Wishful Thinking by Allison McDonnell

[Reviews - 0]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer

- Text Size +

Timeline: During the events of "All About Eve"

"Options are in short supply."

To Devon, Yale's grave pronouncement from a few hours before had certainly seemed to be a valid one.

Earlier when the leader had been alerted of Bennett's death, she'd been unable to leave her quarters due to her ever-increasing weakness. However, she'd been able to marshal enough of her strength to attend the subsequent impromptu meeting with Elizabeth, Danziger, Yale and Julia in order to discuss Elizabeth's proposed rescue strategy. Unfortunately, after its conclusion when John had escorted Devon back to her tent, another wave of dizziness had overtaken her, prompting the mechanic to carry her the final few feet and gingerly deposit her back into her bunk.

For one of the few times in her life, Devon didn't face off with those who had dared to issue her orders and, instead, she'd willingly complied with both Danziger and Julia's strict decrees of bed rest. There was nothing more that she could do but wait until the following morning when the scheduled interface between Yale and EVE would take place.

Despite the fact that Devon's health was deteriorating by the minute, her suffering was all but eclipsed by the hopelessness building within her. Eden Advance was dying inches at a time and she was filled with anxiety that in order to save her friends and family, they must risk- and quite possibly sacrifice- the life of a man who had been her confidante, father figure and the first true friend that she'd ever had.

As the hours ticked by, she attempted to focus on the knowledge that, if everything went according to plan, by that time tomorrow, the bio-stat implants would be successfully rebooted and the members of Eden Project would be well on their way to a full recovery.

Devon exuded a sad sigh. If only she could make such a claim.

She also mourned the loss of Eben, a woman who had become a good friend to her these past months and had certainly deserved to enjoy a long and healthy life in the sanctuary of New Pacifica. Instead, she'd ended up yet another victim of the Council's insatiable need to dominate- and ultimately desecrate- anything and everything that it touched, even a remote planet twenty-two light years away. It was all so terribly unjust.

Some of Devon's time was spent reminiscing about her own hugely successful, but emotionally unfulfilling past on the Stations. She didn't miss the almost incalculable fortune she'd amassed through inheritance and through her take-no-prisoners management style. The money and the power that accompanied it was worthless to her in comparison to the riches she'd gained on G889. This planet was where her life was truly given meaning and where her dreams of a better, healthier existence for her son and for others like him could finally come to fruition.

She fully understood that the Terrians' choice to heal Uly was only the beginning. With a natural environment and fresh air to breathe would come a fresh start for the rest of humanity as well. This was Mankind's perhaps final opportunity to show that it had learned from several century's worth of mistakes and could directly apply those expensive lessons to the settlement of G889. And in doing so, the bond forged with the Terrians- and with the very planet itself- would ensure that generations from now, The Syndrome would be completely eradicated; ending up as nothing more than a footnote in the historical annals of New Pacifica. Devon only wished that she would have been able to survive long enough to see and experience it all with her own eyes.

She tried to concentrate on the knowledge that all of Eden Advance's struggles will have been worth the hefty price that it paid. Eben Sinh. Commander O'Neill. Herself. When all was said and done, their deaths would have meaning.

Devon exhaled another wistful breath. Unfortunately, she was keenly aware that there would also be a hefty toll extracted from John Danziger. What Devon had started, would be up to Danziger to finish, and the success of Eden Project rested solely upon his already heavily burdened shoulders. She regretted having to force the mechanic into this position, but she knew that there was no one else whom she could trust with completing her life's work. And knew knew in her heart of hearts that John would not let her down.

Besides, just as Yale had dolefully relayed, options were in short supply.

As Devon lay alone in the darkness, she began to be haunted by thoughts of other tasks left unfinished and, more importantly, desires left unfulfilled. She wished that she'd had more time to garner the courage to tell Danziger how much he'd meant to her, beyond her appreciation for his strong work ethic and survival skills. Then again, at that moment, she couldn't really remember the last time she'd thanked him or had complimented him on a task well done. Those type of words didn't come easily to either of them unless they were addressing their own children. Usually, the two of them would just end up butting heads or some such nonsense. But hopefully, deep down, John knew that she was indeed grateful for his presence in her life. And yet again, she found herself wishing that she could interact as openly and honestly with the real Danziger as she had done in several of her dreams of him.

As Devon's eyes at last fell to a close, she wondered if John had ever dreamt of her, too.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John Danziger was at a complete loss. Struggling to occupy his time and desperately feeling the need to accomplish something, he tinkered with the Transrover's induction cell until the early morning hours. As he ensured that no one else would be able to manually alter and lock down the navigational coordinates to a specific location without first obtaining his specific voiceprint as a pass code, he tried to rid his mind of the futility of what he was doing. After all, it wasn't as if they were leaving this valley anytime soon. In fact, it was very possible that every single one of them would die there.

