TRUST IN LOVE
By
Joan Powers
Timeline: After "Survival of the Fittest" (Day 117)
Author's E-Mail: rpowers702@aol.com
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
ATTENTION: This story is NOT in the SAME TIME-LINE as the show. In my previous story "A Matter of Trust", which occurred shortly after "Survival of the Fittest", Uly has been taken by the Terrians and Devon is devastated. This story explores how she deals with her feelings and how she learns to trust others with them. Direct all comments to rpowers702@aol.com
"Trust in Love" (sequel to "A Matter of Trust"), Part 1
by Joan PowersIt was the day after the Terrians had taken Uly. A hush had fallen over the camp that morning as the Eden Advance crew anxiously awaited the rising of their leader, Devon Adair. Many had lingered about the Main Dome, drinking coffee and attempting to make small talk while furtively sneaking glances towards the entrance of the room. Other than Yale and Danziger, none of the others had spoken with Devon since it had happened. They were concerned that Devon would be angry or disappointed with them. Or worse, that she would be despondent over her absent son. Morgan was faring better than he had the day before, still his coffee cup trembled as he raised it to his lips. Julia considered checking on Devon herself, with the justification of examining her health, but the doctor realized that her patient needed rest. The poor woman was physically and emotionally exhausted. It had scared her to see the seemly indomitable Devon Adair in that state. An event like this could damage her psychologically. Julia shuddered to consider that option in any detail. Human emotions were not her area of expertise. But she was learning, she thought as she smiled, gazing across the room to meet Alonzo's welcoming eyes. Last night as she lay with her body intertwined with Alonzo's, they had reviewed the events of that day and come to the conclusion that the group could not have done anything differently. Evidently Devon had felt the same way, since she allowed Uly to accompany the Terrians. Yet, how was she dealing with the absence (though only temporary) of her beloved son?
Danziger entered the Main Dome with True following close behind him. They murmured their hellos and proceeded to get some breakfast. Last night, Danziger had held Devon until she had fallen asleep in his arms, then he placed her into her bed and covered her with a blanket. He casually surveyed the Dome room to see if she had joined the others yet. He was concerned about her. While she seemed to have convinced herself that the Terrians weren't going to harm Uly, a gap was created in her life by his absence. A void which could overwhelm her. Danziger was all too well acquainted with this feeling. He kept a watchful eye out for her.
Within a few minutes, Devon entered the Main Dome. On the surface, she appeared to be composed, her color was no longer alabaster and her hair was neatly groomed. Only her eyes were bright and she didn't hold direct eye contact with anyone to prevent them from catching a glimpse of her pain. She omitted any preamble, fully aware that all eyes in the room were all ready on her,
"Yesterday we did what was right. It was hard, but it was the right thing to do. We are establishing our future on this planet here and now. We have to learn to trust those we share the planet with and also try to learn from them as well. Uly..." her voice cracked, "is a brave boy with a very special mission. I'm proud of him and he will return to us with many new thoughts and ideas. This is a wonderful opportunity for him and all of us. So we should continue with business as usual and make him proud of us as well."
Some of the crew members exchanged confused glances. This wasn't quite what they expected. But their leader had the appearance of normality which lent comfort to the colonists and eased some of the tension in the room. Before anyone could comment, she obtained a cup of coffee and moved toward the door. Danziger grabbed her sleeve,
"Are you okay?" She avoided his gaze, "I'm fine."
Then she left the room before he could say another word. Danziger was hurt and confused by Devon's withdrawal from him. He had put himself on the line by going to her last night and this was how she responded? Frustrated, he cursed himself for his actions and decided not to deal with her.
"Devon", Julia called out as she hurried to follow the woman across the camp. Devon paused and waited for her to catch up. Employing her professional demeanor she inquired,
"How are you feeling? Any headache or dizziness?" "I'm a little tired but otherwise I'm all right Julia" she replied. Dr. Heller didn't fully believe her, but she didn't want to pry.
"Do you need to talk?" the younger woman extended the invitation to her friend. It was flatly denied. As much as Devon had grown to trust Dr. Heller's medical skills and value her friendship, she couldn't open up to her or any one else for that matter. It wasn't her way. Julia was aware that Devon was carrying a heavy burden, yet she didn't want to share it. So she respected her privacy.
"Just let me know, anytime" she emphasized. She resisted her uncharacteristic impulse to hug the older woman, sensing it would not be welcome at this time.
