EARTH 2 VERSUS FOREVER KNIGHT
THE DEVILISH LITTLE KOBA SERIES (PART 4)
By
Emma Pentland
Timeline: Time Unknown
Author's E-Mail: ravenclawemma@hotmail.com
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Eww...it's you again. Oh geez...Are you ever going to leave me alone. Maybe I should give you a name..How about Kitty? On second thought, I agree with True, you don't look like a cat. Okay, I know what to call you...LIZARD BREATH. Well Lizard Breath you asked for me to do what? Oh not this again. For heaven's sake I can't do the Forever Knight thing. Well why do you think? It's no longer fun for me. Yup that chicky A.J. our beloved towel girl has been threatening me about the one of the characters. How can I possibly have fun writing it when I can't trash all of the characters? I really feel limited when I get death threats about the matter. Hey...don't even get me started on Madame President. I'm beginning to feel really hated. Yes you Lizard Breath, you are my only friend on here. (Why do I even try anymore?) Rated: PG 13
Frank: Hello and welcome back to NBC Sunday Night Football. I"m Frank Gifford and I'm sitting here with some other people whose names I've forgotten for the moment. On the other hand, I can't forget my wife's name, Kathie Lee Gifford who you can see each morning at nine on ABC looking more perky than deemed healthy by the NMPOA (Non-Morning Persons Of America).
The Fat Guy: Well Frank we're still in the fourth quarter, like we were before the commercial.
The Thin Guy: Like we've been in for the past twenty-six days.
Frank: Ever noticed how long it takes for football games to be played out. Just a few announcements from the network, Earth 2, which should always be viewed at this time on Sundays, will be broadcasted right after the game. The date is January 20th 1996..
An Unseen Cameraman: Uhh Frank...It's now Feb the 10th.
Frank: Doesn't time fly when Football is being played? Now back to the game.
(For the next forty minutes large guys in tight pants run around trying to tackle each other. Basically the same things my little cousins Timmy and Michael do to each other.)
Frank: Well that's it folks. Now it's time for the post-game show.
(The hand of God comes down and destroys the broadcasting booth.)
Commercial: SeaQuest DSV will not be shown at it's usual time due to the fact that the cast has been taken to some far away planet and is trying to figure out a way home. Of course, first they must fix their bread slicer that was tragically harmed in the crash.
Earth 2 VS Forever Knight
By: Emma Pentland(The opening scene starts off with the usual way the cameramen showed the passing of time..the sun setting at 90210.007 times faster than it usually does. Because the sun sets so fast the eden Crew is barely a mile from where they started out.)
Devon: God John, I can't believe everything we've been through today.
Danziger: Well at least the sun has set. Nothing else can happen too us now, unless Walman fall's asleep during duty tonight and someone sneaks through the perimeter and attacks us.
Devon: Don't worry about that. I put Baines on duty tonight.
(In the background a loud slam is heard.)
Devon: What was that?
Danziger: Baines going on duty.
Devon: In the transrover?
Julia: Apparently, he suffers from every phobia known to man.
(A large portal opens. It's a Sliders Portal.)
Alonzo: Oh no. Not again.
Yale: Apparently, those Sliders people have been playing with that object that looks strangely like a remote control.
Morgan: Well somebody change the channel before any more funky stuff happens.
(The Forever Knight Cast pours out.)
Nick: What the Hell?
Nat: Don't look at me...that large portal thing opened up and you dragged me into it. Why did the rest of you come along?
Jeanette: Becauzzz dahlink I vould never leave Nikola.
Nat: But you did last season.
Jeanette: Oh you sink you're zo zmart?
Nat: Yeah.
Tracey: Wow, this is, like. neat, huh?
Vachon: And your mental age was what again?
Tracey: Too low to be measured on the scale. Remember I only got the job with the police department because my Daddy was the commissioner. Now i'm Nick's partner.
Yale: According to my memory banks, you had another partner. Although his name is not listed.
Nick: We was Schanke.
Uly: Eww. What a bad thing to say, that he was skanky.
True: Next you'll say he was fat and ugly.
Nick: No not Skanky, Schanke.
Alonzo: And the difference is..?
Nick: The spelling. But come to think of it, he was skanky.
Devon: Who are you people? (Points to Nick) And Why does that guy have a girl's name?
Nick: What do you mean?
Yale: Well that woman, (Points to Jeanette) called you Nikola. Under any language on the ancient Earth, the name Nikola was a girl's name. The closest match I can find in my data banks is Nikolai. The is a definitive phonetic difference.
Jeanette: Oopzzz
Nick: You've been calling me a girl all these years?
Jeanette: I'm zo zorry Nikola, I..z..meant Nikolai.
True: What's wrong with your voice?
Jeanette: Zwhat on zearth do zou mean?
Uly: You sound like you have a really bad French Accent.
Nat: She does. Eventually you get used to it.
Alonzo: (To Lacroix) Who are you?
Lacroix: I am......Lacroix.
Danziger: I am......John Danziger. Why on earth 2 would you talk that way.
Lacroix: I went....to...the...William...Shatner...School..of..acting..
Bess: Would you like something to eat? (Hands him a bowl of something)
Lacroix: (Turns to look in the camera and in a loud, pronounced Scottish Accent yells) BUT IT'S NOT OATMEAL!!!
