Do you know my shadow? by Lisa04

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Do You Know My Shadow? (13/17)
by Lisa 04

"Has anyone seen Yale?" Devon asked as she approached Baines, Cameron, and Magus, who were all busy packing knapsacks and checking their gear before forming the teams and heading out on their scouts.

"Yeah," Baines answered, looking up from his gear, "he and Danziger took the ‘rail and left camp about a half-hour ago."

"Almost ran me over on their way out too," Cameron added. "Seemed to be in a hurry."

"Where were they going?" she frowned. "Don’t know. Maybe they decided to go scouting," Baines shrugged. "Well, no one said anything to me about it. It’s not like Yale to just take off without at least mentioning it to me. I would expect this from Danziger, but not him," she said, obviously irritated.

Cameron and Baines exchanged glances but keep their mouths shut. They had learned it was best not to get involved in the spats that Devon and Danziger frequently had. It was obvious by the way Devon ignored Danziger this morning that she was upset with him.

"Well, if you hear from either of them, let me know," Devon sighed, "and have them call in."

"Will do," Cameron nodded.
"Make sure you all check in regularly and be careful out there. We’re not sure how the Grendler is going to react to us trying to get our supplies back. We may have to try bargaining with it if we can’t recover our supplies," she added.

"We’ll be careful," Magus assured her. Walman, Alonzo, and Denner arrived to round out the teams and Devon waved goodbye as the scouts trudged out of camp in their assigned directions.

Julia watched the teams exit the camp then approached Devon. "How did the sedaderm work?" she asked.

Lost in thought about where Danziger and Yale were off to, Devon didn’t hear Julia’s approach or her question.

"Devon."
"Huh? What?" Devon turned, now aware that someone was talking to her. "I didn’t get a chance to ask you earlier. How did the sedaderm work. Did you sleep OK?" Julia asked again.

Still a little distracted, Devon answered, "I slept fine, I guess. Why do you ask?"

"I don’t know," Julia shrugged, "you just seem a little tired this morning...maybe a little irritated."

Normally Devon would have been miffed at someone suggesting that she was irritable, but she had been wondering the same thing herself. She had felt on edge every since she woke up this morning and her edginess seemed to be aimed at Danziger. She vaguely remembered talking with him last night, but she didn’t recall all of the conversation. She just assumed that he had said something to make her angry last night until he approached her after breakfast and seemed genuinely surprised when she snapped at him. If he had made her angry last night, he certainly wasn’t aware of it. That puzzled Devon because she and Danziger never hid their feelings when they were angry with each other. They were both very straightforward, headstrong people who let it be known when they weren’t pleased. If they didn’t fight last night then she couldn’t explain why she felt the way she did.

"Maybe I am still a little tired," Devon finally agreed. "I guess that’s why I’ve been a little edgy this morning."

"Hmm," Julia thought aloud, "I don’t understand it. I’m certain I gave you an adequate dose. You should have slept well."

"Well, I don’t remember waking up during the night, but I just felt really groggy this morning...like I hadn’t slept at all," Devon explained.

"Maybe you’re more tired than you originally thought. Maybe you need more than just one good night’s sleep," Julia speculated.

"No, I don’t think that’s all that’s going on," Devon shook her head. She continued in a hushed voice to keep from being overheard, "Julia, I don’t know why, but when I woke up this morning I was really angry with Danziger and maybe even Yale."

"That was kind of apparent when Danziger came up to you after breakfast," Julia smiled weakly.

"At first I thought maybe he had said something to make me angry and I just couldn’t remember exactly what because I was so tired," Devon continued, "but then I realized that he really had no clue as to why I was mad at him."

"You really don’t know why you were mad at him?" Julia prodded. "No, I don’t know why....I just felt like I couldn’t trust him or Yale," Devon said, running her hand through her hair.

"You thought you couldn’t trust Danziger or Yale?" Julia asked incredulously. "I know, I know," Devon shook her head, "it was crazy. Of course I can trust them. Yale has been my closest friend and confidant all my life, and Danziger has always had the best interest of the group in mind. I know I can trust both of them completely. It’s just a feeling that I had when I woke up. I can’t say exactly why, I just felt like maybe I couldn’t trust their opinions....That maybe they weren’t making good decisions."

"Devon, have you had these feelings before?" Julia inquired, wondering in the back of her mind if the stress of shouldering the responsibility for the group’s well-being was finally taking its toll on their leader.

"No, never," she responded hastily. "I have never doubted Yale before, and Danziger has more common sense than any of us. Maybe I’m just feeling a little stressed with all the things that have been happening lately." Devon paused and rubbed her forehead, "I don’t know Julia...sometimes I just wonder if we’re making the right decisions. Everything is just so unknown here. Lately I’ve felt a sense of urgency, like if we make one bad decision, we could ruin everything. We just can’t do that, this is too important." She looked around the camp, her eyes settling on her son as she said those last words.

