ANANDA
By
Margaret A. Czarney & Elisabeth Jones
Timeline: After "The greatest love story never told"
Author's E-Mail: mczarney@jcvaxa.jcu.edu or mcstarlight@hotmail.com
Abandon all hope, Edenites....
Maggie: It's done. The story we've been hinting about for so long now is done. (Plus, we are safe and secure in our safehouse with enough supplies to last us years. *G*)
Ellie: And we're not coming out until you put those blunt objects *down*!
Maggie: ::shoots Ellie a look:: For those of you that are sitting and looking at your computer screens with a feeling of dread, please, don't worry. What could two sweet, innocent, young ladies such as Ellie and myself possibly come up with? ::Ellie starts snickering in the background and I quickly elbow her and smile sweetly at the worried Edenites::
Ellie: ::Ellie stops snickering:: Disclaimer: These characters are not ours; if they were Dev and Danz would be married, or at least have *kissed* by now!
Maggie: The only thing that belongs to us is the plot (not that we're worried that anyone would want *that*)
Ellie: No the only thing we're worried about our readers wanting is our heads on a silver platter...
Maggie: ::shoots Ellie a look:: LOL, seriously, guys, don't worry, it turns out all right in the end.
Ellie: For who, we're not saying, though. *EG*
Maggie: ::shoots Ellie another look:: Don't listen to her, she's just trying to scare you. Please, read, and enjoy! *S*
Ellie: Enjoy!
Note: This story is set directly after The Greatest Love Story Never Told (and _yes_ it involves Sheppard, so Nic, you'll just have to deal with it. *G* j/k)
Send praise, criticism, flames, and psychiatric bills to Lilly_Beth@hotmail.com and mcstarlight@hotmail.com
Ananda (1/5)
by Elizabeth Jones
and Margaret CzarneyThe ride back to camp was silent. Devon drove the Dune Rail, Shepherd sitting next to her in the passenger seat. Danziger and True shared the backseat. Danziger was lost in thought. He hated the fact that Shepherd was coming with them. Something about the guy just rubbed him the wrong way. And what was with Devon? One minute, she's terrified of Shepherd, the next, she's in love with him? Danziger immediately grew agitated at his mind's choice of words. Why did the fact that Devon seemed to love Shepherd bother him so much? It had to be because he was so suspicious of Shepherd, right? ~He knows. You're in love with her.~ The Elder's words kept repeating over and over in Danziger's head. ~Give me a break,~ he thought. ~The Elder doesn't know what he's talking about.~ But the thought still stayed. ~I gotta think about something else.~ Then Katrina's image popped into his head. Danziger groaned inwardly. He didn't want to think about her either. He had never actually killed anyone before, and he decided that he didn't like it. ~But if I hadn't killed her, Devon would be dead.~ A feeling of fear and panic rose up in him at the thought of Devon dead. ~Oh no, we're _not_ going in that direction again,~ he thought. John was saved from his thoughts by their arrival at camp.
Shepherd was looking around at what was going to be his home from now on when Devon's voice broke into his thoughts. "Okay, Danziger, why don't you go let Julia check you out."
"Devon, I'm fine. I don't need to go see Julia."
"Danziger, you could have died out there. Go see Julia."
True broke into the discussion then. "Dad, come on, it'll only take a few minutes."
Danziger looked from Devon's determined expression to True's pleading one, and gave in. "All right, all right," he said, and let True lead him to the med tent.
Shepherd watched the whole encounter, and was surprised to find that he was jealous. The first thought Devon had when they returned was of Danziger, not him. ~Stop that,~ he told himself. He knew that Danziger was in love with Devon, even if the man was too blind to see it, but Devon loved him. There was no cause for jealousy.
Devon watched Danziger leave. She didn't turn her eyes away he reached Julia's work area. I know the bait and switch tactic all too well . . . I've pulled it myself many times. A sigh of relief escaped her lips to see him -reluctantly- go in.
Shepherd watched her watching the departing mechanic and tried once again to tell himself there was no cause for alarm. ~She loves me, and I love her~ he repeated in to himself mentally.
"Shepherd?" There was a world of questions in just the way she said his name. And when she turned to face him, could he see the faintest glimmer of doubt in her eyes?
Devon looked at him, suddenly seeing him as she knew the others would. Graying, scarred, and most damning of all, a penal colonist. ~That encounter with Gaal has hardened us all, made us overly cautious. Will they understand and take him for what he is rather than what he appears to be? And how the hell am I supposed to explain him? Oh yes this is a... friend...he'll be living with us now. Oh I do know him...we met . . . in a dream.~
Better to get it over with. "Are you ready?" she asked softly, knowing what lay ahead.
"Is that a rhetorical question?" he countered. Am I ready to become a part of your life, of your world? I have been waiting for just that the past thirty years.
His rather flippant reply had annoyed her, he could see that. She needed reassuring and this was not the way to go about it.
"Devon" he whispered "you know I am. The others will adapt give them time."
A look of frank amazement passed over Devon's face. His picking up on her unspoken thoughts still exhilarated and unnerved her at the same time. ~Will I ever be used to it?~
"I know I know." she ceded. "But we've seen terrible things here, done by what are -very loosely- called human beings..."
~How will they trust him after all that? How can I expect them to trust him?~
"...and there are those who have become rather distrustful because of those things. They will come to accept you, I have faith in that..."
"It will as you say..."Shepherd added,
"Take time," they finished together.
Devon laughed at the sound of their twined voices. ~Something else for me to get used to.~
"...and I don't want to see you hurt in the meantime."
"Devon" he began. ~I won't let her go, God help me I won't. She means so much to me. More than she knows.~
She silenced him with a kiss, quick and feather light.
"What was that for?" he asked, hoping against hope that he knew exactly what it meant.
Those incredible blue eyes sparkled back at him. "Just for being yourself." Behind the words was an emotion he couldn't decipher. ~I will have the rest of my life to try and understand her...and I don't think that is long enough.~
Together, they walked into the biodome, ready to face the music.
Danziger had to wait to see Julia. The good doctor was engrossed in a conversation with Walman concerning the merits of caffeine verses sheer panic as a means of stimulant. Then Baines came in with the mother and father of all leg cramps.
"Gee wonder how he got that?" Danziger mused sourly.
It was a good twenty minutes before Heller finally got to him.
Her lovely face only registered a moment of surprise before she slipped back into professional doctor mode.
"Welcome back John" she said by way of greeting, coolly noting that he looked like hell. "Where's Devon and True?"
Danziger grunted something incoherent, then managed to snarl, "True's around and Devon is outside with that raving psychopath. They're perfect for each other."
Oh no John you did *not* just say that.
Yes you did.
Shut up.
I don't know which one is crazier.
You are for not saying anything sooner
Shut up.
It was not until Julia dragged him over and began to search for signs of delirium that Danziger realized he'd had that whole nice little conversation with himself out loud. Fortunately he was spared the indignity of a physical by the timely arrival of Magus. He had never been so glad to see someone in his life.
The woman looked like she'd run all the way there; leaning against the doorframe she finally managed to huff out, "You are not..."she spoke directly to Julia-not even noting Danziger's presence- "going to...believe...what Devon brought back...from the scout."
Julia noted with clinical detachment that Danziger's blood pressure seemed to go up at the woman's words. "And what might that be?"
And oh God if Bess was ever nosey she had nothing on Magus at the moment. The woman looked positively scheming. She looked like she was enjoying sharing her information slowly.
"Not what." Magus smirked "But who."
Danziger snarled something under his breath again. Heller didn't know where to look first: at Magus looking like the cat that ate the canary or at Danziger's slowly rising blood pressure. However she did know what she wanted to do about it. "John" she addressed the irate mechanic. "Think you can calm down long enough so as not to give yourself a stroke?"
She gave him the glare that doctors are so good at using to mollify their most stubborn of patients. Danziger felt about ten again under the blue gaze. He nodded still not trusting himself to speak.
