Do you know my shadow? by Lisa04

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Do You Know My Shadow? (5/17)
by Lisa 04

Danziger ducked into his tent still upset at the argument he just had with Devon. "Why won’t she open her eyes? What kind of hold does he have on her?" He knew that Devon felt Sheppard was responsible for helping heal Uly by telling her about this planet, but that still didn’t explain why she was so protective of him. "There is just something about him I don’t trust," he thought to himself, "He’s playing some sort of mind game with her and I’m going to get to the bottom of it."

"True-girl, are you asleep" he asked quietly. "Not yet Dad. I waited for you." she answered from her cot. "Good.. Listen, I don’t want you around that guy Sheppard, OK?" "Don’t worry Dad, he gives me the creeps," she assured him. "What that lady said scared me. She said he was bad and we should be afraid of him."

"She may be right, but I won’t let anything happen to you True. Believe that."

"I do Dad."
"OK," he said, giving her a hug, "now let’s get some shut-eye."

Sheppard lay awake long after the rest of the camp had come to a quiet standstill. Listening to the rhythmic breathing of his volunteered roommate he reflected, "This isn’t exactly what I had in mind for tonight, but I guess I don’t really have a choice right now." It was very hard having Devon so close and not being able to be with her. Making love on the dreamplane was one thing but he had waited so long to touch her in the flesh and had worked very hard to bring her here. He had felt isolated on this planet, even with the others being here too. Alone in his thoughts, his mind began to drift back in time, back to when he was first sent here. It was difficult to remember how he was then. So much time had passed and so many thing had happened. He was a very angry man when he first arrived on this planet. He was filled with hatred, but that all seemed to fade as he came to know the Terrians. He couldn’t really explain the change, he just knew that slowly the fury he felt dissolved and was replace with a sense of peace. It was as if something had reached in and calmed his raging soul. Strangely though, the exact opposite happened for his twin sister. Katarina, who was always so kind and innocent, became brooding and dark. It was as if they had switched personalities. She slowly descended into madness as he became a trusted leader of the group. As the years went by, his memory of their life on the stations faded until he could no longer clearly remember the events surrounding their exile.

Sheppard watched after his sister, feeling a strong responsibility to her. She became more and more dependent and possessive of him, not allowing him to develop a romantic relationship with any of the women in the group. She had even gone as far as putting out his eye in a fit of rage when she caught him looking at another woman. Despite her abuse and possessiveness, he continued to care for her. His only escape from her ever watchful gaze was to dream himself to another place with the help of the Terrians. That was where he met Devon. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her loneliness and need almost overwhelming. He had dreamed to many people before he found her but they had all resisted his uninvited visits to their dreams, all but Devon. At first she was tentative but trusted him more with each visit. In here, he was free of Katarina’s scrutiny and could do and be whatever he wanted. Devon needed him and he needed her. In this dreamworld his past wasn’t important, he was in control. He could finally be free of Katarina and could be with someone as beautiful and powerful as Devon Adair. Sheppard yawned and slowly drifted off to sleep, not hearing the small yet persistent voice that whispered in the depths of his consciousness, "I am here Sheppard, I am here."

Devon awoke the next morning to the sounds of a busy camp. "Oh god, I overslept," she thought as she quickly dressed. Even Uly had already awakened and was in the main area of the biodome eating breakfast while listening to Yale lecture about the changing weather patterns on Earth before it was stripped of its resources by the previous generations.

"Hey mom," Uly exclaimed excitedly as Devon approached the pair quickly scanning the rest of the room to see who all was present, "Yale says that the weather is getting warmer and we should be able to leave soon."

"That’s great Uly," she answered absently, noticing that most of the group had already dispersed to tend to their duties. "Yale, why did you let me sleep so late?"

"Because you were tired and needed some rest," Yale replied, moving over to make room for her on the bench.

"I don’t need to be sleeping while everyone else is working. If you’re right about the weather changing, we have a lot of work to do before we leave for New Pacifica."

"Don’t worry Devon, no one thinks you’re slacking," Yale chuckled. "In fact, it’s good for them to see that you’re not always the superhuman Devon Adair."

"Humph.. very funny," she replied. "Do you really think that we can leave for New Pacifica soon?"