Devon continued to wander about the perimeter of the camp, pondering how she was going to deal with Uly's absence. What she had told the group and how she actually felt were two entirely different matters. Yet it was important to maintain a brave face for the Eden Advance crew and conceal her fears. She was their leader so she had to set a positive example. Worries about her boy were threatening to fill her mind. How could she stop thinking about him so she wouldn't go crazy? In the past, submerging herself in her work had always helped to distract her from her worries. But life on this planet had a slightly different structure than her furiously paced station life style. She would cope as she always had by burying her fears inside of her and not sharing her feelings with anyone, except Yale. But what should she do about Danziger?
John's gesture the night before had deeply touched her. It scared the hell out her that she had clung to him so helplessly. She had hurt him that morning but she was confused by the emotions he stirred up in her and horrified that he had seen her in such a vulnerable state. She didn't want to need or depend on anybody. Her parents had taught her to be self-reliant. She had relationships with men and enjoyed sex but she liked to be in control of her own life. She couldn't imagine anyone being in control of John Danziger. Ironically enough, she admitted that was part of the attraction to him as well. She remembered the challenge blazing in his eyes during those first days on the planet when he objected to her decision to travel to New Pacifica and insisted that she take a vote before proceeding. At that moment she was aware that he was a force to be reckoned with. Very few people had ever questioned her authority. And a mechanic? It was impossible for her to think of him in those terms anymore. In fact, lately she had caught herself thinking of him quite differently. When the scouting party from the failed cargo pod #9 retrieval mission had pulled into camp, she was so overjoyed to see John alive and well that she ran straight to him and had to make a conscious effort not to throw her arms around him.
Yet, for the most part she hadn't allowed herself to consider her attraction to Danziger any further. She had too many other pressing concerns - food, shelter, Uly, the Eden Advance crew, and the colony ship. Her life was full and she didn't have time or the need to pursue romantic relationships. Besides, the process of building those types of relationships involved taking risks. By avoiding getting closer to Danziger, she had protected herself from getting hurt. She learned that trick early on from her parents. As a small child, she had been crushed by their lack of attention to her. She didn't want to let anyone else have that kind of power over her again. Memories of being held in John's strong arms flooded her mind and filled her with longing. Damn, but she had felt incredibly safe and secure in his embrace last night. As much as she loved Yale, he couldn't convey the same sense of comfort that John did. She was strongly tempted to continue what John had initiated and accept his support as she did last night but she didn't completely trust him or herself.
Over a week had passed and Devon had kept true to her plan of keeping busy. She organized and accompanied groups to search for food sources and scout for passes through the mountains, inventoried stocks, supervised maintenance on the vehicles and gear electronics, and even revised her own designs for the New Pacifica colony housing. Her hard-as-nails business cover was firmly in place, though many now recognized it for the mask it was. Her conversations were cursory, sticking to noncommittal subjects like the weather, work details, or supplies. She tended to avoid individuals, hiding within a group or traipsing off by herself. She especially avoided Bess, who gave her such pity-filled glances that Devon wanted to slap her silly. She didn't want their pity. She didn't want anything from them except to maintain the charade that everything was normal. Of course it wasn't. She found herself expecting to see Uly practically every moment of the day. It was quite unnerving. She and Yale had commiserated about this. As always, Yale acted as her surrogate father, consoling her and reminding her to get proper nutrition and sleep. He encouraged her to open up to the others and share her feelings, but she was resistant to this idea. Her Teacher had been her only confidant when she was growing up. As an adult, she rapidly discovered that most people who claimed to desire her friendship usually had ulterior motives. As a result, she was hesitant to trust others with her feelings.
Night time was better for Devon in some respects because she didn't have to deal with the other colonists - it took a lot of energy to maintain her facade of bravery. Many nights she allowed herself to give in to her fears and quietly sobbed into her pillow. Only then did she permit herself to imagine what was happening with her child. Was he safe? Were they taking good care of him. He was such a young boy - was he scared to be alone with them? Did he miss her? She missed him terribly. She had never been apart from him for this long and she didn't know how much more she could stand. But even when she ran out of tears, the pain was still there. She had been hopeful that Uly would contact her in the Dream Plane, as Sheppard had done. Much to her displeasure, she hadn't received any such messages. She kept reminding herself that the Terrians had good intentions. It was because of them that he was alive. They weren't going to harm him because they needed him too, Uly was the link between their species. And the Terrains knew how to care for human children - they had practically raised Mary. Yet her brain was not completely successful in convincing her heart of this. She experienced difficulty sleeping and began to meander about the camp late at night to avoid Uly's empty bed and her disappointment that one more night had passed and Uly had not contacted her. As she walked about one night, she saw John Danziger on guard duty. He raised his hand to acknowledge her presence then turned away. She fought her sudden urge to walk towards him and continued on her originally intended path.