"Good." Turning her attention to Magus, she slowly stood up and asked "I assume there's going to be a meeting?"
"Course" grinned Magus "This is Devon Adair we're taking about. She has to make at least a pretense of democracy."
There was a distinct guffaw from behind the two women; but when they turned to look Danziger had a straight face once again. Saying nothing he rose to join them, and the three made their way to the dining area.
Shepherd stared out over the faces of those he was to live with. Individual faces came into focus and left their own impressions.
There was a group of people standing in the very back. Shepherd swept his gaze over them dismissively...they held little to no interest to him. Not when there was a much larger group standing so close to him.
The first thing he noticed was that Danziger's little girl was conspicuously absent. I still scare her, and that's all Katrina's doing. Must work on that.
The next to catch his attention was a couple near the front, clasped hands, standing a bit apart from the crowd. The woman is pretty enough but she seems like a bit of a busybody. Just something about the way she watches me, watches the others like she sees everything. And the man with her-her husband?- he looks like a weasel. Only with his own best interests at heart. He will be hard to win over. He concluded.
Feeling his gaze on them, the couple turned to look at him.
Shepherd quickly looked away. His gaze fell on an older black gentleman near the back. Shepherd experienced a flash of recognition. The Yale unit the one that Devon had refused to let be terminated. The one that has practically raised Devon would surely be adverse to all comers, especially me. However surely once he sees how happy Devon and I are he will accept me.
To Shepherd's right was a swarthy looking young man. He carries himself with the assurance of the young...but acts like he's seen so much more than his short lifetime would have allowed. He will be a hard one to convince.
Devon leaned over and whispered to him. "Relax. You look like you're sizing up the enemy, not meeting your future neighbors."
"Force of habit." he whispered back, shrugging.
Devon laughed. "You'll have to tell me your observations and I'll tell you how off the mark you are."
He just smiled ~Oh I will Devon, I will.~
The door banged open and shut, and Julia, Danziger and Magus came straggling in. Devon straightened and turned to fix her icy blue eyes on them. She thought she saw Shepherd tense slightly.
None the less. "Julia, Magus..." pause. "...John..."
~John,~ Shepherd repeated under his breath ~now it's Christian names? Great.~
"...so nice of you to join us." Devon finished drily "Now that we're all here..."
"Why are we here?" interrupted the weasel-man.
//No manners either// Shepherd pondered //whatever do they keep him around for? At least his pretty companion has the decency to look a bit embarrassed.//
"And what's he?" pointing at Shepherd "doing here? More importantly, who is he?"
"Morgan," Danziger called out from the back, "If you shut up and let Devon talk then maybe we'll all get some answers."
There was a general snickering among the crowd, and Morgan ~suits him,~ Shepherd mused ~he's about as pleasant as being woken up in the morning,~ looked put out.
Shepherd raised his eyes to Danziger's and held them. ~I know what you're up to John Danziger,~ the look seemed to say. ~You want to hurry the vote to cast me out and have Devon back to yourself. Well we both know it won't work. Devon Adair always gets what she wants...and what she wants is to have me with her. I will be staying and there's nothing you or any one else of this group can do about it. She's mine now and you've lost her before you really even had her.~
The stare down between lasted just long enough to give Morgan time to regroup. As Danziger broke eye contact and stalked out the door, the bureaucrat once again came at Devon.
"Oh yes and we're limited on space. If you want to convince us to let him stay-which I assume is the objective of this " he mimed quotations around the word "meeting". There's a small matter of space. Assuming we let him stay. "
~I'm gonna hit him,~ the thought burned hot into her mind. ~I'm gonna hit him into next week. Since when does he have the group's best interests at heart?~
Morgan was oblivious to Devon's growing displeasure. "Who is he gonna room with?"
Devon almost laughed. "That's easy," she answered smoothly, "he'll room with . . ." Devon was interrupted by a small voice.
"He's not going to stay with us, is he mom?" Everyone turned to see Uly standing in the back with True.
Devon was momentarily thrown off by her son's question, and it took her a moment to respond. "No Uly," she said, throwing a quick glance at Shepherd. ~Please understand,~ she thought. "I was going to suggest that he room with Yale." Devon looked at her tutor, pleading him, silently, to say yes. Yale hesitated, but agreed. Morgan started objecting again, but Devon outtalked him, and his protests became moot.
Shepherd, meanwhile, was watching Uly and True. Uly was whispering something to True. She caught him staring at them, and whispering something to Uly, they both slipped outside again. //Apparently True is spreading her fears to Devon's son. I hope I can win them over with time. // Shepherd thought. He turned to Devon, who had a worried look on her face.
"Uly needs a little time to get used to us, that's all," she said.
Despite his suspicions, he reassured Devon, "It's alright, Devon, I understand."
She smiled at him. "Come on," she said, reaching for his hand, "I'll show you to Yale's tent."
While Devon and Shepherd left, the rest of the group stayed in the biodome, trying to piece together what had just happened. "This is ridiculous," Morgan said. "She met him in a dream? How much crazier can you get?"
"Actually, Morgan, that's the only part of this whole thing I can understand and accept," Alonzo said. "Trust me, it may sound crazy, but it's true." Everyone seemed to accept their resident expert's opinion on the workings of the dreamplane. Even so, Alonzo was far from happy about the situation. "I cannot believe Devon is bringing him with us. Did anyone else catch the way he sized us up? I felt like a piece of meat."
There was murmured agreement, and then Magus decided to break the tension by saying, "Well, at least now we know why Danziger's so grumpy."
That caused chuckles all around, but the sober atmosphere remained. They had just invited a penal colonist to join them. That was just asking for trouble.
"Well, look at it this way," Yale said, picking up on everyone's unspoken thoughts. "Devon trusts him, so he can't be dangerous. He might even have been falsely accused. And we all know that if he was dangerous, Danziger would never have let him come to our camp, no matter what Devon said."
"Yeah, well, he sure isn't happy about it," said Morgan.
Alonzo grinned in spite of the situation. "Yeah, but that's for an entirely different reason, Morgan."
Julia couldn't control the laugh that escaped. "I was so worried about him, and now, it all makes perfect sense, he's jealous."
Several people added their enthusiastic agreement to that sentiment. "You know, I think he might even be starting to figure it out," Magus said.
"Yeah, but what about Devon? Could we really have been that off?" asked Walman.
Yale shook his head. "Devon does care for John, I'm sure of it."
"Yeah, but what about this guy?" Walman returned.
Silence settled in. No one quite knew how Shepherd fit into Devon's life. Finally, Julia just shrugged and said, "I guess we'll have to wait and see."
End Part 1
Send praise, criticism, flames, and psychiatric bills to Lilly_Beth@hotmail.com and mcstarlight@hotmail.com
Ananda (2/5)
by Elizabeth Jones
and Margaret CzarneyJohn got up early the next morning. He had grabbed a cup of coffee while muttering a hasty 'good morning' to Bess and Matazl, on breakfast duty this morning. Now he sat just outside the biodome and tried to convince himself that the situation with Shepherd and Devon wasn't as bad as it seemed. She would see his true colors soon enough. He hoped.
"You really shouldn't be out in this cold weather," a voice behind him said.
John sighed. He really didn't want to face Devon right now. "I'm fine, Adair," he said, more harshly than he intended.
"Okay, John," Devon said, but she didn't leave. "Look, can I ask you a favor?"
Danziger grimaced; he knew what was coming. Standing up and finally turning to face her, he began, "Adair . . ."
She cut him off. "I'm not asking for you to like him, just give him a chance. He's a good man, John," she said, looking up into his eyes.
Danziger's jaw clenched and he struggled to keep his voice level. "And how do you know that, Adair?"
"I know him, John, . . ."
This time it was Danziger who cut Devon off. "Okay, let's just say you did meet him in your dreams 22 years ago." Danziger's tone told Devon just what he thought of *that* idea, but he went on before she could interrupt again. "You still don't know him, Devon, it's been 22 years! He was sent here as a penal colonist, for God's sake!"
