ABOVE AND BEYOND EARTH 2
By
Ann Brill White
Timeline: Time Unknown
Author's E-Mail: anniebw@umsa7.umd.edu
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
In commemoration of E2 being picked up by TSFC, and the cancellation of "Space: Above and Beyond", KOBA-TV presents: "Above and Beyond Earth 2".Disclaimer: I enjoy both shows equally, for different reasons. I don't want to get into any flamewars about which was the better show. I'm trying to be even-handed in my parody. Constructive comments can be e-mailed to anniebw@aol.com or anniebw@umsa7.umd.edu. Flames can be directed to Gharlane of Eddore or /dev/null. This is not intended to infringe on the copyrights to "Earth 2" or "Space: Above And Beyond".
ABOVE AND BEYOND EARTH 2, Part 1
By Ann Brill White
Our story opens with a space battle in the supposedly uninhabited G889 system. The 58th Space Marine Infantry Squadron, a.k.a. the Wild Cards, are battling the alien aggressors - the Chigs - for control of this system...
Vansen: Queen of diamonds to Queen Six. We are under heavy fire. Request immediate backup to the G88 system.
McQueen: (over her radio) Roger, Queen of diamonds. Attempting to extrapolate your position now. (Static. The five Hammerheads, plus five Chig fighters, are sucked through a wormhole.)
Wang: Wha? What happened?
Vansen: Dammit! We lost 'em. Looks like we're on our own, guys.
West: Watch your six, Hawkes! (A Chig fighter follows Hawkes's Hammerhead fighter. West comes in behind and blows the Chig to smithereens.)
Hawkes: Nice shooting, King of Hearts. (Notices another Chig coming into range) Look out, West!
West: I'm hit! (Static erupts. Damphousse and Wang converge on West's attacker and blow him away. West's Hammerhead drifts, rudderless.)
Damphousse: Nathan! Can you hear me? (no answer)
Wang: He's still alive. We've got to get him back to the Saratoga.
Vansen: (speaks into radio) This is Queen of Diamonds to Queen Six. We have casualties. (static) Saratoga, do you read? (more static) Hello? Is there anybody out there? Enterprise? Defiant? White Star? Galactica? Voyager?
Wang: No use calling them. They're lost in space.
Hawkes: We've got to set down somewhere.
Damphousse: Looks like that planet over there, the one with two moons, is able to support human life.
Hawkes: You'd better be sure of this, 'Fousse.
Vansen: Okay, Hawkes, lock onto Nathan with your tractor beam, and...
Hawkes: Hey, we don't have a tractor beam on these things!
Vansen: Well, Mr. Morgan says we have a tractor beam this week.
Wang: (Punches a button) Hey, wait a minute! There's no tractor beam!
Damphousse: It won't be delivered until Tuesday.
The Wild Cards, with West's Hammerhead in tow, set down on the surface of the habitable planet. The landscape is desert-like. The annoying screech of a hawk-like bird is heard about every two minutes. They flip open the canopies of their Hammerheads, and look around.
Vansen: Okay, 58, spread out. (They arm themselves, and form a square around their spacecraft.)
Wang: Hey, what's that over there? (He points to a cloud of dust, and two vehicles on the horizon.)
Hawkes: Chigs?
Damphousse: They look like... humans!
A single-seat vehicle, with a good-looking man driving it, pulls up first. An attractive blonde woman, who was clinging for dear life to the roll bar, jumps off. A second, larger vehicle pulls up behind them. A large man with unkempt dishwater blonde hair climbs out from behind the wheel. Another woman, with dark hair and a patrician face, accompanies him.
Vansen: (Aims her rifle at the newcomers) Identify yourselves!
Devon: (Holds up her hands) My name is Devon Adair. I'm the leader of Eden Project. These are my friends John Danziger, Alonzo Solace, and Doctor Julia Heller.
Wang: Doctor? Maybe she could help West...
Vansen: You're humans?
Danziger: (snorts) Last time we looked. Who are you?
Vansen: (comes to attention) Captain Shane Vansen, United States Space Marine Expeditionary Force, 58th Squadron.
Julia: United States?
Alonzo: One of the major nation-states prior to the Faith Wars. Before the environmental disasters. Don't you read your history, Doc?
Julia: Dammit, Alonzo, I'm a doctor, not a historian.
Danziger: Wrong show, Doc. (Julia looks crestfallen)
Vansen: Look, one of my squad is injured. Can you help him? (She looks at Julia, not quite trusting her.)
Julia: (Puts on DiaGlove) Where is he? (Vansen nods her head in the direction of West's damaged craft. Vansen and Julia work on Nathan.)
Devon: Look, I'm sure you're all very surprised by all of this.
Hawkes: We never expected to find humans on this planet.
Devon: Neither did we.
Damphousse: (looks around nervously) You mean there's others here?
