Shattered dreams, shattered lives by Rhonda Hallstrom

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SHATTERED DREAMS, SHATTERED LIVES (3/4)
by Rhonda Hallstrom

Devon was NOT looking forward to the mission before them. Those mountains seemed impassible, at least from where they were. Devon's head was filled with questions, doubts, worries and didn't notice Elle and True Danziger until she was almost on top of them.

Mother and daughter were sitting on large rocks outside the camp as True delighted in showing her mother the local flora while relating all that she had missed in her absence.

Devon could hear True's high-pitched exaltations clearly, as usual:

"I was SO worried when Dad got sick!" True related. "I helped Julia with the antidote-" Of course, True knew that she had just carried samples back and forth and watched the machines do their work, but that WAS helping, wasn't it? "She said I had a gift, she said I was a NATURAL...!"

"She did?" Elle said, a hint of doubt creeping into her voice.

"Definitely!" the little girl insisted. "I also helped Dad when he was dehydrated....Julia says she'll recommend me to ANY school I want! Isn't that great!!!!" True looked at her mother, puzzled by the prolonged silence.

Devon was puzzled, too, and could not tear herself away from the conversation despite her best efforts. *Why won't Elle encourage her?* she thought in confusion. She sneaked a peek to see Elle looking at her hands while True studied her mother with a rather hurt expression. *I don't blame her a bit,* thought Devon. *Isn't she going to DO-*

"True...." her mother began. She swallowed nervously and wrung her hands almost abstractly. "True....I don't think...."

"Mom?" True's voice was beginning to get shaky and it sounded like she was getting a bit scared. "What is it? You can tell me, you know...I'm not a little kid anymore."

Elle smiled at that. "Well, that's good, because it's a really hard thing to understand...."

"WHAT is?"

"What I have to tell you," Elle said. Clasping her daughter's hands in her own, she looked into True's eyes. *I'm sorry,* she thought as she took a deep breath to prepare herself. "True," she said, "I don't think Julia's plans for you are a very good idea. I don't think you should become a doctor."

Devon nearly lost her footing in her astonishment. She knew she would have been exultant beyond belief if Uly had given her that same pronouncement. She controlled her urge to hyperventilate as she looked around for Danziger. He was nowhere in sight.

True, meanwhile, sat in shock. "Why?" she whispered.

"Oh, sweetie, honey, baby," Elle crooned, taking her in her arms, "I told you that it was going to be hard to hear...."

"You don't think I'm smart enough?" sniffled True, a few tears beginning to form.

Devon clenched her fists, knowing that it would be difficult, if not impossible, to stride over and DECK the other woman if she didn't come up with the right answer to that question! Fortunately for Elle, she did.

"Oh, no, sweetie! Of course I think you're smart enough! I think you're brilliant! No one learns as quick as you do! All right?"

Devon unclenched her fists and continued to listen.

"Then why-?"

"I'll tell you why," Elle said. "The Council." True looked questioningly at her so she continued. "The Council controls everything, True, especially education. If you tried to become a doctor, they would teach you and then expect you to do what they want, just like they did with Julia. Do you think the Council will let her go so easily?"

"Well-"

"Once we get to New Pacifica, the Council will take control again. And, see, THAT is the advantage WE have." Elle was still speaking softly but the words that followed were enunciated. "NO ONE NOTICES A DRONE!"

Every word fell upon Devon like a hammer. She leaned back against the tree, thoughts paralyzed. She didn't know what to make of this.

Meanwhile, Elle continued. "True, you're every bit as gifted as your father. You're bright, you're talented, you have a trade that will always be in demand, always! Yes, you don't always get your way but you can still go your own way! You can do pretty much anything you want and the Council won't notice because they won't care. They're too stupid to know that a drone can be brilliant. It is a powerful weapon, True. It will save you in the long run. Believe me, *I* know."

"What about school?" True asked tentatively. "It's really boring sometimes..."

"How can you go to school here?...Oh, the Yale program. Yes. I always hated...the idea of those things," Elle mused thoughtfully. "You really don't like it, do you? You do know if you want to be a doctor, you have to have a *LOT* of school...."