"So was the Elder," Devon shot back.
That brought John up short. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked suspiciously.
"Oh, come on Danziger, you know what I mean. You trust the Elder, and he could have been sent here for the same reason as Shepherd. You gave him a chance. Why do you have such a problem with Shepherd?"
"You know, it might be because Shepherd's coming with us, and the Elder isn't," John retorted, knowing that wasn't why he mistrusted Shepherd but not wanting to face the real reason.
Devon just looked at him for a moment and then sighed. "Look, I don't want to argue with you, John . . ."
Danziger snorted derisively. "Could've fooled me all these months," he said with a slight smile.
Devon gave him a hesitant half-smile back. "John, please?"
John shook his head and sighed in defeat. He was going to kick himself later for this, he just knew it, but sometimes, when she looked at him like that, he just couldn't seem to say no to her. "Look, I promise I'll behave," he said. He glanced once more at Devon's pleading expression and then added, "and I'll try," he sighed.
"Thank you, John," Devon smiled at him.
John shook his head once more and then left to go and make sure True got up in time for breakfast. Devon watched him go and then she saw Shepherd coming toward her. She smiled broadly at him. "Good morning."
"Good morning, Devon," he said, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. He glanced to where Danziger had just disappeared inside the biodome. "What did Danziger want?"
Devon was confused at the tone of his voice. "What do you mean, what did he want? We were just talking," she said. Shepherd looked at her like he didn't believe her. She went on, exasperated, "Shepherd, we are friends, friends do talk on occasion." Devon could see Shepherd didn't like that explanation. This was crazy; Shepherd was assuming the worst about John, it was as if Shepherd could barely stand him. Now that Devon thought about it, Shepherd had been acting like this ever since the caves. She just couldn't understand it, Shepherd had no reason to mistrust or dislike John. Devon sighed inwardly. She didn't want to deal with it now. Devon had already confronted Danziger this morning - she would save Shepherd for another day. "Come on, I think breakfast is ready," she mustered a smile for him and they re-entered the biodome.
Danziger sighed. Finally. He put his tools away, relieved that the generator had decided to cooperate for the time being. He walked toward the biodome, rubbing his forehead. God, what a headache, he thought. Apparently, he wasn't totally recovered from whatever he had gotten sick from out there. Danziger wasn't about to go see Julia, though, that was the *last* thing he needed, her giving him another lecture about how he didn't take care of himself. He was looking forward to just grabbing a hot cup of coffee and being alone with his thoughts for awhile. Luck wasn't with him, though, when he got to the biodome he found Shepherd and Devon already there. Devon was laughing at something Shepherd had said. John considered going back the way he came, but Devon saw him before he could duck out.
"Hi John," she said, still smiling.
"Devon," he said in greeting, and remembering his promise to Devon this morning, he greeted Shepherd with the same amiable tone of voice. "Shepherd." Then he walked over and poured himself a cup of coffee, not noticing Devon's smile at his greeting or Shepherd's surprised look.
//What is that man up to? // Shepherd thought suspiciously. He didn't believe for a second that Danziger's greeting was sincere. //Danziger would try anything to cause a rift between Devon and myself. // He pulled his mind away from Danziger's odd behavior and focused on the conversation between Devon and John. She was asking him about the generator.
Danziger grimaced. "It's working, for now, anyway. That is the most temperamental piece of machinery I've ever seen. The next time it decides to break down, it'll probably be for good," he said.
Devon just rolled her eyes at that and smiled knowingly. "Mm-hmm, that's what you say every time, John. And somehow, you're always able to fix it."
Shepherd joined the conversation. "So you keep the generator running, Danziger?"
"I try to, anyway," John said, as evenly as possible, given Shepherd's almost patronizing tone of voice.
"Hmm," he said, "then I suppose it's a miracle it's lasted this long."
Danziger stared at him, feeling the anger start to rise. Without saying a word, he put his cup down and left the biodome. Devon noted his departure but was still looking at Shepherd in surprise. It wasn't so much what Shepherd had said, although that was insulting enough, it was the tone of voice he used when speaking to John.
"What was that for?" she asked, astonished.
"What do you mean?" Shepherd asked.
He had the gall to look confused, as if he didn't know what she was talking about. "How could you insult him like that, he's done nothing to you," Devon said. "John's the only reason that generator is still functioning, although that really wasn't the reason you said that, was it?"
"What do you mean, Devon?" Shepherd asked, not liking where this conversation seemed to be going.
"You've been standoffish to every person in camp, *especially* John." She cut him off when he tried to protest. "Don't try to deny it, I've been watching, when people try to approach you, you brush them off. Shepherd, these are my friends. You can't expect them to accept you if you don't accept them!" Not giving him a chance to respond, she left the biodome as well.
Shepherd was left to wonder what had just happened. He hadn't really *intended* to insult Danziger, although he wasn't sorry that he did. And Devon's claim that he was brushing away the rest of her group, it wasn't true . . . was it? He didn't think so, but he would try harder, for Devon's sake. //I don't want to lose her, not after just finding her, // he thought.
"Hey, Uly," Danziger called, "what are you up to?" The boy was poking around, looking behind rocks and bushes.
"Hi Mr. Danziger," Uly replied. "I'm trying to find True. We're playing a game," he explained, "but I can't find her, so I'm going back to camp."
Danziger tried not to smile at Uly's defeated expression. "Won't True wonder where you are?"
"Nah," Uly said. "My time's almost up anyway."
"Okay, see you later, champ," John said, and Uly waved as he ran off.
John continued slowly walking through the woods. After everything that had been going on, he needed time to think about things. Or to try not to think about things, specifically Devon and the new addition to their group. ~Shepherd hates my guts for no reason,~ John thought darkly. ~At least I gave a shot at being polite to him, even though I still don't trust him farther than I can throw the Transrover. Even Devon has to admit there's no reason for Shepherd to hate me.~ Danziger tried to ignore the way his heart beat a little faster at the thought of her. He couldn't, and groaned inwardly. ~This is going to drive me nuts,~ he thought.
//Give up and admit it. You're in love with her.//
~Shut up.~
//Face it, you've got it bad.//
~No, I don't. I'm *not* in love with Devon.~ He silently cursed the Elder for not keeping his mouth shut.
//He just pointed out what you're too dense to see,// his mind taunted. //After all, why do you think you're acting so jealous? //
That brought John's thoughts to a sudden halt. Was he acting jealous?
//Yes, you are acting jealous.//
~And *why* would I act jealous? What do I have to be jealous of?~
//You act jealous because you *are* jealous, stupid! You're jealous of Shepherd because he's with Devon, and you're in love with her! //
~I am not in love with Devon!!~
//Yes, you are! Why do you think Shepherd hates you so much? //
Damn. That was a good point. If Shepherd thought he was in love with Devon, ~which I'm *not*,~ it would go a long way in explaining why Shepherd hated him so much.
Suddenly Danziger stopped short. ~What was that?~ He could've sworn he heard footsteps. Danziger listened, but didn't hear anything else. He shrugged and continued walking. After a few minutes, he heard voices and stopped to listen.
"Forget the big guy. Let's grab that little girl. She was right back here." The voices were faint, and John could barely make them out.
Then another voice answered the first. "Right, a kid will be more convincing, anyway."
"Daddy?" Danziger whirled around to see True standing there, wide-eyed and frightened. He didn't blame her at all. Danziger grew very determined. If these jerks thought that they were getting their hands on his little girl, . . . He quickly grabbed her and boosted her into a nearby tree.
"Stay there and be quiet," he told her. "Don't move, don't say one word." Her father's tone frightened True even more, and she just nodded. She watched him move out of view to face the approaching footsteps.
True watched through the branches as two men came into the clearing. They didn't seem too disappointed to find her dad instead of her. "Get him," one of them said, and then they both went after her dad. She watched, paralyzed with fear, as the two men overpowered her dad. He landed in a heap right below her, as the two men stood and laughed. Still conscious, in spite of the beating he had taken, her dad looked up and locked eyes with True for a second.