"The weather patterns are indicating a warming trend that seems to be holding," the tutor answered calling up a holographic image of a weather map on his cybernetic arm. "When compared to the historical weather patterns of Earth, it would appear that spring is just around the corner."

"I hope you’re right, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that this planet is nothing like Earth used to be," Devon responded. "By the way, where’s Sheppard?"

"Uly, why don’t you go help Bess catalogue the supplies," Yale temporarily avoided answering Devon’s question and turned to the boy. Seeing that this request was clearly not debatable, Uly agreed and set out to find Bess.

Turning back to Devon Yale answered her question. "I don’t think he slept very well. He seemed troubled. He tossed and turned most of the night so I decided to let him sleep in this morning too."

"Oh, OK," Devon replied a slight frown forming , "I wonder what’s wrong." She started to get up to go and check on him when Yale stopped her.

"Devon, I’m sure he’s just not used to being away from the caves. He probably just had a hard time getting to sleep in a strange place. Let him rest, I would really like to talk to you if you don't mind."

"Sure Yale, what’s the matter?" Devon asked, wondering about the concerned expression her friend and teacher wore. She could tell that the older man was uncomfortable.

Hesitating, Yale tried to read her mood before continuing because he knew the subject he was about to broach was a touchy one. Deciding that it was too important to avoid, he ventured forth.

"Devon, I know that the last couple of days have been very taxing for you and I have avoided asking you about it because you’ve had to deal with everything else, but I no longer feel I can remain quiet about this."

"Yale, I..." Devon started, knowing where the conversation was going, but the mentor cut her off.

"No Devon, I’m not going to let you avoid this. It’s too important. There’s too much at stake," Yale said quickly with a determination that let Devon know he would not give up until she answered his questions.

Resigned Devon agreed, "All right Yale, what did you want to ask me?" "Devon, just exactly what do you know about this man, Sheppard?" "Yale," she answered, shaking her head, "I thought I answered that before. He’s a good man, he told me about G889 and that Uly would be healed here."

"No Devon, that’s not what I asked," Yale insisted, "I want to know what you actually know about this man."

Devon paused for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. When she answered, she did so in a quiet voice as if to prevent anyone else from overhearing, though they were alone. "I’m not sure Yale. Everything was so long ago and the memories are still pretty jumbled. If you want specifics about him I’m afraid I can’t tell you because I don’t know. The dreams weren’t like that. They were more ‘feelings’. I just know that I felt a sense of comfort and warmth when he was there. I didn’t feel the need to know details because it didn’t seem important at the time."

"What about now?" the tutor asked. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, what about now? Do you think it’s important to know the details of his life now that he’s here amongst us? Now that he’s no longer just a dream," Yale pressed, not wanting to anger Devon but wanting to get his point across.

"I...I suppose so," Devon reluctantly conceded. "Yale what are you getting at?"

"Just this Devon, we don’t know much about him. I’m not saying he isn’t a good man, that he hasn’t paid for his crimes. If anyone knows about being falsely accused, it’s me. I’m just saying that there is more at stake here. His being here affects all of us and with our recent experience with Gaal, I don’t think it is wise to take ‘anyone’ at face value without reservations until we can be certain about him."

"I agree that we don’t know as much about Sheppard’s past, but I won’t let you or the rest of the group harass him to get your answers. Let’s not forget that the Elder and his group accepted Sheppard and even turned to him for guidance. He lived peacefully with them without any problems. I don’t think there is any reason to be afraid of him," Devon remarked, starting to feel the pressure of the group’s scrutiny after last night’s confrontation with Danziger and now with Yale.

"I’m not proposing an inquest Devon, I just think we should encourage him to be open about his past. You can’t honestly tell me that it doesn’t matter to you what he did, can you?" Yale asked, playing on Devon’s more sensible side.

"Yale he told us what happened. Just because he didn’t supply the finer details doesn’t mean he’s trying to hide something," Devon retorted, tiring of the conversation. "Look, I promise to think about what you’ve said, but right now there’s a lot of work to be done. I need to go over the maps to try and find a passage out of these mountains that the vehicles can get through. I could certainly use your help but I don’t want to talk about this anymore." Realizing that the conversation wasn’t going any further, Yale agreed to drop it and went with Devon to study the topographic maps of the area.

