Boundaries by Joan Powers

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"Boundaries", Part 8
by Joan Powers

Another day had begun and the Eden Advance still had not broken camp. Devon tossed fretfully on her cot. All of her attempts to get the group in motion were met by the same infuriating response that Bess had given her. Danziger refused to budge. That man annoyed her. If he was so concerned about her health, why hadn't he bothered to come by to see her?

He couldn't still be mad at her for her pulling away from his kiss. She had seen him by her bedside. She had heard him whisper in her ear, "C'mon baby, you have to pull through" and had felt him holding her hand. But ever since her fever had broken and she became cognizant, she hadn't seen him -- at all. She punched her blanket with her healthy hand as she formulated a plan.

Her fever had broken three days ago but Julia insisted that she continue to rest and build up her strength. Yet Devon struggled to plant her feet on the ground. If Danziger wouldn't come to her, then she would have to go to him. She fumbled with her laces as she tied her boots then moved cautiously, for her memory of her recent accident in the forest was all too vivid.

Arriving at the tent flap, she furtively poked her head through the opening. Some people were resting around the camp fire area and others were busily organizing new food stocks. She'd have to move quickly and quietly to avoid attracting their attention. Otherwise they'd send her back to her tent immediately. After silently counting to three, she forced herself to dash in the direction of the vehicles.

Only a few steps later as she reached some trees which bordered her tent, she panicked and grabbed a nearby trunk. A nauseating dizziness overtook her. She leaned heavily against the tree, impatiently waiting for the sensation to go away. She promised herself that she would rest once she accomplished her goal, she *had* to get the group on the road.

Eventually the sensation lessened, so she continued to make her way towards the clearing where the vehicles were parked. Beyond a doubt, she knew he would be there. She only prayed that he would be alone. As she edged her way towards the site, her prayers went unanswered. Alonzo was chatting with Danziger. On closer examination, the pilot was talking but John didn't appear to be listening. The mechanic was bent over the Dune Rail, seemingly engrossed in his maintenance duties.

Devon stumbled as she approached them but steadied herself by grabbing a branch. The rustling sound attracted Alonzo's attention. He stopped talking as he saw her, his eyes rapidly filling with surprise and concern. Devon mutely pleaded with him, she just had to talk to John -- alone. Her heart lurched as the pilot took a step forward but it was to tap Danziger on the shoulder, "Hey buddy. There's someone here to see you." He and Devon exchanged weak smiles as he left the two of them.

"What the hell are you doing? You're not supposed to be out of bed!" Danziger angrily claimed as he caught sight of her.

Shocked by his fury, Devon still managed to maintain her composure. Assuming her best commanding tone, she emphatically stated, "I wanted to see you. And since you haven't been by to see me..." He turned away, shaking his head in disgust as she continued, "Danziger, we can not camp here any longer. We've *got* to move on. At this rate the colony ship could arrive at New Pacifica before the hospital is even set up."

"A few days won't make that much of a difference" he gruffly retorted.

"But there's another mountainous area coming up which we have to negotiate before winter or..." The colony ship might reach New Pacifica before they did, she couldn't even say it out loud.

He became more insistent, "Come on, there's a clear route to avoid that area. Just look at Yale's aerial maps."

"We don't know what we're going to encounter along the way there" she argued back.

Danziger's lips formed a cynical twist as he sarcastically commented, "Excuse me, is the eternal optimistic finally realizing that we're facing some pretty challenging circumstances?"

She frowned, perhaps her confidence had been shaken by her near death experience and subsequent physical weakness. Rather than dwelling upon that, Devon simply replied, "We don't have the luxury of time here."

The mechanic turned his body to face her but continued to avoid direct eye contact as he almost casually asked, "Adair, do you have a death wish or something?"

Confused by his question, she replied, "Wha..? No."

"Then why don't you take better care of yourself?" His harsh response became an accusation.

Becoming defensive, she responded, "Wait a minute. We're not talking about me, we're talking about getting the group to New Pacifica."

"I don't think so."

Tension continued to build within her as the implications of Danziger's statement hit Devon. Now she turned away from him to stare at the ground. She wasn't ready for this. She only had enough energy to get her group moving again. Damn him for not understanding!

He stepped towards her, closing the distance between them and roughly jerked her shoulder. His blue eyes bore down upon hers, his voice almost hoarse as he asked, "Why didn't you bother to try your gear before dark?"

She cringed, wondering how he found out. Her thoughts must have registered directly on her face for Danziger continued,

"Yeah, Yale told me. He's my friend too, you know. He wanted me to examine your gear to figure out what happened to it."

She did not want to get into this. But she could also sense that Danziger's fury was covering pain. Pain that she had caused him. She couldn't walk away from that so she attempted to explain herself. Her pride forced her to abbreviate her version of what had happened. "I guess I'm just used to dealing with situations on my own. I was lost and I didn't want to bother anybody at camp. It was the middle of the day and I hadn't traveled that far so I thought I could figure it out myself."

Danziger's fierce gaze still held her, "Why didn't you use your gear after you injured yourself?"