In that short span of time, Danziger tried to convey all the love he felt for his daughter. He averted his eyes, so the two men wouldn't spot her. Then he somehow pulled himself to his feet and turned to face the two men again. He threw a weak punch at one, which was easily dodged, and sank back to the ground as the man delivered a vicious punch to his stomach. As he lay on the ground, both men started to kick him repeatedly in the ribs until Danziger mercifully lost consciousness.
True stayed frozen in the tree as the men dragged her dad off, biting her lip so she wouldn't cry out. She waited what seemed like forever until she was sure the men were gone. Then she slipped out of the tree. When she hit the ground, a torn piece of fabric caught her eye. With a trembling hand, she reached for it. It was a piece of her dad's coat, and it had blood on it. She didn't even notice she was crying until a tear landed on the fabric. She got up and blindly started to run back to camp.
Back at camp, Uly approached his mother, who was sitting and talking with Shepherd. Ignoring Shepherd, he asked his mom, "Have you seen True? I wanted to see if she wanted to do something."
"I haven't seen her," Devon replied. "Why don't you ask John?"
"I can't find him either," Uly answered.
"Really?" Devon was surprised. Usually at least one of the Danzigers was close at hand. "Anyway, Uly, it's too late to play," she told her son. It had gotten dark, and a few people with guard duty later in the night had already drifted off to sleep. "Why don't you start getting ready for bed?"
"What about True?" Uly protested.
"I'm sure she's around here somewhere," Devon reassured him. "Go on, and I'll make sure, okay?" she capitulated, and Uly reluctantly went to bed.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Devon said to Shepherd after Uly left.
//See how she worries about him? //
~Stop that,~ Shepherd told the annoying voice in his head, ~she has every right to be concerned, it's too late for the little girl to be out and about.~ Still, his doubts about who owned the key to Devon's heart grew larger. "Hmm? No, I haven't seen them either," Shepherd answered her question.
"I'm going to check around," Devon said, not noticing Shepherd's eyes following her.
~I can't lose you, Devon,~ he thought. //But what if she's already gone?// The question drifted across his mind.
Devon walked over to where Yale, the Martin's, and a few others were gathered. "Has anyone seen True or Danziger?" she asked. No one had.
"Are they missing?" Bess asked in concern.
Devon scanned the camp. "It looks like it," she said. Then everyone rushed over as they heard a commotion at the edge of camp. Devon saw True rush past Magus, the perimeter guard. The clearly distraught girl spotted Devon and made a beeline for her. Devon dropped to her knees and caught the sobbing girl in her arms. "True, what is it, honey?" Devon asked as the rest of camp gathered around them. A knot of fear started growing in the pit of Devon's stomach. Something was wrong, really wrong. She could only think of one thing that would make True this distraught. ~Something happened to John,~ she realized, horrified. Managing to keep her voice calm and steady, Devon asked True again, "Honey, what happened?" True finally managed to catch her breath and stopped crying long enough to tell Devon the whole story.
Devon's back was facing Shepherd, so he didn't see the look of pain that passed over her face when True told them how her dad had been beaten and dragged off. He didn't see her reaction, so he didn't see that this was an extreme reaction for Devon to have for a man who was just a friend, even a close friend.
Devon's first response was to rush out and try to find Danziger. Then reason set in and she knew they had to wait until morning. People started drifting off as they realized the same thing. Devon sat there with True, thinking, until a small voice broke into her thoughts.
"Could I stay with you tonight?" True asked, still upset by what had happened.
Devon smiled at the little girl. "Sure, sweetie. Come on." She took True's hand and led her back to her room, where Uly was already asleep. Devon helped True get her coat and boots off, since she was already half asleep. Devon tucked her in, and was about to get ready for bed herself when the fabric from John's coat, still clutched in True's hand, caught her eye. Devon gently extracted it from the girl's hand. Seeing the bloodstains on it, Devon bit her lip. ~You'd better be okay, John,~ she thought, not really understanding why she was so worried. She clutched the fabric in her hand and sent up a silent prayer. ~Please, be okay.~
End Part 2
Send praise, criticism, flames, and psychiatric bills to Lilly_Beth@hotmail.com and mcstarlight@hotmail.com
Ananda (3/5)
by Elizabeth Jones
and Margaret CzarneyDarkness. The place was black inside and out, even when he opened his eyes. Not that he was having a lot of success at that; not that he was having much success at doing anything. Even breathing was a chore. He felt like he was swimming underwater at great depths, felt the pressure squeezing in on him, choking the life out of him.
"He's awake" announced an accented voice off to his side. Danziger tried to turn his head...and again failed miserably. His head was in one position on his shoulders and for the minute that's the way it was staying. Instead he squinted in the voices general direction.
Only to be accosted by a voice coming at him from the other side. "Let's see if he is or just dozin'." Oh I don't like the sound of that came in, his first thought in a while.
And it was right. A foot connected with his chest sending a flash of pain burning through it like fire from the inside out. Those ribs were *definitely* broken. Ironically, ///Julia's gonna kill me/// was the only thought that crossed his pain filled mind. He struggled valiantly to retain his waking state, if only to know one thing.
"True " he rasped " the girl..."
"Aye the gel" answered Voice Number One "we let her go-didn't need 'er seein as we've you. Sides she'll go on back to camp and spread 'er story. Soerly the rest of your lot will come searching you out. Bringin' that pretty auburn bird with 'em."
The voice paused here and the other joined it in laughter. Danziger felt the wrath rekindling in his wandering mind, focusing it. They frightened True ...they would have done worse. ///And so help me they won't get within a foot of her or Devon. /// Ribs be damned. The laughter died out, that grating voice finished its monologue with one final promise. "And that man who accompanies her now? We'll have our final revenge on him as well...teach him to cast us out..."
The voice stopped - came around to Danziger's back. ///I knew that man was trouble/// was his last thought before the world again went black.
Devon turned in her sleep and felt a presence in the room other than her own. Her wide blue eyes flew open...only to see the small worried face of True very close to hers.
"True" She rasped by way of greeting. Devon blinked against the harshness of the morning light. Has your father returned was on the tip of her tongue to ask, but there was no need: one look at the girl's small pinched face told Devon the worst.
"Come on True". She swung her legs over the edge of the cot, heart heavy in her chest. "Let's go get some breakfast."
In the biodome, the entire Eden Advance was having breakfast. Even Shepherd, though he sat apart from the others. Without Devon by his side he was unsure of his welcome here. He didn't want to make the situation worse by forcing his company on anyone. Still he'd managed to find a seat that allowed him to see and hear everything that went on without being seen himself.
"I tell you," Magus was saying to Baines "He's managed to get himself in trouble *again*. Honestly, I don't know how the man does it."
"Should just shoot him and be done with it" Baines grumbled.
"Oh and *you* are a fine one to talk." she snorted, then went on back to the "kitchen" to help with breakfast detail.
"So" Uly prodded, sitting at the breakfast table with his tutor, "I guess since we're all going to find Mr. Danziger that means you'll be too busy for lessons?"
He shriveled under the look Yale gave him. "What have I told you about time and place?" The boy looked down scuffing his foot on the floor. He did look as if he were honestly ashamed but - "I had to ask"
"I'm going to kill him." Julia Heller seethed. "I'm going to absolutely *kill* him. What was he thinking to wander off *on his own* after being so *sick*?"
"Julia," Alonzo began.
"Don't Julia me, I'm too upset at the moment." She jerked her bowl so abruptly away from Bess that the woman gave her a look that if looks could kill, Julia would be a pile of ashes on the floor. Heller didn't even notice.
"Not half as much as True or Devon I'll bet." the pilot answered softly.
"Yes that's true and it makes me even more upset!" Julia sat down on the nearest bench, slamming her bowl on the table. "He should have thought..."