Danziger wondered what Devon was up to. It wasn't a good idea for her to be wandering around by herself late at night. But he restrained himself from approaching her, backing away to offer her privacy. Beyond brief exchanges, she had not spoken with him since that night they had spent together. It infuriated him that he still felt so drawn to her despite her recent behavior towards him. He figured it must be because he could relate to her loss as a parent and also understand the grieving process she was dealing with after his experience with Elle. Regardless of her attempts to disguise it, her anguish over Uly was tangible and disturbing to him. He wanted to disregard Devon completely and focus only on the happiness and well-being of his little girl. Yet, he had promised Sheppard that he would watch out for Devon. In addition, her words "I hate to admit how much I've come to depend on that man and maybe more" had a nasty habit of sounding in his head at inopportune moments, causing his heart beat to race. He didn't understand Devon. She was like a flame that was exciting and seductive, full of passion and beautiful to look at, but capable of burning those that came too close.
Several days had passed. Funny, Devon had never really kept track of time in this fashion before. She wanted to will all the days to pass by so she could get her boy back. But that could be a long time. It wasn't getting any easier. She had thought she would grow used to his absence and develop some 'scar tissue'. Instead, it still felt like a fresh wound. After tossing and turning in her bed for a few hours, she decided to go for a walk. Generally, she was afraid of the dark but the stars and twin moons presented sufficient illumination to subdue her fears. Once again, Danziger was on duty. Though it was against her better judgment, she gave into her inclination and approached him.
"What are you doing up?" he asked. "Can't sleep."
They stood by the fire in silence. John continued to peer about the camp and Devon lost herself staring at the stars. It was foolish, but she felt comforted by his physical presence.
Another night, she encountered Danziger again. Her mind accused her of doing this on purpose, after all she was the one who set up the guard roster. They nodded a silent greeting, then she gazed at the stars. She wondered what was happening back at the Stations now. Would her father still be alive after she had traveled 22 light years? Who would be there to carry on her family name? Or maybe her father had finally remarried and had another heir. Strangely enough, it didn't matter to her anymore. All the rules had changed, forever. Her father had been furious with her to consider such an odessy and at one point refused to support her venture to G889. When he realized she could obtain the finances without his backing, he acquiesced but never truly accepted her decision. He had encouraged her to forget about Uly and place him in a hospital then attempt to have a normal child. Her hands clenched as she recalled her anger at his heartless attitude. At least she was a better parent than hers had been. Or was she?
*What kind of mother would let her young child go live with aliens* her thoughts taunted her. Lack of sleep had created a crack in her confidence. Memories of John's actions that fateful night prodded her to reach out to him,
"John, am I a good mother?" Taken aback, John considered the question, "Sure. Why do you ask?"
"Because it's important." She became braver and expressed her true thoughts,"Because I never felt like my parents loved me so I wanted it to be different for my child."
"What do you consider a good parent to be?" he asked. She boldly plowed ahead, mentioning the first example that came to her head,
"Like you. You're always there for True. You protect her and have a good relationship with her. You're a team and she knows you love her." John averted his eyes,
"Don't do yourself a disservice Adair. You managed to organize a mission to travel 22 light years across the solar system because you loved your child." He continued, with conviction in his tone, "Uly knows you love him and you did what you felt was best." Devon fled.
"Trust in Love" (sequel to "A Matter of Trust"), Part 2
by Joan Powers
That night Danziger was manning a later guard shift. All of the Eden Advance crew took turns at the different shifts. That way every one had an equal opportunity to disrupt a good night's sleep. Only Julia and the children were excluded, and for the time being - Devon. She had protested this, not wanting any special privileges, but it was tacitly agreed that she was too distracted to adequately serve to protect the camp. He was curious if his occasional night visitor would be returning.
*Sure enough, there she is. She must not be getting much sleep* he thought. He remained quiet and waited for her to set to the tone.
"Did you ever imagine that you would be living on a planet where you could see such beautiful stars?" she asked wistfully while scanning the panorama.
"Not really" Danziger remembered during his tour of duty in the service on Earth that a permanent haze had impeded any star gazing activity there. Rather solemnly, Devon commented,
"Nothing ever goes quite the way you plan." John tightened his grip on the Mag-Pro to prevent himself from reaching out to her. In an attempt to bolster her spirits he encouraged her,
"Don't give up Devon. Despite all the obstacles, we've made it this far." She shared a weak smile with him, appreciating his efforts. He reminded her, "And Uly's been healed."
