Do you know my shadow? by Lisa04

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Do You Know My Shadow? (10/17)
by Lisa 04

"Man, it's still freezing at night around here," Baines complained, handing over the magpro to Danziger. He had just come from doing a quick perimeter check before turning the watch duties over to the mechanic. "Yeah, but you'll get that blistering heat that you love so much, soon enough," Danziger scoffed sarcastically, referring to the other man's tendency to complain about the weather no matter what it was like. It was no secret that the Ops crewman preferred the controlled climate of the stations to the unpredictable meteorological conditions of G889. "Oh yeah, I didn't think about that. Hey, you remember how hot it got in that desert? Man, I thought we were gonna all fry to death. I didn't think I was gonna ever stop sweating. I remember feeling like...." Baines went on, now focused on how much he hated the heat of the summer. Suddenly, Danziger was sorry he brought it up.
"Hey Baines, don't worry about it. I'm sure we'll have a little leeway with some more comfortable weather before the heat sets in," he said, trying to deter the other man from launching into another I-hate-the-weather-on-thisplanet monologue. "You'd better get some sleep. Big day ahead tomorrow." "Yeah, you're right. Have a quiet watch. See ya in the morning." "Night," Danziger said, as Baines headed to his tent.

Sheppard had returned to the tent that he shared with Yale. He was careful not to wake the other man when he entered. Each time he stepped into this tent he felt a twinge of anger. This was *not* where he should be sleeping. This arrangement was quickly becoming unacceptable. The whole situation with Devon and the group was becoming unacceptable. He thought that he could handle it... that with patience and time things would be like they were in the caves. He was starting to realize that that may never happen. Devon was different now than when he entered her dreams. She was willful and strong. He no longer had the influence over her that he once had. "My influence has been replaced by Mr. Danziger's," he thought angrily.
*Your influence isn't the only thing that Mr. Danziger has replaced* the voice taunted.
"Don't start with me again," Sheppard hissed, then remembered that Yale was in the other cot. "Get out of here and leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with you," he whispered, careful not to wake his tentmate. *Are you certain about that?* the voice said. "Yes, I'm certain. Now leave," Sheppard spat. *You'll call me back* it whispered. *You need me* Sheppard went to his cot and sat down. "I don't need you," he said through his clenched teeth. "Everything is under control. I have everything under control." He lay back, trying to calm himself and soon fell into a deep sleep. That's when the dreams began.

By the time she got to their room, Uly was fast asleep. Devon pulled the blanket up to cover him and gently kissed him on the forehead. She looked at the sweet smile on his lips as he dreamed and thought to herself, 'This child never seems to worry about anything.' She chuckled to herself, "I guess Danziger was right. I worry enough for the both of us." That thought brought her back to the disturbing exchange she had just had with Sheppard. 'I don't understand what is wrong with him,' she was thinking, as she turned down her bed.
The two encounters that Devon had with him today disturbed her. She wondered why he was acting so defensive about her taking Yale and Danziger's advice regarding the weather. She was also still upset at the way he had talked to Uly, and his implication that she should let the ‘others' do the work. 'That just isn't like him... not like the man I met in my dreams anyway,' she told herself. She tried to convince herself that he was just having a hard time adjusting to the new surroundings and people, but it wasn't working. She tossed and turned in her bunk, thinking about Sheppard, the stolen supplies, and finding a pass that would allow them to get back on the road to New Pacifica. Uly stirred, slightly awakened by her restlessness, but quickly returned to sleep. Devon, knowing that she wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon and not wanting to wake up her son, got up and went out into the main room of the biodome. Not certain what to do once she was out of her room, she walked over to the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. She sat there for awhile, then got up and grabbed her coat. Pouring a second cup of coffee, she headed outside, careful not to spill the two cups of steaming liquid.