Danziger: Oh, penal colonists, radical biologists, Council spies. And that doesn't count the aliens.
Wang: Aliens? What aliens? (As if on cue, the ground rumbles. Two Terrians pop out of the earth, staffs raised. A Koba runs out, points at the Terrians, then runs off-camera.)
Danziger: Those aliens.
Hawkes: Look out! Chigs! (He raises his rifle. So do Damphousse and Wang.)
Alonzo: No, wait! (he waves his arms to stop them) They're Terrians. They're peaceful, as long as you don't upset them too much. (The Terrians look over the three Marines, as Alonzo looks on.)
Danziger: Yeah, right. The Diggers are reeeeal friendly. (The Marines don't lower their rifles.) You guys have the right idea.
Meanwhile, Vansen and Julia have gotten to West. He has a head wound. They are attempting to pull him out of the Hammerhead.
Julia: Okay, easy now, Captain. (Calls over her shoulder.) Alonzo, come here. I need your help. (Alonzo obediently trots over to Julia.) We need to lift him out of there.
West: (Opens his eyes and looks at Julia like a lovesick puppy.) Kylen...
Alonzo: (Looking jealous) Who's Kylen?
Vansen: His girlfriend. She was captured by the Chigs. She's a blonde. (Rolls her eyes.) He's obsessed with finding her.
Julia: (Checking him with the DiaGlove) Well, Lt. West, I believe that you have a concussion.
West: I know you do. I believe in you, too.
Vansen: He must think you're Kylen.
Julia: He's obviously delirious. *I* can act.
West: Kylen... I've found you...
Alonzo: Hey, loverboy. She's mine. (Vansen and Alonzo lift West out of the Hammerhead. Meanwhile, the TransRover pulls up, with the rest of the Eden Advance crew.) Lt. West, how many fingers am I holding up? (He flips West the bird.)
Julia: (Yells to Walman) Good, you're here. I need you to set up the Medical Tent, immediately!
Uly: (Runs up to Devon, with True hot on his heels) Hey, Mom! Who did you find this time? More penal colonists?
True: Nooo! I don't want to see another penal colonist as long as I live.
Devon: No, these are soldiers, kids. This is... I'm sorry, I didn't get your names. (She nods to the Marines.)
Damphousse: (Noticing Baines, who is lifting a heavy trunk.) Lt. Vanessa Damphousse, at your service.
Wang: (Noticing Bess) Lt. Paul Wang.
Hawkes: (Noticing Magus) Lt. Cooper Hawkes. Call me Coop.
Uly: Cool. Mom, I wanna be a soldier! Moooom! Can I be a soldier? I wanna be a soldier. (One of the Terrians places his staff in the ground, and waves his arms above his head in a warning gesture. Uly ignores him.)
Danziger: No, you don't. Trust me.
Vansen: (Looks up from West, and sees Yale striding toward them.) Ack! (She pulls out her rifle and aims it at Yale.) An AI!
Devon: (Steps in between Vansen and Yale) No, he's an artificially enhanced human...
Danziger: (Interrupts) He's a cyborg.
Vansen: (Still brandishing her rifle) You don't understand. AI's killed my parents.
Yale: I believe I can clear this up, young lady. I used to be a soldier like you. Braydon Croy, Special Forces. I disobeyed orders. For punishment, I was mindwiped and turned into a docile Yale Tutor unit. I am not, as you call it, an Artificial Intelligence unit. They were an early prototype of the ZED program.
Devon: He's harmless. Right, Danziger?
Danziger: Nothing to worry about. Come on, let's get your buddy into the tent. (They cross over to Julia, who is still checking out West with the DiaGlove.) Hey, Zero! Get over here!
West: Kylen... Kylen...
Julia: Would you please stop calling me that? (Injects West from behind with a hypospray to shut him up.)
Zero: (comes plodding over) Please state the nature of the medical emergency...
Danziger: Wrong show, Zero. You see, Vansen, we may have artificial life forms, but they sure ain't intelligent.
Zero: Sir, may I remind you that, even though that show got lower ratings than we did, they're still on the air. (Danziger gives Zero a dirty look.)
Vansen: That's okay. We get compared to them, too. Ever since the Earth-Minbari war, that is.
Wang: Sure glad we had Luke Skywalker's help with that one.
Hawkes: Yeah, he really enjoyed using the Force to transport that submarine.
ABOVE AND BEYOND EARTH 2, Part 2
By Ann Brill White
They proceed to set up camp, even though it's still midafternoon. The Wild Cards, aided by Danziger, Baines, Alonzo, and True tend to their downed ships. Uly, of course, is running around being a pest.
Alonzo: (Looks longingly at West's Hammerhead as he helps Wang and Hawkes fix it.) So, what kind of engine does this thing have?