Julia's mini-tirade was interrupted by the arrival of Devon and True. The teasing died on the lips of the Advancers when they saw the drawn look woman and girl both shared. The sympathetic silence lasted only minutes; it built back to a crescendo as over a dozen voices shouted out their questions. Which were, although phrased differently, along the same line - what now?
Devon Adair turned, looked the crowd over. Then very slowly she raised her hand, the universal sign for attention. In response the voices once again died down. Shepherd watched her take charge with open admiration. ///We are both born to be leaders, /// he mused, ///but she does it so much better than I ever could. The things we could accomplish...///
He turned his attention back to Devon who was declaring her intent to form several scout teams. It was what he had expected and what he had been dreading most.
"True," Devon questioned the girl, "do you think you could lead us to the place where it happened?"
True gave a small nod her eyes wide and staring into Devon's as if she were afraid to look anywhere else. "It was near that big pine tree grove, down by the river to the east."
That big pine grove...down on the east bank of the Tyne. Shepherd's head snapped up, he observed Devon's reaction carefully. When she gave no outward sign of alarm he knew she had no clue as to what danger lay there. ///How could she? /// a little voice taunted him ///You were not exactly dying to tell her. /// Shepherd winced at his choice of words. Never mind, he would tell her now himself.
Ignoring the rude looks and muttered words from the others he pushed his way through the crowd until he was standing at Devon's side. He noticed with some irritation that True still shrank back from his approach. ///Now is not the time for fear little one. At this moment you and I are on the same side. ///
Best to be as least threatening as possible. He stepped in closer to Devon, then addressed True. "Did you see these men?"
The girl looked over at Devon, and only after the older woman nodded in encouragement did she answer in a strong clear voice. "Yes I did."
"And what do they look like?" ///Please do not let it be who I fear it may be. /// His worst fears were confirmed as True gave out the details.
"The first man," she described, "was tall, taller than Dad and he had long black hair and a beard. The second one was short with curly red hair and he had an accent."
Shepherd gave the girl a small smile, then turned to Adair. "Joshua Hapsburg and Michael Berman," he told her softly, not caring that the rest of the Advance was making much out of their whispering, "I had to put them above ground two maybe three springs ago. They killed a man, then assaulted his woman. The Community was almost put out for that one."
Devon let his words sink in for a moment, then she was all business again. ///I can see she's still troubled. That is not going to make what I have to say any easier. ///
"So." she whispered back, "with your knowledge of the men in question, would you consider being on a team?" She had completely surprised him. Yes she does seem good at that. Devon had voiced his desires before he could even form the words. ///Amazing. ///
"I would." he nodded, trying not to show how pleased he really was. "However I would suggest at least three to a team."
Devon shook her head in the affirmative. She gave him one last smile, then turned back to the group.
"All right everyone, listen up." she addressed the group. "We have a pretty good idea where to locate Danziger." She paused for a moment, letting her words cause a little mini-sensation, then waiting a bit more for it to fizzle out. When it was quiet again she went on. "However, we have reason to believe his captors are dangerous men." Another mini-sensation but this one Devon hurried to squash; too many of the Advance were darting suspicious glances in Shepherd's direction. She cried out over the din. "Teams are..." That got everyone's attention. When everything was under tenuous control-again- she went on. " Julia, Alonzo, and Denner are team one, Bess, Morgan, and Cameron are team two, Baines, Magus, and Matazl are team three, and Shepherd, Walman, and myself are the final team." She looked over the crowd until she caught the eyes of her aged tutor. "I would prefer if you stayed with the children."
Yale nodded, though the children immediately began to raise howls of protest. Devon turned her attention back to the larger group. "Any questions?" When there were no questions forthcoming, she gave the group a huge smile of relief. "All right let's get going."
She turned and walked off, and the crowd behind her began to disperse, everyone hurrying to their assigned groups. Everyone except Shepherd. He stood where he was, rooted in place. The argument with Devon that he'd feared was at hand. ///She is not going to like what I have to say but I will be heard. /// He vowed to himself. Still for the moment all he could do was watch her weaving in and out among her people, and hope he had the right words to say.
John Danziger was in a world of hurt, even when he was asleep. His dreams, instead of being welcome escapes, were just another form of torture. So many dreams, so many variations on a theme. True or Devon, hurt terribly while he lay there helpless to stop it.
Then suddenly, the nightmare lifted. Left in its wake was a near blinding white light, heat, and blowing sands. Though he had never before experienced it, Danziger knew beyond a doubt where he was. The dreamplane.
Now the question was - how had he gotten there?
"Why?" he called aloud, not expecting an answer. So he was surprised, to say the least, to receive an answer.
"Seems I should be the one asking the questions."
Danziger knew that voice, and it belonged to someone he could call friend. The Elder smiled, like a father who is once again dealing with a favorite though unruly child. "Things not going well?"
Danziger scoffed, amazed at the Elder's talent for understatement. "You could say that." Seeing that he wanted an explanation, he went into details. "I went for a walk to get away from^Å" and at the knowing look, amended, "to think about things. I ran into Uly who was looking for True. They were playing hide and seek and Uly couldn't find her, so he went back to camp. True came out of her hiding place and we were just about to go back to camp when I heard voices. I didn't even stop to think - I put her up in a tree. It was too late for me though."
"And that's how you came to be lying in some cave, beaten within an inch of your life," the Elder concluded. When Danziger just shrugged, he shook his head. "Can't you manage to stay out of trouble for more than three days?"
"No, trouble finds me," he answered seriously, making the Elder laugh. "Besides I don't think it's me they want to beat damn near to death. In fact I know it's not me. They mentioned Shepherd." Beneath his breath, almost to himself, Danziger added. "They'll have to stand in line to wait to lay that one out."
The Elder, pretending not to have heard Danziger's last comment, asked him. "These men did you get their names?"
"As a matter of fact I did." His eyes met the Elder's. "Hapsburg and Berman." A sudden swell of hope hit him hard when he saw the recognition in the Elder's eyes. "Do you know them?"
"I do." The Elder's answer was flat and noncommittal.
Now it was Danziger's turn to dig for information. "And?"
All the Elder would say was "And I'm ...what's the phrase...sending in the calvary."
Then before Danziger added anything more, the Elder disappeared, the light flared out, and the nightmares descended.
The Elder took his hand off the Terrian, stepped back, and opened his eyes. He waved over one of his most trusted men. "The Governor, his lady, and a... friend...may be in trouble," was all he said. "Gather ten of your most trusted men, and find Hapsburg and Berman before they do." The man nodded, then moved off.
Unfortunately for him and his cause, Shepherd finally found Devon half an hour before the teams were scheduled to depart. ///Time is of the essence, I have no time to be subtle. /// She's smiling - now's the time. So he came right out and said it.
"Devon," his heart pounding, "I don't want you to go on that scout." Oh yes he saw right away that this was a bad move. Devon's blue eyes darkened, going mid-night blue with her repressed fury. And when she spoke again she was no longer Devon; she was Ms Adair, ready to defeat her enemies at the negotiating table. The mask was in place.
"And why?" she asked, tone steely. "What reasons do I have to remove myself from this search?"
Shepherd noted with some irritation that she had moved even further away from him. ///What will she make me scream her secrets to the entire camp? /// He refused to be denied; she was *not* going to win this one. Coming closer to her he closed the space between them. " Devon, I'm not comfortable with _any_ woman being on that scout." Moment of truth. He looked deep into her eyes, hoping she'd see his good intentions reflected there. "Especially you given matters."
Devon knew exactly what he meant. For just a moment she shrank back from him. Just for a minute the mask fell away, revealing the confusion beneath the cool exterior. Then before he could act on the change, the mask snapped firmly back into place. Only this time the mask was backed by cold fury. "How dare you," she bristled," how dare you use my past as a means to control what I do."
"That was not what I intended" he began, reaching out to touch her again.