True wrinkled her nose in disgust. "The last thing *I* want is more school! So, do I have to keep going?"

"Weeellllll, I'll talk to your dad, all right? Maybe we can cut back some hours-"

Elle's sentence was cut off by True engulfing her in a bearhug. "Thanks, Mom!" True said gratefully. "I sure missed you!"

As mother and daughter embraced, Devon sank to the ground, arms wrapped around her knees. True wasn't her child so why did she feel as though her heart was breaking? Devon just hoped that John Danziger had the sense to turn things around.

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A few hours later, Elle and John Danziger were speeding along in the Rail with the others nearby in the other vehicles. Eventually, however, since this was a scouting mission, they all veered off in different directions. Elle unobtrusively breathed a sigh of relief. She was still as yet uncomfortable with the group that John seemed to feel so at home with. She'd worked with the ops crew, of course, but the others....It seemed that John was even tolerating the presence of Adair and the Martins a lot better than she would expect him to.

"I had an interesting chat with True this morning," Elle began tentatively.

"Talk about a little girl that missed her mommy," John responded, rubbing her arm. "We're so glad to have you back, baby."

"I know," Elle sighed, squeezing his arm. The others would scoff at her if she told them that John was a card-carrying romantic but he was. Sometimes, like now, it was virtually impossible to talk seriously with him. "She doesn't like Yale very much."

"She adores Yale," John corrected, "as long as he's not teaching her. It's a great opportunity, though, to get a high-class education for free. It's a chance she may never have again."

"John," she said as they continued their voyage to the reddish mountains, "she really doesn't like it. She doesn't see the point of going and, frankly, neither do I."

John turned and stared at his wife so long, he nearly crashed along an outcropping. Quickly bringing the vehicle under control, he asked quietly, "Don't see the point? Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm not kidding. What has education ever done for someone besides earn them a spot under the Council's microscope?"

John frowned. "I know it's bad, but, sweetheart....If True has more of an education, she might have possibilities for her future that we can't even dream of. Look at Adair. She-"

Elle couldn't believe he was bringing up Devon Adair. The woman who stranded them here and was responsible for risking all their lives. "The Adairs were born to money," she all but snapped, "They always have and they always will. Besides, money isn't the answer to everything. I bet that Yale unit follows her around everywhere, recording everything she does. She's as much a slave to the Council as the good doctor." John opened his mouth to protest but Elle continued, still piqued. "And while we're on the subject of the Yale unit, *I* still don't think those things are safe. I don't want True around it."

John was struck speechless as he slowed down to traverse the soft clay mountains. He'd never heard such strong emotions about the Council from her. Usually, it was a battle to get her to give an opinion on anything, she was so easy-going. But now...."Take it easy, sweetheart," he told her gently. "We'll only be with them for the time it takes to get to New Pacifica. Then it'll be the three of us again."

"Good." At John's look, she amended, "I'm sorry - I don't like to share you. Especially after I thought you were dead. I guess it's making me a little crazy."

John guided the Rail expertly to a plateau cut in the mountaintop to take a look-see. He brought the vehicle to a halt and gave her a hug before they got out. "I wouldn't worry so much, Elle. I know the history of the Yales just as well as you do and I've been keeping a close eye out. I wouldn't let anything happen to True-"

He was cut off, startled, as Elle lost her footing and slipped in the soft clay. He couldn't help but laugh as Elle, trying to get to her feet, eventually found herself covered in the red clay. "Here - let me....Uuumph!" he exclaimed as Elle yanked him down, too. He found himself on top of his wife, enjoying her amused smile, and wiped the clay from her face. "Everything's going to be all right," he comforted, kissing her, red clay and all.

She kissed him back and held him close.

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Hours later, Yale grinned at the sight of John and Elle Danziger, riding back into camp, covered with red clay. He put up a hand to greet them as John brought the Rail to a halt right next to him. "I see," Yale said, "that the mountains are indeed hazardous as we were warned."

"Warned?" John asked.

"Yes," Yale said, his lips twitching in amusement, "the other teams came back in a similar state. The baths have already been set up."

