Cabin Fever I
Julia: Valentine's Day, Part 1
by Jayel
for Rosa
Is it possible to actually die from a lack of privacy? That was the question that had started to haunt me as the days got shorter, the snow got deeper, and the quarters felt closer around me.
The Eden Project had been in its second winter camp for almost two months. Situated in the gentler mountains that represented the last geographical barrier between us and New Pacifica, the layout of the new camp was much like the one we'd used the winter before, with a single logand -mud-daub lodge replacing the central dome and windbreaks built around our individual tents.
But this year, the windbreaks weren't enough to keep the tents habitable after dark, and by the second really heavy snowstorm, even the most chill-resistant members of the group had relocated to the lodge. So there we were, sixteen souls crammed into a space roughly the size of a medium station unit. Bess and Morgan had a still-new baby who had apparently inherited his father's sunny disposition, at least where his late-night feedings were concerned. Magus and Baines were still in the awkward early stages of falling in love, a process which alternated between being really sweet and being really embarrassing for both the parties involved and their captive audience. Devon and Tara's interrelations fluctuated wildly between a dangerously guarded courtesy and open warfare, neither of which was pleasant for anyone, especially Danziger. True and Ulysses were understandably restless--Yale did all he could to keep them from bickering or getting too boisterous, but they were young, healthy kids who were as tired of being cooped up as the rest of us. And I suspect the strained relations between their respective parents were doing little to help matters, either.
And then there was me. All my tests indicated Valentine was due any minute, and Alonzo and I were wildly excited, but . . . Part of me wanted her to just *come out*, for pity's sake. I felt hugely uncomfortable, and no matter how many times Alonzo and Tara assured me that I was "incredibly beautiful" in my deformity, I still felt gross. But as heartily sick as I was of being pregnant, I was even more afraid of the alternative. Every time I tried to picture myself giving birth in that room in front of all those people, I didn't know whether to cry or be sick. Everyone was very supportive, of course, very solicitous--actually it was a little embarrassing, the way everyone from Danz to Uly did whatever they could to make me as comfortable as possible. But that was the whole problem--it simply was not possible for me to be anything but miserable and scared.
Alonzo tried so hard to make things easier for me. No one could have been sweeter or more affectionate or tried harder to understand why I was so unhappy. But even though he was obviously struggling with everything he had to hide it, I could tell he was losing patience, and I couldn't blame him. So when he and Danziger suggested a short scout on the day the snow broke, I didn't protest nearly as much as expected.
"We won't leave clear-reception gear range," Alonzo promised, glancing at my face as if to gauge my reaction.
"No further than we can walk back from before dark," John added, checking his magpro.
Tara looked up from her game of catch the yarn with Tu-Two and laughed. "Coward," she told him with a grin, glancing pointedly at Devon. The two women had been spoiling for a fight since breakfast, and it didn't take higher thought to see Danziger was beating his retreat while he could.
"Alonzo, are you sure you want to leave Julia for the day?" Devon asked, the tiny frown that hardened around her mouth any time Tara spoke to John making its expected fleeting appearance.
"I'll be fine," I put in quickly. "Besides, if they're not going any further than they say, he could be back in plenty of time if anything happens."
Alonzo took my hand and drew me aside. "Are you sure?" he asked softly, putting himself between me and the rest of the group. "I'd be just as glad to stay here if you need me."
"'Lonzo, I'm fine," I repeated with the first genuine smile I'd been able to manage all day. "Hey, if there were any way I could get outside for a few hours, I'd be gone in a flash."
His brown eyes registered both sympathy and enough love to make me feel almost good. "Soon, right?" he said, squeezing my hand.
"Yeah," I agreed, squeezing back. Suddenly I couldn't help throwing my arms around him and holding on with all my might, audience or no audience. "I'm sorry," I whispered tearfully as the warmth of his embrace turned into the whole world again.
"You and Walman go ahead," Alonzo said, kissing my cheek. "I'm staying here--"
"No!" I protested, pulling away. "I'm serious, fly-boy--" "You're scared--"
"So stay close," I finished, meeting his eyes. "Really . . . I think this is a good idea. We need to know what's going on out there." I moved closer and whispered. "Somebody has got to get Danz out of here before those two blow, and I know you could use the break."
He hesitated, obviously torn. "I don't . . . Stay out of any fights that break out, okay?" he said. "Let'em tear each other's hair out if they want to, but don't let them drag you into the middle of it."
"I won't," I promised. "Now go, before I change my mind." "What's the verdict, Solace?" Danziger demanded. "You coming or staying?" "He's coming," I said firmly, giving my sweetie a playful shove. "Go away, kid; you bother me."
He still didn't look convinced. "Are you--?" "Sure?" I interrupted. "Yes. I am absolutely, positively certain that you should get out of here right now." I walked him to the door and gave him a quick kiss. "Just hurry back, okay?"
***
The rest of the morning passed in relative peace. Devon turned her attention to the New Pacifica plans while Yale held school. Bess had a much-needed nap while Morgan cuddled and played with Dare--even I had to admit they made an adorable pair when neither of them was whining. I attacked the task of bringing my long-neglected journals up to date. And Tara settled down beside me, apparently dozing with her VR gear strapped firmly in place. In fact, she had gone on gear as soon as Danziger was out of sight. I wasn't really happy to see this--like John, I worried about what kind of damage she might be doing to herself with so much sensory overload. But under the circumstances, it seemed best to leave well enough alone.
Would that Devon had seen it that way--but that's really unfair. It actually started with Ulysses . . .
As soon as their lessons were done, he and True came over to Tara. "Hey," Uly said, yanking on her sleeve.
She opened her eyes and flipped one of her eyepieces back. "Yes?" "Where are you?" True asked her.