Wang: A SCRAM - Supersonic combustion ramjet. Look here. (He points out the engine to Alonzo.) Do you fly?
Alonzo: Are you kidding? I was the pilot that brought these people here. Unfortunately, the ship crashed. That's why I'm stuck planetside.
Hawkes: Ever think about leaving?
Alonzo: I used to think about it all the time. Now, I dunno. I kind of like it here. Besides that, I want to settle down, have some kids with Julia...
Hawkes: Too bad. We could use another good pilot. The Chigs have us outgunned.
Alonzo: I may just take you up on that sometime.
Uly, bored with the conversation about flying, runs over to pester Damphousse.
Uly: (climbs into the cockpit of Damphousse's fighter) Wow, Vanessa, this is cool! (he starts playing with the controls.)
Damphousse: Cut it out, kid. (she looks up from the engine.)
Uly: (Plays with ejector seat) You know what I can do? I can communicate with the Terrians telly-pathically.
Damphousse: Yeah, well, I'm a latent psychic, too. I can tell when someone's going to die.
Uly: Wow, cool! Can you see when I'm going to die?
Damphousse: In about three seconds, if you don't get out of my Hammerhead, you little brat. (She waves a wrench at him.)
True: (tags along behind Uly) Hey, Damphousse, can you hand me that wrench? (Damphousse brandishes the wrench.)
Baines: (casually walks over to Damphousse's Hammerhead.) True, Uly, I think I hear Yale calling you for your lessons.
Uly: I don't hear anything.
Baines: Am-scray, kids. (He gestures back toward the camp. The kids get a clue, and scamper away. He leans against the Hammerhead and looks down at Damphousse.) Sorry. They're a bit of a pain.
Damphousse: I guess that's the difference between Yale and me. He has an aversion to weapons, and I have an aversion to children. (They continue to repair her Hammerhead and get to know each other better.)
Meanwhile, Vansen leaves the rest of them and walks over to the radio, where Devon is reading maps.
Morgan: (calls out from behind her) Hey, Vansen! Have you ever been mistaken for a man?
Vansen: No. Have you? (Morgan's jaw drops and he turns away, stunned.) Excuse me, Miz Adair?
Devon: Call me Devon, Captain.
Vansen: Okay, call me Shane. (they shake hands) You know, I've noticed something since I've been here.
Devon: What's that?
Vansen: You're a little lax with discipline. I mean, your kid runs around all over the place.
Devon: He was sick before we got here, and I was really overprotective. So, I let him run now.
Vansen: Well, then there's the rest of them. Look at that guy over there with the long hair.
Devon: You mean Morgan Martin.
Vansen: He's just sitting there, playing air drums in his VR. He doesn't do anything useful.
Devon: Of course not. He's a government employee. And now he's on the extended furlough from hell.
Vansen: Then there's that pretty-boy that was with the doctor. All he does is sleep.
Devon: Alonzo's trying to communicate with the Terrians on the Dream Plane. Besides, Julia keeps him up all night.
Vansen: Okay... (she shrugs) But, if you're ever going to be taken seriously as a leader, you've got to kick a little butt. Especially the guys. Crack the whip a bit. You're never going to get across this continent without some discipline.
Devon: Well, I would like to discipline Danziger, but that's another story entirely.
Vansen: You've got to stop relying on him. Now, here's what you do... (they put their heads together, and Vansen whispers in her ear. The camera cuts over to the Med-tent.)
West: (waking up) Where am I?
Julia: Relax, Lieutenant. You're on G889. (She crosses the tent to check on him.)
West: I must have been dreaming. I thought I saw God.
Julia: Yeah, I worked for J. Michael Straczynsky, too. He only thinks he's God. The worst part was those damn gold-plated bras that he made me wear.
West: I saw Kylen, too. But, you're much prettier than her.
Julia: (Runs DiaGlove over him) Keep dreaming, Nathan. You're not the only stud-boy on this planet.
West: Yeah, it is a drag. I mean, I was supposed to be the one that the women were supposed to like. Now they're all falling for Cooper and McQueen. Hey, can you implant a nipple on the back of my neck, too? The Tanks are getting all of the babes.
Julia: I don't think so...
Alonzo: (enters tent in middle of the conversation) I know what you mean, Loverboy. I was supposed to be the beefcake here, but all the women fell in love with Danziger. Or, worse yet, Morgan.
West: Speaking of Coop, where's the rest of my squadron? Did the Chigs get them?
Julia: No, they're right here, making themselves useful. (She pulls the tent flap back to reveal Baines making eyes at Damphousse.) Or maybe not...
(Screen fades out on Baines kissing Damphousse.)
Keep going! The frivolity doesn't end here!
ABOVE AND BEYOND EARTH 2, Part 3
By Ann Brill White
(Night falls. Both groups are gathered around a blazing campfire, drinking coffee and talking.)