She considered his words, "You're right. I shouldn't take that for granted. If we were still at the Stations, Uly'd be....gone." She paused, remembering those days, "You know, I think I realized that Uly wasn't healthy within days after bringing him home from the hospital. But I couldn't face it, so I denied it and tried to convince myself that he was just growing a little slower than the average child. When he was a few months old, still not putting on weight and had a continual cough, I was forced to confront my worst fears and take him to Dr. Vasquez for an exam. Of course he confirmed what I dreaded. That Uly had the Syndrome. That there was no cure. That my baby wouldn't live past his eighth birthday and would require almost constant care..... " She absently brushed away a tear that had rolled down her face then continued, "Dr. Vasquez insisted that I leave him at the hospital, but I refused. I actually grabbed Uly and ran out of the examining room like some kind of crazy lady. I wasn't about to leave my child with strangers."
This sounded like the Devon Adair he knew. He couldn't even imagine what she'd been through,
"So how did you manage to care for Uly?" Devon explained, "I hired the best help I could find, at least my money was good for something. Of course Yale and I did a lot of the work ourselves as well, monitoring Uly's life signs and maintaining his immunosuit. I don't know what I would have done without Yale." John hadn't really thought about Devon's day to day life on the Stations,
"How did you manage your companies? Doesn't seem like you'd have time." She offhandedly mentioned,
"I designated managers to head the boards and they reported back to me on a periodic basis. Most of the conferencing I could do via gear at my home. I didn't even have to leave my unit. Uly was far more important to me than any corporation." He smiled. She stated,
"I knew I had to do everything I possibly could to save him." "And you did" John added softly. She sighed then changed gears, "Were you scared when you found out you were going to be a father?" That one threw him for a loop. So much had been going on then.
"Yeah..It was unexpected." He wasn't about to tell her about Elle but since she had access to his personal file, she probably knew some of the details. She responded,
"I was scared too. I hadn't planned on having a child at that time. Uly's father was a wonderful man, but I knew we had no future together. He wanted things I couldn't give him - a wife to devote all of her time to him and his projects and there I was at the height of my career as a station designer and the head of my own company."
"What made you decide to go through with it?" "The minute I found out I was pregnant I felt different. Special. I was terrified of making mistakes but Uly was all ready a part of me, changing my life." He hoped he wasn't putting his foot in his mouth but he had been curious,
"What happened with his father?"
"That relationship was essentially over before Uly was conceived. Of course I let him know, but he had moved on to another relationship and was more interested in having children with his new lover. As far as I was concerned it was great that I didn't have to share my baby with any one and I had Yale to stand by my side...What made you decide to go ahead and be a single father?"Something in the tone of her voice indicated to Danziger that God only knows how but she knew about Elle and the accident. Since Devon had been honest with him he felt he owed her likewise. He treaded carefully and replied with some difficulty,
"It was the only part of her I had left." She placed her hand over one of his larger ones and squeezed it gently.
"I wouldn't trade that kid for anything in the world."
During another late night guard shift, Danziger rested by the camp fire. Devon hadn't been by during his last few shifts. He wondered if it was because she was sleeping better or she regretted what she had shared with him during her last visit. It amazed him that during the day Devon maintained her cool front with him, as if their nocturnal conversations never existed. He berated himself for playing along with her games, but he found it difficult to resist her. She had returned. By the light of the fire, John could see that the dark circles under her eyes were becoming permanent fixtures.
"Sleeping any better?" She shook her head. "John, does it ever get any easier?" He knew exactly what she was talking about. He tried to reassure her,
"Eventually. It takes a long time. The pain gets duller but it never completely fades away. It becomes a part of you." Feeling uncomfortable, Danziger changed the focus of their conversation,
"But Uly will come back to you." He was shocked to hear the optimistic Devon Adair faintly reply,
"I hope so."
Shortly before noon, Alonzo burst into the Dome screaming for Devon. He had just returned from a scouting trip.
"What is it?" Devon asked, wondering why Alonzo was so excited. "The Terrians dreamed to me last night. They showed me where Uly was and indicated that we should come for him." Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him in disbelief,
"What? Are you sure?" She wondered why they hadn't contacted her directly. He nodded vigorously while a large grin crept across his face,
"Get ready to go and I'll get the coordinates together for you." She rushed to her room to throw some supplies together. Within minutes, Yale joined her with a relieved smile on his face and embraced her.
"Thank God. I'm so pleased. Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.
"No, I'll bring Danziger."
After she had finished packing she hurried back to the Main Dome where the other Eden Crew members were waiting. Danziger pulled her aside as she entered and adamantly insisted,"Devon, I'm going with you."
"Of course you are" she responded to him, then turned to ask, "Alonzo, how far away is this place?" He and Yale were consulting a holographic map projected from Yale's robotic arm. Alonzo advised,"Probably take at least a day to get there, assuming the terrain is appropriate for the Rail - we haven't scouted out some of this territory before. Devon, even though our weather has been getting warmer you might have to worry about snow, especially since it's north of here. Better bring a tent, lots of blankets, and extra rations. It could get pretty cold out there."
