SHATTERED DREAMS, SHATTERED LIVES (2/4)
by Rhonda Hallstrom
They stood there, studying the ZED, until John Danziger finally stirred out of paralysis. "I'd better get rid of this," he said, reaching for him. He was shocked when a slim hand reached out to press against his midsection. He tried not to gasp but failed; he was still sore and tender there after his operation.
Julia withdrew her hand. "I think that proves you're in no shape to be standing, much less wrestling with a deceased ZED. You aren't, either," she said to Alonzo, who was beginning to approach the ZED. She turned to Devon. "Would you please ask Walman? I don't think he'd listen to me."
"Julia's right," Devon asserted. "Danziger, you and Alonzo go to your tents so Julia can treat you. I'll find Walman and Morgan to take care of the ZED." Everyone turned in unison to look doubtfully at her when Morgan Martin's name was mentioned. Devon looked back coolly and squared her shoulders with determination. "It'll be good to give him something to do."
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Morgan Martin complained all the way there and back but he did help bury the ZED as Devon supervised the job. She had to admit, if only to herself, that she was still not quite sure that it wouldn't suddenly just get up and start shooting people again. She had to see it buried where it wouldn't do any more harm.
Devon returned to the camp and quickly peeked in on Alonzo. He was fast asleep - in fact, he was snoring slightly, bringing an amused smile to Devon's face. She quietly walked toward Danziger's tent. She was more worried about John Danziger. The worm bullet came closer to killing him than it did for anyone else. Also, she was afraid that she had caused him further injury by being the one to operate on him when she hadn't the slightest idea what she was doing! They had had no choice, but still....
She peeked into the Danzigers' tent. John and True were in their respective cots, apparently fast asleep. Devon turned to leave when she heard a soft whisper.
"Adair?"
She turned back and, as quietly as she could, tiptoed into the tent and knelt down next to John's cot. "What are you still doing awake?" she whispered back, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes.
John tried to shift his weight to a more comfortable position. "Julia didn't give me a normal sediderm dose. She was afraid I would O.D. with the painblock already in my system. It's okay," he assured her, "I'll go to sleep in a minute. I just wanted to say-"
Incredibly-blue eyes met incredibly-blue eyes in a gaze that seemed to connect like lightning...and then, it was gone.
"-thanks," John finished.
Devon closed her eyes momentarily, thinking about how they nearly lost him three times now and how she would feel if...."Go to sleep," she said as she nearly bolted for the exit before she got into trouble.
The next person she had to check on was Julia. She found her checking Yale's condition. Yale was fast asleep, too.
"How is he?" Devon asked.
"Fine," Julia said, changing the dressing on Yale's wound.
Devon watched her, noting the dark circles slowly beginning to form under her eyes and her movements becoming less precise and more...desperate? "Julia," Devon said, "you should get some sleep. You're injured, too."
"I took a bone healer vaccine, unlike Alonzo," the doctor said. "I'll be fine tomorrow."
"It's not tomorrow."
"Well, technically, it is...."
"Julia," Devon said, getting in Julia's way so she would listen, "you don't have to prove anything anymore."
"Yes, I do," the young doctor told her matter-of-factly.
Devon lowered her gaze. While it was true that Julia had acquitted herself and much more by her heroic actions against the ZED, there were others who still doubted her. Ultimately, the more Julia continued to prove herself, the better it would be. Still, there was such a thing as going too far. "You've seen to Danziger, Yale, and Alonzo," Devon said firmly, leaving no room for argument, "You have a broken arm - you need rest. Go to bed now! You can start fresh in the morning."
"I'd still rather work," Julia said faintly.
Devon frowned. Even she could see that Julia was exhausted and looked like she was about ready to drop. *Of course!* Devon realized. *The last time she went to sleep, she woke up alone.*
Devon gently took Julia's uninjured arm and steered her firmly to the medical tent. She began literally tucking Julia in, not allowing the doctor to protest. Once Julia was settled, Devon dragged a chair over to sit by her. "I understand," she said sympathetically, taking the young doctor's hand. "I give you my word, Julia. We won't leave you again. EVER."
Julia, reassured, closed her eyes and slept.
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The next day, after Julia disposed of the VR com and the Council once and for all, was a busy one. They had lost a lot of time and the injured members still were not up to full speed. Julia's arm, because of the late hour it was broken, required the full 24 hours to heal completely, thus making it extremely difficult to pack one-handed. Danziger was threatened to not push himself too hard while Yale and Alonzo was forced to favor their injured limbs more than they would have liked.
At long last, they were once again moving towards New Pacifica...not noticing the slim hand that picked up the discarded VR com to the Council. It had landed in a clump of bushes and it was obviously still in working order. Curiously, the person activated it.