Eben was already gone and Bess, Baines, Magus, Devon and Alonzo weren't too far behind her. Yale could very likely be killed during the interface with Reilly slated to get underway in just a few hours, and John wasn't putting too much stock in their shaky game plan working out in their favor. Of course, he hoped that they indeed pulled it off... but he wasn't holding his breath. For all they knew, an already unstable EVE might disapprove of their tactics or have second thoughts, make the decision on its own to scrap the whole idea of human existence on G889 and then program a lethal surge into their implants to murder them all. As awful as that possibility sounded, Danziger figured that, if they were all going to die anyway, perhaps that was the best option. A quick, painful death was much better than a prolonged, painful one.

He hated watching helplessly as his friends suffered and slowly wasted away around him. Realizing that he was toward the end of the curve, he selfishly hoped that he passed away before True because he couldn't imagine living a single second of his life without her.

And there was no doubt in Danziger's mind that, out of all of the members of Eden Advance, he felt sorriest for Julia. Not only was modern medicine and her formidable skills as a physician rendered useless against this unseen and untreatable enemy, her genetic enhancements all but guaranteed that she would be the last person in the crew to succumb. And the mechanic wouldn't wish that miserable prospect on anyone.

Danziger leaned back against the driver's seat headrest as his thoughts wandered to Devon. Her health and her optimism seemed to be simultaneously deteriorating before his eyes. He'd been caught completely off-guard when she'd extracted promises from him to step into the role as Uly's guardian and as leader of Eden Advance if she didn't survive. He inwardly admitted that as much as Devon's overt confidence and almost fanatical idealism annoyed the shit out of him, watching her appear to throw in the towel was much, much worse.

For a fleeting moment, Danziger allowed himself to imagine what his life would have been like if Eden Advance had survived long enough to reach the west coast. True would have been allowed to grow up in a place without the hindrance of her birthright. She would have been considered an equal among her peers and would have been provided the opportunity to receive a real education. And with plenty of gumption and stubbornness coursing through her Danziger veins, there would have been no stopping her from achieving whatever heights she'd wanted to reach.

As for himself, in addition to his desire to be the best father that he could be, he'd hoped to spend his life at Devon's side, at least on a professional level. He understood that she would never have returned the feelings of love that he'd concealed from her, but he would have fully and tirelessly supported her dream to make New Pacifica a success; which included being the voice of reason whenever her lofty expectations had eclipsed reality... an occurrence which happened daily, if not hourly.

Of course, Danziger recognized that Eden Advance's short and long term fate had yet to be etched in stone. There was always the remote chance that Elizabeth's far-fetched solution would somehow be successful. Who knows? Maybe in a week or two, they'd be back on the road again and this whole agonizing debacle would end up as nothing more than yet another one of Humanity's countless footnotes in its quest to save itself.

And as John drifted off to a deep sleep in the cab of the Transrover, he wondered if perhaps one day he'd reconsider his choice to never reveal to Devon that he'd fallen in love with her; as he'd done so willingly in his dreams.

Anything was possible.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Devon slowly opened her eyes, immediately realizing that she was dreaming. Though her physical frailty remained, she received a healthy emotional boost when she observed Danziger sitting at her bedside. It didn't escape her notice that the mechanic wore the same look of concern and was sitting in almost the identical stance he'd had during their real-life conversation in which he'd promised to take care of Uly and the group. To Devon, it was extremely comforting and exactly what she'd needed. A small smile escaped her lips as she inwardly thanked her subconscious for placing Danziger in her dreams once more before she succumbed to her illness.

"John," she whispered as the mechanic tore yet another page from the prior day's discussion and began to gently weave his fingertips through her hair.

"How are ya' feeling?" he asked, his expression completely open for all to see.

"Sick," Devon answered truthfully. "I probably don't have much time left."

"You just need to hold on a little longer, okay? We'll all be as good as new in no time," he assured.

Devon reached out to clutch his free hand as tightly as her weakness would permit. "I'm just glad that you're here."

John placed his other hand over their joined ones. "And I always will be," he pledged.

Though Devon understood and appreciated why her psyche would choose to have Danziger attempt to cheer her up and provide her with a glimmer of hope for her future, her powers of deduction knew better.

"It's too late for us," she relayed in nearly a whisper.

Danziger shook his head. "Stop talkin' nonsense, Adair. You're gonna be crackin' that whip and ordering us back on the road to New Pacifica in no time."

As the words left his lips, Danziger blinked a few times in surprise. How in the hell did he become the optimist in this pair?

"No," Devon clarified with a deep sadness. "It's too late for us. For you and me. I waited too long."

The regret began to pore out of her at increasing speed and emotion. "I made so many wrong choices where you're concerned. I took time for granted. I took you for granted. I should have been less afraid. For once in my life, I should have listened to my heart, instead of my head. I should have told you that I loved you, no matter what the consequences might be."