Devon only half listened to his warnings. *Uly was coming back!*
Her heart was singing and she could finally smile. Yale and Alonzo tried to convince her to wait until the next morning to begin the trip, so they'd have more daylight travel time, but their attempts were futile. Devon was going and no one could stop her. The Eden Advance crew had the Dune-Rail loaded and ready in less than fifteen minutes.
Devon and John had been traveling most of that afternoon. Despite the fact that they were in a previously uncharted area, they hadn't run into any problems. The terrain was hilly but manageable and the Rail was behaving well. Only the gray sky looked potentially threatening, but the weather was still warm so they decided to maintain their course for as long as they could. Danziger was excited for Devon but something didn't seem right to him. He didn't dare bring it up with her for fear of crushing her hopes. Uly had only been gone a month and half. That didn't seem to be the long period of time that had been presented before them that fateful morning. Also, if he was remembering correctly, the Terrians had said that they would be returning Uly directly to their camp. He was wary.
Their gear signaled and Devon adjusted her headset to answer the call. Yale was looking at her with sad eyes.
"Devon,....Devon, I'm sorry. Alonzo misinterpreted his dream. The Terrians will allow you to visit Uly at the coordinates they described, but they are not ready to return him to us."
"Oh" she said quietly, the hope in her eyes extinguished. Trying to console her, Yale reminded her,
"At least you'll get to see Uly... I'm so sorry." She stared off blankly for a moment then turned off her gear. John had overheard the conversation and tried to look away to give her some privacy. Since it was getting darker and they were traveling in unfamiliar territory, he felt they better stop and set up camp. Though after the news from the Dome, he was reluctant to bring this to Devon's attention. He stopped the Rail at the next clearing.
"What are you doing? We've still got a long way to go" Devon asked somewhat frantically.
"Look Devon, we're going to have to stop. With this hilly terrain, we could get ourselves into big trouble traveling at night. And even though you're probably willing to take that risk, the Rail has to cool down a few hours at least. If we burn it out, we're not going anywhere. Let's set up camp, get a good night's sleep and we'll see him in the morning."
To his surprise, Devon didn't respond. John busied himself with unloading some supplies and proceeded to set up their tent. Devon got out of the Rail with the intention of helping, but she was overwhelmed with sorrow. She sat down on a crate and buried her face in her hands, attempting to control her breathing so she wouldn't break out in tears. She didn't want John to see her like that. John called over,
"You could help find wood for a fire, Adair." Her energies were so focused on her inner battle for control that she didn't even hear him.
Once Danziger had completed setting up the tent and starting a fire, he paused to warm himself. Luckily, the temperature had not dropped, so snow wouldn't be a problem. He figured Devon had needed some time to deal with her disappointment so he had left her alone. He glanced over towards her. She had not moved, still sitting on a crate with her face buried in her hands. Her body was shaking and she appeared to be crying without making a sound. He was positive that she would prefer to be alone but he couldn't ignore her. Since when had he always done what Devon wanted anyway? He walked over to her and put his large hands on her shoulders. She looked up with tears streaming down her face. Then he pulled her upright and enfolded her in his arms. She latched on to him as if she were drowning, letting lose the anguished sobs she had tried to repress within herself. He smoothed her hair with his fingers and tried to comfort her by whispering soothing words,
"It's gonna be okay. It's all right, babe." Even though he knew it might not. But he would help her through. Eventually, her sobbing stopped. John continued to hold her and reassure her,
"At least we're going to get to see him tomorrow." She glanced at him with sorrow-filled eyes,
"How do we know we can believe that? I don't know what to believe anymore." She rested her head against his chest and he tightened his grip about her.
"Shh..Don't think like that. You've been on the Dreamplane. You know it's difficult to interpret what's going on. Alonzo just made a mistake." He placed his fingers under her chin to tilt her head upward, peered into her eyes and earnestly told her,
"I'll do anything I can to get him back for you. You know that. I'll do anything for you."
"Trust in Love" (sequel to "A Matter of Trust"), Part 3
by Joan PowersThat statement pulled Devon out of her trace. As an experienced reader of eyes, those eyes told her that every one of those words was sincere. A warm sensation filled her as she acknowledged in her heart what she had formerly suspected. That John truly did care for her and that he wouldn't hurt her. She could trust him. He always had been there for her. Maybe he hadn't always agreed with her, but he was there when she needed him. Memories flooded her mind. He had been brave enough to search the Terrian tunnels for her son. He had tried to shield her from the Terrian's weapon on their ill-fated trip to obtain water. Against her orders, he had followed her and saved her life when Katrina had tried to kill her. He had tried to keep the Terrians from taking her boy and then offered his support to her when she needed him most. Her expression softened as she realized that she could safely lower her defensive barriers and accept his support and love. She raised her hand to his face, gently caressing the stubble of his beard and moved her head upward to softly kiss his lips. John was startled at first, drawing back slightly but not completely.
