Perchance to Dream by Etain Antrim

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Perchance to Dream, Part 7
Etain Antrim

Baines had just drifted off to sleep when he found himself back at a camp they had made the first fall on the planet. He saw Julia walk into Alonzo's tent where he was still in bed. As she spoke to him, Alonzo didn't even turn to look at her.

"I adjusted your brace so it won't hurt so much... Alonzo, are you okay?"

"Doc, you've got to hibernate me. You can wake me up when we get to New Pacifica. . . . at least until my leg heals."

"How old are you?" Julia bent toward him.

"One Hundred and nine, a hundred and ten . . ." He inclined his head toward her, but didn't roll over to see her.

"And since cold sleep training, what's the longest you've been awake?"

"The last few weeks. And it's been hell. You've got to put me under."

"You're depressed."

"Thanks for the diagnosis, doctor. Will you do it?"

"Alonzo, even if I had the equipment, no one is going to want to drag you, sleeping, across the planet. It can't be done, it shouldn't be done."

The scene changed abruptly to the communications tent. Alonzo was struggling with the crutches and his brace, and fell to the floor.

"Alonzo, are you okay."

"I don't want you or your help!" He threw the brace across the tent.

". . . Get these creatures out of my head. . ."

"I would if I could. . ."

"Boy, they sure forgot the bedside manner chromosome when they made you, didn't they!" Alonzo was deliberately needling the doctor. He hated her, or at least he hated his dependence on her. ". . . Go away then, I don't need you. . ." He didn't know whether to laugh or cry when she did just that.

And suddenly, Baines saw Alonzo driving wildly, deliberately aiming to go over a cliff, his adrenaline high. A Terrian popped up in front of him, forcing the pilot to avoid him, and causing the ATV to roll, throwing Alonzo out of the vehicle, unconscious.

Baines groaned and rolled over in his cot. He was horrified at what he was seeing. Alonzo just tried to kill himself! He had never known.

Baines saw the dreamplane as the Terrians controlled it. Outlines were hazy as Alonzo found himself in a cave. The pilot was surprised and pleased to see Lydia, a friend from the Garconia Starbase. When she disappeared and was replaced by an old woman, he was confused. "Where did she go?" he asked.

"She became me. She got married, had children, had a life, got older."

"That part of life is not for me. . . the getting old part."

"But that's all there is, love, . . . The seconds, the minutes, the hours. The years. It's a beautiful ride . . . The best you'll ever take"

Alonzo woke up in pain, but saw the ATV and knew that he had to return to camp. He crawled to the vehicle, and drove back to his tent, getting there shortly before Julia burst in.

"You're up early." Alonzo sat on his cot.

"I'm up early! Alonzo, you've had the entire camp in an uproar. What happened to the ATV? What happened to your forehead?"

"I don't know. I went for a ride . . . I wiped out or something . . . Julia, I had a dream."

"And were the Terrians in it?"

He nodded, "Yes, and I don't know. . . but I feel like I've been healed. I'm healed." He had found the word he had been searching for. He knew now what had happened to him.

"Well, I hate to tell you, but your leg still looks as broken as ever." Julia knelt to examine his right leg closer. In fact, it looked worse, the wreck itself had injured it, and the bandage surrounding the splint was now dirty and bloody.

Alonzo grinned, showing his dimples for the first time in what seemed like weeks, "I know."

As Julia got up to get new bandage material, he looked back up at her, "Julia . . ." She stopped and looked back at him, "I'm sorry."

She nodded and started out, only to pause and look back at him, "I'm sorry too."

Baines felt the warmth Alonzo harbored for his doctor, and for the Terrians, who cared for him. The monsters he had thought were forcing themselves into his head had saved his life, and more importantly, his sanity. The isolation he felt from rest of the crew was bearable as long as he had Julia and the Terrians on his side.

Baines woke abruptly, but lay still, considering what he had just seen. Thinking back, he could remember how he and Walman had laughed at Alonzo as he moodily circled the camp in the ATV. At that time, he had been surprised at how poorly the brash and cocky pilot had adapted to life on the planet. The Alonzo he knew now was yet a third man, a mix of the exuberant hot-shot pilot with a more sober, spiritual man who had emerged from his suicide attempt. Baines could remember the change as Alonzo had come to peace with the Terrians and began to accept his new life rather than looking back to what he had lost. At the time, he had not realized how much of a shift in thinking it had required or how little support Alonzo had gotten from anyone but Julia. Why had the rest of the crew not noticed his isolation? Why hadn't he?

***

Devon was living the crash once more, but this time through Alonzo's eyes. The ship was bucking and straining as the cargo pods pulled it to its doom. He had tried every trick he could think of to sever the ties to the cargo pods and was beginning to realize, through his adrenaline rush, that he would not succeed. O'Neill shouted, "Give her up, Solace! She's going down!" Alonzo struggled to get out of his seat, wriggling past the safety straps.

