Devon Alone V: The Dream, The Dark and The Light by Nicole Mayer

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DEVON, ALONE Part V
The Dream, the Dark, and the Light (3/11)
by Nicole Mayer

"'Lonz, I'm worried about Devon," Julia confided late one evening. Twilight was upon them and as the stars slowly emerged, the landscape took on eerie yet comforting shades of grey and black. Julia and Alonzo were taking a quiet walk away from the camp, and while Alonzo had romance on the mind, it was obvious that Julia was thinking of very different matters.

Alonzo companionably took Julia's hand, waiting for her to say more. He knew the terrible feelings of guilt she'd gone through when they discovered how to save Devon, and realised that Julia wasn't over it yet. In what he hoped was a comforting tone, he offered, "It will just take time. She nearly died, and that's enough to weird anyone out for a while."

But Julia was shaking her head. "No, that's not it," she protested. "If she was exhibiting signs of fearing her *own* mortality, then I wouldn't be so worried. But she's withdrawing from the group and losing her focus. She's completely avoiding Yale and Danziger, and those were two of the people she was closest to before all of this!"

Alonzo nodded as he recognised the truth in Julia's words. However, he had noticed other things in Devon's behaviour. "She's spending a lot of time with Uly, though. And you - you were close to her before."

"I know, but why would she talk to me and not Yale? He was like a father to her!"

Alonzo was stumped. "I don't know - Danziger and Yale are both men, maybe?"

"No, that's not it," said Julia. "I've seen her talking to Morgan a lot..."

"And she never had time for him before," concluded Alonzo. He recalled an incident that happened around lunch time that very day - Danziger had openly approached Devon and she rudely brushed him off, going to sit by Morgan instead. Although maybe Devon hadn't been entirely 'rude', as such, more...scared.

"Did she tell you anything at all about her cold sleep experience?" asked Alonzo, not even wanting to touch on the subject of Devon's sudden fear of Danziger. "Maybe she needs a little counselling."

A shadow crossed Julia's face. "I suggested that and Devon nearly took my head off. It scared her, and I don't know why! Wait a moment." Julia paused as an idea came to her. "She mentioned a bad dream. Maybe...the coldsleep injection affected her internal chemistry...she could have experienced a very frightening nightmare..."

Alonzo agreed. He, too, knew just how realistic dreams could be, or how real they actually were. "Do you think she was dreaming with the Terrians at all?"

Shaking her head, Julia said, "No, I don't think so. She would have told us - we all know how important Terrian dreams can be."

Alonzo silently absorbed her words, until a new idea came to him. "Then maybe the Terrians can help her. I was once really screwed up, and the Terrians showed me how to say goodbye to my past. They showed me some of the future. If Devon is so confused about her own life, then maybe that's what she needs."

"You think so?" Julia asked, but inside she was already agreeing with him. Now if only they could get Devon to cooperate, or maybe Uly could convince her to go along with it.

Whatever was troubling Devon, Julia wanted to help her friend get past it and rejoin the spirit of Eden Advance.

***

Morgan heard his name, and instantly turned to follow the voice. It was Devon calling to him, and he had begun to realize lately that Devon wasn't anywhere near as bad as he once thought.

Not that he had ever really hated her (well, he would just forget that incident on the Advance ship) but Devon had always got on his nerves. Her optimistic outlook and "I'd never do anything wrong/stupid/dangerous" attitude had bothered Morgan for a long time even as they learnt to get along and call each other friends.

Now, though, things were different. Devon was nicer to him somehow. She treated Morgan as if he were an equal and a dear friend. Someone she could trust.

Devon had been different ever since she came out of cold sleep, and Morgan liked the change. She went out of her way to spend time with him, and he enjoyed their conversations. Devon was becoming a true friend.

Morgan greeted her with a smile, which Devon easily returned. "Good morning, Morgan!" she said with forced cheerfulness, and Morgan could clearly see the dark shadows under her eyes. Perhaps she hadn't been sleeping well.

"You look tired," he said bluntly, not wanting her to pull a fast one on them again. Pretending *not* to be sick had got Devon into a lot of trouble last time, and no one wanted it to happen again. "Are you alright? Any headaches, dizziness..."

"I'm fine," snapped Devon with more force than she intended. Then the corners of her mouth crinkled upwards, to show that she wasn't upset. "I just had a bad dream, haven't been sleeping to well."