"What was that for, Adair?" he asked, attempting to be casual. "Thank you for caring" she whispered. Before he could attempt to further deny his feelings, she cut him off with another kiss. That kiss led to another, which became deeper and more passionate. With her hands beneath his dark blue jacket, Devon began to caress John's muscular back while he investigated the softness of her curves. Several minutes later, a gear signal from the set stashed beside Devon rudely interrupted them. She immediately tried to pull back from John, but he wasn't willing to let her go that easily.
"Come on, it's probably about Uly" she insisted. "I know" he replied, stealing just one more kiss. Then he released his grip so she could dash to snatch up her gear and enter the tent. As she reached to adjust her gear, Devon attempted to straighten her hair and took a deep breath to slow her rapidly pounding heart. It was Yale.
"Devon, are you all right?" He immediately noticed her flustered appearance.
"Yes... I'm just very disappointed about Uly. Is anything wrong? Any other news about Uly?" she replied. Her tone didn't quite match her words, Yale wanted to probe deeper.
"No, nothing new. I was just concerned and wanted to check on you. You've been through a lot lately. Tell Uly I miss him...we all do."
"Okay. We'll see him tomorrow - we had to stop so the Rail could cool down"
"Get a good night's sleep then, if you can." Devon started to sign off, but Yale interrupted,
"Are you sure you're all right?" "Yale, I'm fine" she reassured him. "John will take good care of me", smiling towards him as she signed off.
"Everything all right at the Dome?" John asked. "Yale's just worried about me" she assured him, while removing her boots and jacket. Devon walked towards him and without hesitation wrapped her arms about his body and pressed her face against him. He began to massage her back. She could hear the thudding of his racing heartbeat. John was halting with his words,
"Devon, are you sure about this ....Is this what you want?" "John, I've felt so empty for the past month and half. Please... I want to feel loved."
That answer seemed sufficient for John as he bent to kiss her neck, then her cheek, her nose,and her tear-stained eye lids. She laughed and grasped one of his hands to place it underneath her shirt against her naked flesh then reached up to pull his face down to hers. The couple resumed what they had started.
During the late hours of the evening, Danziger awoke momentarily. He was laying on his side underneath a pile of blankets with his semiclad body wrapped about Devon's. It took a minute or two for him to realize he wasn't dreaming. He pulled her closer to him, enjoying the smell of her hair and the feel of her soft body. He gently kissed the back of her neck. Even if Adair pulled another reversal act on him, he couldn't deny his feelings for her anymore. He was far beyond the point where she couldn't hurt him.
Devon relished the feeling of John's arms about her as she nestled into his muscular chest,
*It's wonderful to be with a man again.* It wasn't quite day light but thoughts of Uly were prodding her, making her nervous. She rolled over to face John, who was still asleep. She brushed some of his curly locks away from his face then tried to distract herself investigating his chest. There was a rather large scar on the right side of his abdomen which she lightly traced with her fingertips. A sleepy voice asked,
"What are you doing Adair?"
"Nothing" she innocently replied. He tightened his grip around her. "We'll see him soon enough. Let me get some more sleep, please" he pleaded groggily."Okay" Devon reluctantly agreed.
Propelled by thoughts of Uly, Devon and John quickly broke camp and proceeded to the proposed meeting sight. Within two hours, they reached the coordinates Alonzo had given them. As they got out of the Dune-Rail, John picked up a Mag-Pro.
"What are you doing?" Devon accused. "I just want to be prepared in case there are any surprises" he explained. They approached the mouth of the cave.
"You follow me" John instructed and started to enter the opening, but Devon objected.
"Why? He's my son. Let me go first and take the risks" she argued. "Adair, I'm not going to spend all day on this" John retorted with some annoyance, "Why won't you let me take care of you?" She bristled,
"I don't need to be taken care of." John grabbed her shoulder and shoved her against the cave wall, pushing his face in close proximity to hers, their noses practically touching,
"Listen, you stubborn woman. I'm going first and I don't give a damn what else you have to add. I love you and I refuse to let anything happen to you. Got it?"
He released her, not giving her time to agree or disagree. He reached back for her hand and lead her into the cavern. Fairly soon, they encountered a Terrian. John switched both of his hands to the Mag-Pro which he carried at his side so as not to appear threatening but have the weapon accessible for use if necessary. The Terrian motioned for them to follow it, so they did.