Hawkes: (takes a sip from his mug) This is, if you'll pardon me, a damn fine cup of coffee.
Danziger: Thanks, Coop. (Hawkes gives Danziger a thumbs-up.)
Bess: Wrong show, Danziger. (Danziger glares at Bess, who smiles sweetly at him. The rest of the group continues to swap stories, while Baines and Damphousse slip away unnoticed...)
Damphousse: (walking around the back of the TransRover) Wow, Baines. I never dreamed that there could be so many stars. I mean, we get a good view from in space, but we're usually watching out for Chigs. Here it's peaceful, quiet, no Chigs, no McQueen, no nothing...
Baines: Except you, Vanessa. (He leans in to kiss her. They hear a twig snap.)
Damphousse: What was that? (draws her weapon)
Baines: Oh, probably just one of those shankin' Grendlers again. They're always trying to steal our supplies.
Damphousse: Grendlers? What are they?
Baines: Big, ugly suckers that drool all over the place. They're thieves and traders.
Damphousse: But, they're harmless, right?
Baines: Mostly. (They continue walking. Out of the darkness comes a Chig.)
Damphousse: Look out! (she pulls out a pistol. The Chig returns fire) Baines! Baines, where are you?
Baines: In here! (He answers from the cab of the TransRover, which is now locked.) I don't do well with big, ugly insects.
Damphousse: (Shakes her head in disbelief) Whatta wimp. SEMPER FI! (She takes aim, and blows the Chig to bits.) Geez, Baines. You didn't have to chicken out on me like that.
Baines: (crawls out of the TransRover) Hey, I've seen a lot of things, but never anything like that.
Damphousse: (smiles) I know. The first time we saw one, I tried to be nice to it. I accidentally killed it. Man, was it gross.
Baines: We'd better warn the others that there's trouble coming. (they head back toward the center of camp.)
Meanwhile, back at the camp...
The group fades off into their respective tents to turn in for the night - except for Walman, who is on guard duty. As soon as everyone leaves, Walman falls asleep. Damphousse and Baines approach quietly.
Baines: (whispers) Oh, shank! Walman's asleep on guard duty. I think the guy has narcolepsy or something.
Damphousse: Well, we've got to wake him up.
Baines: (gives Damphousse a mischevious look and ducks behind a tree) All right. Oh, Walmaaaan... (he calls out in a high-pitched voice) Walmaaan, you sexy thing...
Walman: (wakes up) Mnfnfn.. Wha?
Baines: Hey, big boy... you come here often?
Walman: Baines, I know that's you. Cut it out.
Baines: (comes out behind the tree, followed by Damphousse) Aw, shank it, Walman. You're no fun. (They're interrupted by a male voice screaming in the Med-tent)
Alonzo: (inside the med-tent) Nooo! Stop it!!! Nooo!
Walman: Man, ever since Julia found that VR chip of Aeon Flux, 'Lonz can't get any rest!
Damphousse: I don't think that's what you think it is...
Alonzo runs out of the med-tent, screaming. Julia follows after him, clearly afraid. The rest of the camp staggers out of their tents.
Devon: What's wrong? Alonzo! (she shakes Alonzo, and he wakes up.)
Alonzo: This is bad, Devon. This is really bad.
Danziger: What are you talking about, Buddy?
Alonzo: Something... some*one* just wiped out a whole tribe of Terrians. All I get on the Dream Plane are images of black...
Uly: (runs up to his mother) Mom! Mom! Something's happened to the Terrians!
Damphousse: I know what happened. (she looks at Vansen and her squad) Chigs happened. One of them found me and Baines. I took care of it, but there's bound to be more where he came from.
Vansen: Chigs? Here?
Hawkes: They must have followed us down.
Morgan: Wait a minute. Do you mean to tell me that these Chigthings that you've been fighting have landed *here*? And they took out the Terrians? Oh, my God, Bess! We're going to die!
Vansen: (looks at Morgan with disgust) Does he always do this?
Danziger: You have no idea.
Wang: Well, if the Chigs are here, they're most likely going to attack.
True: Why?
Vansen: I don't know, True. I guess they just don't like humans.
Hawkes: We haven't gotten that far in the season.
West: (staggers out of the tent he was sharing with Cameron and Mazatl) Oh, my God, Shane... all of these colonists here. It'll be Telus all over again.
Devon: Telus? What's that?
Morgan: Yes, tell us.
West: The colony that Kylen and I were supposed to go to. It had two moons, too. And some domes, just like yours... She went, but I was pulled off of the mission.
Vansen: (getting to the point) The Chigs wiped it out.
Danziger: Well, no offense, but we've handled plenty of other things. I think we could give these Chigs a good fight. After all, they don't know that we know about them. Do they?
Vansen: How many of those Mag-pros do you have?
Danziger: Enough. Can you guys give us air support?