"Ah huh," nodded Morgan, still not entirely convinced that she was okay. But maybe this was only one more example of a permanent change. How long had it been since Devon was re-animated? Two weeks? It was a long time for someone to be in a bad mood. Thinking back, Morgan remembered that he'd only felt off-colour for a day or so after twenty-two *years* of cold sleep!

Suddenly, Morgan felt Devon yanking on his arm and she pulled him around the side of the tent. "Wha-?"

"Shhh!" Devon hissed. Almost as if she were hiding from someone, Devon took a careful glance around the edge of the tent, where she could see clear across the campsite. Her eyes narrowed. "Look at them," she muttered.

Morgan looked. And again. He didn't see anything out of the ordinary. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Them!" Devon pointed directly towards the fire, where Danziger and Bess were sitting eating 'breakfast', or whatever near-edible concoction Julia had synthesised.

Still not understanding what Devon was worried about, Morgan said, "I see my wife and Danziger eating together."

"Exactly," confirmed Devon. Upon noticing Morgan's blank look, Devon gave an exasperated sigh. "Don't you get it? John and Bess, your *wife*!"

Morgan looked again. Come to think of it, they were sitting awfully close to each other. They were talking animatedly, Bess throwing back her head and laughing while Danziger put his hand on her arm. Morgan took a step forward, a grim look on his features. If that mechanic thought he could move in on Morgan's wife while he wasn't looking...

But Devon gently caught his shirtsleeve. "Don't," she said simply. Morgan stared deep into her eyes, seeing a pain to mirror his own - along with a resigned defeat. And sadness, Devon was so, so sad...

"Maybe they're meant to be together," she said softly. "We shouldn't interfere."

For a moment, Morgan felt inclined to trust Devon on this one, there was something about her that seemed wise beyond her years. But then his instincts kicked in, and he spat, "Like hell they're meant to be together! Do you really think I'm going to stand here and take it while that -man- comes on to my wife?!" He stormed off, and Devon could do nothing more to stop him.

As the angry words drifted across to her ears, Devon buried her face in her hands. Why was she doing this? Why couldn't she let the dream go? Why couldn't she...let herself love John the way she used to?

Devon felt tears begin to trickle down her cheeks, and she suddenly ran. Away from the campsite, through the grass, and over a hill where she was hidden from view. Where she could get away from everyone and the conflicting emotions they brought on her, where she could be alone.

She did not want to cry, so she stifled a sob as she stared across the empty plains. After all this time, and everything she had been through, she was still lonely. Still alone. And she had no one to blame but herself.

"No!" Devon suddenly screamed out in a burst of rage and frustration. Blalock's words drifted unbidden into her mind. "You have no one, Devon, nobody even cared you were gone..." And then her own dismal thoughts, just before the darkness...what *had* happened, anyway? She could see flashes in her mind, Danziger shouting at her, a grim, lonely walk through the corridors, an airlock with the promise of release from the pain...then her own voice before she woke up here. "I have no one. I am alone forever."

***

Images raced past her, as if she were part of a dream. Maybe *she* was the dream, for she knew her only existence was in this corporeal state. She knew that she had died.

There was no conscious sight, and no conscious noise. In fact, the only thing she could 'see' was...cyberspace. There were so many differing sights streaming past her, or perhaps she was racing desperately past them. For there was something chasing her.

It tugged at her mind and it whispered sweetly in her ear. "Let me in," it promised, "and I will take away your pain forever. No longer will you have to fight the Council...they are your friends. I can show you this. I can help you to forget your loss - I can even take you to a place where Uly will live once again."

She was growing so terribly tired of this incessant voice. Always it was at her, cajoling, wheedling, and lately, it had developed more of a violent edge.

"I will be part of you, whether you want it or not!" It savagely tore at her mind, the only part of her that remained.

"NO!" she screamed. "I will not let you control me!" She vowed to stay strong; she would not let her essence be destroyed as she had seen happen to so many others.

"There is no escape," it hissed. Summoning all of her strength, she locked away a part of her mind as the evil began to creep inside. "You will never get in there. Never!" she vowed as her thoughts were gradually overtaken.

The new meld took hold, as her mind was rewritten in accord with the leisure of the Council. But still -way down deep- the true Devon Adair lingered.

With a jolt, she realised she was a person again. They were drilling...my God...they're drilling into my head! The buzzing noise permeated to her core, echoing through each and every part of her new body. She screamed.