After traveling through a labyrinth of tunnels, they ended up in a large chamber which was illuminated by torches. Uly was there waiting. The moment she saw him, Devon rushed to him and fell to her knees, hugging the life out of her child. Danziger remained alert, still suspicious of the Terrians and this arrangement. Devon was so overcome emotionally, she spent several minutes just holding her child.
"Oh Uly!" she sobbed. "Baby, how are you? Are you okay?" She looked up at him. Danziger was surprised, Uly looked good. In fact, he looked better than his mother did. During the past month and a half, Devon had lost weight and had nearly permanent dark circles beneath her eyes. Lack of sleep made her easily irritable and nervous. By contrast, the boy had even gained weight and was glowing with health. It was obvious that Uly was overjoyed to see his mom, but he wasn't acting like a typical nine year old who had never been away from his mother.
"Uly, I've missed you so much" she cried. "How have you been?" "I've been okay Mom. The Terrians have been sharing a lot with me. I feel closer to them now than I did before" Uly reassured her.
"Don't you miss me?" she asked.
"Of course Mom, but I want you to know that I'm doing all right here. The Terrians are taking good care of me" he explained."What have you been doing?" she asked. "I can't tell you all the details, but I was able to help the two tribes of Terrians solve their problem. And Mom, we've used the spider tunnels to travel. I think we've even been to New Pacifica - I saw the ocean. I left my mark there" he exclaimed.
"What did you do, sweety?"
"I'll show you when we get there or you'll recognize it if I'm not back with you yet." Mention of the time period of Uly's visit brought sadness to her eyes,"When can you come back to us?"
"I'm sorry Mom, I don't know" Uly apologized. "I know it's hard for you Mom, and I want to be with you too, but it's important for me to be here and I'm all right. That's why I asked the Terrians to let you visit me, so you would know that.""Do you like it here?"
"It's okay. I miss everybody, even True. But I am starting to feel closer to the Terrians and the planet itself." Devon started to drift, somewhat overwhelmed by these events."Mr. Danziger?" John moved forward. "Will you keep an eye on my Mom for me until I get back?"
"Sure thing Uly. You know, you don't have to stay here if you don't want to. I'll take you out" John promised. Uly shook his head,
"When the Terrians healed me they became a part of my life." Several Terrians had gathered in the chamber during their visit, making Danziger very uncomfortable.
"I guess we have to go now" Uly stated, looking forlornly at his Mom. He hugged her tightly.
"Where are you going?" Devon asked. "We're meeting another tribe north of here. I'm not sure what we're doing, but I'll find out." A Terrian trilled and Uly inclined his head. They engaged in a sort of dialogue while Danziger and Devon looked on helplessly.
"The Terrians are pleased that you have honored your promise."
The Dune-Rail pulled into the Winter camp early that evening. Modifications to their route provided by the Terrians had shortened the journey. Devon had slept during most of their trip - all those restless nights had finally caught up with her. With the assurance of Uly's safety, she could finally allow herself to sleep. The Eden Crew members rushed out to greet Devon and John. Before they could get out of the vehicle, questions were flying at them. John exchanged glances with Devon. He could tell that she was exhausted. She inclined her head towards him as if asking him to share the news with everyone. John held up his hand to quiet the group,
"Uly's okay. He looks healthy and he's in great shape. He says he's learning a lot about the Terrians and the planet and he thinks he's even visited to New Pacifica. He misses everybody. It looks like we can trust the Terrians."
An almost audible sigh of relief filled the camp. True threw her arms around her father to welcome him back while Yale escorted Devon away from the crowd.
Half-asleep, Devon rested on her bed. She missed John, but was too stubborn to go look for him. She also feared it was a sign of weakness to need him, so she tried to ignore her feelings. A knock sounded on her door.
"Come in" she called, hopeful that it was John. It was Julia, who immediately came over and hugged Devon ,
"I'm so glad he's all right."
Devon was surprised. Before she had left to meet with Uly, this type of intimacy would have been uncomfortable. Maybe Yale had been right about sharing her feelings with others. Maybe intimacy didn't only have to mean weakness or vulnerability."How are you doing?"Julia asked. "Relieved, I guess. Tired. It helped to see him", she shared. "We're all pleased that you got to visit him and he's okay. Any mention of when we get him back?" Devon shook her head.
"You look tired, we can talk more later" Julia promised. "Okay,...thanks for stopping by", Devon smiled at her friend. Julia returned her smile,
"Thanks for letting me."
About an hour later, Devon still tossed on her bunk. She was tired but she couldn't sleep. Another knock sounded on her door.
*Please John. I need you,* she thought. This person didn't even wait for her reply, immediately opening the door and entering. Danziger's handsome face smiled at her,
"How are you?" She returned his smile, pleased to see him, "Sleepy." She yawned and sat up on her bunk to make room for him then motioned for him to come join her.
