EARTH 2 VERSUS STAR TREK
THE DEVILISH LITTLE KOBA SERIES (PART 1)
By
Emma Pentland
Timeline: Time Unknown
Author's E-Mail: ravenclawemma@hotmail.com
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Hi this is my first attempt at anything. This was not actually planned like a story I hope to post at another time. This is in respose to that loser who had the Enterprise blow up the G889 colony.
Star Trek VS Earth Two: The real story.
(On bridge of the ENTERPRISE)
Riker: Captain, we have a class-m planet within sensor range.
Picard: Engage.
Riker: Not yet sir. We haven't finished the mission.
Picard: On screen Mr. Data.
Data: Yes Sir.
(G889 flashes onto the screen.)
Oicard: ANy intellegent life signs down there.
Data: Actually sir our sensors detect a more advanced race of humans.
Riker: What makes you say that?
Data: Their show relied as much on character development as it did action.
(Crew gasps in fear. Worf grunts.)
Picard: We should be really stupid and try to mess with them. Commander Riker chose your away team.
Riker: Enie meenie minee moe. Okay Counsellor, Mr. Worf and Dr. Crusher.
Wesley: Sir I think it would be benificial if I wer to goon this mission.
Picard: Shut up Wesley.
(Welsey shuts up but anger is apparent.)
(In transporter rooom)
Riker: Engage anyways unnamed transporter cheif, even if the polaris cofflinks are offline. These stupid things never work anyway.
Picard: (Voiceover) Stardate 90210-007. We have just sent another away team down to the planet. I am begining to fear for their lives. We forgot to send the expendable crewmate.
(On the planet)
Devon: Hello? Who are you?
Riker: These people seem perfectly normal. I wonder why Mr. Data thought they were so advanced?
(Worf Grunts)
Crusher: Should we make contact.
(Devon approaches group. Danziger holds up mag-pro just in case.)
Riker: (Upon seeing Devon) Hey, you were one of the fifty most beautiful people. How about you sleep with me.
Devon: I haven't slept with anyone since Uly was born, but I'm not that desperate yet.
Riker: Come on babe. You would be the first one I didn't get.
(Danziger shoots him. Devon looks back and smiles in thanks.)
Worf: (Grunts) It was a good day to die.
Troi: Thanks, now perhaps he will leave me alone.
Crusher (Rushes over to Riker.) He's dead, Jim, I mean Worf.
(Worf Grunts.)
Crusher: Deanna, do you sense any more danger?
Troi: (Bewildered) You actually expect me to know something when it it neccessary?
Crusher: Too true.
True: Did somebody call me?
Crusher: Who are you?
True: I'm True. I help my dad sometimes with the vehicles.
Crusher: I have a son. He saves the ship every week.
True: That's a lot of pressure. I'm surprised he isn't nuts yet.
(On the ship)
Wesley: Captain the away team has given us no word since inital beam-out perhaps..
Picard: Shut up Wesley.
(Wesley becomes even more angry.)
(On the planet.)
Crusher: How did you people stay alive this long?
True: Easy. We work Hard.
(Worf Grunts)
Troi: You mean that you had no fancy gadgets to save the day? No tricorders, phasres, Batbelts?
True: Nope.
Crusher: Any interesting genetic mutations?
Julia: Uly is part terrian. He is a part of this planet.
Crusher: Can you reverse it.
Julia: If we do that, he will die.
Crusher: Haven't you ever heard that I never save anybody?
Troi: That's why she spent the year off the ship, she went back to med school, didn't help much. We also brought in one of the old guest stars in an attempt to boost ratings.
Julia: A year? I spent one episode away and I improved my whole life by doing so.
Alonzo: We were cancelled, but at least we didn't sink that low to get points.
Troi: (Pointing to Morgan on VR) What's he doing?
Bess: Playing on VR.
Troi: What's that?
Uly: Kind of like your show. It just never seemed real.
Julia: Do you have genetic enhancements like me on your show?
Crusher: We have a woman who lives of helium.
Yale: I see no advantage with that. Except perhaps for the fact that her voice would be very nasal. I guess as a captain it might be alright because her voice could be heard anywhere.
(Worf grunts again. Grendlerscome and grunt back. It turns out that they all speak the same grunt language. Worf leaves with them.)
Troi: Damn that's the other guy, now I have no one.
Crusher: One of our spin-offs has helium sucking woman as the captain
Devon: So what. We started off with a female leader.
(On ship)
Wesley: It has been over four hours captain.
Picard: Shut up Wesley.
(Wesley starts typing furiously.)
Picard: What are you doing?
Wesley: I'm tired of being made fun of, pushed aside. You pissed of a computer
genius, that was very bad. I just set the ship to self-destruct and overrid the override codes.Picard: NO!! I never got to sleep with your mother!!!
(On planet)
Crusher: I was just wondering when I would get to pronounce another person dead.
(BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM)
Crusher: This one will take several hours.
Troi: Ohmigod! Our ship blew up.
Danziger: Well at least you'll have another one for the next movie. We have to wait at least another year for ours to show up.
Crusher: Why is that.
Danziger: It's called continuity, you know realism?
(Troi and Crusher look at each other and start having a long conversation about this new concept. Eden Crew pulls out, leaving them.)
Devon: Why did you shoot him John?
Danziger: He couldn't take no for an answer. Plus somebody had to die and there was no unamed crew member.
Devon: But you knew the deal, we were going to let the Terrians pull him underground and let him die there. Well, this happens with well-developed characters, they make mistakes...
Danziger: You aren't going to go into one of those long moral speeches now are you?
Devon: Oh no. The universe just got rid of the last guy that did that. I'm not going to start now.
(Back at original site, Troi and Crusher are still debating reality. Gaal approaches.)
Gaal: Hello Poppets.
Data: (Floating in space) Wow I can see space.
Yale: (Faintly heard from planet) Well I saw CYBER-space.
(Because of that damned emotions chip, the one upsman ship depresses Data to the point that he turns himself off.)
-The End-
That's all folks. I hoped you like it. Please send all comments to <carre1@server.uwindsor.ca> Please positive comments and constructive critism only. I might just throw myself off the bridge outside my window if you completely degrade me.
Emma
It's not your planet! You are not God here!
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.