Devon however was kinetic, bouncing off things like a pinball, then going in an opposite direction. She just could not hold still. Then again if she held still for very long she'd probably strangle Shepherd.
"Don't start with me," she stormed, "just don't start with me. I never should have..." Her voice trailed off as she realized just what she was about to say.
Shepherd felt his anger rising to meet hers; he too knew how that sentence ended. "Go on Devon, finish what you have to say." He adopted a similar stance to hers, then finished." You never should have asked me to come back with you."
Devon met his gaze, defiant. "Perhaps." she answered coolly.
Shepherd decided to switch tactics of persuasion. Adding a reflective tone to his voice, he went on. "You're a very closed person Devon Adair, at least in your waking hours."
Adair broke his gaze; suddenly the floor was unbelievably interesting. Her would be protector just chuckled grimly, continuing. "Is that what bothers you the most about having me here? Knowing that someone you have daily contact knows who you truly are? And not just the public, perfect image you project to the world?"
"Not so." Devon countered, feeling increasingly antagonistic toward the man. "These people are my friends, I have nothing to hide from them." Her head came up, a look of conviction across her features. "In fact they are more real to me than anyone else I've ever known, and vice versa." The words -like you- hung unspoken in the air.
///I doubt very much that is so,/// Shepherd assured himself. None the less this tactic is not working. Perhaps an attempt at appeasement would be for the best. Assure her - yes that was it. "All my suggestion was, was for your protection. Regardless of what you say, you I know both know your past. I was just trying to keep you safe."
"Safe," she repeated, spitting the word out. She made a patented Adair gesture of disgust. "Sounds patronizing to me, no matter how nicely you word it." She stepped away from him, and headed towards the door. Just before she went outside, she paused in the doorway, then turned around to face him. "I'm going on that scout but if it makes you feel any better I'm taking a very big gun. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll get a good shot in and send one of those bastards to hell where they belong." If her atypical swearing and violence didn't readily show her inner disquietude, then slamming the door behind her certainly did.
Shepherd sighed, sat back down even though he knew his "team" was waiting for him. He sat and wondered, not for the first time, if he and Devon ever had a chance of working out.
Outside, the other member of team four was waiting arrival of the other two with growing impatience. He wanted to get this show on the road; the sooner they got moving, the sooner they found Danziger.
Watching Devon come storming out of the common area - without Shepherd - made him stop to think that departure might be a bit delayed for Team Four. Devon didn't seem to care if she ever saw Shepherd again, scout or no scout, he observed.
Normally he wasn't one to pry into another's affairs. He'd leave that task to Bess. However, this time he had to know. This was after all Devon Adair, a woman he felt a strange need to protect.
He cleared his throat to let her know he was there. Devon looked over at him, embarrassed that someone had observed the tail end of her temper tantrum.
"Walman." she said coolly as way of greeting.
He answered, "Devon..." Then he took a deep breath and jumped right in. "Is anything wrong?"
Devon glared at him, knowing perfectly well what he was talking about but deftly trying to avoid the issue. "Danziger's been captured by some bloodthirsty penal colonists and you ask me what's wrong?!?!" she yelled, using her own anger and fear at John's current state to distract herself from the bad memories her argument with Shepherd had brought back.
Walman hurried to explain, not wanting to be the target of Devon Adair's legendary anger. "No, that's not it, Devon, I meant," he took a moment to choose his next words very carefully, "is Shepherd still coming on the scout with us or did something go wrong?" It didn't work, Devon was still glaring at him. Walman was saved from another outburst by Shepherd's approach.
Shepherd walked up to Devon. He decided he had to try one last time to convince Devon to stay. If anything happened to her . . . "Devon, please reconsider staying here with the children. Yale can join us in searching for Danziger." Try as he might, Shepherd could not keep the slight hint of aversion from creeping into his voice as he said Danziger's name. And unfortunately, Devon had caught it. She opened her mouth to say something, but Shepherd cut her off. "Devon," he continued, glancing at Walman, who was watching the whole exchange with interest, "I just don't want to see you hurt, these men are *extremely* dangerous and unpredictable."
"How dangerous?" Walman cut in, his curiosity piqued.
Shepherd answered him honestly. "I've heard about your run-in with Gaal. These men are a hundred times worse than that. I suspect that the only reason Danziger is still alive is because they want to lure us to them."
Walman caught the unspoken words - if Danziger's still alive at all. His impatience to go out and find Danziger just tripled, at least. He shot a worried glance at Devon, who had gone pale at Shepherd's words but was still managing to glare full force at the man. Walman suddenly considered that Shepherd might be right, it might be better if Devon stayed here, where she was safe. If something happened to her, Walman knew that Danziger would have his head ///If he survives/// Walman thought darkly. Not to mention that Yale and Uly would blame him as well, and of course, Walman would blame himself most of all.
Devon broke out of her momentary silence and addressed Shepherd. "Look, Shepherd, we covered this already," she said, her voice as cold as ice. "I am going on the scout."
"Devon, maybe he has a point," Walman broke in. Devon looked at him, shocked that he would turn on her too. "It would be a lot safer for you at camp."
"That is enough," Devon practically growled, glaring at the two men with absolute fury in her eyes. "Now look, you two. Absolutely nothing you say would convince me to stay at camp. In case you have forgotten, Danziger is out there somewhere, and I intend to find him. You two can either stay here and continue this macho posturing or come and help me." With that she grabbed her pistol and headed out of camp. Walman and Shepherd had little choice but to grab their own supplies and head out after her.
End Part 3
Send praise, criticism, flames, and psychiatric bills to Lilly_Beth@hotmail.com and mcstarlight@hotmail.com
Ananda (4/5)
by Elizabeth Jones
and Margaret CzarneyDevon resisted the urge to knock Shepherd and/or Walman in the head with the pistol that was clenched in her hand. One more word about how she would be safer back at camp and she *would* knock them out. //Or maybe I'll just shoot them, // she thought darkly. They were supposed to be out here looking for Danziger and the two of them were much more interested in being her 'bodyguards'. She had never needed bodyguards before and she didn't need them now. Making her decision, she knelt down and adjusted the fastenings on her boot. Sure enough, Walman and Shepherd stopped. "You go on, I'll be right behind you," she said with a fake smile.
//I don't believe it, the idiots actually fell for it, // Devon thought triumphantly as Walman and Shepherd walked off. Waiting for a second longer, Devon then went off in the opposite direction from where they walked.
Soon Devon began to recognize the area she was in. //The area near Dell's cave, // she thought. She decided to check it out. On her way to the cave, her gear beeped. //Took them long enough, // she thought sardonically as she switched off the gear. Devon approached the entrance of the cave cautiously, bringing her pistol up and listening for any unusual sounds. She heard muffled noises coming from the interior and crept inside to investigate. Sure enough, in the main chamber, there were the two men that True had described. Joshua Hapsburg and Michael Berman, Shepherd had said their names were. And there, lying between her and the men, near a wall, was John. Devon bit her lip as her breath caught in her throat. Even from this distance, she could see how pale he was and the nasty bruises beginning to develop on one side of his face. She almost sighed in relief when she noticed the gentle rise and fall of his chest, but stopped herself in time. Hapsburg and Berman seemed to be talking about something, but Devon couldn't quite make out what they were saying. Then one of them, //Berman,// she guessed from Shepherd's description, turned and walked across the chamber towards Devon. She moved closer to the wall, into the shadows, wishing she could move through earth and stone like the Terrians could. When Berman passed John, he took a moment to deliver a swift kick to John's stomach. Devon's eyes grew wide, and her hand tightened around the pistol but she didn't make a sound. She didn't dare. If the bastard would just turn around, she could get out of here and call the others to get John out of here. She'd shoot them right now, but she didn't think she could get both of them in time. Unfortunately, luck wasn't with Devon today. Berman didn't stop coming, and soon he was close enough that if he even turned his head a millimeter, he'd spot her . . . and then he did. Berman was startled for a moment, but only a moment, and he reached out and grabbed her before she could even bring the pistol up. He slapped it aside and roughly shoved her out in the open.