She paused to catch her breath before choking out, "It's too late. Now I'll never know if you could have loved me, too."

As Danziger listened to Devon's woeful confession, he played along with the dream as it unfolded, never considering that any of her words were truth. He rationalized that this must be his subconscious' way of transferring his own desires onto someone else. After all, everything that Devon was saying could also have been directly applied to him. Plus, he was painfully aware that the real Devon didn't harbor any of those feelings for him, so this was a no-brainer as far as he was concerned.

"Look, if you got somethin' to get off your chest, you can say your peace after you're back on your feet."

The mechanic went on to proclaim, "In fact, I'll do you one better. The morning that we finally get outta this godforsaken valley, I'm gonna find you just before we leave and fill you in on a few things."

Danziger seemed surprised by his own sudden willingness to throw caution to the wind and risk his friendship and working relationship with Devon; not to mention expose himself to likely rejection, heartbreak, humiliation and even possible outrage.

And judging by Devon's expression, it was pretty clear that she wasn't buying it either.

"You're going to tell me that you're in love with me?" she asked, her tone conveying disbelief with a dash of amusement

Danziger shrugged while his gaze momentarily shot skyward.

"I dunno, maybe not in so many words," he contemplated, obviously working out the pros and cons of such a scenario in his mind as he spoke. "I guess I could test the waters a bit and see what happens. Maybe see if I can figure outta way to let you know that my feelings for you run deeper than wanting to strangle you senseless at any given moment."

A small chuckle escaped Devon's lips. Only John Danziger would somehow manage to include a feigned threat of violence in a confession of endearment. It amazed her that even the dream version of the mechanic was an enigma.

"I would like that," she beamed, briefly allowing herself to forget the current dangers facing John and the other members of Eden Advance, as well as her own impending death.

Danziger matched her mirth with his own off-centered grin. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she nodded, her eyes sparkling with affection.

"Okay then," he decreed as he proudly puffed out his chest, looking more than pleased with himself for his foresight. "Looks like we got ourselves a date."

A few seconds of silence passed between them as they individually digested what they believed to be their subconscious was trying to convey to them. But as reality began to seep its way into Devon's psyche, she attempted to keep those sobering thoughts at bay in favor of holding onto her fantasy as long as she possibly could.

"Will you stay with me a while?" she asked, her expression hopeful.

There was another pregnant pause as Danziger thought about his options before making a decision and suddenly lurching forward.

"Move over."

When Devon's eyes widened in confusion, he added, "Go on. Scoot."

After the briefest of hesitations, Devon willingly obliged and a fully-clothed Danziger stretched out alongside her in her simulated cot.

"And don't even think about hoggin' the covers," he mocked, eliciting another light chuckle from Devon.

Danziger repositioned the lone pillow and extended his arm underneath Devon while she settled her head comfortably against the crook of his shoulder, facing him. The pair intertwined their arms and legs, savoring the other's touch as John leaned down to lovingly kiss Devon's brow.

"You'll keep your promises to me, won't you John?" she murmured against his chest.

There was no mistaking the heavy sigh emanating from Danziger before he grumbled, "If I say yes, will you shut your mouth and close your eyes?"

"Yes."

"Then, yeah, I promise," he whispered, his lips grazing the top of her head and kissing her once again. "I won't let you down."

After receiving the reaffirmation that she so desperately needed to hear, Devon complied with John's wishes and closed her eyes. In contrast, Danziger remained in the dream state for a long while afterward, relishing Devon's presence as she firmly snuggled against him. He was very glad to have dreamed of her again, especially since it appeared that Eden Advance's days were numbered.

He speculated that this was some sort of a wake-up call of sorts, courtesy of his innermost wishes and desires. Of course, the idea of telling the real Devon that he had feelings for her was preposterous at best. But if Elizabeth Anson was indeed able to pull a rabbit out of a hat and repair the bio-stat chips, maybe it wouldn't be so bad for him to have a little something to hold onto or to aspire to; even if, deep down, he knew that he could never win or even be worthy of Devon's heart.

At that moment John decided that, if the group survived the implant malfunction, at the very least he would consider acting on his current impulse to find Devon just before they once again embarked for New Pacifica. Obviously, he wouldn't be able to admit to anything that he'd be culpable for, but perhaps he could drop a hint or two just to see how Devon responds. After all, he wouldn't have anything to lose, as long as he was extremely careful with his words.

Danziger shut his own eyes and nestled closer to Devon. As the blackness of a deep sleep started to surround him, his thoughts shifted back to the many unresolved battles that he and the other members of Eden Advance were currently engaged in. They were literally fighting for their lives and after all that they'd been through these past five months on G889, he couldn't help but wonder if their luck had finally run its course.

The only thing that John was certain of was that, whatever the outcome was after they uploaded those codes into EVE, tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day.

You must login (register) to review.