Damphousse: We've fixed Nathan's Hammerhead. I don't see why not.
Vansen: All right! Five-Eight, let's do it. (West starts to walk forward, but Julia stops him.)
Julia: Where do you think you're going, Lieutenant?
West: You heard Vansen. We've got Chigs coming in...
Julia: Not you. You're grounded for another 24 hours.
West: No way. My squad needs me.
Hawkes: Wait a minute... I think I have a way to solve this. Solace, can you fly Nathan's Hammerhead?
Julia: No!
Alonzo: Sure I could. I can fly just about anything. (He glares at Julia) Doc, I have to. I'll be all right.
Vansen: We'll take good care of him. Like one of our own.
Hawkes: Better than one of our own.
Julia: (relents) Okay, but if you die, flyboy, I'll kill you.
Alonzo: Don't worry. I'll come back to haunt you on the Dream Plane.
Danziger: Okay, Eden Advance! Cameron, Walman, Baines, Magus, Mazatl, you're with me. Julia, you, Bess, and Denner take care of the kids and coordinate medical. Adair, you're on Gear. The rest of you are perimeter protection - our last line of defense. West, you're in charge. Make it so!
True: Wrong show, Dad.
Danziger: (glares at True) I'll deal with you later. Get in the TransRover, and make Baines get out of there. (The Eden crew break out the Magpros and start laying perimeter defenses. The 58th, plus Alonzo, head for their planes.)
Zero: (Lumbers after Danziger) But, sir, the hyperdrive isn't working! Artoo told me...
Danziger: Shut up, Michelin Man. (He stalks off toward the woods, Magpro in hand.)
Meanwhile, the 58th prepare their Hammerheads for flight. Hawkes and Wang are showing Alonzo the basics of flying a Hammerhead.
Hawkes: Okay, and here you have the LIDAR - Light detection and ranging. It's a context-sensitive sensor. It only works when it's critical to the plot.
Alonzo: Sorta like the solar cells on our vehicles.
Wang: And, here's the HUD - Heads Up Display. When you see a Chig on it, it means to bend over and kiss your butt goodbye, 'cause you're Chig toast.
Damphousse: (Shushes Wang) Don't tell him that, Paul. Everyone who flies with the 58th eventually becomes Chig toast.
Alonzo: Maybe I ought to get Morgan to fly with you guys.
Hawkes: And, the most important thing of all, the ODR.
Alonzo: ODR?
Hawkes: Optical Disk Readout. Also good for playing ancient compact disks. (He inserts disk, and it begins to play a song.)
Alonzo: Man, I haven't heard The Clash in over 100 years!
Vansen: All right, Five-eight! Let's lock and load! (the Wild Cards climb into their Hammerheads) You too, Solace. You're taking West's callsign. He's King of Hearts.
Alonzo: Why am I not surprised? I get his Hammerhead, and he gets my girl. I don't know whose getting the better deal.
Vansen: Come on, Solace, power up.
Alonzo: Yes ma'am. Vehicle start. (Nothing happens) Uh, vehicle start. (still nothing) Hey, Coop! How do I...
Hawkes: Oh, I forgot to tell you. Press the big red button.
Alonzo: Okay. (he presses a button mounted on the console, and his Hammerhead is airborne.
More to come...
ABOVE AND BEYOND EARTH 2, Part 4
By Ann Brill White
Vansen: (speaks into radio) Okay, radio check. This is Queen of
Diamonds to Queen of Spades. Do you read, Queen of Spades?
Devon: (over radio) Uh, roger, Queen of Diamonds.
Vansen: Good. You're getting the hang of it, Queen of Spades. King of Clubs, do you copy? (No answer) I repeat, King of Clubs, do you copy? (still no answer)
Devon: (over radio) Danziger, turn on your GEAR.
Danziger: (over radio) Uh, sorry. Roger that, Queen of Diamonds. Keep an eye out for those Chigs for us.
Wang: Joker to Queen of Diamonds. Vansen, I see them heading toward Alfa position in half a klick.
(Cut to Danziger, Baines, and Magus's position) Danziger: Roger that, Joker. Okay, people, look alive. Here they come.
Baines: I see 'em... (takes aim with the MagpPro)
Magus: Wait until they get a little closer. Wait for it... wait for it... (Chig moves within range) Now! (Baines shoots and blows the Chig to bits.)
Baines: YES!!! I got one, Ace of Hearts!
Damphousse: (over radio) HOO-rah! Way to go!
Walman: (Over radio) Danziger, this is Walman. (sound of Magpros being fired, and Chigs returning fire) We've engaged 'em, and they're cleaning our clocks.
Devon: (over radio) Get out of there, Walman! Fall back!
Cut to the air battle...
Vansen: (over radio) Two Chig fighters coming up at three o'clock. Look sharp, Wild Cards.