"Ouch, #@&*$%." Danziger let out a string of curse words that would make a sailor blush, then looked around quickly to make sure none of the children were around to hear as he rubbed the part of his elbow that he had hit against the bar of the dunerail. "I don’t know why they call that the funny bone," he thought, " ‘cause I sure don’t feel like laughing when I hit it." He had awakened several times in the night, each time after having the same dream as before. Finally, after waking up in a cold sweat for the umpteenth time, he decided that if he couldn’t sleep he would at least use the time to tune up the dunerail. Julia’s immunostim injection had begun to work and he was feeling much better except for the fact that he was a little grumpy from the lack of sleep. He didn’t seem to be having much luck with servicing the rail though, as his mind kept wondering back to the dream. He couldn’t explain it and that was about to drive him crazy. He didn’t know if this was some sort of Terrian dream trick but he didn’t like it much. He just knew that the ending was the same even if the events leading up to it changed some with each dream. The anxiety and fear he felt when he awoke from the dream seemed to escalate each time he had it to the point where he couldn’t shake the feeling even after he was wide awake. "Well blast it, I’m not going to get anything done this way," he fumed, " I might as well go and see if Alonzo or Julia can tell me if this is some Terrian ploy to drive me nuts." As he turned to head to the medtent, he ran smack dab into Devon who had heard his little tirade from her tent and realized it was him under the dunerail and not Walman.

"John Danziger!" she began gearing up to enter her lecture mode, "what in the world are you doing out of bed. Julia made it clear she wanted you to rest."

Not about to let her know that she was the reason he couldn’t get the rest the doctor ordered, Danziger shot back, " Look Adair, I got a mother. I don’t need another one." Then realizing that she was only concerned about him and he wasn’t really mad at her, he hesitated and continued in a softer tone, "Really Devon, Julia’s medicine is working and I’m feeling one-hundred percent better. There’s a lot of work to do and I was tired of ‘resting’. I knew the rail needed worked on and everyone else is busy. I just thought I’d start on it. I promise not to over exert myself. "

Devon scrutinized the man standing before her, trying to determine if he looked as well as he said he felt. "All right John," she finally relented, "but please don’t overdo it. I don’t want you getting sick again. True would have your hide and mine for letting you do this." The last words were said with a smile, the tension from the previous night forgotten. It was always that way between the two leaders of the Eden project, though they might argue about the best way to do something, each respected the other and disagreements they might have never seemed to affect that respect or their friendship.

"Thanks Adair, I mean it," Danziger said sincerely, "I was going stir crazy lying around."

"I bet you were," she laughed. " by the way, Yale seems to think the weather is warming up and we might be able to get back on the road to New Pacifica soon."

"That’s great, but we still need to find a path out of here for the vehicles."

" I know," Devon nodded in agreement, "Yale and I have been looking over the maps of the area. In fact I’d better get back to work. I was just checking on the commotion over here. What happened anyway?"

"Oh, I just hit my ‘not-so-funny bone’," he smiled ruefully. "Umm, well try and use a little less colorful language would you sailor," she admonished, "we certainly don’t need the kids adding those words to their vocabulary now do we?"

"I know, I know," Danziger agreed, embarrassed that Devon had heard his outburst. "I’ll be more careful."

"Why don’t you have Julia look at that," she added, turning his arm so she could see his elbow. "It looks like you cut it."

"That’s just where I was heading before you nearly bowled me over," he grinned. He didn’t feel the need to tell her the real reason he was going to see Julia, however. "You’d make a pretty good blocking back Adair," he said, referring to the popular sport of arena football played on the stations.

"Yes I would, and you’d do well to remember that next time you get in my way," she laughed playfully, giving him a push towards the medtent. "Now get moving!"

"Aye, Aye Cap’n," he answered with a mock salute. Devon shook her head and smiled as she headed back to her tent. When she arrived there, she found Sheppard waiting for her. Yale had moved to the back of the tent and was looking at some of the maps that they had laid out.

"Good morning," she greeted him, "how did you sleep?" "I slept well," he lied, "and yourself?" "Fine, in fact I overslept thanks to Yale." Devon glanced in the tutor’s direction and smiled.