"Thanks, Yale," John grinned warmly. "The Rail is a mess, though."

"The children and the Martins have already been drafted for cleaning them," Yale told him. "You had best hurry to the baths before Morgan Martin sees that you have contributed to his workload."

"Wise idea," John agreed, walking to the baths with one arm around his wife. They were forced to separate as it was obvious that the bathing area was cordoned off into males/females.

Elle entered the women's section tentatively. She would have preferred to bathe alone in the stream but she had already been warned that there was still life on this planet that was still unknown. Maybe some of that life was in the streams lurking under the rocks, just waiting for a curious human to stick her foot in. Elle sighed, longing for the safety of the stations.

Devon Adair saw her and called out, "Come in - the water's fine!"

Elle pasted a smile on her face - not that it was obvious under all the red clay and walked over nonchalantly. Devon was helping Julia wash off the mud in a particularly awkward position to reach behind her neck as Magus reached for more soap. It looked like they were going to need it. Elle started to strip down.

"There's a pile right there for your clothes," Devon pointed out. "We've brought in some jumpsuits - one's sure to fit you."

*The woman just can't help giving orders,* Elle thought, trying not to frown. She tossed the soiled garments with the others but couldn't suppress a sigh of comfort as she sank into the hot water. *Being with the filthy rich has one advantage,* she thought. She had missed this.

She wet her hair and enjoyed the warmth, not even soaping down yet, as Devon and Julia chatted about the Terrians and the properties of the clay. So far, the clay had defied analysis and Julia was frustrated on her progress. Elle listened as Devon consoled Julia yet ordered her to keep trying at the exact same time. She shook her head, marveling at the woman's bossiness. She couldn't believe that John wasn't a total basket case by now.

The Earth-res came in. Elle groped for her name and remembered - Bess Martin. Incredibly, she'd married a government liaison. Elle couldn't help but wonder how that particular incident had come about.

"Well, hello there!" Bess greeted, readying herself for the baths as well. She wasn't covered head to toe like the rest of them but she had a good share of the clay clinging to her clothes. "Uly and True started a clay fight and Morgan got a little irked when we lost," she explained with a grin, getting into the tub.

Devon and Julia smiled in amusement as Elle tried not to roll her eyes. She found the woman to be insufferably perky. *I guess she needs it, being married to government,* Elle thought.

"Ohhhh, I just love this," Bess said, sinking into the warmth of the water. "This is one thing I would've given anything for on the stations."

"You could have if you were rich."

Devon, Julia and Bess all looked at Elle, who looked like she wished that she'd never spoken. Water was a valuable commodity on the stations, never ever to be wasted by heating it and immersing your whole body in it. That was reserved for medical purposes only. There were rumors that the rich could ship water in for their own purposes but it would have caused a riot if anyone found out it was fact.

Taking the offensive, Elle tried to lighten her tone. "Come on, Devon, admit it. You've never had a bath on the stations before in your life? You can do anything with money."

Under the challenging look, Devon looked down. She had indeed enjoyed baths when she was young before she knew of the consequences. Her position in the social structure became apparent one day when she mentioned it casually to another youngster and the word had spread like wildfire. Her father had to go to meetings on that very topic for a month (she had never found out the outcome) and she was ostracized by children and adults alike. Since then, Devon was very careful of what information she divulged and to whom.

Bess filled in the awkward silence. "Well, we have it now and that's all that really matters, right?" She began scrubbing her long hair down as Devon looked at Elle, wondering how she had managed to earn the wrath from the moody tech.

Elle met Devon's gaze with clear, brown eyes and ducked under to wash her short hair. When she came up, Devon fought not to gasp. She knew Elle! She had seen her before! As she rinsed her own hair, she tried to place the woman. She was sure that she had seen Elle in a situation very much like this one. The sense of deja vu was never so strong as it was now. Somehow, all three of the women present provoked it. Devon glanced from Elle with her accusing brown eyes to Bess, rinsing her extremely long hair, to Julia, her blonde hair that seemed dark when it was wet.

"Devon?" Bess asked with concern. "Are you all right?"

