Do you know my shadow? by Lisa04

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Do You Know My Shadow? (3/17)
by Lisa 04

John Danziger was dreaming. He was back in the tunnels searching for Devon but he couldn't seem to find her. "Devon, where are you," he called as he frantically ran from one chamber to the next. This all seemed so familiar to him yet everything was different. "These were the same tunnels that the elder and his group lived in weren't they," he thought to himself, "where is she ?" With a growing sense of urgency he moved from one chamber to the next looking for the woman that had become a bigger part of his life than he would admit. It had to have only been minutes but it felt like he had been searching for hours. The walls of the tunnels were distorted and with every step he felt as though he was moving in slow motion, the tunnels growing longer in front of him instead of ending. Rounding a corner, he entered an enormous room that was illuminated by the glowing rocks Morgan Martin had so selflessly lended his name to. They were arranged in a line along the lower part of the walls giving a strange glow to the cavern which allowed long shadows to be cast from the numerous rock formations that were present. Many of the formations appeared to sparkle as Danziger passed by them. Moving further into the room he continued to look around struggling to see in the low light that dimmed as he moved away from the walls into the depths of the cavern. He reached the middle of the room and again called out for Devon. Hearing no answer he sat down on a rock to catch his breath. He had just began to examine the strange glittering formations when he heard a voice behind him. "They're beautiful, aren't they ?"
Startled Danziger turned toward the voice. "Jesus Adair, where have you been ? Why didn't you answer me ? I've been looking all over for you." he began as he jumped up from the rock and walked quickly towards her. "Look, we have to get out of here. That guy's dangerous. True found out he was sent here as a penal colonist. He's a criminal Devon, you're instincts about him were right." "No, I was wrong to be scared of him John." Devon said quietly as she stared at the rocks seeming mesmerized by their sparkle. "What's wrong with you Adair," he growled grabbing her arms and shaking her to get her attention. "The man's a murderer. Did you know that ? He's killed people. I've got to get you and True away from him," he finished as he began to lead her out of the room.
"No," she said forcefully, breaking away from his grip. Devon looked at John with her full attention now focused on him, "Sheppard's not like that, I know him. I remember him."
The walls of the cavern suddenly changed and the two were back in the smaller room of the tunnels where they first had this conversation. Danziger however, was an observer, this time watching the exchange from somewhere above. He watched as his other self argued with Devon that she couldn't possibly know this man, she had just met him. Devon turned to leave saying that if he wanted to go he could but she wasn't leaving without Sheppard. As she left, John watched himself clench his fists. Looking down into his own eyes he could see the emotional turmoil churning in them. He knew and felt the anger and frustration in those eyes but he also saw something he hadn't recognized before...fear... pure and simple fear. Danziger awoke with a start. Running his hands through his sweaty blond curls he grabbed his head to try and soothe the massive headache that threatened to split his head apart. "Oh God, my head hurts," he mumbled, temporarily forgetting the dream that had so rudely interrupted his otherwise peaceful sleep.
"Dad, are you OK?" True asked walking over to him from her cot where she had been reading yet keeping a close eye on her father. "Yeah True, I'm alright," he answered massaging his temples to ease the pain. "I've just got a little headache that's all." "Well, you were talking in your sleep but I couldn't understand everything you were saying. You did call out Devon's name a couple of times though. You seemed pretty upset and I was just about to wake you up." Slowly the dream started coming back to him in bits and pieces. He remembered running through the tunnels looking for her but it was different than before. It didn't make sense. "That's not how it happened," he thought to himself. The only thing that was the same was the way it ended, but even that was a little strange. Seeing himself from another viewpoint had left him shaken, or was it what he had seen in his own eyes? He got up from his bed and headed to the medtent. "I'm going to see if Julia has something for a headache True, I'll be right back."