"Greetings, citizen," it said.
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When Devon called a halt for the day, everyone was thankful and made a camp record in setting up the tents so that they could relax. Devon had to smile at their efforts and made an effort to try to thank each member personally as she inspected the camp.
Finally, she came to Danziger, who had taken it upon himself to take the position of perimeter guard at the edge of camp.
"Don't you ever relax?" she asked rhetorically as she surveyed the terrain beyond with trepidation. She wasn't looking forward to figuring out a way to get past those mountains up ahead. They weren't as steep as they could have been but they looked bad enough.
"I'll relax when you relax," Danziger countered, holding the Mag-pro upright against his leg.
"_I_ haven't been wounded-" Devon began when John cut her off.
"Give it a rest, Adair," he said with a halfway smirk to tone down his rebuke. "I'm FINE."
"Fine," she said crisply. *Fine,* she repeated to herself. *If he wants to be that way, then fine-* Just then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a glint of metal.
Danziger was already moving, Mag-pro charged and held into position.
"Perimeter alert!" yelled Devon as John instinctively took position in front of her.
The others came running, including, unfortunately, the children. Devon, with a fierce wave of her hand, indicated that they should hang back. Bess then took initiative and dragged the children back a little ways while Walman joined Danziger with his charged Mag-pro.
"What was it?" Walman asked. "Did you see it?"
Danziger's only response was a quick jerk of the head as a negative and inched forward, ready to protect True and the camp with his life. Devon reached out a hand to try to caution him but the hand dropped to her side as she realized the futility of it.
Yale's voice suddenly came out of the darkness, startling everyone. "Hold your fire....we are coming out."
Devon frowned at the 'we' as she craned her neck to get a better look. Yale broke free from the confinement of the trees, holding onto the arm of a young woman with short-cropped hair.
Danziger exhaled sharply. Devon turned slightly to him, wondering what was wrong. He seemed paralyzed, frozen in his tracks. Devon, realizing that Danziger knew the woman, was about to ask when suddenly asking for identification became unnecessary.
"MOMMMEEEEE!" True shrieked, as she launched her body forward into the woman's arms.
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At the campfire, the Danzigers had melted into one unit, it seemed. John and Elle were sitting so close, there wasn't any visible space between them. True was on their laps, snuggled in as close as she could get.
John still wore the half-stunned expression he had adopted since they found her. *It is rather amusing, in a way,* Devon thought. *So why don't I feel amused?"
"We can't express the relief we all feel that you are all right...." Devon trailed off. Calling her Elle seemed too casual and presumptuous. Calling her Mrs. Danziger seemed like she was speaking to John's mother.
Elle noticed the other woman's awkwardness. "Elle," she supplied helpfully. "Thank you."
"Elle," Devon finished with a smile.
"No thanks to some OTHERS who shall remain nameless," Elle continued, looking sideways at Morgan.
"Well, how was _I_ supposed to know-!"
"You took off with-!"
"If you weren't such a-!"
"Excuse me," Yale's firm voice rose above all the others. "Martin has confessed that he released the pod out of sheer terror - I'm sure you can understand that, Elle."
Morgan frowned; he didn't like being called a coward but couldn't fight the facts that he did indeed release the pod on purpose.
"What was done is over with," Yale continued. "And you are all together now."
A moment of silence reigned as they tried to figure out how to lighten the mood. Finally, Elle grinned. ""Well, I want to thank you all for taking care of this big lug," she said as she squeezed John around the waist, taking care not to disturb True, "and my baby." She stroked True's hair. Her features then took a faint mischievous air. "Or do I have it the other way around?" John rolled his eyes in mock embarrassment as the others laughed.
Devon listened to the banter distantly. Something was wrong. She knew it. She just wished she knew what it was.
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After the good nights had been said, John and Elle walked into their tent together. John felt strangely terrified - this was his wife, for God's sake! He felt like a teenager on a first date. He breathed a sigh of relief that Bess had considerately offered to take True for the night.
Elle, seemingly nonplussed, walked to the cot, found True's comb and began combing her short hair. John walked over, took the comb out of her hands and stroked her dark hair with his hands. "You know," he murmured, "you could grow your hair out again."
Elle looked up at him. "John Danziger - is that all you can think about now?"
He sat down next to her, took her hands and kissed her. Soon, Elle's hair length was completely forgotten.