"Don't shoot, it's just me," Devon said quickly, as she approached Danziger who had spun around when he heard her behind him. "Adair, what are you doing out here? It's late... and cold," he said, accepting the offered cup of coffee.
"Nothing. Just wanted to check and see how things were," she said nonchalantly, sitting next to him on the crate. "Anything going on?" "Nope, all quiet on the western front." He eyed her suspiciously as he sipped his coffee, grateful for the warmth it provided. "You checkin' up on me, Adair?"
"No," she said quickly. He kept looking at her. "Yes," she admitted, finally. "You're somethin', you know that?" he said, laughing and shaking his head. She laughed with him then said, "Hey, be nice. I brought you coffee." "Alright, I'm sorry," he said, raising his cup to her. "Thank you." "You're welcome."
They sat there drinking their coffee for awhile. Devon was staring off into the night, prompting Danziger to ask, "Is there something else bothering you?" "No. Why do you ask?" she said, returning her gaze and her thoughts to the present.
"Well, although I know I'm wonderful company, you can't tell me you'd rather be out here in the freezing cold, drinking this liquid mud with me, when you could be all wrapped up and toasty in your bunk," he said, looking down at her.
She scoffed, "Wonderful company, huh? I think I'll leave that one alone." "That's probably a good idea," he smiled. "Now spill it. What's the matter?" "I was just having trouble getting to sleep, that's all," she answered. "Adair, if you're having trouble sleeping, it's because something's on your mind."
She sighed. 'He's probably the last person I should talk with about this' she thought to herself, 'but there doesn't seem to be anyone else around to talk to.' She hesitated, then started, "It's Sheppard..." "What about him? Did he do something to you?" Danziger interrupted. "No, he didn't do anything to me," she stopped him. "I knew this was a bad idea. I'll just go back to my room...." "No wait, Devon," Danziger said quickly, catching her arm as she stood up to leave. "I'm sorry. Look, just sit down and tell me. I promise to shut up and listen."
She looked at him for minute, then sat back down. "OK, but you have to promise to listen and not give me any lectures." "Cross my heart," he said, making the gesture with his free hand. "It's just that he's said a couple of things today that were out of character for him, and I guess I was just a little confused by it." 'And how do you know what's ‘in character' for him?' he wanted to say, but stopped himself. "Does this have anything to do with what I walked in on earlier with Uly and you two?"
"Yes," she answered.
"What happened?"
"We were talking and Uly came in all excited about the Terrian staff Yale had helped him make," Devon began. "He was running around the tent playing, and didn't hear me when I asked him to stop. He had that selective hearing that children get sometimes," she said looking over at Danziger, who smiled and nodded his understanding. "Well, when he didn't stop, Sheppard tried to step in and help...."
"And?" Danziger prodded when she hesitated. She glanced at him, a look of concern on her face. "It wasn't what he said," she continued. "It was how he said it...his tone of voice." "What did he say?"
"He said, *Ulysses, do what your mother says*. His tone though, was so sharp, almost like he was ordering my son to obey me," she answered. "After you came in and took Uly to help you, I asked him about it." "And what did he say?" Danziger asked, concerned. "He said he was just trying to help and that Uly should respect his elders... that sometimes children need to be reminded to respect their elders," she finished.
"Well, that's a crock," Danziger scoffed. "Uly is one of the best behaved kids I ever met. He is very respectful of other people." Devon nodded, "Well, I like to think so. Yale and I have always tried to teach him to respect others."
"Devon, you and Yale have done a terrific job raising Uly. Don't let anyone tell you different. He's a great kid," Danziger assured her. She smiled, "Thank you, but I don't think that he was implying Uly wasn't a good child. It was more like his attitude towards the episode in general was different. He seemed to forget that Uly is just a child, that he can get excited about things and be a little rambunctious. I don't know, he just didn't seem to have any tolerance for the whole thing." "Man, if there's one thing you need with kids, it's tolerance," Danziger sighed, remembering all the times that True nearly drove him crazy. "That's for sure," Devon agreed. "He didn't seem that way with the children in the caves. They all seemed very fond of him," she continued. "Well, I know that True is a little scared of him," Danziger added. "Why?" Devon asked.
"He just gives her the willies," Danziger answered. "I think it's because of what Katarina said to her about him being bad." "Well, she was obviously a very disturbed woman," Devon discounted. "Maybe...maybe not," he said. "You know, when we left, the Elder told me to *be careful*."
"I'm sure he was just talking about you still being sick," Devon said. "Maybe, but what if he wasn't?"
"If there was anything to be concerned about, I'm sure the Elder would have said something."
Danziger didn't want to get Devon defensive by getting into an argument about what the Elder did or did not mean, so he changed the subject. "Has Sheppard done or said anything else ?"
"He was very upset that we decided to scout for a pass despite his warnings about the weather." She didn't tell Danziger that Sheppard was also upset that she had sided with Danziger and Yale on that decision. "Why is he upset about that?"