Devon had found Uly. Bess was right, Yale had just started a history lesson and rather than interrupt she decided to talk with her son later. She took this time to find a quiet place to think. Walking past Magus who was getting more wood for the fire, Devon nodded hello and continued toward the edge of the camp. She pulled her coat closed and sat down on a rock that was well shielded behind a cluster of bushes. The events of the past two days were still quite amazing to her. It was hard to believe that the man whom she had dreamed about all those years ago was actually real and was here on this planet. She remembered how lonely she was back then. Uly had just been diagnosed with the Syndrome and she was struggling to take care of him as well as run the Adair Corporation. When it had become evident that he wasn't going to get much more benefit from being in the hospital she had brought him home, despite Dr. Vasquez's objections. She refused to leave her son in the care of strangers at that sterile hospital and had spent long hours learning how to care for him herself. "I'm not going to let my son be brought up by anyone other than me," she had promised herself, "he's going to know his mother and know that he's loved."
Devon Adair was used to getting what she wanted. Although her parents didn't give her the open love and attention that she so desperately needed while growing up, all of her other desires were met. She was afforded all of the luxuries and privileges that came from being born into the Adair family. She had also inherited her father's ambition and drive, and worked tirelessly to accomplish any thing she set her mind to. When her parents had been killed in the shuttle accident, it was Yale's love and support that helped Devon deal with her grief. Initially after the accident, Devon had felt anger toward her parents. She blamed them for leaving her alone without the chance to ever break through their emotional barriers to become a true family. She had always harbored the hope that if she could just achieve that one special accomplishment, her parents would let down their walls and show her love freely. Yale had helped her to realize that her parents did love her in their own way but were unable to show her that love mainly because they themselves weren't allowed to express their emotions while growing up. It was out of that realization that Devon promised to make sure her child, when she had one, was raised surrounded by love and affection. After her parents death, Devon concentrated on work. It was always understood that she would run the family company when she was old enough. There were never any other options. Instead of learning only the business aspects of the corporation however, Devon also chose to study structural mechanics and architecture. By age twenty-five she had become the premier designer and builder of station habitats and had more that quadrupled the worth of the company her great-grandfather had started. She became one of the most influential and powerful people on the stations. Her great-grandfather had been one of the first businessmen to realize that the Earth's resources were running out and that another way of life was necessary. The stations were originally established as an upper class community for the wealthy to escape the increasing pollution and worsening weather of earth. It became evident though, that the earth would soon become unsuitable for sustaining life and many people sought to immigrate to the orbiting stations. Knowing most people didn't have a choice, Devon's greatgrandfather along with several other ‘businessmen' introduced the concept of inherited debt which allowed families to live on the stations immediately while paying the cost of transfer in installments. The transfer fees were very high, often accompanied by outrageous interest rates. The debt was passed from one generation to the next until it was paid in full. Devon had always been ashamed of the fact that her great-grandfather was a principle player in getting inherited debt established and she had worked hard for its repeal. Her efforts were in vain though, as many of the businessmen and women who sat on the Council had also accumulated substantial fortunes through inherited debt and were unable to look past their own greed to see the unfairness of the laws.
When Uly was born, Devon's life changed forever. The love that she felt for her frail son overwhelmed her. Though she was still considered a force to contend with in the business world, she was no longer consumed with the drive to succeed, except as a mother. Her relationship with Richard, Uly's father, had failed months before Uly was born. Richard was the golden son of Robert Pierce, one of her father's closest business allies. He always seemed jealous of her accomplishments while they were growing up but she thought he had overcome that when they started dating. When Richard had asked her to marry him, Devon assumed it was because he loved her. It was only after he insisted she ‘retire' and let him ‘take care of the business' that she realized he didn't love her, he only wanted to control her. His proposal had been his way of finally ‘winning' his self-conceived contest with her. When Devon refused to allow him to dictate her life, he left. By that time she was already eight weeks pregnant but Richard had gone before she could tell him. When she did finally tell him, he expressed little interest in being a father and went so far as to offer to pay for an abortion . This had infuriated Devon and she stormed out, letting him know in no uncertain terms that she didn't want or need his help, she was quite capable of raising ‘her' child without him. He did come to see Uly a few times after he was born, but disappeared after Uly was diagnosed as a syndrome child.
She had essentially cut herself off from her friends after her breakup with Richard. Most of them were his friends anyway. She also refused to engage in any romantic relationships. She wasn't going to let any man toy with her emotions like that again. Her only real friend was Yale. He was there throughout her pregnancy and was her coach when Uly was born. He shared in the joy of her son's birth and also held her while she sobbed after finding out about his illness. When Uly was diagnosed with the Syndrome, Devon's whole world collapsed. Any small ties she might have still had to the outside world dissolved as her focus narrowed to her son and his welfare. Though Yale's friendship and love helped Devon stay strong, there was still a void and loneliness that she felt. It came mostly late at night when she would sit in the nursery listening to her son's labored breathing. After checking on him she would often sit in the rocking chair beside his crib, unable to return to her empty bed. It was at those times that the loneliness and despair would almost consume her. She would sit and slowly rock as she fought the emotions which would finally break through as silent tears falling down her cheeks. These were the only times she allowed herself to cry. Even Yale did not know the depths of her loneliness. It was during one of these times that the ‘dreams' started.