"Let me get more comfortable" he said as he removed his boots and coat. He stretched out on the bed and pulled her against him. He put his arms around her and kissed her temple as she leaned back against him and closed her eyes.
"How's True?"
"She's fine. She wanted to know all about the trip." The couple sat quietly for several minutes, enjoying each other's company. John didn't want to push, but he had noticed earlier that it seemed like something was on Devon's mind. After last night's events, he had to know what it was."Okay, Adair, spill it. What's bothering you?" he prompted. She feigned a look of innocence,
"Nothing, I'm just tired." John wasn't buying it. He didn't feel like torturing himself so he asked point blank,
"Do you have any regrets about last night?" "Of course not." She seemed surprised that he would ask such a question. With obvious concern in her voice she asked,
"Do you?"
"No," he replied softly, squeezing her hand. "So what is it that's bothering you? Don't you trust me?" he teased her. She replied with some reluctance,"It's silly."
"Let me be the judge of that. Come on" he encouraged her. "I'm glad Uly's not scared but he doesn't seem to need me anymore." She turned her head towards him to gauge his expression."Devon, that happens to every parent eventually. Kids reach a point where they don't need you as much, or at least they think they don't. I saw it in True before we left the Stations - the opinions of her friends were becoming more important than mine. It's normal. Don't worry, you're still important to him." She felt somewhat reassured.
"He's safe Devon, he's gonna be all right. Isn't that good enough for you now?"
"I guess so", she reached up to kiss his lips gently. He looked into her brown eyes,
"About what I said at the cave this morning.." "I didn't know you were such a romantic guy" she teased. He cleared his throat, feeling a bit embarrassed,
"Well, it didn't come out pretty but I meant what said. I love you." "I know." Feeling a little awkward, Devon fumbled about, "I..um...I'm sorry but I.." John interrupted her, anticipating the rest,
"Don't say anything you're not ready to." She closed her eyes and curled up against him. A little later Yale dropped by to check on Devon. A large grin covered his face when he saw the fully clothed couple asleep in each others arms. He chuckled as he covered them up with a blanket.
Devon had been dozing off and on all day. *This is ridiculous. I hate feeling this weak* she thought. She had always been a poor patient. Now at ten o'clock at night, she couldn't sleep. She was annoyed with herself over this and other issues as well. Why couldn't she tell John that she loved him? It wasn't as if she had to think about it. Though that was probably his impression of her reluctance. She hadn't been able to catch up with him that day - he and Walman had been working on repairing an ailing generator and she didn't want to interrupt them. The truth of the matter was that she was also reluctant to let the entire camp know her personal business. She and John had agreed to take their relationship slowly - to exercise discretion and get know to each other better before openly acknowledging their relationship before the Eden crew. What was her problem, she wondered. Was she afraid of rejection? That was silly - she had nothing to lose and everything to gain, Danziger had all ready made the first move. She knew that he loved her. And while she would have preferred to focus all her energies on getting to New Pacifica without the distraction of a lover, she could no longer ignore her emotions simply because they weren't convenient. They could not return to the ways things had been before. Besides, she needed John. She needed his love and support, and she wasn't ashamed of loving him. Immediately she realized that she had to fix any misconceptions she might have conveyed to him the night before. She got out of bed and went off searching for him. She spied Danziger on guard duty and confronted him.
"Hi"
"What are you doing up? Shouldn't you be sleeping? Resting up for me?" he smirked."I'm not tired anymore" then she lowered her voice to tell him, "I miss you." Danziger grinned, "I miss you too but I can be there in two hours, can you wait?" he teased her. After quickly surveying the area to ensure that they were alone, she pulled his head down to hers and the couple shared a passionate kiss. Devon insisted,
"I have to tell you something."
"What?" She whispered in his ear,
"I love you too. Hurry up, I need you."
Morgan had been in the nearby bushes answering the call of nature and happened to witness this exchange. He approached John and reached for his weapon.
"What do you think you're doing Martin?" Danziger asked indignantly. Morgan feebly cleared his throat and tentatively said,
"I'm relieving you from duty."
"What? Why?' John fumed. Slightly red-faced, Morgan continued, "Well, if anybody just kissed me the way I saw Devon kissing you, I sure wouldn't be able to concentrate on guard duty. Consider it preserving camp security." John's face grew warm. He started to get angry but realized it wouldn't do any good. Instead, he laughed,"I owe you Martin." Then he left to join Devon.
-The End-
(Thanks to Chris and Alyssa for their advice.) Direct all comments to rpowers702@aol.com
//From "Earth 2" mailing list on 25 Aug 95
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.