Hawkes: I see 'em. Wang, you've got one on your tail.
Alonzo: I'm on him.
Vansen: Negative, King of Hearts. I'll get him. (Alonzo ignores her, executes a roll in the Hammerhead, and blows the Chig away.)
Wang: Nice shooting, Solace.
Vansen: I should rip you a new one for that, flyboy.
Damphousse: No time for that, Shane. Solace, watch your six.
Alonzo: What?
Hawkes: The other Chig's on your tail!
Alonzo tries to shake the Chig fighter, but he can't. Vansen swoops in and blows the fighter away.
Alonzo: Gee, these Chigs can't shoot very well, can they?
Hawkes: Only when it helps the plot.
Alonzo: Roger that, Jack of Spades.
Vansen: Enough chatter, boys. Let's go help the ground troops.
(Cut to the camp. Walman, Mazatl, and Cameron have returned with minor injuries. Julia and Denner are busily trying to bandage them up.)
Walman: Those things are evil! They're worse than ZEDs!
Julia: I'm just worried that they didn't follow you back to camp.
West: I'm sure that they did. All right, people! Everyone who is able to, form a circle around the perimeter. Bess, keep those kids inside the med-tent!
Devon: Danziger, do you read? Fall back to camp. I repeat, fall back to camp! (no answer) Danziger, turn on your GEAR, dammit! (still no answer) Magus? Baines? Do you read?
Magus: (over GEAR with a lot of interference) Base camp, this is Magus. Danziger's hit. Baines and I are trying to carry him back. Send Morgan out with Julia... (blast of Chig weapon is heard) to this position. Hurry!
Julia: I heard. I'm on my way. (grabs DiaGlove and runs out of the tent) Morgan! Fire up the 'Rail!
Devon: Take care of him, Julia. (bites her lip nervously) And take care of yourself. (Julia leaves, running toward the 'Rail with Morgan, who grabs a MagPro from West.)
True: Is my Dad going to be all right, Devon?
Devon: (Hugs True) Of course, sweetheart. He's a very smart man.
True: Everytime you say that, it means that he's done something stupid.
West watches them go. A Chig laser blast damages the perimeter sensor before he can turn it back on again.
West: Here they come! Vansen, where the hell are you!
Bess: (runs out of tent wielding a MagPro, followed by Yale. West does a double-take) I think Devon can watch the kids. We're needed out here. (She gets into position between West and Cameron in the circle. Cut back to the med-tent)
Devon: Queen of Diamonds, do you read? Vansen? Alonzo?
Vansen: Hang tight, Queen of Spades. We're on our way. (one Hammerhead breaks formation to follow the speeding 'Rail) Dammit, Solace, get back here!
Alonzo: (ignores Vansen again) Julia? Morgan? There's two Chigs coming up on your left. I'll take 'em out for you. (He fires down at the Chigs, who are turned to toast)
Julia: Thanks, Lonz. How far away are Baines and Magus?
Alonzo: About another hundred feet, hiding in a bush. Hey, Coop? How do I put the landing gear down?
Hawkes: Hit the big green button.
Vansen: Solace, get back to the camp, NOW.
Alonzo: What are you gonna do, court-martial me?
Vansen: No, I'm gonna kick your Calvin Klein-clad ass 22 light years back to Earth!
Wang: She can do it, too, Alonzo.
Alonzo ignores them, and lands the Hammerhead. Magus and Baines help Danziger over to the plane. He's shot in the leg. He groans as Alonzo lifts him into the Hammerhead.
Alonzo: You okay, buddy?
Danziger: This is worse than the ZED bullet.
Julia: Take him back to camp. I'll be along as soon as I can.
Alonzo: Roger, sweetheart. (He takes off again)
Keep going....
ABOVE AND BEYOND EARTH 2, Part 5
By Ann Brill White
Meanwhile, back at camp... Vansen, Damphousse, Hawkes, and Wang land their hammerheads and join the fight.
West: They're closing in!
Bess: How many of these Chig things followed you?
Hawkes: As many as it takes to move the plotline along.
Yale: Weapons aversion program my ass! Take that! (aims at a Chig and fires) I haven't felt this good since my mind-wipe!
Bess: I sure hope Morgan is all right.
Devon: (runs out of the Med-tent) Clear a landing area! Alonzo's bringing in Danziger!
Zero starts moving equipment into the center of the camp.
Devon: No, Zero. Move it over to the side.
Zero: Warning! Bipeds! Danger, Will Robinson!
Cameron: Wrong show, Zero. (Everyone stares. It's the first time Cameron has ever said anything.)
Alonzo: (Lands his Hammerhead and opens the hatch.) Devon! Hurry! Danziger's been shot in the leg. (Devon rushes over, followed by Vansen and Hawkes) Give me a hand here! (Hawkes scrambles up the side of the plane and helps lift Danziger, who passes out.