Julia followed her gaze. "Devon, we’re not always going to make the right decisions. There is no way to tell if the ones we make are always the correct ones. All we can do is take in to account everything we know and try to do the best we can. This planet is certainly unlike anything we’ve ever experienced but I doubt that it is so fragile that a few minor mistakes could completely destroy it. We have learned from our past mistakes with Earth as well as with this planet. With the Terrians’ help, I’m sure we can live here peacefully."

Devon pondered Julia’s words for a moment before answering. "You’re right, of course. I just have to get over these feelings. I mean....we haven’t done too badly so far. Have we?"

"No, I think we’ve done pretty well considering all the things we’ve encountered," Julia agreed. "Yes, we’ve made some bad decisions, but we’ve also helped the Terrians and they seem to have accepted our presence here."

Devon nodded, remembering how the group had helped her to keep a promise she made to the Terrians when they healed her son. If it hadn’t been for the colonists, many of the Terrians would still be enslaved and tortured by that vile man, Gaal. After they were freed, the Terrians realized that these humans were much different than the convicts they had already encountered. An important yet tenuous bond was formed between the colonists and the Terrians that day. A new understanding of each other had emerged from their common goal to stop the reign of terror that Gaal had brought to this planet and its inhabitants.

"Devon, is everything alright?" Devon turned to see that Sheppard had walked up to them.

"Yes, everything is fine. Why do you ask?" Sheppard looked first at her then at Julia. "Well, it just looked as if you were a little upset."

"No, everything is fine now," she answered, smiling at Julia. Julia returned her smile and then excused herself. Something about Sheppard made her uneasy, even if Devon did seemed more comfortable around him.

Sheppard waited for Julia to leave before continuing. "Are you sure you’re alright?" he said looking at her closely.

"Yes. I think I was just a little tired this morning. I’m better now," Devon assured him.

Sheppard started to say something, but was interrupted when Ulysses came running up to his mother. "Mom, Mom...have you seen Alonzo around?" the young boy said slightly breathless from his sprint.

"He’s already left on his scout, Uly. Why? What did you need?" "Oh, nothing," the boy answered quickly, glancing over at Sheppard. "I just wanted to ask him a question."

"Is it something I can help you with?" his mother offered. "No, that’s OK. I’ll wait until he gets back," Uly said, turning to leave. "Uly," Devon said, as the boy started to trot away. "Yale won’t be giving you and True a lesson this morning so I want you two to help Bess, OK?"

"OK, but where’s Yale?" he answered, pausing to look at his mother. Though she wasn’t certain where he and Danziger had gone, she decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. "He went scouting with Mr. Danziger."

"Oh, OK," the boy shrugged before racing off to find True and tell her of their good fortune.

"I wasn’t aware that Mr. Danziger and Yale were one of the scout parties," Sheppard said quietly.

"I guess they decided to join in on the scout at the last minute," Devon shrugged, still bothered that they didn’t tell her they were leaving but resigned to the fact that this wasn’t unusual behavior from Danziger. "I think I’ll go over and see if Morgan has heard anything from the scout teams before I start pouring over those maps again," she said. "Would you like to join me?"

Sheppard was busy trying to determine just what Danziger and Yale were up to. He had learned a long time ago, that one must anticipate the moves of one’s enemies and counteract them quickly to stay ahead in the game. "No, you go ahead. I’ll join you a bit later," he said. Devon nodded and proceeded to the biodome where Morgan Martin was monitoring the communications from the scouting Eden Advancers.

"I wonder where those two went?" Sheppard frowned after Devon had left. "I’ll have to make sure I find out what they’re doing...I’m not going to let anyone or anything interfere with my plans."

The dunerail rolled to a stop among the rocks. "It’s got to be around here somewhere," Danziger said as he got out of the vehicle to stretch his legs.

"Are you sure we’re near the entrance?" Yale asked, stepping up beside him. Danziger looked around at the area, his eyes settling on a telltale sign that they were in the right place. "Yeah, I’m sure...." he said quietly as he eyed the newly placed grave. Walking over to the mound of dirt, he read the carving on the stone that sat at one end. *Katarina, beloved and brave, may her soul find peace again*

"That was his sister," Yale said, stating more than asking. "Un huh," Danziger answered, seeming mesmerized by the words on the headstone. He had never killed anyone before, even when he served his time in the military as a young man. Although under the same circumstances he would do it again, he decided he didn’t like it much.

"I was wondering when you would be back." Danziger and Yale both whirled around, startled by the voice behind them. "I see you’ve brought a friend," the Elder nodded towards Yale. "Uh, yeah...This is Yale. Yale...the Elder." Danziger nodded towards each man, having regained his wits enough to render the necessary introductions.

"Nice to meet you," Yale greeted. "And you," the other gentleman returned. "Well, I don’t suppose you’ve come here for a social visit. Why don’t we go somewhere a little less distracting?" he said, looking at the grave.

They followed the man down into the caves where his group lived together, protected from the dangers of the surface. Descending the same steps where Katarina had met her fate by his hand, Danziger shuddered. He tried not to think of what happened or worse yet, what could have happened. The Elder led them past the curious glances of the others into what must have been his living quarters. The moderate sized room had a few simple pieces of furniture such as a crudely made chair with a small table beside it. On the table sat a candle which the older man lit. He motioned for them to sit, indicating that Yale take the chair and Danziger situate himself on a large rock that sat nearby. "Now, why have you come back?" the Elder asked, looking at Danziger. He looked tired Danziger thought, and older than he remembered.