"I'm not sure. I guess he's just not used to people not taking his advice," Devon shrugged. "He used to make most of the decisions himself," she added to try and explain.
"Well, he'd better get used to it, ‘cause that's how things are done around here," Danziger said. He looked at her and smiled wryly. "You did." "I didn't have much choice. You were pretty convincing," she remarked with a chuckle, referring to the ‘little conference' they had about decision-making when they first landed on this planet. He was very adamant about letting the group vote on whether or not they wanted to try and reach New Pacifica. She had to admit, that she liked it better this way. It was only right that everyone got a vote in making decisions that affected them. She didn't want the responsibility of making decisions that could effect the lives of the group by herself.
Danziger looked at Devon. She had changed quite a bit since they crashed on this planet. So had he, for that matter. She used to be as-cool-as-ice, all business. He didn't think anything could phase her until he saw her when Uly disappeared. The woman was frantic, willing to do anything to save her son. He would be the same way if True had disappeared into the ground. All barriers came down then, and she was simply a mother, not a businesswoman who ran a multi-billlion dollar company. She was a mother who would do anything and everything to make sure her son had a chance to live. He realized that she would have still come to this planet, even if no one else came with her. She did this for her son, but welcomed anyone else who wanted to come along to give their child a chance to live as well. After Uly was healed, she was determined to make sure that the other colonists would have the same opportunity for their children. Hell, she was so set on trekking across the continent to New Pacifica, he thought she would have gone on, even if the group had voted to stay where they were. She realized that they all had a choice, however, and put aside her own agenda to allow everyone to decide for themselves. Granted, he helped her realize this, but she did, nonetheless. She would occasionally slip back into her boss-lady role, but he was there to remind her that these people no longer worked for her, but with her. "What are you looking at?" Devon asked, noticing him staring at her. "You," he answered, simply.
She suddenly became self-conscious. "Well, why are you looking at me? Do I have coffee on my face or something?" She reflexively brought her hand up to brush her face.
"No," he laughed, catching her hand to keep her from wiping her face unnecessarily. He held it for a second, then let it go. "I was just thinking about how much we've changed since crashing onto this rock." "Yes, you're much easier to get along with now," she kidded, emphasizing the word *much*.
"Funny, Adair," he said. "Seriously, don't you think you've changed?" She thought about it for a moment then nodded. "Yes, I guess I have." Realizing he might have a way to help Devon see his point regarding Sheppard without making her mad, he continued, "Well, don't you think maybe Sheppard could have changed too?" She had previously refused to judge Sheppard on who he might have been before he came to this planet, choosing instead to judge him on how she perceived him in her dreams. Since she didn't buy his aleopard -doesn't-change-its-spots point yesterday, maybe she'd be willing to believe that the man could have at least changed from the time she first met him in those so-called dreams. "Maybe he isn't the man you met in those dreams anymore."
She sat there, knowing that maybe he was right, but not wanting to admit it. Finally, she agreed, "I guess you could be right." He sat there, not saying anything.
"You're not going to say *I told you so*?" she asked, amazed that he would let this opportunity slip by.
"No," he said. "I'm just glad you've realized that that guy might not be all he seems."
"I didn't say I thought he was a horrible person..." she began. "Me neither," he added quickly. "I just think we should take a step back and be a little more careful before making any final decisions about him. Don't you?"
She paused, then answered quietly, "Yes." They sat there for a moment, neither saying anything. Finally, Danziger broke the silence. "You ought to get some sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow setting up scout parties for finding that Grendler's nest and a pass for the vehicles."
"I know, but I don't think I can get to sleep and I don't want to wake up Uly with my tossing and turning," she sighed. "Why don't you check with Julia? She could give you something. I think she's still awake because I saw a light on in her tent," Danziger suggested. "Yeah, maybe I'll do that," Devon said, standing up and looking over toward the medtent.
"Good luck."
"Thanks," she smiled weakly, then added, "Who's relieving you?" "Cameron, in about an hour," he said, glancing at the chronometer on his wrist.
"Well, you try and get some sleep yourself." "Not a problem, unless True decides to snore again," he grinned. She chuckled, "Goodnight."
"'Night." Danziger sat back against the crate and smiled. He was relieved that Devon had finally started to have some questions about Sheppard. He didn't trust him and he was glad that Devon wasn't putting her complete trust in him any more either. It's not that he had anything personal against the guy. Heck, he'd practically saved his life. He just had a bad feeling about him that he couldn't shake. He felt like the older man just wasn't what he seemed. 'Well, now we can see what's up with him,* he thought to himself, *and I can stop worrying about Devon having the wool pulled over her eyes.'