Devon: Be careful with him. (She reaches up and grabs him under the arms.)
Danziger: (halfway regains consciousness) Adair... I never knew you cared...
Devon: I do... (Hawkes and Alonzo jump down from the Hammerhead and carry Danziger into the med-tent as Devon and Bess follow.)
True: (sees her father bloody and unconscious, and screams.) Daddy! No!
Hawkes: Geez, she's got a pair of lungs on her, doesn't she?
Devon: Where are Morgan and Julia?
Alonzo: Here they come! (The 'Rail is heading toward camp with Morgan driving like a bat out of hell.)
Morgan: Open the perimeter sensors! (Walman disconnects one sensor. Morgan steers the 'rail toward camp, and wings the sensor with the back wheel, disabling it.
Baines: Morgan, you idiot!
Bess: Morgan, my hero! (comes running up to him and smothers him with kisses. Julia, Magus, and Baines disembark. Julia runs directly over to the med-tent.
West: That did it. Guard the perimeter, guys! (The 58th pull out grenades and prepare to throw them.) Oh, shit! Here they come! (The 58th throw their grenades. The Chigs keep coming.)
Cut to the med-tent, where Julia is working on Danziger with Devon's help. True looks on in horror and clings to Uly.
Devon: What's going on out there?
Julia: (listens) There's something out there, Devon.
True: Someone's at the door!
Devon: Wrong shows, both of you.
A Chig pulls up the flap of the med-tent. True grabs her backpack and runs out of the med-tent. The Chig follows.
Julia: True! Get back here! It's dangerous!
Devon: Like that ever stopped her before?
Julia: It's a good thing John isn't awake to see this. (Uly runs out after True.)
Devon: ULY!!! Be careful!
Uly follows the Chig, who is following True.
True: Here, Chiggy, Chiggy, Chiggy, Chiggy... (The Chig stops. True stands her ground, and holds her open backpack out in front of her.) My name is True Danziger. You shot my father. Prepare to die. (The Chig cocks its head in confusion, then takes aim at True. Suddenly, a Koba pops out of the backpack and flings it's claw at it. The claw imbeds itself in a vent holes of the Chig's helmet. True runs away. The Chig fires once, then topples over.
Wang: (runs up after them) Wow! How'd you do that?
True: (pops up from behind a bush) I thought Kitty might help. Nothing else is working.
Wang: Can you get more of those things?
True: Of course! This *is* KOBA-TV! (she whistles. Suddenly, they are surrounded by about 20 Kobas.) Get 'em, boys. (The Kobas scamper towards the campsite.)
Uly: Maybe the Terrians can help, too? (He trills. Ten Terrians pop out of the ground, staffs charged.) Get 'em, boys. (The Terrians, and Uly, disappear into the earth. Wang looks puzzled, but follows True, who is running back to the camp.
True: Nathan! Shane! Guess what!
Devon: (calls from med-tent) True, get back in here!
True: Not now, Devon! Guess what!
Wang: (runs up behind her) You guys aren't going to believe this, but...
Suddenly, the earth moves. Uly and 10 Terrians pop up in the center of camp, next to Alonzo's Hammerhead. The Terrians aim their staffs at the Chigs, who get electrocuted. A herd of Kobas scamper over the Chigs, putting their deadly claws into the Chigs' ventholes. Green goo bubbles out.
Vansen: Well, I'll be damned...
Morgan: Those little critters took out the Chigs?
Walman: We'd better make sure they stay dead. At least, that's what we should have done with you, Morgan.
Morgan: Tanks a lot, Walman.
Hawkes: Hey, I'm the only Tank around here!
Damphousse: What do you mean, Walman?
Bess: He means that when one of those Kobas hits you with it's claw, you're in a coma for two days.
Vansen: All right! Five-eight, you're on cleanup detail. I want to make sure every Chig on this planet is gonna stay dead. You too, Solace. (The six of them start blowing the Chig's brains out. Meanwhile, back at the med-tent.)
Julia: Danziger, hold still! You're not making this any easier!
Danziger: I'll live. It's just a scratch.
Devon: No, it's not, John. Now shut up and stop squirming, or I'll have to tie you to the bed. (Julia and Danziger look stunned.) You don't know how long I've been waiting to say that.
Danziger: Adair, when I get outta this, you'd better watch it.
Devon: Julia, hand me a hypospray. (the Doc hands her one. Devon applies it to Danziger's neck. He immediately falls asleep.) Now that's one way to shut a man up.
One more....
ABOVE AND BEYOND EARTH 2, Part 6
By Ann Brill White
Later that evening, the Edenites and the Wild Cards are gathered around the campfire. A smell of roasting meat fills the air. Danziger is awake, and is sitting by the fire with his wounded leg propped up. Devon is hovering over him. Damphousse and Baines are sitting together. Baines has his arm around her.