Hapsburg looked over at them. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"
"I knew they'd show up sooner or later," Berman stated.
"And what a pleasant surprise this is, to have you grace our presence before any of the others," Hapsburg said to Devon with a smarmy sort of charm. "Where are the rest of them?" he demanded, his voice suddenly hard. Devon's only was response was to raise her chin defiantly and glare at him.
Berman grabbed Devon by the shoulders and held her firmly in place. Devon struggled to move away from him, but his grip was firm. "If you don't want to talk," he whispered, his breath hot against her ear, "I'm sure we could find . . . other things . . . to occupy our time."
Devon felt like she was going to throw up. She fought hard not to start trembling, she didn't want to give this bastard the satisfaction of knowing how shaken up she was. Devon quickly brought her foot up and slammed it down on his boot with as much force as she could muster.
It was enough. Berman yelled in surprise and let go of her, letting out a very impressive string of curses that left Devon feeling oddly satisfied with herself. That is until he stalked over to her and slapped her hard across the face. Devon stumbled back, bringing a hand up to the injured side of her face, her eyes tearing involuntarily. Berman advanced toward her again but fortunately for Devon, Hapsburg stopped him. "There'll be time enough for that later," he said. "We've got to make sure we're ready for our other guests."
With that, Berman glared at Devon, and she shuddered at the murderous look in his eyes. Then he turned away and Devon was ignored for the moment. //Oh, Devon, that was *not* one of your better ideas, // she thought, willing the stinging pain in her cheek to subside. She walked over to John and knelt beside him. Reaching out a hand, she laid it against his face. //Oh God, he's burning up, // Devon thought worriedly, //I knew he wasn't completely over his sickness, I just knew it.// She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to move him or not, but she figured she couldn't make it much worse. She tried to make him as comfortable as she could and then sat down and pulled his head into her lap.
"No," Danziger murmured, not opening his eyes, "no more, don't . . ."
"Shh, John, it's okay," Devon whispered, smoothing the sweat-soaked hair away from his forehead. "It's only me." He dropped back into sleep or unconsciousness, Devon couldn't tell for sure. She sat there trying to absorb some of the heat of his fever through her hands for - Devon wasn't sure how long. Their two captors were busy preparing for the assault they believed was coming. Then Devon looked up and saw a face that she recognized from Shepherd's caves at one of the entrances, and then another one, and another one. Berman and Hapsburg didn't notice them. She eased John's head off her lap. Although it didn't look like they would need her help, Devon didn't want to take any chances. In fact, she wouldn't mind getting her hands on either one of those bastards.
"I swear, once I get my hands on Danziger, I'm gonna kill him," Julia muttered as they walked along, searching for any sign of Danziger or his two captors. Alonzo shared a glance with Denner. Worried, he mouthed to her, and the other woman nodded knowingly as Julia continued her tirade, still speaking to herself. "He does this to us all the time! How can one man manage to get in so much trouble? Of course, it'd probably help if he stopped wandering off on his own and bothered to take his gear with him sometimes."
"Julia," Alonzo interrupted, "calm down, we're going to find Danziger."
"I am calm!" Julia snapped. "And he better live through this, just so I can have the pleasure of wringing his neck!!"
"Julia!" Alonzo exclaimed, trying to get her to stop her fairly impressive rant.
"What?!" she snapped, whirling to face him. What ever Alonzo was going to say was cut off by the beeping of Julia's gear. She grabbed and activated it. "Heller here," she said.
"Julia," Devon's face greeted her across the gear channel. "We have him." Julia heard Alonzo and Denner sigh in relief behind her. "How close are you to Dell's cave?" she asked.
Julia looked around, judging their position. "Just a few minutes away," she responded. The group started walking to Dell's cave. "Tell Danziger I'm going to confine him to camp for the rest of winter for pulling this stunt on us," Julia said, feeling relieved that Danziger had been found, but still angry with him for worrying everyone so much.
Devon didn't even crack a smile at that remark. "Julia! Just get here, *quickly*," Devon said, signing off.
Julia frowned and increased her pace. Devon was very worried, she realized uncomfortably. They reached the cave and Julia took in the scene before her. Someone she didn't know was talking to Shepherd and Devon was kneeling on the ground next to John, with Walman standing nearby, looking worried.
Julia rushed over to John and ran her diaglove over his pale, unconscious form. The mask of objectivity that all doctors are trained to wear slipped for just a moment when horror overtook her as she absorbed the readings from her diaglove. What did those bastards do? Use him for a dance floor? Then the moment passed and the mask was back in place. "I need to get him back to camp," Julia said, trying unsuccessfully to disguise the urgency in her voice.
"Baines is coming with the dune rail," Walman answered, "he should be here any minute now." As soon as he spoke the words, they heard the dune rail pull up outside the cave. Julia enlisted Alonzo and Walman's assistance in moving Danziger to the dune rail. Shepherd finished his conversation and went over to Devon to offer her a hand up. She ignored the offered hand and rose to her feet, wrapping her arms around herself.
"What happens to them?" Devon asked quietly and intensely, staring at the ground.
"The others have decided that they're too dangerous to be left alive," Shepherd said. "An 'accident' is going to occur on the way back to the caves."
"Good," Devon said with undisguised venom.
Shepherd felt a wave of guilt pass over him. He hadn't been able to protect her. "I'm so sorry for what you went through, Devon," he said.
Devon looked up at him. "So sorry, for what *I* went through," she repeated quietly. He nodded uncertainly. "Dammit, Shepherd, you don't even care," she said, continuing to speak in the same quiet but intense tone of voice. "All they did to me was slap me and scare me a little. Danziger's near *death* because of them, and you couldn't care less, could you. You don't even give a damn whether he lives or dies. Or would you prefer he died?" Devon's voice rose slightly on that last question and she stalked out of the cave and headed back to camp, leaving him behind.
A pall had fallen over the camp. Uly glanced around. Everyone was gathered in the main room, some trying to keep busy, others talking softly in small groups, and still others just sitting alone with their thoughts. His mom was with True, trying to provide some comfort to the worried girl. Uly knew why she looked so scared, both children had seen John when they brought him back. No one even spared the kids a glance. Baines and Alonzo carried Danziger into the room where the medical supplies were kept and Julia and then Bess had disappeared into the room and closed the door. That had been a long time ago, and Uly was starting to get worried. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Mr. Danziger got in trouble a lot, but he was supposed to be okay. He'd come back to camp and Julia and Uly's mom would be mad at him for awhile and then everything would be normal again. The camp shouldn't be this quiet, and his mom shouldn't look like she was about to cry. Uly walked over to where Yale was sitting and crawled onto the bench beside him. The old tutor put his arm around the boy.
"Yale?" Uly asked softly. Yale looked down at his young charge. "Mr. Danziger, he's not going to . . . die, is he?"
After a very long moment, Yale answered him. "He might die, yes, Uly," Yale said in a quiet voice.
Uly wiped a hand across his suddenly tear-filled eyes. "He's not supposed to die, Yale."
Yale pulled the boy into his lap and hugged him. "I know, Uly, I know."
Some time later, Julia and Bess emerged from the med-room and everyone was instantly alert. Devon looked at the doctor, trying to get some clue as to John's condition. Julia looked absolutely exhausted, ready to drop. Then she began to speak. "There was a lot of internal damage. I did my best repairing what I could, but . . ." //He still might not make it, // Devon's mind filled in. "If he makes it through the next . . . 24 hours," Julia continued, "he'll make it."
"Devon."
Devon looked down to see True trying very hard to hold back her tears.
"I want to see my dad," she said, her voice wavering only once.
Devon looked at Julia for confirmation. She nodded her okay, and Devon looked down at True. "Alright, sweetie, I'll go with you, okay?" True nodded. Devon took her hand and they went into the room where John Danziger lay. Devon hung back while True went over to her father. True hesitated and then she reached out her hand and smoothed back his hair. After a moment, Devon realized that True was whispering something. She moved forward to hear the words.