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Julia was worried. For the past few days, Devon seemed on edge. She snapped at Uly a number of times, which was completely out of character. She also seemed distracted and irritable in general. In their small camp, the word spread quickly and most people managed to avoid her. The only people who seemed safe from Devon's mood was Yale. Julia was certain that was because Yale probably wouldn't put up with it without an explanation. Also, Julia noticed that Devon seemed to be avoiding the Danzigers, all three of them, unless it was camp business. She frowned; it was high time she talked to Devon.
Devon was so busy re-adjusting her count for food and supplies to account for one more person, she didn't see Julia walk over to her and stand behind her. Julia watched her for a while. It was also unusual that Devon did not notice her presence. Julia studied her friend. *Why, she's in pain!" Julia realized. Why had it taken her so long to notice? Without hesitation, Julia stepped up to Devon's side.
"Hi, Devon," Julia greeted.
Devon held up a finger for silence, still counting silently.
"Devon, I have to talk to you," Julia persisted.
Devon held up her hand, pleading for silence as she continued counting. Julia looked into her eyes, which communicated something else.
Julia frowned. She really hated to get tough but then again, this was Devon's mental health at stake. Devon would find excuses until eternity if Julia wasn't firm. She took a deep breath and positioned herself between Devon and her lists. "This can't wait," she said in her firmest doctor voice.
That finally got through. Devon's maternal instincts took over as she felt a flutter of fear that someone could be hurt. "What is it?" she asked Julia.
Julia sighed, relieved she finally had Devon's attention. "Not here," Julia said, and begin to walk into the woods, looking briefly if Devon was following her.
Devon, after a moment of confusion, scanned the camp to make sure all was in order and followed Julia. Confused, she followed Julia in a distance well away from the camp. Finally, Julia stopped. A little miffed, Devon demanded, "Julia! What is going on? There's no emergency out here!"
"There IS an emergency," Julia said.
"What?" Devon exclaimed, with a bit more exasperation than was needed.
"You," Julia said softly. Devon looked at the doctor incredulously. "You have been on edge for days, Devon," Julia continued. "To a casual observer, you are in a really bad mood. To a doctor, you look like you're in pain."
Devon shook her head. "I can't believe you brought me out here for this. I have work to do!"
"You can't get work done if your people are avoiding you!" Julia pointed out. In a more softer tone, she said, "Devon, let me help you. What is wrong?" Devon cast her eyes downward. Julia approached her. "Does it have something to do with Elle...Danziger?" she asked.
Devon looked up. "Why did you say that like that?" At Julia's confused look, she elaborated. "You said 'Elle...Danziger'. You have trouble thinking of her familiarly, too. It's hard to think of her as just 'Elle'."
"That can't be what's bothering you," Julia said. "Of course, we're going to feel awkward for a while. A new person always....Or is it because she is John's wife?"
"What does that mean?" Devon snapped. Julia looked at her pointedly at her tone. Devon took a deep breath, raised her hands to indicate an apology, then continued in a milder tone. "I can't be any more pleased that she's been found. John and True have missed her tremendously." Julia continued to look at her, knowing that that wasn't it. Flustered, Devon continued, "Besides, she looks out for Uly as well as True, another mechanic is always a help...."
Julia stood in front of Devon, her expression stern. They stood there quiet for what seemed to be forever.
"WHY CAN"T I BE HAPPY FOR THEM!?" Devon burst out. Julia made a move toward her, but Devon turned away, examining the flora. In a calmer tone, she asked, "Why, Julia? When I look at them, I only feel...I don't know...."
"Yes, you do," Julia prompted softly.
"I'm not happy for them," Devon repeated helplessly. She wrung her hands; she was usually so in control of her emotions. "Why IS that?!"
"John hasn't argued with you since she got here," Julia mused out loud.
"So you're saying I'm jealous?" Devon challenged. "She is his WIFE! Why would I be jealous of his wife?" Julia came closer to Devon and placed a comforting hand on her arm. Devon spun around to face her. "Am I so petty? So...so...lonely...?" Devon's voice broke. Holding the tears back, she allowed Julia to hold her to comfort her.
In her ear, Julia asked, "Is that all of it?"
"No," Devon whispered and let the tears come.
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Devon was proud of herself. She carried on with the evening activities without a hint of her earlier distress. She made sure to hug Uly and apologize to her son for being such a grouch. She also pasted a smile on her face that fooled everyone except for Yale.
"You are not fooling me, Devon Adair," he muttered softly as he past her at one point. Devon ignored this.
*This is ridiculous,* Devon thought. *I just have to get to know her, that's all.* Danziger had left word with Baines as to where he and Elle would be. *That's a change,* Devon thought with surprise. She walked to the specified clearing.