Her blush continued to deepen as she protested, "They're just minor scrapes, they're not that deep. It's not a big deal." More confidently, she dared to taunt him, "I'm sure *you* wouldn't have called back to camp after suffering that type of injury."

"Yeah, but I'm not under doctor's orders to rest since my immune system isn't up to par" he countered without missing a beat.

Touche. Danziger always had been a worthy sparring partner. With most other people she could have bluffed at this point but she wasn't sure it would work with the mechanic. And he wouldn't appreciate being lied to. He was a straight forward type of man -- a quality that she admired and respected in him, once she got used to it.

"Well..." He was waiting, not about to let her off the hook.

She examined the bandage wrapped about her palm as she muttered, "I fell asleep."

"Oh" his voice softened.

"When I woke up, it was getting dark. That's when I tried using my gear." Her face burned with intense embarrassment. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"Devon, the infection that developed in those minor scrapes wouldn't have bothered a healthy person. But with your weak system, it could have killed you."

She could hear the anguish in his voice. She tried to smooth things over using the technique which had worked the other morning on Bess, "It's over, can't we just forget about it and move on?" His stormy glance indicated that he wouldn't buy it.

"Christ Devon, what would you have done if that Grendler wasn't friendly? Or what if you had run into penal colonists? What were you thinking?" His indignation continued to escalate.

He wasn't going to let up. "Damn it John, I just wanted to be alone for a while. And I wanted to do something to help the group." She choked down a horrifying sob which threatened to erupt and blinked rapidly.

"You would have been furious if anyone else in the group had behaved so foolishly. I would have expected something like this from Morgan Martin. Not from you." His voice became louder as he practically shouted, "Did you even think about how your actions would affect others? Did you even care?" He paused a moment then added with sarcasm, "Well, you made it back and you're safe. And now I guess we're supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Nothing *at all*. I guess you got what you wanted Adair. Rich people like you always do." As he spoke he dismissed her, striding away towards the Dune Rail.

His words stung bitterly. For they hit home. She had behaved irresponsibly. And she hadn't been thinking about anyone but herself. Her own resentment and frustration about her situation.

John had given her an escape option. With his back to her, she could easily slip away and they could act as if nothing had happened just now between the two of them. While the option was extremely tempting, she couldn't do it. She knew what she had to do, she owed it to this man whose respect she desired. While the depths of her feelings for him frightened her, the thought of losing his affection frightened her more.

Steeling herself, she took a few steps and touched his sleeve. Taking a breath, she softly said to his back, "I'm sorry. I..didn't mean to hurt you. I wasn't thinking. I'm just...so sick of being a burden to others." Unable to stop herself, the words continued to flow from her, "I hate that I don't have enough energy to put up my own tent everyday or wash my clothes. Or that I can't even wake myself up at a decent hour in the morning. I can't stand being so depend on other people." She closed her eyes tightly and covered her face with her good hand, trying to maintain control.

Within a minute, she was leaning against Danziger's chest, feeling the fabric of his shirt against her cheek, while his arm was wrapped about her shoulder.

"Devon, did you ever feel that Uly was a burden to you?" His voice which had become much gentler, rumbled in her ear.

She shook her head, unable to guarantee control if she spoke.

"Then why do you feel that you're a burden to us? You've said it yourself, we all depend on one another." He stroked her hair with his fingers as he held her. "Did anything else happen to you out there?"

Again she shook her head. Perhaps later she would ask him about her gear. Or share her worries about the Council's scheme to poison her. For now, exhaustion was beginning to overtake her.

Noticing her drooping eyelids, Danziger stated, "I think we better get you back to bed. Put your arms around my neck so I can pick you up."

"No. Please -- I can walk" she insisted.

Annoyance flickered in his expression, "Not this again. Adair, I need you to promise me something?" She looked earnestly at him. "Promise me that you'll try to behave and not push yourself so hard?"

She paused then met his gaze, "I'll try."

He good naturedly shook his head, knowing that was the best she could do.

To make good on her promise she coyly proposed, "You could help me walk back to my tent."

"That's more like it." He grinned as he put his arm across her shoulders. With Devon leaning against him, they proceeded towards her tent.

"When are we going to break camp?" Devon had to ask.

"You never give up, do you?" Danziger laughed. Then he firmly added, "We'll leave when the doctor says it's okay and not a moment before. Julia's a good doctor, you should follow her advice. She knows what's she's doing."

"I'll take that into advisement" Devon teased him, her brown eyes sparkling as they met John's blue ones.

(True Danziger)

// That night Devon apologized to the entire camp for her behavior. She didn't go into any details about what had happened to her in the woods, but she did tell us that she was very sorry for causing us trouble and she appreciated all that we had done for her.

My Dad seems better now, he smiles more. He and Devon are spending more time together. I'm not sure how I feel about sharing my father with her. But I'm glad that's he's happier.

I still don't think I want to be a grown up. It seems way too complicated. But at least my Dad seems to be working things out.//

-The End-

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