She stared at him from across the fire. She hadn't come back to the shelter until she had finished the meat from the rodent. Even then, she had considered gathering more food on her own, but the idea of killing again made her shake. His words had echoed through her memory. You have to eat it now. Otherwise its death doesn't mean anything. It's just dead.
She'd told herself it was just to get the meat that would go bad unless it was eaten. To give meaning to the deaths of those he'd already hunted. But she'd lingered as he built a fire and cooked part of it. She was careful to stay on the outside of the fire, where she could bolt for the woods without having to pass either it or him.
She hadn't actually gone inside the shelter. She didn't want to know if the skulls were still there.
"Why do you keep them?"
He stared out at the woods beyond her. "I can't stand to look at them long enough to take them out. When you fell in that morning r11; that was the first time anyone had been in that room since the Edenites brought me her message."
"Who is this person r11; who is 'her'?"
"My mother." There was an odd tone in his voice. "I never really knew her until I got the message. I only...I only knew what my father had told me."
"The skulls. They are his then?"
He nodded, still not looking at her. "They're from our r11; my parents' team. All of them are there except my parents themselves."
"Where are they?"
"In a cave. She stopped him, but it was too late for her." His tone became bitter. "Or the others. I was left alone."
"How did you live? Without them or the People?"
His shifted his gaze to meet her eyes. "I became like them. I learned to kill, to even r11; enjoy it. That is why I am not kind. I'm barely human."
"I am not human at all," she said softly, another day, when she had come back to bring him moss and roots she had gathered.
He paused and looked up from where he was crouched against the shelter, packing her gifts in storage containers against the side. "You were born human. You live as a human now."
Mary made a frustrated gesture. "I grew up among the People. They r11; they wanted me to be a link, but there were no other humans. I never learned how. I became...too much like them."
"Is that what you want? To be like them?"
She turned away. She didn't know anymore.
"You are kind," he said simply. "You do not enjoy killing. That is human."
"What is human? Being kind? Or enjoying killing?"
He straightened from the crouch, dusting his hands off. "Both. Neither. Perhaps that's why the Terrians find us so confusing."
"Perhaps that is why humans confuse themselves."
Silence stretched between them as they stood there, awkward, doing nothing, looking anywhere but at each other.
"One thing I've never done," he finally said, "is killed a human. Or a Terrian. Or even a Grendler." He paused. "I will not kill you."
She glanced at him and found him staring at her. Nervous, she took a step back.
He didn't move. "I'm not going to ask you to come back. I don't want to frighten you away. But I do want..." he trailed off. "I want you to teach me. Please."
Mary thought of all the things he had taught her. How to make a fire. How to read the sky. How to maintain the camp.
How to hunt and trap. How to kill, if necessary.
She shuddered. "What could I teach you?"
"Kindness. How not to enjoy killing."
"What about r11;" she looked down to where their tracks mingled on the old snow still on the ground. "What about that morning?"
He reached out toward her, stopping just before their fingertips would have brushed. "I liked it. I was afraid. Were you?"
"Yes," she said, meaning both and knowing that he understood her.
She was walking back from the shelter when the Person r11; the Terrian, she thought now r11; appeared before her in the path. Startled, Mary stumbled backward and looked up. "I am Outcast."
He trilled to her, and she realized she still understood. The Time of Hibernation was over. He was surprised she was still alive after this long.
It took her a minute before she could form a reply. "I am learning."
What are you learning, he asked.
"I am learning r11; to survive. I am learning r11; kindness. I am learning," she said, beginning to realize it herself, "to be human."
From one the humans declared Outcast? From one who harms, who kills?
"We are not Outcast to each other. And he is learning too."
Yet you remain separate. You do not even share living spaces. How can you possibly share minds to learn? How can you Dream together?
"We speak. We make mistakes. We try again. That is how we learn."
You are human after all.
A few months ago, she would have considered that an insult. She had considered it an insult, once flinging the word toward an Edenite like an epithet. But she had changed. The People stayed the same, but for everyone else, this World often brought change.
"No," she said finally. "I am not human. But I am becoming one. And so is he."
The days were becoming noticeably warmer and longer. She found early fruit one afternoon, and brought it to Whalen's shelter the next morning. "Winter will be over soon."
He took the fruit she offered and tried a bite. "This is good."
"I am glad you like it."
Finishing, he smiled a little, something he had only learned how to do recently. "Do you want to go and see if any other plants are growing again? Maybe we can gather some."
"You will not hunt today?"
"There is enough for now."
"Spring has not started yet," she answered. "There could still be another storm."
He looked at the sky, reading the signs they both knew by now. "Not today. Let's go."
They were passing under a stand of trees when the loud boom reverberated throughout the woods, shaking the ground and sending them both tumbling. Mary looked at the sky, wondering if they'd both been wrong about the storm. What she saw made her catch her breath. "Whalen. Look."
He did, seeing the spreading green that came down to touch the trees and the earth. "Spring."
"Yes." She pushed to her feet again, and he followed, both watching as the world came back to life around them. After a moment, his eyes came down to rest on her.
She felt it and, turning, considered his gaze. He was smiling again. Inhaling, she reached a hand toward him. "Things will be warmer now. For both of us."
He took her hand. "Yes," he said. "They will."