"You’re certainly in good spirits this morning. I noticed you and Mr. Danziger seem to have patched things up," Sheppard commented trying not to reveal the jealousy that began inside him when he witnessed their good-natured bantering.

"Yes," she answered, suddenly feeling uncomfortable that Sheppard had seen the exchange between herself and John. She walked over to the table and spoke to Yale, "Thanks for your help Yale, I think I have a pretty good grasp of the maps of the immediate area. Why don’t you go ahead and round up the kids for their math lesson. I know they’ve been trying to get out of it." Yale paused, eyeing the stranger for a moment then nodded, "All right Devon, if you’re sure you don’t need anymore help. I’ll just be in the next tent though if you change your mind. I’ll see you both later."

Sheppard watched the cyborg leave the tent then turned to Devon, "He’s very protective of you, so is Mr. Danziger. They don’t trust me to be alone with you."

"Yale practically raised me himself. He’s like family and has always been protective of me," she smiled as she arranged the maps on the table. "We’ve all become very close and protective of each other here, much like your group. I wouldn’t worry about them though, I think I’ve straightened them out."

"I thought we could spend some time together today, maybe take a walk," Sheppard proposed, moving closer to Devon.

"I’d like that, but I really need to study these maps to find a pass for the vehicles," she started then thinking back to the conversation she had with Yale earlier, she added, "though maybe we can go for that walk a little later."

Hiding his disappointment, Sheppard agreed, "Yes, I suppose that should be a priority. Yale told me that the weather was warming and the group was preparing to leave. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Well, you probably know this area better than anyone, is there a place the vehicles can fit through?" Devon motioned to the maps.

"I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t know this area any better than you. Our group rarely ventured out from the caves where we were at and we certainly didn’t come this far."

"Oh..well that’s OK," Devon replied, " we’ll find a pass out of here, it’s just a matter of time."

Sheppard started to say something but he was interrupted by Magus who ducked into the tent just then. "Hey Devon, Yale said you could use some help going over the maps. Oh...sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt you," she said glancing at Sheppard.

"No Laura, you’re not interrupting anything and I could definitely use your help," Devon answered thankfully. "Didn’t you do some mapping for your ground unit in the military?"

"A little, that’s why Yale sent me over," the other woman nodded. Devon suspected Yale had other reasons for sending Laura Magus to help her and she made herself a mental note to talk with him about it later. For now, however, she was thankful for the extra set of eyes.

"I’ll just leave you two to your work," Sheppard said as he headed for the tent flap. "Devon I’ll see you later?"

"Yes, we’ll definitely talk later," she promised and then turned back to the table.

John Danziger entered the medtent to find both Julia and Alonzo present. The good doctor was attempting to work while the young pilot was trying as usual to persuade her to play ‘hooky".

"Common Julia, you’ve been working all morning. We should take advantage of the warmer weather and take a walk," he coaxed.

"Alonzo," Julia sighed, "you know I have to get these specimens analyzed for edibility. Devon said we could be leaving soon for New Pacifica and we have to have something to eat on the way now don’t we?"

"Yes, yes," the exasperated pilot responded, "but we’re not leaving tomorrow and a half hour won’t make a difference."

Julia began to reply when she noticed Danziger at the tent opening. "Hi John, how are you feeling this morning?" "Great, thanks. Your shot did the trick Doc." "Good, but I still want you to take it easy," she added, noticing he was holding his arm, "what’s wrong with your arm?"

"Oh, I just hit it on the rail and got a little cut. Devon wanted me to get you to look at it."

"Well come on over here and I’ll clean it up for you." John walked over to where Julia was and waited for her to scan his arm with her dia-glove. "You’re right, it’s nothing serious. Just a little cut, and a slightly traumatized ulnar nerve," she said as she took off the glove and reached for the antiseptic to clean the cut.

John, uncertain how to ask about his dream decided to start by asking Alonzo what they were like. "Hey Alonzo, have you had anymore of those Terrian dreams lately?"

"No, not lately. They haven’t seemed to have much to communicate about these past couple of weeks except for your little misadventure," the pilot grinned.