The spell was broken. Devon was sure that something had happened but it was obvious that she would not think of it now. "I'm fine," she said, offering a reassuring smile, and continued her bath, thinking.

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Much later, Devon was still thinking. And pacing. It seemed like her whole body was geared to the movement of back-and-forth and she could not stop. Turning over the information in her mind. Elle was certainly not what she expected and certainly not a person she thought that Danziger would fall for.

"Devon?"

She started as a quiet but familiar voice caught her attention and looked back to see her cyborg teacher, advisor and friend. "Yale, I know her," she blurted. "I remember seeing her before but just can't remember where!" She clenched her hands briefly in frustration and resumed her pacing. "Yale, there is something very wrong here. Every fiber in my being tells me that."

"Do you think that it is dangerous?" the tutor calmly asked.

"In danger? No...well, not really. I don't know," Devon babbled. She turned to face him. "Yale, did you figure out something?"

"I am sorry, Devon," Yale apologized, "but without some sort of a hint as to what to look for, I am afraid I am at a loss." He came closer to this woman he loved like a daughter. "Devon...are you sure...? Forgive me, Devon, but might you just be...?"

*Jealous,* she completed silently for him, holding up a hand. Did everyone know when even she wasn't sure? "It's more than that. Yale, I need to take you into confidence."

"Of course."

Without further prompting, she related all that she knew. The conversation between True and Elle. The interesting turn of conversation in the baths. Devon's strange, overpowering sense of deja vu. When she was finished, Devon hugged herself, still confused, but Yale frowned thoughtfully.

"That's very good, Devon," he told her. "Now, I have a direction to search. Don't worry, Devon. I should have some information for you very soon. In the meantime, you could be of great assistance to this dilemma."

"Me? How?" she asked.

"Go to John. Tell him-"

"No! I couldn't do that!"

Yale nodded as if he expected such resistance. "All right, then. Simply talk to him. See if he will tell you any information about Elle before they met. Or immediately after their first meeting."

Devon's brow knotted. "How would that help?"

"One never knows," replied Yale cryptically. "But I have...a hunch."

Devon smiled. Yale following a hunch was worth going along with. "I'll try."

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Danziger was on watch. His mind was not on his work, but he forced himself to keep guard. He was protecting his family, after all.

His mind drifted to his first memories of this world. Although he was overcome with grief and panic at leaving Elle behind, he had been caught up in the challenge of the new world. Surviving on a planet that they knew nothing about and facing creatures that no one had ever dreamed of. It was a heady feeling to go up against such adversaries and winning. It was a new challenge every day and John felt the battle every time. But they were all still alive and he was beginning to think that nothing could equal it. Then, a new feeling emerged as he cooperated and worked together with these group of strangers. Some he knew a bit, some not at all, and some he thought he hated. Now, he just didn't know what to think.

He knew that he had been through hell and back with these people, giving them all a sense of connectedness with each other. But Elle just didn't seem to fit. She fit with him; he was sure of it. She fit with True. But she still felt like...an...outsider...?

John shook his head violently to clear the thoughts. How in the world could he think that his own wife was an outsider??? Just because she wasn't with them at the onset didn't mean she couldn't fit in with them. John sensed that she didn't want to, though, which was odd to him because she knew half of them and John had given her his assurances on the rest of them. There was still something wrong with Elle that she wasn't telling him and that irked him. As grateful as he was to have found her alive and well, he knew that they were going to have a serious talk. Soon.

Some footsteps drew his focus and he whipped around, nearly managing to shoot Devon Adair. Quickly, he yanked the Mag-pro away from her. "Don't do that, Adair!"

"Sorry." She approached him cautiously. There would probably never be a better time. Devon cleared her throat. "Nothing happening tonight?"

"Just the boss-lady trying to get herself killed is all."

Devon ignored that. "John...I was wondering....You know, it's a funny thing," she laughed, brushing the hair from her face, "but I have the strangest feeling I've seen Elle before but I can't remember. You wouldn't by any chance know if Elle worked on any of my father's stations? Or mine?"

