Two True by Katherine Tate

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Two True, Part 4
by Katherine Tate

Julia stood over Danziger's horizontal body, the diaglove slowly crisscrossing over his chest and head.

"What is it?" Devon asked, pulling the VR set off her head completely. Julia looked at her somberly for a second. "Danziger's split into two images."

"I thought maybe that's why he stopped moving." Julia nodded. "It makes more sense now."

"What?!" Devon asked, exasperated.

"Devon, the activity in his brain is causing other physiological complications."

"What kind of complications?" Devon asked, moving closer to the cot.

"Erratic heart beat, falling blood pressure, shallow respiration . . ."

"I don't get it." Alonzo said, seated at Julia's table. "True's been in there for hours and she's basically OK; Danziger's been in there for - how long?

"Just over an hour." Julia confirmed. Devon swung back towards her, amazed.

"What? How long was I in there?"

"Fifty-six minutes." Julia stated.

"It felt like only a few minutes." Devon whispered.

"But what I mean is why is Danziger having these problems and not True?" asked Alonzo.

"I don't know." Julia confessed, "True's a child and Danziger's an adult. True's a female and Danziger's a man. True initiated the program and Danziger's a guest. There are too many variables. The point is - he has to come out of there soon or he's going to have a cardiac arrest."

"Right." Devon said, business-like again, placing the VR set on her head once more. "Understood."

"Don't . . ." Devon didn't wait to hear Julia's warning. She didn't need to. She had no intention of copying herself.

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It was day again, but air was cooler and the ground still wet after the rain. The scene was deserted except for one of the Danzigers, seated with his back against a tree trunk. Devon strode towards him.

"Danziger!" she called, to get his attention. He squinted at her.

"Where've you been?" he asked, in a monotone. Time obviously was not moving at the same rate between the two realities. She tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. She sat on the ground next to him.

"John, we have to leave the program. You have to get that copy back into yourself." Unless, Devon prayed silently, you already have taken care of that.

"My head hurts." John said, without emotion. Devon decided to try another approach.

"Where's True?" John flapped his hand behind him vaguely. "Where's the other you?"

"I don't like him very much." John admitted and barked a short laugh. "Kinda funny, ya know, considering he is me." Then, "I'm getting really tired."

"Why don't you like him?" Devon asked, looking for any kind of clue that would tell her who was who. John leaned his head back to the tree and closed his eyes.

"He's so freaked out, so worried about stuff. I just want to say - Relax Man! Geez! That kind of anxiety can't be healthy."

"He's worried about True?" prompted Devon, who was feeling quite worried herself. Danziger opened one eye to look at her.

"He's worried about EVERYTHING. About True and how the Hell we're going to leave this nightmare. And even supposing we do, then whether or not something else might happen to her along the way. About the group and how we're going to make it to New Pacifica. Are we going to have enough food? About those stupid, silly vehicles and whether or not they're going to keep running. And if they don't then how he's going to fix them, or even if he can. About fulfilling your expectations . . . " John's voice died off and Devon began to realize the kind of pressure John had put on himself. And quite clearly, the kind of pressure she had put on him.

"Aren't you worried?" she asked, mostly to keep him talking. His eyes were both closed again.

"Naw. Whatever happens, happens. I can't change it."

As Devon contemplated a John Danziger completely devoid of all anxiety she became aware of another presence. One of the Trues had quietly joined them and was standing behind her.

"Devon, please, help us." she pleaded. "I want to go home."

Cautiously Devon moved so that her back was also against the tree trunk. She was at a loss.

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True sat huddled in the branches of the tree directly above her father and Devon. At least, she thought it was her Dad. She wasn't entirely positive. She saw that Devon was wary of the other True. How, thought True, can I make her believe that I'm me and the other one is a fake? Whatever she did, her double was sure to copy.

True was worried about her Dad. Ever since he split apart he didn't seem to be able to do anything. She was counting on him to help her. Sort of like he counts on you, True? her mind asked.

"That was different." she whispered aloud.

Devon's head jerked up.

"True? Is that you?"

Her cover blown, True swung her legs down and jumped easily, despite the height. She glared at her double, who glared right back. It was better than a mirror.

True walked over to her Dad and grabbed his hand. Danziger gave a low moan.

"Are we ever going to leave?" True asked him. He regarded her without speaking. Devon held her breath.

Danziger pulled himself up with a tremendous effort.

"Where's that other guy?" he muttered.

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Danziger knew that something was not right. He knew because Julia had called Devon back to reality for a reason. He knew because his head felt like someone had used a particularly large hammer to wake him up. He knew because he was rapidly losing the energy to even breathe, let alone speak.

He also knew that nobody but him would be able to fix this problem. 'Pull yourself together, John' he told himself and fought the urge to laugh hysterically at the double meaning. He really didn't have the strength to do so anyway.

His double, who had appeared out of thin air (as people seemed to do in VR) regarded him suspiciously. Now what? If only he could remember . . . If only True would stop tugging at his arm; she was going to pull him down.

Devon scrambled to her feet at the sight of the other Danziger.

"You know John," she said, although it was not clear exactly which one she was directing her speach to, "I've been feeling a little guilty about, well, about always expecting you to fix everything."

Both Danzigers turned to face her, identical expressions of disbelief on their faces. In another situation, it might be comical. She swallowed and tried to focus.

"It's just that - well, geez, you're just so . . .so good at getting things together. And I've come to sort of count on it. I know it's not fair to put that kind of pressure on you but, " she gave a little laugh, "but in case you haven't noticed, I'm kinda driven and I guess, I guess I expect everyone else to share my, my passion as it were." Devon wondered, briefly, what Julia and Alonzo were thinking of this speach. She dismissed the thought from her mind. John was the important one right now.

