THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (E2 STYLE)
By
Brian Smith
Timeline: Time Unknown
Author's E-Mail: <UNKNOWN>
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Seeing all the chatter about Christmas was too tempting for me not to give it a shot. Enjoy!!Usual copyright things, except for the concepts of Christmas and Santa Claus, Saint Nick, etc., which has been public domain since time immemorial.
"The Night Before Christmas"-E2 style
by Brian Smith'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through New Pacifica,
Not a single thing was happening
At least, nothing specific, uh...
(Couldn't help that one) ;)
The kids were upstairs
All snuggled in bed,
While visions of Kobas
Danced in their heads.
With Devon in her nightie
And Danz in whatever you think,
Had just settled in
For anything but a nap. (wink wink)
When from up on their roof
There arose such a racket,
Devon stopped to think
"I hope that's not Buddy Hackett."
She jumped from the bed
And ran to the window,
And saw something that was giving off
A weird reddish glow.
And what to her
Wondering eyes should lend her,
But a huge Transrover,
Pulled by eight big Grendlers.
And she spied a man at the reins
Who didn't look very tall,
And she squinted and realized
Wait a minute! That's Gaal!!
She grabbed a big rifle
And put Gaal in her sight,
Then said, "I need a silencer
To make this all right."
She slipped on the silencer
And took aim at the sleigh,
This one that would bring them
No joy Christmas Day.
Then all of a sudden
A fat man appeared,
And said, "Is this how
Christmas is now revered?
"By killing and murdering
Even people like Gaal?
It's a wonder that anyone's
Still alive at all.
"Give me that thing!"
He called with a shout.
She tossed it to him,
And he blew Gaal's brains out.
As she screamed in shock
He said, "It's okay.
I've been wanting to do that
to him all damn day.
"Go on now, child,
And tell the mass.
I'm hear to pass candy canes
And to kick some ass!!"
And he took off like a bolt
She thought he was quick,
Then she knew in a moment
It must be Saint Nick.
And Santa invaded
The Earth-orbiting stations,
And went and sought out
The leaders of nations.
The Council was still in session,
Deciding what to do to New Eden.
Santa shot them all
And made sure they kept bleedin'.
And as for Reilly
That evil old prick,
Santa surprised him
And cut off-- well, you know.
And the folks on G889
laughed and cheered,
For that was the end
Of the regime they all feared.
And as they thanked Santa
For the end to the strife,
He said, "Merry Christmas to all,
And to all a good life!
If you think that was neat,
Wait 'til next year!
I'll hunt Reilly down again
And cut off his ear!"
"Ho ho ho ho...."
To make things right, if this offended anyone... TOO BAD! I wanted this to happen and I made it happen. That's right, I'm the god, I'M THE GOD!! (SMACK!!!!)
Thanks. I needed that. Happy Holidays, everyone. Push the button, Gaal.
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.