EARTH 2 VERSUS SPACE ABOVE AND BEYOND
THE DEVILISH LITTLE KOBA SERIES (PART 5)
By
Emma Pentland
Timeline: Time Unknown
Author's E-Mail: ravenclawemma@hotmail.com
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Oh come on Lizard Breath, I just wrote two exams and an essay this week, I really don't want to do this. NO! I said NO! Hey! Don't you point that finger at me! Hey! Watch where you fling those things. Ow. Uhhhhh, I'm getting very sleepy....
*THWUMP!*
(Two days later)
Okay, fine if you are going to be that way about it. You're just lucky I didn't have anything important to do, well other than those tests. Yes I know I slept through them Lizard Breath and I'm very happy that Terrian spirit over took my body so that there was at least a few answers on the paper. Now Lizard Breath...If you EVER do that again. NO DON'T POINT THAT FINGER AT ME!!!
hehehehehe. You missed. I guess though I am in that psychotic mood I need to be in to write these things. I guess I'll write one for you Lizard Breath, but you have to leave me alone!!
Now for those lack of votes that I got. (Lack being the KEY WORD) The winner is the story I am about to write. (At least I know I'll get one response, that is if A.j. is still around.)
"Earth 2 vs Space: Above and Beyond"
By Emma PentlandVoice of Devon: Previously on Earth 2
(The montage of scenes reveals all the different estrogen brigades chasing around the Poster Boys Of Teenie-Boppers That Always Save the World.)
Voice of Danziger: It's been two days since the new groups have started arriving on the planet. Julia tried to revive the last group, but she couldn't tell what organs were what after they melted in the sunlight and turned into human soup. We still have that Dr. Natalie. Although I have a feeling that she won't be here long. Some other woman has been following us. I think she may be someone from those groups that were chasing the PBOTBTASTW, except this one seems to have purposely separated herself from the other groups. Anyway, Natalie and Walman have been getting along fairly well. Walman has definitely been staying up nights, except not for guard duty. I have a feeling that...
Voice of True: Dad this is still the family hour, remember?
Voice of Danziger: Sorry True-Girl. As I was saying into this really neat microphone that makes my voice sound omnipotent, that's OMNIPOTENT not Impo..
Voice of True: Dad. You were warned. We might get canceled.
Voice of Danziger: Uhh, I'll finish this later. True, I think I have to explain something to you.
(The camera pans over the Eden Crew's camp. Baines is rushing to Devon.)
Baines: Devon, Zero just spotted humanoid movement over the ridge.
Devon: Are you sure that it's not just the PBOTBTASTW? I mean, we have been seeing them on and off. I'm surprised they haven't dropped dead yet from exhaustion.
Baines: No. We checked that already. It's six humans and they are well armed.
Voice of Danziger: All I could think was oh Sh...
Voice of True: DAD! How many times do I have to tell you..
Voice of Danziger: I was going to say shoot, yeah that's it.
Voice of True: Yeah right.
(Opening credits with a few additions...... Voice of God: Emma Pentland Carre, E2 fans: themselves. )
(Commercial for Budweiser, except two of the frogs are sitting on the road and the Bud frog says "Bud" the Weis frog says "Weis" and then a truck comes by running them over. The Er frog starts singing "Oh Tommy Toad oh Tommy Toad, why are you lying on the road?")
Announcer for Station: We're sorry but SeaQuest will not be seen this evening. The crew is still trying to fix their bread-slicer and since their PBOTBTASTW is busy having the *&^&* beat out of him by some other angry E2 fan. Between the rest of the cast, they don't have the brain capacity to realize that it's not plugged in.
Voice of Danziger: Now back to Earth 2.
Cameron: What the *hell* are they wearing?
(True screams.)
Danziger: True honey, what's wrong.
True: He spoke, it scared me. He's got an accent. I didn't know that. It sounds fake Daddy I wonder how long he can hold it.
Cameron: I canna hold it any longer Capt....
True: (Screams again.) Please, anything but that.
Cameron: Sorry. (His accent now sounds like Sean Connery's.)
(The S:A&B cast come tumbling over the ridge. they don't see the Eden Crew at first, looking in the opposite direction.)
Shane: Nathan! Nathan! I don't see anybody yet. Thank God we escaped those crazy Chigs.
Cooper: They looked almost human to me.
Nathan: But they were attacking that boy. The one spouting techno-babble. There was just too many of them, we couldn't help him.
Yale: Looks like those ladies finally got one.
Vanessa: (Turns around.) Hey! Who are you people.
(The entire S:A&B cast turns around in terror.)
Paul: Who are you???
Devon: We're the Eden Advance Team for G889.
(Col. MacQueen jumps over the ridge.)
Nathan: Colonel! These people here said that this is planet G889.
MacQueen: What? (Pulls out whatever communicating device they use on S:A&B.) MacQueen to Saratoga. You idiots! This is G889. We were supposed to be on G8810 for the strike.
Shane: Does that mean that poor boy was really being attacked by humans?
Morgan: They're defending my honour! (Pretty darn proud of himself.)
Danziger/Yale/Baines/Cameron/Mazati: And mine too.
