"THE DEVILISH LITTLE KOBA" SERIES VI.
EARTH 2 VERSUS QUANTUM LEAP
By
Emma Pentland
Timeline: Time Unknown
Author's E-Mail: ravenclawemma@hotmail.com
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I thought I had left you behind in Windsor!! Oh no! Please, please. Quick, someone call a doctor! (Heller, Who, Kevorkian, I don't CARE!) There is this ugly thing I've named Lizardbreath and he's climbing onto my shoulder!! PLEASE STOP!!!! Uh-oh, looks like you are stuck with another weird tale. It's the only way I can get Lizardbreath to leave me alone!!! Of course, a good therapist could probably get rid of him too, but this way is more fun.
I wonder what caused Lizardbreath to come now? Oh, yes, I remember now. You know who you are :) So you think you're funnier than me, huh? Oh yeah???? EP
PS: Special thanks to E2Cheer, who was the first volunteer to play my Devil.
"The Devilish Little Koba" Series Part VI
By Emma PentlandEarth 2 VS Quantum Leap
(The scene opens as the sun rises over a small village. What has happened? Does this mean our friends have made it to New Pacifica? No, nothing like that. It's actually the small village of Southampton. Where is that you ask? You don't want to know. The camera closes in on a house, then a bedroom window. Inside is an 18 year old typing furiously on the computer. The shot goes back to the outside where hundreds of police cars are surrounding the home.)
(Opening credits. These are at least a half hour considering the way I've expanded the cast.)
Voice of Rod Serling: Presented for your approval, the Eden Advance team. It is a small group of diverse persons and personalities. Over the past few days, several weird occurances have befallen this group of intelligent and easy to look at people.
Voice of God: No kidding, just look at that fly-boy.
Voice of Rod Serling: Quiet! I'm in the middle of my speech.
Voice of God: Hey! You buddy are dead! I enlisted you for this one speech. Now be nice to me or I'll send you to the other place where you could spend eternity.
Voice of Rod Serling: No please.... anything but.....
Voice of God: Yes, I'll send you to live with E2cheer and you know the only thing they watch on television are reruns of "Gilligan's Island," "The Antiques Road show," and... "THE DUKES OF HAZARD!"
Voice of Rod Serling: I'll behave, I swear. (Clears his throat to continue.) Several groups of people have mysteriously appeared from thin air and there seems to be no sign of stopping. This could only happen in... the Twilight Zone.
(Scene flashes to the Eden Camp.)
Devon: That was the most appropriate voiceover we've had in the past few days.
Danziger: No kidding.
Devon: Although... (very suggestively) I would like to know more about the "I am not impotent" speech from before.
True: You guys, the *family* hour remember?
Danziger: People have the "V" chip now, they can block it out.
Zero: (singing) ~Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...~
Alonzo: You can sing that again man.
Zero: ~Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...~
Julia: Don't encourage him.
(Camera flashes over to Morgan, who had been playing drums in VR, oblivious to everyone. Suddenly, Morgan's physical appearance changes to that of Samuel Beckett's.)
Bess: Oh my God?
Voice of God: You rang?
Bess: Please, what happened to my husband?
Sam: You mean I don't look like your husband?
Bess: Of course you don't. Are you saying I wouldn't know my own Husband?
RHM Mary: I would love to know your husband.
Voice of God: (Shoves RHM Mary out of the way.) Come on, back with your group.
Zero: They're coming to take me away ha ha ho ho he he, to the funny farm where life is happy and...
Danziger: Shut up!
Bess: Who are you and where is my husband?
Sam: I'm Samuel Beckett. I invented this contraption called Ziggy and I leap into other people's bodies and screw with the future.
Uly: (Frightened.) Mom! Is he like another Terrian Demon?
Alonzo: Don't worry Uly. If he is, I can defeat him on the dreamplane.
Sam: (Looking around frantically.) Al? AL?!
True: Al? Who is Al?
Uly: Al Boreland?
Cameron: Al Bundy?
Yale: Al Gore?
Walman: Huh?
Julia: (Whispering.) Maybe he said Hal. You know, like that crazy computer out of 2001: A Space Odyssey?
Alonzo: It can't be. He said his computer's name was Ziggy.
Julia: Thank God.
Voice of God: Don't thank me. I would never sink that low. I HATED that movie.
(A bright light flashes and Al appears on the scene. Of course, Al is dressed in another one of those zany outfits that he was famous for. True screams in surprise.)
Al: Hey kid, don't scream! You'll tell all the others that I'm here.
Devon: She doesn't need to tell us. We can see perfectly fine you know.
Al: You can see me?
Danziger: Where do you get those clothes? Clowz R Us?
Zero: I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us....
Bess: Quiet.
Sam: There must be a glitch with Ziggy.
Al: I'll fix that. (He throws that little remote control type thingy againsgt the nearest rock, the same way I throw taffy to make sure I get it in bite sized pieces.)
