Boundaries by Joan Powers

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"Boundaries", Part 5
by Joan Powers

"What do you mean you don't know where she is?" the image of Danziger, barely containing his fury, growled at Bess over the eye piece of her gear.

"I thought she was sleeping in her tent" was her stricken reply. "She's not answering her gear. We're concentrating our search efforts around the pond. That was where she was going when I last saw her. Morgan and I are taking the southern end." Her guilt was overwhelming her, practically suffocating her. She knew she couldn't rest until Devon was located.

"No. Just keep a *close* eye on the kids. Danziger out" he barked.

Morgan put an arm about his wife's shoulder, "Honey, you did the best that you could. They'll find her."

She drew back, "No Morgan. I didn't do the best that I could. I made some poor assumptions and used bad judgment. After fighting with Devon this afternoon, I forgot that I was actually dealing with a sick woman." She turned towards her husband and added, "Oh God, Morgan. What if something has happened to her? She's not answering her gear. What if she's fallen and hurt herself? And it's all my fault." She rested her head against her husband's chest as he stroked her hair.

"It's going to be all right Bess" he crooned.

"I have to help look for her. It's gonna be dark soon. The poor woman is probably exhausted. What if she gets weaker? What if she gets sicker?" *And it's all my fault.*

"Stop torturing yourself Bess. Um...Alonzo and I are going out to join the others searching. We need you to watch the kids."

Bess withdrew, feeling somewhat betrayed by her husband.

Sensing this, Morgan ineptly sought to comfort her. "You know....you did a good thing helping True out today. Somebody needs to make sure that she stays okay. You're good with the kids, I know you'll do a great job honey." He kissed her forehead gently and met her gaze, which had softened some.

Stepping away from his wife, he turned to join the pilot who had been discretely hanging back, "Let's go."

The sun was descending in the horizon, night was on its way. Devon's head rested against her knees as she sat on the ground leaning her back against a large rock. She took slow, deep, deliberate breaths to try to keep herself calm. After briefly wandering around, she hadn't located any landmarks or even seen a trace of the Eden Advance team. To make matters worse, at one point she sat down to rest and inadvertently fell asleep. She wasn't completely sure how much time had elapsed during that period, the impending darkness indicated that it had to have been several hours. Yet her body was still weary and she was having trouble maintaining her rising anxiety as well as her body temperature.

She knew she couldn't walk any further, she didn't have the strength. With no other options to consider and the threat of darkness, she finally broke down and decided to swallow her pride and contact camp. She'd figure out how to deal with the humiliation later, presently she was too exhausted to care.

She placed her gear on her head and pressed the buttons to activate it. "Adair to camp. Anybody there?" No response. She couldn't see or hear anything. Then she realized that she hadn't heard any familiar bleeps of the electronics. In a panic she ripped the set off her head and fiddled with some of the buttons. Nothing -- it was dead.

Didn't John repair her gear last night? He would never have returned the set to her unless it was fully operational. Had Uly grabbed the wrong set or had it broken during a fall? What had happened?

But the actual answer to that question was irrelevant. Her safety net had fallen through. Now she was in a difficult situation and only had herself to blame. Biting back a sob, she slammed the gear against the ground.

What was she going to do?

Eventually the Eden Advance would locate her, or at least she could try to rest and resume her search in the morning. Neither of the two prospects were particularly appealing. The twin moons hadn't been shinning as brightly so the approaching night sky seemed ominous to her. Her stomach growled for food and her aching muscles screamed from unaccustomed exertion. The stinging of her wounds added to her misery.

The idea of the group searching for her distressed her as well. It would be mortifying to be found in this condition - covered with dirt and bloody scrapes from her falls. And everyone knowing that she had brought this situation on herself.

She pulled her knees closer to her chest, it was already getting cooler. And the muscles in her legs were getting stiffer. Would she even be able to walk in the morning? Julia had warned her repeatedly not to wear herself out, stating that her immune system was still recovering and not yet fully functional, making her more susceptible to diseases. The last thing in the world Devon wanted was to feel worse.