Walman: Funny, I didn't see any for me.
Natalie: That's okay, I'll defend you're honour anytime.
(In the background unseen is a woman fuming in fury at that comment. Funny thing is, she looks suspiciously like Gina, the original Walman's Wild One.)
Voice of God: Hey! Gina! Get with the rest of them!
Gina: Sorry (She slinks off.)
Walman: Oh okay, there's mine.
Paul: Vanessa, how did you know these people were here?
MacQueen: Damphousse, you knew?
True: Damp House?
Uly: Damn Pheasant?
Devon: Uly! Such language. Besides, I'm sure she wouldn't have said Pheasant, everyone knows the phrase is "Damn Peacock."
(An Irate Peacock comes out of nowhere.)
Voice of God: I thought I had ridden my world from the Peacock! (Hand of God reaches down and kills it.) There's dinner for you!
Alonzo: Thanks now I don't have to hunt. You're a saint.
Voice of God: Uhh, well, I'm a bit higher up on the chain of command then a saint, but it's kind of you to say so.
Julia: She's right you know.
Alonzo: Just my luck. God is a woman.
Voice of God: Yes for you it is very lucky...... (think in insinuating tones.)
Julia: You don't get him until I'm done!
(It starts raining. God has to have some fun you know.)
MacQueen: You never answered Damphousse. How did you know? Was it you're psychic ability?
Morgan: On not another one.
Bess: Morgan sweetie, we've had two mind-readers, no genuine psychics yet.
Vanessa: No sir, I heard them talking.
Devon: Who are you?
Shane: We're the 58th division of the marines, they call use the Wild Cards.
Zero: (Singing) You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run...
Cooper: I've never heard that crack about our name before.
Nathan: I knew it was just a matter of time before Kenny Rodgers came up though.
Vanessa: How could you know? I'm the resident psychic.
MacQueen: We're a the strike force for the planet G8810.
Uly: The strike force?
True: Is that on the good or the dark side of the force?
Yale: Oh my god..
Voice of God: You rang?
Yale: Yes. I was wondering if you are running out of jokes, resulting to that Star Wars reference and all.
Voice of God: Well, come one you can't have a good spoof without one. I could have used Spaceballs.
Yale: Point taken.
Shane: What is going on here. Is there any sort of plot happening here?
Morgan: No it's just the ravings of a lunatic.
Voice of God: Excuse me, how would you know that? The patient files are supposed to be privileged.
Natalie: Wally dear, I'm going for a walk, this is boring me.
(Nat heads off for a walk. The camera follows her. Gina, who didn't actually leave follows her. Nat walks until she finds a conveniently placed cliff. Gina sneaks up behind her and *accidentally* bumps into her. Nat falls. The Hand of God tries to catch her but, dernit A.j., just misses the pathologist.)
Gina: (As Nat falls, and trust me, she won't get up.) That's MR. Walman to you chicky.
Walman: (Rushing onto the scene at the sound of Nat screaming.) What happened?
Gina: A horrible accident. Hi I'm Gina.
(Camera goes back to the regular group.)
Cooper: I'm the resident wierdo. I'm a tank.
Bess: Now come on, don't insult yourself. A blockhead maybe, but you are not as thick as such a large piece of killing equipment.
Morgan: (Whispering to Bess.) Personally I think he's a Tonka toy. (Author pauses, having a flashback to her childhood.) He's not a tank.
Uly: How can you move in those suits? Even my immuno-suit want't that thick.
Julia: Those must be uncomfortable.
Nathan: They're armour. Besides, they can't be any more uncomfortable than those Captain Power suits.
(The entire Eden Crew gasps.)
Alonzo: That's just nasty.
Julia: Captain Power? I don't remember that.
Yale: It was a long time ago.
Morgan: Besides Julia, there's a little philosophy I have, if you don't remember it, it didn't happen.
Julia: I like that. Yup, don't remember it, didn't happen.
Devon: Besides, I'm sure it was just the Council overtaking your mind.
(A shot rings out and Cooper falls to the ground.)
Bess: A ZED!
Paul: I thought this was the wrong planet! Why are we being attacked?
(The entire S:A&B cast turns around and starts shooting.)
Morgan: We should leave. Look at how well armed they are, the ZED will definitely go after them first.
Devon: But we shouldn't just leave.
Danziger: Devon, they mentioned Captain Power.
(The Eden Crew packs up and leaves.)
Voice of Danziger: I really don't want to know what happens next. All I do know is that all the people we've met, seem to be a pretty sorry bunch so far.
(Run closing Credits.)
Voice of Devon: Next time on Earth 2...
Earth 2 VS Quantum Leap
Ahhh, Lizard Breath is gone again. Except when he left he gave me a pat on my back and well, left something there. I'm getting awful sleepy. I'm going to nap
now ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz.....
Emma Pentland
It's not your planet, you are not GOD here
Solace Seeker, 2nd Official Heller's Angel!
Assistant Dean to the Flight School at G.U.
Special Research Division: Indestructible Gear
Walman's No-Doze Coffee
G.U.-Because a mind is a terrible thing!
"I was thinking about you"-A.Solace
"Cool!"- Emma Pentland
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.