John, Elle, and True were cavorting in the clearing, obviously using some program in VR. Frankly, they all looked ridiculous but they looked so HAPPY. Devon stood, watching the family. At several points, John unknowingly mimicked Devon, standing to the side, and watched his wife and daughter play. It looked to Devon that he had finally recovered from his shock. Then either Elle or True would notice him and he would be dragged into play again.
Devon swallowed hard and walked back to the camp.
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"All right, back to business, folks," Devon announced that evening at the campfire. "We are going to have to climb those mountains. It's probably not going to be as hard as we think." Most of the tech people looked at each other, then at Devon, dubiously. "All right," she said, resigned, "It IS going to be hard, and we are going to do everything we can to prepare for it," Devon continued. "That's why we need initial scouting parties to find the optimum pass through the mountains. We've already mapped out their locations and probable course. But we won't know which one is the best until we go there."
"Hey, Boss," Danziger said. "How many to a team?" Elle looked a question at him, but John didn't notice.
Devon sighed inwardly. She should have guessed. Unfortunately, she had to give John the answer she didn't want to give. "Two."
The teams were quickly formed, predictably beginning with John and Elle.
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Devon tucked Uly in with a kiss, then went outside to breathe the night air. Yale was standing there, waiting for her. Yielding to the inevitable, she walked over to him.
"Are you ready to tell me, Devon?" Yale asked mildly.
"It's not you, Yale," Devon protested.
"I know that," Yale assured her. "I just want to be here for you."
Devon thought her own thoughts for a few moments, simply enjoying the comforting presence of her mentor. She owed Yale so much. When would she be able to pay him back? She mentally shook her head. That had to wait for another day.
"I'm worried, Yale," she confessed.
"About John?" he asked. He felt it was fairly obvious who she was avoiding.
"About Elle," she corrected. She made sure her voice was sufficiently lowered. "Yale, something is wrong - something she said or did was wrong, but I can't put my finger on it! I just...feel it...."
"Would you like me to analyze the conversation and see what I can find?" Yale asked.
Her eyes downcast, she said, "You don't think it would be an invasion of privacy?"
"Not if you are worried about the welfare of the group," Yale answered.
"Then, yes, please do," she said and beamed at him. Yale always knew what to say to make her feel better. "Thank you," she said solemnly. One look at the cyborg told her he knew what he was actually being thanked for. She squeezed his arm in gratitude and went to bed.
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After John and Elle made sure True was actually sleeping, Elle took John's hand and began to lead him away from camp. Elle was surprised to see John resisting.
"What's wrong?" she whispered.
"I just don't want to get shot, that's what's wrong," he whispered back. Disengaging himself from her hand, he walked over to the sentry, who happened to be Walman, made sure he was seen and walked back to her, ignoring Walman's knowing grin. He gave her an easy wink, took her hand, and walked into the woods with her.
After a little ways, they stopped. "John," Elle said seriously, "we need to talk."
"Sure, Babe," John said casually. He stepped around her and encircled her with his strong arms. "Mmmm....I love you so much...." he whispered in her ear.
Elle pulled his arms apart gently and turned around to face him. "John, I love you, but we need to talk."
A look of concern crossed his face. "Sure," he said. Looking around quickly, he located a clear place to sit. Once they were seated, he took her hand. "What is it?"
Elle hesitated. "I'm not quite sure how to say this...."
"You can tell me anything!" John told her. "You know that!"
"I know, but...."
"But nothing. YOU are my lady. I'll do anything for you," John assured her. "Now, tell me."
"Is that an order, Chief?" Elle teased.
"Yeah, that's an order," John said, smiling.
Elle took a deep breath. "I'm beginning to think that we should go on ahead of the group."
"What-?"
"Please?" Elle said. John nodded for her to continue. "I know these people are your friends and you've been through a lot with them. But now that we're together...Sweetheart....I just have the unbearable temptation to take True tomorrow morning, find that mountain pass...and just keep going, the three of us." She looked up into John's shocked face. "Oh, John, I'm sorry, what a terrible thing to say! After all they've done for us-!"
"No, no, it's okay," John comforted, as he took her in his arms.
"I was so lonely without you," she confided. "And now that I have you..."
"It's okay," John soothed. "Look, sweetheart, I understand. I've come to know these people so well, I forget you don't really know them at all." He hugged and rocked her for a little while. "These are good people, Elle," he murmured to her. "The best. And this planet can be really beautiful. It'll be okay, I promise."
*Dammit,* Elle thought. *I HATE his stubborn streak. What do I do now?* She leaned toward him so he wouldn't be able to see into her eyes and held him.
Author's Chapter Notes:
(NOTE: This part, and subsequent parts, takes place immediately after "Redemption" and before "Moon Cross.")