"What exactly are they like?" John inquired, ignoring Alonzo's good-natured jab.

"I don’t know, it’s hard to explain," Alonzo answered. " I usually feel like I’ve been pulled there. It looks kinda like a desert, except it isn’t hot. The scenery can change though, just like that," he said, snapping his fingers.

"Do you ever relive events that have already happened except they’re different than before?"

"Yea, I suppose I have. Why do you want to know that?" Alonzo asked, his curiosity peaked.

John hesitated then decided to tell Julia and Alonzo about the dream he kept having. He told them about how the dream started like the events of the other day but ended with him watching from above. He also told them how scared he was during the dream, much more than he remembered being when it all really happened. "Funny thing is, I don’t feel like I’m scared for myself in the dream but for Devon," he finished, looking at them and waiting for their analysis.

"Man, that doesn’t sound like any Terrian dream I’ve ever had," Alonzo said, shaking his head. "Usually I don’t feel any emotions and if I do they’re not too strong because the Terrians don’t feel emotion like we do. What do you think Julia?"

Julia thought about what Danziger had told them and slowly came to a conclusion of her own, though she wasn’t sure the mechanic would want to hear it. Choosing her words carefully she began, "I’m certainly not an expert on Terrian dreams or human dreams for that matter, but what I do know is that not all dreams on this planet are necessarily related to the dreamplane. A lot of time and scientific energy has been spent trying to interpret dream origins and meanings in the past and some of the theories are more acceptable than others. Many experts felt that our dreams reflect subconscious emotions or fears that we are otherwise unaware of. They also believe that dreams are a way for our minds to bring together the unconscious and the conscious things that we have experienced. Sort of a ‘reliving’ of conscious events that have occurred with the addition of unconscious feelings that were present but not acknowledged."

"What are you saying Julia, that I’m afraid of something but won’t admit it?" Danziger asked not sure he was liking her implications.

"I’m not saying anything except, if this isn’t a Terrian dream, and it doesn’t seem to be one according to Alonzo," she answered glancing over at the pilot for support, "then it could mean that there are some issues your mind is trying to resolve about what took place in the caves. You are obviously worried about Devon and that could be related to your distrust of Sheppard... or to something else."

"What ‘something else’ would I be worried about except for the fact that Adair has brought some penal colonist into the camp that we don’t know anything about?"

"I can’t answer that John, only you can," Julia stated simply. "Humph," the mechanic grunted, " well, thanks for the patch-up job anyway and I’ll think about what you said, though I think you’re way off base on this one. I don’t know of any reason why I would be scared other than Adair’s need to pick up strays." Danziger left the tent and headed back to finish work on the dunerail. He decided to put off thinking about that crazy dream in order to concentrate on the job at hand. Besides, he really didn’t feel like dealing with it right now.

"When do you think he’ll admit how he feels about her?" Alonzo asked, turning to Juia.

"I don’t know, it’ll probably be a lot longer than anyone guessed," she smiled, shaking her head. "How about that walk you offered?" she said turning towards the beaming pilot.

"I thought you’d never ask," he winked as he took her hand and led her outside.

Sheppard had left the tent and headed out of camp. He was tired and angry about the mistrust of the others in the group. He also wasn’t too happy that Devon seemed to have little time for him. She acted somewhat uncomfortable when they were alone and he was unsure if she was being swayed by the others’ suspicions. He reached the edge of the camp aware of the eyes that followed him every step of the way. Every since he woke up this morning he had a feeling of anxiousness building. He wasn’t sure why he felt this way. He knew that the others in the group didn’t trust him and it was becoming a source of irritation for him. "Devon trusts me," he thought, "and that should be good enough for the rest of them." He hadn’t slept well last night contrary to what he told Devon. He had been besieged with scenes of destruction and death, much like the older war movies that were sometimes shown on the stations to remind people how much better they had it now that the Council was in power. He wasn’t certain where those flashes came from, but they seemed familiar. Intermingled with those dreams were bizarre scenes of ritualistic ceremonies involving people cloaked in hooded robes. He tried to recall the dreams in more detail but they were still fuzzy, as if they were just on the periphery of his mind. As he tried harder to remember, a slight headache began to form behind his eyes.

End part 5

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