Despite the sub-freezing temperatures, a sheen of sweat covered Sheppard's forehead. He was asleep but dreaming. The dream started with him standing on a ledge, looking over the terrain. The land was scorched and desolate. No signs of life were visible. Where there should have been trees, there were only burned out stumps. A lake that should have held crystal blue water was filled with black filth. It was daytime, but there was no sunlight. The sky was filled with a gray haze that gave the scenery a haunting look. He drew in a deep breath, and the stench of the place hit him. It was a combination of smoldering brush and filth. There was another smell, one that was familiar to him. He couldn't place it at first then he realized... the smell was death. The death of a planet.
He slowly began to recognize the scene in front of him. It wasn't G889 like he had originally thought. It was Earth... the earth that he had been forced to leave all those years ago. It was a stark contrast to the planet he now lived on. The earth of old was a dead planet; this one was alive and vibrant. The wind swirled up around him and whispered, *This was yours.* Suddenly the scenery changed. He was now standing on a mountaintop looking out over G889. The lush, green landscape stretched out before him. The air smelled of evergreens and flowers. The sun shone warmly on his face. Returning, the breeze enveloped him. *This could be yours too,* it hinted. Sheppard surveyed the land. It really was a beautiful planet. Unlike Earth, this place was untouched and unspoiled. Here, things could be different. Life could be different. He had lived safely under the ground long enough. He no longer feared this planet or the life it held. 'With Devon by my side, the possibilities are endless,' he smiled. *What makes you think Devon will be by your side?* Sheppard turned and faced his shadow. The forgotten part of him continued. *She won't be with you Sheppard, not unless you let me help you.* "You don't know what you're talking about. Devon will be with me. She loves me," Sheppard said angrily.
*She cares for another, not you.*
"Stop it."
*You know I am telling the truth. You saw for yourself the influence he has on her. You no longer have control over her,* the dark image sneered. *Without me, you have become weak.*
"I am not weak. I am as strong as ever," Sheppard hissed. "Devon will be mine, and once again, I will be a leader." *If you believe that, you're a bigger fool than I thought,* the image taunted. *You can't even control the child.* Sheppard started to angrily reply, but caught himself. He realized what the dark form was trying to do. He would not be manipulated by this ‘shadow' of his former self. "I know what you are trying to do and it won't work. Devon will come around, and so will her son," he said calmly. *You're wrong,* his shadow whispered. *Let me show you how wrong you are.* Suddenly the scenery changed again, and Sheppard was surrounded by a white, swirling fog. As he turned and looked into the dense fog, he spied a form. Slowly he approached, until he realized that the form was actually two people locked in a passionate embrace. At first he watched, unable to make out their faces.
The man held the woman close, his face nuzzling her neck. She laughed as he whispered something in her ear, then sighed with pleasure when he returned to planting small kisses on her neck. His kisses trailed down her body until she reached for him and brought his lips back up to meet hers. Sheppard was moving closer when the fog started to clear. The woman brought her face up as she pulled the man closer. Sheppard squinted and drew his breath in sharply when he realized who the woman was. It was Devon. Her eyes were closed and she moaned as the man again began to move down her body with caressing kisses. Sheppard smiled. He recognized everything now. This was one of the dreams that he and Devon shared. Obviously, she still dreamed about him. He began to enjoy the scene before him. The man that Sheppard assumed was himself moved to bring his face near Devon's. She smiled and caressed his face. When the man turned to kiss the palm of her hand, Sheppard gasped in shock. The man was not him...it was John Danziger.
Sheppard screamed in anger. He bolted upright in his bed, covered with sweat and struggling to catch his breath. He rocked back and forth to calm himself. "It was just a dream," he told himself, "just a dream." He glanced over to make certain Yale was still asleep, then quietly dressed and crept out of the tent.