"She's awake!" gasped a voice. Another one laughed. "The problem is over," it said. "Welcome back to reality, Citizen Adair..."

***

As much as she tried to hold back, Devon woke up screaming. People rushed from every direction, and soon Devon found herself in a warm circle of light with friendly faces looking down on her.

"I'm okay, really," she protested as Julia ran her diaglove up and down Devon's body. "Go back to sleep, everyone," she insisted, embarrassed by the whole affair. "It was just a bad dream."

"Seems to me that you've been havin' an awful lot of bad dreams lately, Dev." That was Alonzo, and he gently took Devon's hand in his own. She was glad it was him by her side and not someone else. Devon could see Danziger near the edge of group. While his face showed an intense concern, it seemed he had finally got her message to stay away. The thought saddened her. If even *he* gave up, then what hope did she have to conquer the nightmare?

She felt a sudden rush of guilt as she noticed the positions of other people - Bess standing helplessly by Magus; Morgan in yet a third corner of the triangle, somehow managing to glare at both Danziger and Bess at the same time. And it was Devon who'd caused this mess.

Julia stood up, a determined expression on her face. "I'm going to give you a sedative," she stated. "You need to get some proper rest."

"Okay everyone, show's over, back to bed," said Alonzo, taking charge of the situation. "You too, Uly. Julia will look after your Mom."

The boy was obviously worried and frightened, but Danziger took his hand and hustled him away. Alonzo nodded a silent thanks.

"Julia, I really don't need this," Devon was protesting. "It was only a stupid dream!"

"Well maybe you'd like to talk about it," offered Julia for the hundredth time, squatting beside her friend's bed. She tiredly ran a hand through her hair while rechecking the diaglove's readings which again showed her that nothing was wrong.

Alonzo pulled up a chair, and said, "We're your friends, Devon. We care about you, and we want to help."

"Do you really care?" Devon spat bitterly. She felt as if Dison Blalock was peering over her shoulder right this moment, monitoring and recording her every move. Just as he had claimed. Even though there was no other way he could be invading her dreams, it had been *his* voice she heard last of all - or was it? She frowned, realising that one evil Council member sounded like another. She was so confused.

"All of us care," promised Julia. "We care about you more than you'll ever know. When we put you in cold sleep, everyone was devastated. And now you're back, but it's not the same, and we want to help you." Her blue eyes pleaded with Devon as Julia willed her friend to open up. "Tell us."

Taking a deep breath, Devon finally opened her mouth. Knowing she couldn't go on like this, that something had to give. Her world was collapsing around her no matter how hard she fought, so perhaps, it was finally time to give up her fears and tell the truth. "It all started with a dream."

Alonzo and Julia listened in silence as Devon told them of her frighteningly real experience. Not all of it (she kept quiet about her own behaviour in relation to Danziger especially), but of the Program, and the horrible conviction something was very wrong.

"You would think I could let it go when I got back to G889." Exchanging concerned glances, Julia knew exactly what Alonzo was thinking. Devon had specified when she "got back to G889", *not* "when I woke up".

"And now I keep having frightening flashes," admitted Devon. "I'm on the stations, I know that much, but it's nothing like the other dream. Something terrible is happening to me but I don't understand what. Or even why."

As a doctor, Julia had read about this kind of thing, and a sudden fear struck her heart. It was impossible, wasn't it? There were plenty of reasons for Devon to be having bad dreams - her recent brush with death, or a hormonal change, even a reaction to spring could be causing it. But *that*? Repressed memories?

Julia would expect someone like, well, herself, to have repressed memories. The kind of thing that people banished from their lives, yet could resurface given the right conditions. But Devon Adair? Their brave leader, the woman behind the Eden Project...who didn't have time for relationships, who was so busy she barely even had time to think let alone sit down and reflect on her own life...

Come to think of it, Devon Adair's lifestyle perfectly mirrored that of someone who was trying to forget a traumatic experience. Julia's jaw almost dropped. She tried to mask her expression, but Devon caught it.

"What is it?" she asked Julia.
The doctor took a deep breath, and looked to Alonzo for support. He squeezed her hand, as if to say 'go for it' and Julia felt a sudden rush of affection for this man who stood by her so often. If it weren't for Alonzo, Julia doubted she would even be with the group anymore. But that was all in the past, and she had been forgiven long ago, when Devon had given her a chance. Now it was Julia's turn to help Devon.

"Devon," she said, "do you know much about the phenomenon of repressed memory?"

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