Vansen: (sighs contentedly) This place is so beautiful, it almost makes me not want to go back.
West: But we have to go back soon, Shane. After all, I still have to find Kylen before we get cancelled.
Damphousse: I agree with Shane. I'd rather stay here with Harold. (The entire Eden crew turns to stare at Baines)
Danziger: HAROLD??
Baines: Shut up, Danziger!
Alonzo: Geez, no wonder you never told us your first name... HAROLD! (he snickers and punches Baines in the shoulder)
Wang: You mean, like Harold Baines, the baseball player?
Morgan: Who?
Uly: What's baseball?
Wang: You don't know what baseball is?
Alonzo: It stopped after the '81 skylift to the stations.
Wang: Okay, come here, kid. (he grabs a VR chip from Morgan, does some quick programming, and places the VR gear on Uly.)
Uly: Wow, cool! Mom, can I keep it? Huh?
Devon: Sure. Although, we have another problem.
Vansen: What's that?
Yale: You all have to go back. You see, when you got pulled into that wormhole, you were sent 150 years into the future.
Hawkes: How can that be?
Yale: You see, there was a rupture in the space-time continuum, which caused your fighters...
Julia: Hey, I'm the person that usually gets all of the tech!
Alonzo: I don't believe this. They're older than me!
Yale: That is correct.
Vansen: (raises an eyebrow) If we're 150 years in the future, can you tell us what happens to the 58th? I mean, if you're here, then the humans obviously won the war with the Chigs.
Alonzo: Not exactly. Earth forces won, but at a tremendous cost to the Earth's environment.
Devon: The war damage was what caused my grandfather to design the first stations.
Damphousse: What about us, though? Do we all live?
Yale: (Looks at Devon skeptically) Actually, you got cancelled, just like we did. As to your individual fates, it's unclear. I can tell you, Vanessa, that you lived to a venerable old age, met a man, and had a daughter, who later had a grandson named... Harold Baines.
Baines: (jaw drops) You mean, you're actually my grandmother?
Damphousse: I don't believe it!
Baines: I remember. My grandma's name was Vanessa, and she was in the War. She died when I was two, so I don't remember her.
Bess: I thought these things only happened in West Virginia.
Yale: So, that is why you have to go back.
Vansen: All right, we head back in the morning. Okay, Wild Cards, get some sleep. You too, Grandma. (Damphousse laughs)
Danziger: You too, True.
True: Aw, Dad! (She hugs him, and goes back to their tent.)
The next morning, the Wild Cards are preparing to depart. The entire Eden crew has turned out to see them off. Danziger is in the DuneRail with True.
Vansen: Okay, Yale. Are you sure that these calculations are correct?
Yale: I'm never wrong.
Vansen: I guess I'll just have to trust you. Okay, Wild Cards, let's blow this joint!
The Marines say goodbye to the Eden Crew. Damphousse and Baines kiss passionately.
Damphousse: I'll never forget you, Harold.
Baines: It certainly is weird to think that you're my grandmother. I just don't get it.
Damphousse: I think it means that, when I go back and become an old lady, I'll insist that my grandson is named Harold.
Baines: I hate temporal mechanics.
Vansen: Wrong show, Baines. Come on, 'Phousse. Time to go!
Damphousse: Oh, all right, Shane. I'm coming! (They kiss one last time) Goodbye.
Baines: I'll never forget you, Vanessa. Even if you are my grandmother. (Damphousse gets into her Hammerhead. The 58th Squadron takes off as the Eden crew waves.)
Morgan: Goodbye! Have fun storming the castle!
Devon: (Turns to the group) All right, people! Let's move 'em out! Fall in! (The Edenites stare at her in shock) I mean it!
Danziger: (Recovers his senses) You heard her! Fall in! (The Edenites form a somewhat straight line, with Morgan and Bess bringing up the rear)
Devon: All right, let's move! (They start out. Devon begins a marching cadence) Here she comes, just a-walkin' down the street. (Everyone stares at her, wondering what happened)
Danziger: Singin' do-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy do!
Devon: Clappin' her hands and shuffling her feet!
Everyone: Singin' do-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy do!
Devon: She looks good!
Everyone: Looks good!
Devon: She looks fine!
Everyone: Looks fine!
Devon: Looks good, looks fine!
Everyone: And I nearly lost my mind!
Vansen: (over the GEAR) Uh, that's not quite what I had in mind, Queen of Spades.
Devon: (Over GEAR) Well, it works.
As the Edenites march toward New Pacifica, the Wild Cards race overhead. The lead Hammerhead dips its wings in farewell, as they head back into space.
-The End-
Special thanks to Ross Johnson, who beta-read this monstrosity. This has no connection whatsoever with "The Devilish Little Koba" series, except to say that great warped minds think alike.
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.