"As you often remind me, you weren't supposed to be a part of my plan for this planet. Circumstances changed that. I forget sometimes that you weren't always going to be with us. You are so much a part of our group, we all count on you to do so much. I can't promise that I won't burden you with responsibilities that maybe you didn't expect on this trip. I can't promise that. But I will try to shoulder some of your responsibilities too. I will try not to throw all the problems in your face and then walk away. Do you think we can make it through this together? As a team?"

Was this helping at all? Devon wondered. She decided to push on. What were the other worries? True?

"I, uh, know that you and I haven't always agreed on parenting techniques, but I hope you know that I consider True to be part of my family; I will look out for her always . . ." Devon was trying to remember what other anxieties Danziger had. Wasn't one of them about food? What could she do to fix that?

"Adair," one of them began but was cut off by the other.

"Devon, you never cease to amaze me, you know that?"

"With regard to the immediate problem," Devon ignored the rhetorical question, "I think you should pull your anxieties back into yourself - worries and fears are a normal part of life. Let's get True together and let's get back to reality." She spoke softly, gently, her tone hiding her own fears at their current situation.

Danziger looked down at one of the Trues thoughtfully, his expression hard to read. His breathing was irregular and he looked unsteady on his feet. Suddenly, he drew a deep breath and turned back to face the anxious one.

Devon watched, fascinated, as the second Danziger began to fade. She could see right through him as though he were a ghost from stories of old. Then he was gone.

Danziger fell to his knees and put out his free arm to prevent falling on his face. True still clung to his other hand. He shook his head a few times. Man, was he feeling bad! He gave True's hand a little squeeze as he looked at Devon's face. She couldn't read his expression. Then he turned to the other True. This one he had to do on his own. This little girl was all his own making.

"C'mon over here." he said to the other True. She advanced towards them slowly. He reached out his hand for her and only when he had both of them by the hands did he begin to speak. He tried to speak to them both; trying to remember that although there were two images, there was only one True.

"True, you may hate me for what happened," he was about to say 'earlier today', but he'd lost track of time and wasn't really sure when it had happened. "I was wrong to lose my temper. I needed some help; and I wanted your company. I was feeling under a lot of pressure and I passed that on to you. It was wrong of me to do that to you. It's hard for me to accept that you don't always want to be with your ol' Dad. Please don't hold it against me. It's not right to be angry at someone you love." Danziger was speaking so low he was almost whispering. "I love you very much."

One of the Trues began to pull away from him but he tightened his grip. The other, the one who'd jumped down from the tree, the one he encountered first when entering the second time, threw her arms around his neck and squeezed so tight his windpipe was nearly blocked. He didn't care. He buried his head in her hair and thought that maybe it was nice to be able to feel so much in VR after all. When he looked up the other True was gone.

"Let's go."

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Devon pulled the gear off and rubbed her eyes. Who knew how long it had been this time. Alonzo jumped up and guided her gently to the chair.

"Where are they?" he asked.

"They're coming." she answered. Then, to Julia. "Is he going to be alright?" Julia nodded.

The Danzigers left the VR program and stared, dazed at the others in the tent. Without a word, Danziger went over to True and brushed his fingers through her hair, dislodging the VR set that had been hanging askew. True looked like she had just come out of a deep sleep.

"She OK?" he asked Julia, his eyes never leaving True.

"She's probably exhausted, but that's nothing sleep won't cure." Julia responded.

"And me?" Danziger asked, looking at Julia for the first time. She wondered if she should tell him how close he had come to dying, but decided he probably knew already.

"Bed." she ordered.

He took the program out of the now discarded VR set and easily, calmly, crushed it between his fingers. Danziger bent down and picked True up into his arms and left the tent without another word. Both Alonzo and Julia stared at Devon with questions spilling out of their eyes. She would not satisfy their curiousity.

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Devon wandered throughout the camp, checking that all was well. She couldn't believe it was night again already. The time that was lost! Everyone but Julia, Alonzo, and Walman (who was acting a nightwatchman) was asleep; including Uly, who looked so peaceful and without care that she was envious. Devon was not tired.

She paused outside of Danziger's tent. She did not want to disturb them but she felt a maternal urge to check on them. She entered.

True lay asleep and Danziger sat by her, stroking her head, lost in thought. He didn't acknowledge her presence and she wondered if he even realized she was there until he asked,

"How much of what you said in there was true?" She folded her arms across her chest. Typical defense stance.

"All of it." When he didn't respond or challenge her, she sat down on his bed and leaned towards him. "What did it feel like?" she asked.

He shifted to face her, surprised at the question, not knowing how to answer.

"It was like, like this weight lifted off me. Like I didn't have to be the one to think about any problems. Like there were no problems at all."

"Sounds nice."

"Yeah, I wasn't too keen on taking my worries back on, let me tell you." Danziger gave a little chuckle.

Devon reached out to grip his shoulder.

"You don't have to face them alone you know."

"I know."

"I wish there weren't so many things to worry about." Devon said.

"Me too." He seemed about to say something else, but remained silent.

Devon stood up and headed for the door. She hesitated,

"John?"

"Yeah?" He had turned back to watch True sleeping.

"Sleep well." Was all she ended up saying. Whatever they had to say to each other would have to wait. Well, they had time.

He lay down beside True and pulled her into his arms. Here was another image of her life that he would keep, alongside those other happy moments they shared. Part of loving her was knowing her, and being able to let her go. Soon, she would grow up and these times would be just memories. Until then, he would cherish just holding her.

-The End-

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