Boundaries by Joan Powers

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"Boundaries", Part 6
by Joan Powers

"Hey True-girl" her father's deep voice softly rumbled and she felt his hand brush against her cheek. "How are ya feeling?"

She stirred, opening her eyes. By the low glow of the lumalight in her tent, she could see her father kneeling by her cot, his face was level with her own. Instantly she sensed that they had not found Devon yet. Worry lines were clearly evident about his eyes which lacked their usual luster and warmth. She smiled weakly, "Hi Dad. I'm okay."

Her father placed his large hand over her smaller one and squeezed it gently. "Gotta keep you safe, baby-girl."

She hated seeing her Dad so frightened. But he would never admit that he was. That was one of his many attributes that she admired. She squeezed his hand back, half afraid to ask. "Did you find her?" He shook his head.

"Dad, you're mostly looking around the pond - right?"

"Sure, that was the place she was headed toward" he absently responded. "We've also fanned out, in case she got lost on her way there or back."

"But maybe she saw something while she was at the stream and went to investigate."

"You may have something there Sport." He bent over to give her a peck on the cheek. "Love you. Get some sleep." He tousled her hair as she replied,

"Love you too Dad"

At least his little girl was all right, Danziger reminded himself as he crept out of their tent. Thank God for that. He didn't want to alarm his daughter but he was convinced that Devon had severely injured herself or encountered a hostile penal colonist. For that reason he had insisted that the search groups carry arms as a safety precaution.

It wasn't like Devon not to answer her gear. That was his flaw, not hers. And he had fixed that set only the night before. Her lack of response to their repeated hailings could only indicate that she *couldn't* respond -- a thought which chilled him to the bone.

"You ready?" Walman called over to Danziger.

The mechanic grunted as he shouldered a Mag-Pro then strode over to the other man. A child's cry caused them to freeze momentarily. The two men exchanged glances.

"We don't want to waste any time" Walman commented with some urgency.

Danziger looked towards Yale's tent where sounds of Uly's cries continued, "Just give me a minute."

He hurried towards the tent. As he ducked to peer into it via the open flap he could see Bess trying to soothe the boy. She was perched on the edge of his cot with her arms wrapped about him.

"It's gonna be okay Uly. We're gonna find her."

"But where is she? I don't want to lose her again. It's not fair!" he sobbed.

"We haven't lost her yet. Everybody's out looking for her and you know they're not gonna stop until they find her." She assured him as she began to stroke his curls.

"Can't I help look for her?" he pleaded.

"I think your Mom would want you safe at camp. Don't you?" She wrapped her arms tighter around the child.

As Bess looked up and caught Danziger's gaze, her cheeks became slightly flushed. A look of gratitude crossed over the man's face as he silently nodded to her then backed out of the tent.

Despite her exhaustion and the throbbing of her aching body, her fear galvanized her - alerting her to every sound that surrounded her in the inky darkness. Somehow, she had never gotten over her childish phobia of the dark. She shuddered as she sat bolt upright with her knees drawn to tightly to her chest. Perhaps she could curl herself up in a little ball so the night terrors would avoid her. For once Devon fervently prayed that the oblivion of sleep would come so she could escape her misery.

She continued to torment herself by reviewing her failed marriage. *Never really needed him* she had spent months, even years mulling over that statement. Eventually she had come to the conclusion that it might have been true. While she had missed Mark dreadfully, her companies still ran well and she immensely enjoyed being a parent. She managed to convince herself that she was better off without him.

But she could have handled the situation differently. It wasn't like her just to give up without a fight. If she hadn't been so obstinate and prideful, she could have told Mark how much she loved him and how her life would not have seemed complete without him. Perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference, but she should have tried. Why hadn't she?

It didn't matter -- she had survived without him, in fact she had done well. But wouldn't it have been wonderful for Uly to know his father? For Uly to discover for himself where his outrageous imagination had come from? For him to experience the love of two parents, instead of one? If she had made more of an effort that day, perhaps she could have persuaded Mark to stay and work things out.

Finally, after nearly nine and a half years, as she sat huddled in the dark, she admitted the truth to herself. Why she hadn't tried harder that day. Mark had been one of the few people in her life who made her feel special. Loved and cherished. She had adored him as well. Their marriage had seemed wonderful to her. Her husband's announcement about not renewing their contract had destroyed her illusion of their perfect life and deeply wounded her. She couldn't even imagine that Mark would have done such a thing, she trusted him implicitly and felt that she could depend upon him. He himself had joked that contracts were a mere formality.

At that moment when he announced that he was leaving, she hadn't wanted to give him the opportunity to hurt her even more. Frankly, she was also terrified to hear what awful things she might have done to drive him away. So for once in her life, she was a coward. She played it safe and kept quiet, leaving things as they were.

Was she about to put herself in a vulnerable position again? Her own words came back to her,

//I can't believe how much I've come to depend upon that man. And maybe more...//

Her face grew warm as she recalled that blunder. She must have been terrified at the time to actually say that out loud. And in front of Alonzo, of all people. From that time on, he continued to give her teasing glances at potentially embarrassing moments.

John must have heard her words. The moment they shared while watching the waves on the beach had confirmed that to her. Actually, she realized that he was attracted to her earlier than that. But at that point on the beach, he seemed to understand that while she had feelings towards him as well, she was confused and had other issues she had to work out first -- other commitments which required her full attention. For a while, he had respected the boundary that she had set up.

But after she had been revived from cold sleep, instantly she sensed something had changed within him. For the first week or so she had been too disoriented to fight it, so she unabashedly clung to the support he provided. His overture the other night indicated that his patience was growing shorter. He needed more from her. She wasn't ready. But she wasn't sure how to keep stalling him, for he deserved better than that.

Yet at that moment, instead of huddling in the dark feeling cold, scared, and rotten, she would have given anything to be in John Danziger's arms. To be snuggling up close to his chest so she could hear his breathing and the beating of his heart. To be close enough to smell his scent. To have his large callused hands gently caressing her shoulders and his deep voice softly murmuring in her ear. It would have been heaven.

But if she gave in to her desires, would she be repeating her own history - having a wonderful relationship for the first year or two only to have the man she loved leave her again? Would John Danziger leave once that colony ship arrived? Could she afford to take that risk?

Alonzo held his luma light at different angles, attempting to improve his limited range of vision. As he painstakingly searched the underbrush his less than helpful partner, Morgan Martin, had his rear end parked on the ground. He shoved Morgan's shoulder with a little more force than necessary, "C'mon, we have to keep moving."

"Hey, I'm going as fast as I can. I'm tired. After searching for food all day, how can you expect me to have tons of energy this late at night?" he lamented rather pathetically.

"You think I'm not tired? I was up at least two hours before you got your lazy butt out of bed."

The politician attempted to glare at him but the pilot stared back with greater intensity.

"And what about Devon? How do you think she's feeling right now?" Alonzo argued, fed up by the man's incessant complaining.

"But don't you think our search would be more effective if we continued in the morning?" Morgan let out a huge yawn to punctuate his statement.

"If Devon's run into trouble, she might not have 'til morning" he grimly replied.

Unable to think of a fitting retort, Morgan rose to join his companion.

"Alonzo, are you there?" Julia voice came over the pilot's gear. He adjusted his gear and replied,

"What's happening?"

"We found her."

The two men exchanged looks of relief. But the tone of Julia's voice bothered Alonzo. "Is she okay?"

"I *think* so. Her body temperature is pretty high. Baines and Cameron are going to carry her back to camp."

(end of part 6)

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