What types of wild creatures lived in these woods? Would they scurry across her chest if she lay down to rest? She shivered -- that was a revolting thought. What if there were penal colonists around the area? She was completely defenseless -- what was she going to do?

A familiar litany began to automatically repeat in her head. She didn't need help from anybody. She wasn't used to being rescued - she knew how to take care of herself. She didn't need anyone.

A small voice inside of her threatened to tear down her precarious frame work. *You don't need anybody? What about Yale? Could you have faced those first board meetings without his support and constant belief in you? He was always there, providing you with sound advice. He has always believed in you. Remember -- you cried yourself to sleep in his arms many nights - when you found out Mother had died, when Uly was officially diagnosed with The Syndrome. Don't be a fool Devon. Everyone needs and depends upon other people, you're just too stubborn to admit it.*

Just as she was about to agree with the little voice to make it shut up, it had to add, *And what's this business about not used to being rescued. True, your parents didn't make it a habit to intercede in your business, but what about Sheppard?*

Her lower lip began to tremble and she bit down to steady it. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. While that was certainly an unconventional relationship, he had provided desperately needed emotional support and had shown her the key to her son's salvation.

//I heard your cry so I had to come.//

Maybe she wasn't as emotionally self sufficient as she thought she was.

But that wasn't what her former husband Mark had felt. It hurt to think about him so she generally kept a tight lid on those memories. One day she would have to tell her son about his father but...she was afraid. She was frightened that her son might accuse her of chasing away his father and that her news would alienate her from him.

Mark was a wonderful man. Handsome in a sophisticated manner with broad shoulders (though not quite as broad as John Danizger's), smart, sometimes funny, very imaginative. They had made a stunning couple. They met during the early days of Adair Enterprises when she had been continually elated by the novelty of her phenomenal success. Their courtship had been a whirlwind process - parties, lunches, the whole social scene. Getting married seemed to be the best way for them to coordinate their hectic schedules.

Her tears began to flow freely. The lid had been moved and she didn't have the strength to push it back -- she was obligated to continue. She still didn't fully understand why he left her. Their lives had been going so well, or so it seemed to her. They had friends, successful businesses and both exerted power and influence in their own circles. Unfortunately, her circles had been much larger than his. She always thought that had been his problem, coping with the fact that his wife had more prestige than he did.

The scene of their farewell came to mind. She had come home earlier than usual, especially excited about the upcoming arrival of their child within several months and the success of her latest design project. Her radiant mood was irrevocably altered when she opened the door of their bedroom to find her husband packing his bags. Stunned, she hung by the doorway.

"Our contract is up" he mentioned as he turned to place some sweaters into a bag. It was a feeble opening and he knew it.

"What?" Her heart sank. This was totally unexpected.

He became braver and actually looked into his wife's face, "Four years, they've gone by."

She tried to laugh, this had to be a joke. A bad joke. Otherwise there was no reasonable explanation. "You..don't want to renew?"

"No" He turned to snap shut his suitcase then placed it on the floor beside another bag.

"Why not?"

"There are many reasons, let's just leave it at that." His obvious discomfort revealed to her that this had not been a spur of the moment decision.

"Come on. We have to talk about this. I don't understand." Devon drew nearer to him.

"No, we don't. I'm sorry Devon. I just can't stay." He pulled back from her as he spoke, continuing to gather his things.

*What a coward* Devon thought while looking back, *Even Danziger would have given me hell about his reasons. Not...that.*

Mark picked up his bags and moved towards the door. "I've taken the assets we originally agreed upon in our contract. I'll come back later for the rest of my things."

"But what about your child? Don't you have an obligation to him?" she replied angrily. *Don't you want to be with me?* screamed inside her head but she couldn't bring herself to say it. She did love him and she didn't want him to leave.

"Devon, a man has obligations to himself that he has to fulfill too. I can't do that here. I'm sorry." He stepped into the living room with Devon trailing close behind.

"You can't do this. You can't leave me. What am I going to do?"

Before he walked out the door of their unit, he said "You'll be okay Devon. You see, you never really needed me." She never saw Mark again.

(end of part 5)

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