideas. (Well, it has been a while since the last part of this was posted!) "The Dream, the Dark and the Light" offers a change of focus from part IV, and yes, Julia finally puts in an appearance!
***For those of you who receive mail through html-based programs, this story contains bracketed text that will not show up on the screen. To avoid this problem, I recommend saving this to a text file before reading. ***
If you've missed any previous parts, they can be found on my web site :
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Vault/8356/fanfic.htm
or you can email me for them. NOTE : Let me know if you can handle attachments if you choose this option!
Previous instalments in "Devon, Alone" :
I - The Shattering of the Dream (NC-17 rated)
II - Gathering the Fragments (NC-17 rated)
III - A Fragile Existence
IV - The Legacy of Tears
Thank you to Sue Sadler, for putting up with my many questions and finding the time to give me detailed feedback. Without her help, several scenes would never have made it into this part or the entire series. Thanks, Sue!
Special thanks also to Robin Carter, for editing this part and being 'picky' (but in a good way!) Her help is greatly appreciated.
Thank you also to everyone who has written to me about this saga, especially Alvar, Janice, Becky, Kathleen, Ellie, Mary, Ashley, Carol, Erik, Nancy, Michael; and the TQ and Deb for answering my "Emergency Question"! (Yes, you will finally find out why I was asking about people fitting underneath the transrover ).
The wonderful feedback from everyone - and in many cases, the suggestions and ideas - have helped shape "Devon, Alone" into something far beyond what was originally envisioned. And I had a wonderful time writing it. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!
DISCLAIMER : The characters and situations contained within are the property of Universal/Amblin Entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.
Whew! Now that you've made it through the intro, on to the story...
This, the fifth part, is quite different from the rest. Most of it can be read without knowing the back story as I have attempted to re-explain significant ideas. (Well, it has been a while since the last part of this was posted!) "The Dream, the Dark and the Light" offers a change of focus from part IV, and yes, Julia finally puts in an appearance!
***For those of you who receive mail through html-based programs, this story contains bracketed text that will not show up on the screen. To avoid this problem, I recommend saving this to a text file before reading. ***
If you've missed any previous parts, they can be found on my web site :
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Vault/8356/fanfic.htm
or you can email me for them. NOTE : Let me know if you can handle attachments if you choose this option!
Previous instalments in "Devon, Alone" :
I - The Shattering of the Dream (NC-17 rated)
II - Gathering the Fragments (NC-17 rated)
III - A Fragile Existence
IV - The Legacy of Tears
Thank you to Sue Sadler, for putting up with my many questions and finding the time to give me detailed feedback. Without her help, several scenes would never have made it into this part or the entire series. Thanks, Sue!
Special thanks also to Robin Carter, for editing this part and being 'picky' (but in a good way!) Her help is greatly appreciated.
Thank you also to everyone who has written to me about this saga, especially Alvar, Janice, Becky, Kathleen, Ellie, Mary, Ashley, Carol, Erik, Nancy, Michael; and the TQ and Deb for answering my "Emergency Question"! (Yes, you will finally find out why I was asking about people fitting underneath the transrover ).
The wonderful feedback from everyone - and in many cases, the suggestions and ideas - have helped shape "Devon, Alone" into something far beyond what was originally envisioned. And I had a wonderful time writing it. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!
DISCLAIMER : The characters and situations contained within are the property of Universal/Amblin Entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.
Whew! Now that you've made it through the intro, on to the story...