Tara smiled. "Grand Isle, Louisiana, circa 1900," she answered, leaning back again. "Lying on a beach, reading a novel." She flipped the eyepiece back into position.
"Are there kids there?" Uly demanded. "Uly, don't talk to her when she's inside," I said, noting the sudden glow in Tara's palms as she performed the supposedly-impossible task of "living" in two realities at once.
"It's okay, Doc," she said without opening her eyes. "Yes, Uly-love, there are scads and beaucoups of kids here, raising all kinds of ruckus."
"Oo, can we come?" True begged, scrambling for her gear. "Whatever you want," Tara answered sleepily. "But Uly has to ask his mom." "Can I, Mom?" Uly asked, running to Devon. "Please? We'll be careful, I promise, and besides, you can't drown in VR--"
"Uly, I don't think that's such a good idea," Devon said slowly. "I'm sure Tara will be coming out of the program very soon anyway--"
"No, I'm thinking this is my day," Tara answered without looking up as the glow in her palms got brighter. "Don't worry, Adair--they won't have too much fun, I promise."
"That's hardly the issue," Devon said, giving me a questioning look. "Tara, either take the gear off or stop talking to us," I ordered firmly. She sat up and yanked the gear off her head with a look of petulant impatience. "Look, Devon, it's just a program," she said, shooting me a murderous glance. "If you don't want him to play, fine--that's why I told him he had to ask you first. But I'm going back in now--"
"I wish you wouldn't," Devon interrupted. I could see from her face that she really didn't want to go down this particularly conversational road, but she just couldn't stop herself. "Tara, you've been on gear for more than two hours now--don't you think it's time you came back to reality for a while?"
"Actually, no, thanks," Tara said, her voice pleasant but brittle. "It's dangerous," Devon insisted wearily. "You've said yourself that--" "And whose business is that?" Tara interrupted. "Look, Dev, John's not here to be impressed at how giving and sensitive you are, all right? You don't have to pretend to be concerned about me."
"Okay, I think that's just about enough," Morgan said, standing up with the baby in his arms. "Let's just stop now before one of us says something we'll all regret for days and days to come . . . "
For once I had to agree wholeheartedly with the Martin platform. "Tara, I hardly think Devon would pretend to be worried about you if she weren't," I said. "And you know she's right--"
"Do you always have to take her side?" Tara demanded, turning on me. "I can understand your wanting to stay neutral, but this thing of jumping to her defense every time we pass a cross word is really starting to get on my nerves."
"Oh, for God's sake, Tara, leave Julia alone, can't you, please?" Devon demanded. "If anyone has tried to put up with your childish little tantrums--maybe she's finally gotten as tired of you as the rest of us."
"Oh God," Morgan groaned.
"Maybe," Tara agreed slowly. "Or maybe she's trying to make it up to you that you lost and I won--"
"Stop it!" I heard a woman's voice scream in fury, not realizing for a full five seconds that it was me. "Are you crazy?" I demanded, turning on Tara. "Don't you realize we are *stuck* here with one another? If you don't stop it, I--" I realized everyone was staring at me, and suddenly I felt a little sick. "I can't stand this . . . "
Luckily Alonzo and John chose just that moment to walk back in. "Doc?" Alonzo asked, rushing to me. "What's going on?"
I grabbed his arm, feeling like I might faint. "Nothing," I tried to promise, but I couldn't stop crying--why was I crying, for heaven's sake? The idea that my emotions had gone so haywire just made me cry harder. "Tara said . . . it doesn't matter . . . "
"What did you do to her?" Alonzo demanded of Tara, who was now standing there with her mouth hanging half-open in obvious dismay.
"I said awful things," she admitted, touching my arm for a hesitant moment before backing away. "Doc, I'm so sorry . . . " She glanced up at John, then turned and ran out with the mechanic in pursuit.
"Typical," Devon muttered. "She makes Julia cry, but then she feels so sorry about it that he has to go running out to comfort her . . . "
"Shut up, Devon," I said without meaning to say anything at all. "Shhhh," Alonzo soothed, pulling me close. "It's okay, doc . . . " "Alonzo, please--I have got to get out of here," I begged, clinging to him. "Just for a little while--a walk, or something--"
"Okay, okay," he promised, motioning for True to hand him my coat. "We're on our way right now."
"I know I don't get a vote," Devon ventured. "But we have no way of knowing when it's going to start snowing again--"
"It's all right," Alonzo assured her, buttoning my coat and handing me my medical bag. "John and I found something . . . we'll be fine." He gave me a kiss on the cheek for reassurance, then started packing food supplies.
"How long are you planning on being gone?" Morgan asked. "I mean, Julia is our only doctor . . . "
"We'll stay in touch on gear," Alonzo assured him. "And John will know where to find us if you have to." He framed my face with his hands and gave me his best fly-boy grin. "You up for a field trip?"
I couldn't help but smile back, so relieved I almost cried all over again. "Oh yeah," I answered. "Wherever you want to go."
End of Part 1
Story Notes:
Hey y'all--
Instead of starting another endless saga that takes in everybody's point of view this time, I thought I'd do a lot of smaller bits, each from a different first person point of view, and group them together into something called "Cabin Fever." The idea is to show what I think the second winter on G889 would be like from a lot of different perspectives, the first being Julia's. Hopefully the individual stories will stand alone or make some kind of sense together.--Jayel
Instead of starting another endless saga that takes in everybody's point of view this time, I thought I'd do a lot of smaller bits, each from a different first person point of view, and group them together into something called "Cabin Fever." The idea is to show what I think the second winter on G889 would be like from a lot of different perspectives, the first being Julia's. Hopefully the individual stories will stand alone or make some kind of sense together.--Jayel