"Stupid woman!" he thought as he vaulted over the rail to urge Julia to the escape pods. He threw a handful of medicines into the bag, then grabbed her and the bag and dragged them toward the pod, terrified, all of a sudden, that the last pod would not wait for them. The halls were empty of all life as he and the doctor were thrown from side to side, fighting to get to safety. He was grateful that the pod had not left when they reached the end of that endless walk, and he put Julia into the jump seat. He knew that he was more likely to survive the battering from not being secured than she.

The descent was awful. He was bounced off the walls and the floor of the pod, banging his head and limbs as they fell to the planet. Finally his world was still, and he sat gasping, blood trickling from a cut on his forehead into his eyes. He was too tired and too shocked to feel anything at suddenly being on the planet surface.

Julia's insistence that he allow her to check his injuries was an irritation, he had more important things to worry about. His ship... How could he not have saved it? His heart was breaking. So he was stunned, unable to think through the implications when she asked him about taking a bone-healing vaccine.

Then came the surreal experience of Julia and three of the largest survivors trying to straighten his leg. They pulled and puffed while, in the middle, he was just an object to be manipulated. Because of the pain block, he knew what was happening but could feel nothing. In fact, he was numb all over, body and mind. Julia finally slipped a splint on either side of his right leg and wrapped it tight, and he was placed on a blanket to rest, just like a child, and Julia sedated him. He felt dependent and helpless and surrounded by strangers, and far off, beyond the shock, he was scared. Worse, he woke in the middle of the night, under the strange light of two moons, to a dull throbbing pain that filled his whole being with its beat. Julia was watching and slipped another seda-derm onto his arm before he even knew what was happening.

Devon rolled over in her sleep and pulled at the blanket, but didn't wake. On the dreamplane, Uly walked up to his mother, aware that she was finding this dream painful. Devon looked down, startled to feel the small hand slip into hers.

"Uly, is this one of Alonzo's dreams?"

He nodded solemnly. "Yes Mom."

"And all the emotions, are they his?"

"Most of them, but you can feel yours too."

"What can we do? Should we wake up? Does he know we're here?"

"He doesn't know we're here. He's not trying to control the dreamplane, he just is. I can wake you up, but until Alonzo's better, any time we sleep we'll see his dreams. This is one of the problems the Terrians are having. They feel his dream emotions, and it is strange and uncomfortable for them. I think they won't dream again until he stops. Do you want me to wake you?"

"No. No, Uly. I think I better just deal with it. Maybe we can figure out how to help him if we watch. This time the dreamplane is very different from the time Alonzo and I came here to get you back, when the Terrians healed you. It is more colorful this time, and the emotion . . ."

"I know Mom. Alonzo is human, so his dreams are different."

Devon looked back to Alonzo, just in time to see his first Terrian dream, and feel his confusion and terror. He didn't dream, especially not about monsters. The dream must have been caused by the medicine Julia kept giving him.

He lay on the hammock that had been rigged for him, aware that around him people scurried to get things done, and that no one looked for him to do anything. He was useless. Worse, he was an extra burden that had to be dealt with. Only Julia paid any attention to him at all, and she made him feel helpless, she saw only his need.

The terror of the dreams continued, to become worse when he realized that the creatures were real, and that they were talking to him. Then Uly disappeared and Terrians surrounded the camp, and finally Alonzo could stay quiet no longer. "Julia! Julia!" He called for the one person his world had contracted down to. She came and insisted that he would have to get involved. He had known that she would say that, and didn't object, but he *didn't* want to see the creatures any more. Devon taking the sedative took him off the hook, but Julia put him right back on it. He listened to the Terrians, tried hard to understand what they wanted, and tried to make Devon understand as well. But she surged ahead, making unknown promises from all of them to save her son. Uly was saved, and Alonzo was happy about that, and pleased to have been some help. But he was determined to never again allow the creatures into his head again. Never.

Devon woke, aware that Uly beside her was still asleep. That was just as well. She needed to think through Alonzo's dream. Why hadn't she realized how hard those first days were on him, and what courage it had taken to dream with her to save Uly? She must have been in shock herself to have been so unobservant.

In camp, Mazatl and Walman ran into each other as they stumbled out of their tents in the middle of the night.

"Man, I just had a shanking nightmare!" Walman moaned to Magus, who was still on guard.

"Hey, me too," Mazatl looked at his friend rubbing his face with his hands. "Was it about the crash?"

"Yeah, and Alonzo. What the hell is going on?"

"Hey guys. Yale came out a while ago after talking to Devon. Apparently we're seeing Alonzo's dreams. He's stuck on the dreamplane until he gets better, and the 'plane is really strong here. Quite a trip, huh? I saw one earlier about the Z.E.D."

"Yeah, you really snapped at me when I woke you up!"

"Well, from Alonzo's perspective, you weren't very nice to Julia. He was kinda ticked at you."

"What? And that's why *you* yelled at me?" Walman's face reflected his unhappiness. "I think I'll just stay awake until Ol' 'Lonz stops dreaming."

"The Martin's better come through with that drool soon." Mazatl agreed. "I'm with you. Hey Magus, want me to take your place? I'm wide awake now."

"No way Mazatl. It's my watch. Feel free to keep me company, but I'm staying put." Magus said firmly.

End of Chapter 7.

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