Morgan: Well sorry. My wife was only trying to be nice.
Lacroix: I..apologize. Of...course, I could...recite some...poetry for...you.
Julia: And why would we want that.
Lacroix: Because, when I speak, I...sound like Vincent, from Beauty and the Beast. I sound...like..I...should only talk in..poetry.
Danziger: Shut up.
Lacroix: O..................................................................K
Nick: When does the sun rise on this planet?
Devon: Why would you need to know that?
Nick: Well because I'm a vam...I mean, I'm allergic to the sun.
True: Can Someone be allergic to the sun, Yale?
Yale: Well, let me just say that he suffers from a different strain of the Michael Jackson Disease.
Julia: You mean that such a disease is non-existent.
Morgan: (To Nat.) And what is your purpose in this batch of bad apples?
Nat: Hey! I'm just a shiny, red, misunderstood one.
Morgan: Bess honey, why am I getting deja vu?
Nat: Actually I'm a pathologist.
Julia: You're a doctor? (Whispers to Alonzo) This one could come in handy. I could use some help.
Nat: I'm also Nick's on again, off again love interest.
Morgan: Could you please explain how you have a relationship with a Vampire.
Nat: How did you figure that out?
Danziger: Please "Allergic to the Sun" just doesn't cut it for us.
(At this moment the Poster Boys For Teeny-Boppers That Always Save The World arrive on the scene. They are still being chased by the RHM's and the Rabid Clancyettes who are trying to prove how much they love their men. The RC's and RHMs are also joined by the Yale's Yenta's, Baines Bunnies and Walman's Wild Ones. Of course, everyone is there, including A.J. and while she is otherwise occupied stoning Wesley, Quinn and Lucas God has some fun.)
Voice Of God: HEY!! A.J. IS NOT LOOKING!!
Morgan: Why would anyone want to have a relationship with a Vampire?
Bess: Well she is a pathologist. She must have a thing for dead guys.
Yale: I think we should stop this now. There may be children reading this.
Julia: Okay then, I won't make my comment about Rigor Mortis being a good thing for her.
RHM Mary: Hey I think we finished them off!!
Morgan: Thanks Mary, You're a saint.
RHM Mary: Just proving my lust darling.
Bess: Luckily though, he's mine.
RHM Mary: Damn.
Devon: I don't think I even want to see what they look like
Zero: (Singing) O~Come one without, Come on Within, you ain't seen nothing like the mighty Quinn~O.
Danziger: First clever thing he's ever said.
Voice Of God: STOP A.J. IS PAYING ATTENTION AGAIN!!!!
Lucas: (Staggering back to SeaQuest) Come on, our bread-slicer still isn't working.
Wesley: Yes we must save the world.
(They start off dragging Quinn.)
A.J.: Hey!!!! They're getting away.
(All the female fan groups go back to stalking the PBOTBTASTW.)
True: So if they are Vampires doesn't that mean that they'll die when the sun comes...
(The sun does another miraculous rise in less than three seconds. Jeanette, Nick, Lacroix, and Vachon melt.)
Jeanette: ZZZ-I'm Melting, ZZZ-I'm melting!!
Devon: I was wondering when the inevitable, "Wizard of Oz" reference would come up.
Danziger: (Pointing at Tracey) Now what do we do about her.
True: (Smiling) I have an idea Dad. (Pulls out Gaal's whistle and blows.)
(Gaal arrives on the scene.)
Gaal: Ooh a new poppet.. (Leads Tracey off.)
True: She's way dumber than I am. She'll stay with him longer.
Nat: Now what are you going to do with me?
Devon: I guess we'll keep you for a while. We need an expendable crew mate.
Nat: I can be very useful. I was always awake at night with Nick.
Baines: (It's now daylight, he has exited the transrover.) I think I have someone who would be perfect for you. He needs a good woman to change him.
Walman: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Baines: Hey Walman. I've got somebody I'd like you to meet.
Danziger: We should get a move on. We didn't get much done yesterday.
Alonzo: I wonder if those people from yesterday ever got that giant squid moving again.
Yale: It was a submarine.
Alonzo: I still say it's a giant metallic squid. A giant metallic squid with a broken bread-slicer.
(Fade to end credits. In the background the screams of the PBOTBTASTW can be heard. Looks like the girls caught up with them again.)
Fini
Okay I have not listed my next segment. Simply because the death threats were unappealing. I want you to send in you suggestions and votes for the next sci-fi show I trash. You must vote between..
Space: Above and Beyond ST ST:DS9 ST: Voyager
Quantum Leap The X-files or anything not listed here. You must vote!!!!!!
IF I DO NOT GET VOTES I WILL DISCONTINUE THE SERIES. I WANT TO HEAR FROM EVERYONE. IF I DON'T HEAR FROM YOU, YOU'LL BE GETTING LIZARD BREATH AS A PET. COMPRENNEZ MES AMIS????
Emma Pentland
This is not your planet, you are not GOD here
Solace Seeker
2nd Official Heller's Angel!
Assistant Dean to the Flight School at G.U.
Special Research Division: Indestructible Gear (And Nothing more)
G.U.-Because a mind is a terrible thing!
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.