Danziger: Careful with that! I don't want to be stuck fixing that. I've got enough gear to fix until doomsday.
Al: You can't break this thing. It's child proof.
Sam: What did Ziggy say about my mission here?
Al: It said nothing. I think there was a glitch. There is nothing wrong with this group.
Yale: If I remember Mr. Beckett, you were a scientist from around the year 1999, correct?
Sam: Yes.
Yale: Well then, could you please fill in a gap in my memory banks? I lost several pieces of information when I ran head-long into a tree.
Al: Do you do that often?
Alonzo: Also, the author really really wants to know.
Sam: What would you like to know?
Yale: What happened to Abigail? You know, that little girl who was twice accused of murder?
Voice of God: I missed the second half of that two part episode.
Al: I don't know. What about you Sam?
Sam: No idea. The authors of our show always had me lose my memory, so continuity was not a big deal.
True: Great another group of people who don't know anything.
Julia: Speaking of true idiots, I wonder if that SeaQuest Crew got their sub working again?
Zero: We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine...
Devon: We need a commercial break about now. Earth 2 will be right back.
(Some lawyer advertises that if you have ever had your teeth frozen from eating ice cream, you can now sue not only Ben, but Jerry as well.)
News anouncer: After a long exhaustive search in the murder investigation, the suspect, a Emma Pentland has been located. Police say they will have her in custody within the hour.
Voice of Danziger: And now back to Earth 2.
(From somewhere off the screen, Wade from Sliders comes running into the scene.)
Wade: Please, you've got to help me!
Devon: What is it?
Wade: (Still running to the Eden Crew.) These crazy people are attacking Quinn and Wesley and Lucas!
Uly: You mean the PBOTBTASTW?
Wade: The what?
True: Poster Boys Of Teeny Boppers That Always Save The World.
(Suddenly Wade runs smack into Al. Their respective remote control devices fall to the ground. They lean over and pick them up.)
Sam: It must be a serious glitch. You can not only be seen, but you seem to be here in the flesh.
Al: I'll go back and find out what the problem is and hopefully what your goal is here too.
(All presses a button and suddenly a Slider's gateway opens. Looks like they switched controls!)
Al: Must be a problem, this is a lot bigger than the usual doorways.
Wade: Wait! We must've...
(Too late, Al steps through.)
Wade: Now what am I supposed to do?
Yale: If you use that, you'll find yourself in 1999.
Wade: San Francisco 1999?
Yale: As a matter of fact, yes.
Wade: Cool. (She presses one of the glowing lights, and steps through a doorway.)
Sam: Now what am I supposed to do?
(With a sudden flash, Sam disappears and Morgan is in his place.)
Bess: Morgan! (She runs to greet him.)
Danziger: I wonder what happened to Sam?
Devon: From what I understand, he lept into another person.
Danziger: I wonder who?
(The scene changes to a crowd of people, all female, surrounding three teenagers. Suddenly, Lucas disappears and Sam takes his place. Wade appears behind him.)
Wade: Sam, I'll be your new guide to the universe. Al, is currently unavailable. According to Ziggy, he landed in a world where sequence is outlawed. Considering what he was wearing, he's in serious trouble. You must save a boy named Lucas, who apparenly is in the middle of being attacked.
Sam: I should've stuck with the job on Murphy Brown!
(Scene goes back to the Eden Crew.)
Devon: We should really move on.
Julia: Maybe this will be the end.
Voice of God: I think not!
True: I think I'm going to have to scream!
Danziger: Please don't. We just got Baines out of the Transrover.
Krupky: Freeze right there! Yes, you at the Computer!
Emma Pentland: What's going on?
Krupky: I said get away from the computer. I am officer Krupky and this is my partner, Joe Friday. You are under arrest!
Emma Pentland: For what?
Joe Friday: For the murder of Frank Gifford, the fat guy and the thin guy from NBC Football.
Krupky: Apparently, a large hand crushed the telecast both, your fingerprints were found at the scene. Officer Hunter, cuff her!
Emma Pentland: Listen buddy I don't know you well enough.
Friday: You are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent and all that other crap they say on cop shows. Now get your hands off the keyboard!
Emma Pentland: I will be back! Until I get out on bail you people tell me what you want next! Voyager or the X-Files!
Friday: I said get away from the computer!
Emma Pentland: Wait! I want to cut a deal! I know someone who killed another human being.
Krupky: Who?
Friday: We don't have time for this. We need to get her booked. She's killed three people already!
Emma Pentland: Her name is Gina and she killed a pathologist...
Krupky: Good for the pathologist, she can perform an autopsy on herself.
Emma Pentland: The victim's name was Natalie Lambert!
Friday: Away from the computer!
Emma Pentland: Please! I'm serious! Gine pushed her off a cliff and...
*End of transmission*
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.