"I think you know why I’m back," Danziger said. "You said something to me when I left here that indicated you weren’t any happier about Sheppard coming with us than I was."

"I don’t recall saying anything..." the Elder began, hoping that maybe the men were here for a reason other than the one he feared.

"You told me to be careful, like you knew something that you weren’t telling us," Danziger cut him off, not in the mood to play ‘guess what I’m thinking’.

"Really Mr. Danziger, I’m not certain what are you talking about?" "Look, there’s something not right about Sheppard and I think you know what it is," the mechanic said. "My gut tells me that something is going on, and I usually trust what my gut tells me."

"Sheppard is a good man, Mr. Danziger. He has more than paid for his crimes," the Elder stated. "He was given a second chance and he became and honorable man."

"Well, I wouldn’t know because he doesn’t seem to want to tell us much about what he did to get dumped on this planet in the first place," Danziger said.

"Why do you need to know?" the Elder asked. "You don’t seem to care what I or the others did to get sent here."

"My gut doesn’t tell me that you’re dangerous," Danziger answered, simply, "...and you’re not living with us."

"Sir," Yale chose this moment to enter the conversation, " I think that what John is trying to say is that since our unfortunate encounter with a penal colonist named Gaal, we are a little uncomfortable with having someone that we know nothing about live amongst us. Sheppard has been fairly unyielding when it comes to talking about his past. It makes us very uneasy."

"I understand your reluctance to accept that his past might not matter anymore, but you have to recognize the good things that he has done since coming here," the Elder explained. He didn’t want to condemn Sheppard by revealing his past and the events that happened when they first arrived here if there was no real reason to be concerned. So far, they had said nothing to indicate that things had changed with Sheppard. "If it hadn’t been for him, Devon would have never know about the healing powers of this planet and her son might not have made it."

"Look...you have to understand. I’m concerned about the safety of our group. We have no idea what kind of person Sheppard is or was. I think we should be allowed judge for ourselves just how much he has changed, especially since he’s coming with us to New Pacifica. We can’t do that if we don’t know what happened to make the Council send him here," Danziger pleaded.

"And what does Devon think?" the Elder asked quietly. "Devon doesn’t know what she thinks. One minute she wants to know his past as much as the rest of us and the next she’s saying it doesn’t matter and we should mind our own business. I really don’t know what is going on in her head," Danziger said, exasperated.

This last statement alerted the Elder that what he feared the most might be happening. He could see the look of desperation on Danziger’s face and knew that it wasn’t jealousy that had brought him here. The man was truly frightened. "What do you mean ‘Devon doesn’t know what she thinks’?" the Elder asked, concern hanging in his voice. If Sheppard was returning to his old self, the Eden group could be in grave danger...especially those that got in his way.

"Something is wrong," Danziger answered. "She’s been moody and indecisive. She’ll seem fine one minute and be completely different the next. I mean, we were on good terms when we talked last night and then this morning she was angry at me and I don’t know why. She was mad at Yale too and she had absolutely no reason to be angry with him." Yale nodded his agreement with Danziger’s assessment of Devon’s behavior. "And don’t even get me started on how Sheppard’s been," he continued. "That guy has been more evasive than a snake in a mongoose nest. I don’t think he could give a straight answer on what he had for breakfast, much less on what he did back on the stations."

"It didn’t happen on the stations," the Elder sighed, heavily. "It happened on Earth."

Danziger took in a breath. "Then you do know what he did." "Yes," the Elder admitted. He realized that this group had a right to know everything. He wanted to believe that Sheppard was still the man that he had become on this planet, but he knew that regardless, the Eden Advance group had a right to know what had happened...especially if things were falling apart and they were in danger.

"Please, sir, we’re very concerned about Devon. We need to know if she’s safe. She doesn’t seem to have much of an objective view when it comes to him," Yale appealed.

"You don’t need to worry about Devon. He would never hurt her. He loves her," the Elder contended, noticing that Danziger stiffened slightly at the mention of Sheppard’s feelings for Devon. He realized that the man still didn’t understand his own feelings for her. ‘No, it’s not Devon that you should worry about if things have gone bad,’ he thought to himself. He briefly wondered what would have happened between the three of them if the course of their lives were allowed to continue, uninterrupted by the past. ‘I wonder if Sheppard would have been able to compete, in a fair battle, with the suppressed feelings those two have. Would he have been able to win Devon’s heart back when even she didn’t realize it was taken?’ He knew, however, that if Sheppard had become weak again, the battle for Devon would be anything but fair.

Yale and Danziger both looked at the Elder, waiting for him to continue. He sighed, wondering where exactly to begin. The tale of Sheppard’s past was a very complicated one and the Elder still couldn’t be certain that the man had chosen to travel the wrong path again.

End Part 13

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