The dreams first began as a quiet voice. Probing, questioning, seeking out the source of her sadness. In her dreams Devon was unguarded, open to the inquiries of the voice. The barriers that she had built for protection were no longer needed in her dream world. She welcomed the comfort and affection the voice offered. Her entire life was spread out like an open book. Every triumph, tragedy, and innermost thought was shared. The fears and secrets that she had kept hidden from the world for so long were told so easily, and yet the voice always returned, ready to give comfort. Somehow always knowing and giving what she so desperately needed... love. The dreams slowly evolved, more revealed each time until finally, he appeared. He was handsome and strong. He guided her gently with his will, slowly gaining her trust until finally they became lovers. The emotions that Devon could not allow herself to feel while awake flowed freely in her created world. Here Uly was healthy and happy. He no longer needed her constant care and attention. She watched as he grew strong, running and playing among the trees. In this world Devon could need someone else. Her lover helped her overcome her fears. His voice whispering for her to ‘let go of the pain and loneliness' and to ‘believe that things could be different'. "There is a place where this is all possible," he promised, "Your son will be healed and we can be together. This world can become a reality."
His voice called to her each night, showing her that world, until gradually she began to believe it could be true. What he told her in the dreams seemed to go along with the theories that Dr. Vasquez had developed regarding the origin of the syndrome and a possible cure for it. He believed that the weakened immune systems in syndrome children were due to the lack of antigenic stimulation experienced by children born in the sterile environment of the space stations. He was convinced that if these children could be allowed to develop in a normal environment with frequent antigenic challenges to their immune systems, the syndrome could be arrested and even reversed. It was after waking from a particularly vivid dream to find Uly in a coughing spasm that Devon vowed to do everything in her power to assure that he too would have a chance to live. She decided not to sit back and watch her son waste away. Slowly a plan began to form in her mind. Devon used her considerable influence to obtain information regarding possible habitable planets that the Council had investigated. She discussed her idea with Dr. Vasquez, who at first thought it was impossible, but was eventually swayed by her conviction. Her life again had meaning. She no longer felt helpless. Any loneliness she had once experienced was pushed aside as her energies were directed toward implementing her plan and saving her son. The dreams became less frequent as her mind grew more preoccupied by her quest until eventually they were forgotten and he was just a clouded memory. Devon ‘s thoughts returned to the present. She was surprised that she could have forgotten so much about the dreams and Sheppard. She remembered the intensity of the emotions that she felt during her dreams about this place and about him. It seemed like such a ‘fairy tale', but now she was beginning to realize that it had come true. She wondered if the love that they shared so long ago could still be as strong. Now that she had time to digest the whole situation, she realized that no matter how much they shared then, things had changed considerably. She was actually a little unnerved at the thought that there was someone who knew just about everything there was to know about her. When she had dreamed about him it didn't matter because it was just that... a dream. But now it was reality, he really did know everything. Danziger's comments came floating back to her, "You don't know anything about this guy Adair." Of course he was right, Sheppard hadn't revealed much about himself to her, but did it really matter? She knew that he was caring and compassionate. He did tell her about this place so that Uly could be cured and grow up healthy, right? He helped her work through her fear and loneliness and made her feel loved, didn't he? "I know the most important things about him," she decided, "he helped save my son's life. He's a good man, I know it. John and the rest of the group will believe it too, once they get to know him." Devon remained on the rock, lost in thought until she heard a small voice behind her.
"Mom?"
"Hi honey, how was your lesson?" she answered turning and motioning for Uly to sit down beside her.
"OK I guess," he replied, perching on the rock beside her. "Yale said you were looking for me?"
"As a matter of fact I was," she smiled as she smoothed his hair behind his ears. "I wanted to talk to you about the man that came back to camp with us." "What about him?" Uly asked.
"Well Uly, I wanted you to know that he is a very special person and I want you to get to know him."
"Why, who is he?" he asked.
"He's someone who has done a great deal for us both. He was the one that told me about this place and about how it could make you better." Devon explained. "How could he do that, you just met him didn't you?" Uly asked with a puzzled look on his face.
"It's pretty complicated sweetheart but with the terrians' help, the people that we met in the tunnels were able to contact their families on the stations using the dream plane. He contacted me and told me about this planet." "But how did he know to contact you?" Uly asked suspiciously, looking up at his mother.
Devon thought for a minute then answered her son, "I don't know Uly, I guess we were just lucky."
"Seems kinda odd to me," he mused as he hugged his mother, "I'm just glad you're back Mom, I missed you."
"Me too," she replied, returning his hug, "I missed you too. Now let's get back to camp, it's almost time for dinner."

End Part 3

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