"Where are you," Sheppard hissed.
*I'm here,* his shadow answered.
Sheppard turned to face the source of his anger. "It won't work," he said through gritted teeth. "I will not fall prey to your lies and deception. This is all just a ploy to make me accept you back into my life, and it won't work."
*I'm afraid it isn't a lie, Sheppard. What you saw is what the future holds,* the image said calmly. *...Unless you do something about it.* "Devon would never be with him. She wants me...She trusts me," Sheppard retorted.
*Don't be so certain, Sheppard. If you want proof, follow me.* The dark image led the other man toward the middle of the camp. As they rounded the corner of one of the tents, Sheppard heard voices. He stopped and peered around the tent. He saw Devon and Danziger sitting on a crate in the middle of the camp engaged in a conversation. He crept closer and strained to hear what was being said.
"What are you looking at?" Devon asked Danziger. "You."
"Well, why are you looking at me? Do I have coffee on my face or something?" Sheppard watched as she moved to brushed her face. He also watched as Danziger laughed at her and caught her hand, holding it for a moment longer than needed. He fumed with anger and jealousy, almost charging out from his hiding place to confront the other man. He stopped himself, but continued to move closer so that he could hear better.
"I was just thinking about how much we've changed since crashing onto this rock."
"Yes, you're much easier to get along with now," Devon smiled at Danziger. "Funny, Adair," he said. "Seriously, don't you think you've changed?" "Yes, I guess I have."
Sheppard continued to watch as the other man hesitated for a moment. "Well, don't you think maybe Sheppard could have changed too?" Danziger paused as if waiting for her reaction before continuing, "Maybe he isn't the man you knew in those dreams anymore."
Sheppard waited to hear Devon's answer to this question, certain that she would defend him.
"I guess you could be right."
Sheppard was shocked. He couldn't believe that Devon now doubted him. He moved back behind the tent.
*I told you your control over her was waning,* the shadow said. *She is no longer swayed by the dreams that you shared. You no longer influence her. Without her support, you will be no more than a ‘helper' to these people. You will be insignificant.*
Sheppard started to feel queasy. The image was right. He could feel Devon slipping away. He knew that the mechanic was in love with her, even if the man didn't realize it himself. Tonight, he saw how Devon looked at the other man and began to believe that she too had hidden feelings. He thought about all the work he had done, all the years that he waited for her to come to him. He wasn't going to give up without fighting for what he wanted...what he desired. Turning to his shadow, he said, *What can we do?* The image smiled. For the first time, Sheppard acknowledged that they were one and the same.
*There is a way,* it said. *Come with me.* The ghostly figure walked to the perimeter of the camp with Sheppard following. It looked at Sheppard who bent down and tried several code combinations, finally inactivating the sensor. Sheppard sneered and shook his head, "that was too easy." Both he and the image then disappeared into the black night.

End Part 10

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