Danziger shook his head. "Impossible. She was working on Earth for a long time until I hired her for a job. Since then, she's been by my side the whole time. We've worked on your stations but never while you were there. Except Eden, of course."

Devon nodded thoughtfully. Delicately, she asked the question that she didn't really want to ask. "John, in the time you've known her, has there been any time, any at all, where you have had unanswered questions about Elle? For example, when you first met her?"

Danziger stared straight ahead, but lifted the Mag-pro slightly. Devon took this as a sign that one more word from her and she might be in serious trouble. For some reason, though, she didn't want to leave John alone just yet. She leaned against the side of the building, nursing her coffee.

What Devon didn't know was that John was remembering....

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John Danziger surveyed his crew critically. He knew he was a perfectionist and he was never so glad of that fact on this job. As chief, he had to be everywhere, doing everything that others forgot to do and deal with the paper-pushers too. Well, there was a downside to every job.

*There was an upside to every job, too,* he thought with a smile, as he surveyed the newest member of the team. She had come aboard from Earth and he had had doubts. She was very inexperienced. But she learned quickly and finished any problem that was hers, which was more than he could say for a lot of the others.

"OWWWW!!" yelled his newest crew member.

He quickly walked over to her and knelt down. "What's the problem, Moore?" he asked authoritatively.

She brought her upper body and head out of the conduit carefully. "I'm fine," she said, rubbing her hand.

"Let me see that," Danziger said, and examined the hand. It was smooth, like a real lady's hand, not a drone.

She took her hand back and brushed a long tendril of hair back over her shoulders. "I said I'm fine," she said, smiling to take the sharpness out of the words.

"When are you going to cut that mop off?" Danziger asked her. "It's real pretty but it'll wrap around something and might kill you."

She retied her tight braid that reached to her waist faster than Danziger would have believed possible. "Pretty soon," she said.

Danziger picked up the offending tool. "This is on the wrong setting!" he exclaimed. "Were you using this on the panel? Let me look." Reluctantly, she slid aside so he could have a look. "Well, no wonder you're having problems! It didn't damage the panel any," he said as he slid out, " but one wrong step and you could lose your eyesight!" He reset the mini-laser. "Try that." She took it, biting her lower lip in consternation. "Hey, it's okay. Just stay sharp, okay?"

"Right!" she answered and slid back into the conduit.

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Reflecting that incident, John realized that there were several things conflicting with Elle. He had read her service record when he hired her. She was a sharp mechanic, too sharp to make such a dumb mistake about the laser. And her hair! What was the deal with her hair? That one comment prompted her to cut off nearly ALL of her hair into a neat pageboy, which she wore ever since. Most female mechanics he knew preferred to keep their hair short, but since she had seemed to like long hair, he didn't think she would go to such an extreme. And her uncalloused hands!

"Her hair," muttered John out loud, somewhat reluctantly, to Devon. He didn't feel as comfortable discussing the other inconsistencies.

Devon started in surprise. She had thought her question had made John permanently angry with her. "Her hair?" she questioned.

"She had long hair when we met," Danziger explained almost sullenly. "Longer than Bess's. Then she got it all chopped off. I thought she'd only get half of it cut."

Devon pressed her lips together to avoid commenting.

"I guess that's kind of silly," John continued. "Women style their hair different all the time. Right?"

He was babbling. He knew he was. He had this weird compulsion to tell Devon everything. He shut up with an effort.

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Alonzo turned over in his sleep, his body not betraying the fact that his mind was elsewhere, in the dreamplane.

Looking at the white sand all around him, he turned to see a Terrian, staring at him. "What is it?" he asked. "Is there something wrong?"

The Terrian trilled and pointed behind him. Alonzo turned to see Elle, standing in a group of Terrians. The sand around her was black and the Terrians looked...diseased, somehow. Ill, about to die.

Alonzo took a step forward but the Terrian erupted from the sand in front of him to prevent him. "What is it?" he asked again. "Are they hurting her? Yes, she's one of us...."

Actually, Elle looked perfectly healthy but the Terrians were rotting more by the second.

"Is she hurting them?"

With that question, Alonzo found himself thrusted out of the dreamplane as he sat up in bed, gasping.

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