"I'm sorry Daddy, I'm so sorry," True repeated over and over, tears running down her face. In a flash, Devon realized that True blamed herself for her father's predicament. She went up to the girl and embraced her from behind.
"No, it's not your fault, sweetie," Devon said, "don't think that for a second."
"But . . ."
"No buts," Devon said, firmly but gently. "What happened was in absolutely no way your fault, and everyone here knows it."
"My dad," True said, her voice breaking.
"Shh, True," Devon said, rocking the girl in her arms, "he'll make it, he has to."
The scream woke everyone up. It went on and on as Morgan, Bess, Eben, Uly, Shepherd, and the few others who had managed to fall asleep streamed out into the main room of the biodome. When they arrived, it was instantly obvious what had happened. Bess walked into her husband's embrace, burying her head against his chest. Uly made a beeline for Yale, who swept him up and cradled the boy as he sobbed. Tears were visible in everyone's eyes. The terrible cries finally quieted and Julia exited the med-room and went straight into Alonzo's waiting arms.
"I tried, Alonzo," she sobbed, "I tried, I'm so sorry, I tried." Alonzo tried to comfort her, but the doctor seemed determined to blame herself for the death of her patient. Everyone stood around, sharing their grief, but knowing their own sadness couldn't match what the two people who were still in the med-room were feeling. Devon and True were still inside the med-room and they didn't emerge till much later. Devon was carrying True in her arms, and Yale jumped up to relieve her of her burden.
"She cried herself to sleep," Devon whispered, passing her over to Yale. He took her and started walking towards the little girl's normal room. "Yale," Devon stopped him. "Put her in my room, okay?" The tutor nodded his understanding. It would be too much for True right now to wake up in the room that she had shared with her father.
"Mom?" Devon looked down into Uly's tear-stained face.
"Oh Uly," she said, opening her arms and catching him in a fierce hug. She held him for a few minutes and then said, "Go on to bed, now. I'll be there in a little while." Uly went off to bed without protesting. When Uly had gone, Devon addressed the rest of the group. "We should all get some sleep," she said. "We'll decide ^Å what to do in the morning," she finished this sentence quickly and bit her lip, blinking back tears. People started drifting off.
Shepherd approached Devon quietly. "Devon, I am so sorry," he said, "for everything. I was only worried that you would get hurt. I was unfair to you, to John, to everyone."
"I'm sorry, too, I was worried and I took it out on you," she said, trying to hold back her tears. "It's just everything that's happened, you coming to stay with us, John . . ." she broke down and started crying. Shepherd stepped forward and enfolded her in his arms.
"Devon, it'll be alright," he soothed as she cried against his shoulder.
"God, Shepherd, I can't believe he's gone," Devon sobbed, "he's really gone."
Shepherd held her for a long while, until her sobs finally quieted.
In the morning, they gathered together to decide where to bury John Danziger. A red-eyed True quietly suggested a small clearing on a hill. No one else knew that it was the same place where John had introduced True to her mother, but everyone agreed to it. The funeral was hard for everyone. No one wanted to accept that the strong man that they had all relied on for support at one time or another was gone. The winter passed. Devon took over caring for True, with help from Bess and Julia. Some people noticed that whenever a male member of the party attempted to care for True as a parent would, she brushed them off. Alonzo and Yale adjusted and True accepted them as friends, but never anything more. Every day, True would slip away to visit her father's grave. Everyone knew where the little girl went, and no one invaded her privacy.
Then the day came when they were going to leave their winter camp. Shepherd was on a walk, taking a last look around at the land that had been his home for so long, when he came upon Danziger's grave and saw True sitting near it, crying. Hesitantly, because he knew True still wasn't completely comfortable with him, Shepherd approached her. "True?" he asked gently.
Surprising him, she answered his unspoken question. "I don't want to go," she said through her tears.
"You don't want to leave him," Shepherd elaborated. True nodded, the tears still flowing down her face. Shepherd went to kneel next to her. "You'll never leave your father behind, little one. He's in here," he said, pointing to her heart. "He always will be. And I know that your father, wherever he may be, is watching over you right now. He loved you very, very much, True. Someday you'll see him again, I know it." True was sobbing uncontrollably now, and Shepherd hesitated again before putting his arm around the little girl. Instead of pulling away as he expected, she leaned against him and cried.
Life went on for the Eden Advance. They left the protection of the black out zone, and while they were faced with problems and sicknesses, they pulled together and were able to overcome all of them. One day as they traveled across the plain, Devon walked with Shepherd behind the main group, holding hands and enjoying the passing scenery. Just in front of them, Alonzo was walking with the children, teaching them silly songs. Suddenly Devon's head shot up and she looked intently at the scene before her, a wide smile spreading across her face. "Shepherd, look," she said.
"What is it, Devon?" he asked, confused.
Tears appeared in Devon's eyes as she watched the ex-pilot and the two giggling children. "True, she's laughing. I think this is the first time she's laughed since - since John died." A few tears trickled down her face and she wiped them away.
Shepherd brought his hand up to wipe away the few tears she missed. He marveled at her, this woman who could love another's child as her own, who seemed to have infinite room in her heart to care for people. "Devon," he said, more nervous than he'd ever been before, "I love you more than life itself. Will you marry me?"
A brilliant smile spread across Devon's face. "Of course I will," she said. Shepherd grinned broadly and hugged her tightly. She laughed and said, "I love you, Shepherd," before she pulled his head down for a passionate kiss. Joy and love filled Shepherd's heart as he returned the kiss and realized that all his dreams had come true.
-The End-
Well, how did you like it? Again, send praise, criticism, flames, and psychiatric bills to Lilly_Beth@hotmail.com and mcstarlight@hotmail.com
Ananda (5/5)
by Elizabeth Jones
and Margaret Czarney::peeks out of hiding:: Um... Becky, you were right, that wasn't how it ended... *S*
(Ellie waits for the angry Edenites to put down their blunt objects before giving the next line)
And then, Shepherd woke up.
What with traveling with the Eden Advance and their ordered schedule of sleeping and waking, naturally Shepherd was a bit out of it. After all, in the caves of the Community it was a constant state of twilight. Slowly, very slowly, he had adjusted to the Advance's cycles of day and night. Last night had been the first night he had actually gone to sleep at a decent hour, and not woken up till the next morning.
He blinked against the light hazing in through the frosted glass of the biodome windows. At least he assumed it was morning, though he didn't hear any sounds of activity from the common area.
Then he remembered. Danziger lost. Devon very foolishly ignoring his and . . . his and . . . Shepherd frowned. What was that man's name again. Oh yes, Walman. Devon ignoring his and Walman's advice to stay off the scout. Berman and Hapsburg, and their little premeditated *accident* on the way to the caves. Danziger brought back to camp seriously injured and not expected to live through the night. Shepherd himself had finally gone to bed after sitting up for hours with Devon, trying to be supportive as she awaited news on Danziger's fate.
Then when he finally slept he dreamt a sweet dream. Shepherd shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs away. Images from his dream and images from reality were getting all confused is his memory. Rolling over onto his side, he decided to let the dream hold sway for just a bit longer. It had been such a pleasant dream after all. In it, everything he had ever really wanted was his: a wandering life, a beautiful, intelligent, woman who loved him.
No matter. There was still plenty of time for each of those things, and still plenty of opportunities. As for now, he would go and check on Devon.
He sat up slowly, fighting a head rush, reluctantly leaving the comfort of his bed. It was still a shock when his feet met cold metal instead of dirt. ///Enjoy it while it lasts my friend; was not Devon thinking we should be on the move very soon?///
Then again things might be thrown all out of kilter if John Danziger died.
Shepherd winced; that had come out sounding very cold indeed. He did not wish death on the man, not at all. In any case, it was crude to view the man's potential demise as nothing more than an annoyance.
Devon's "room" was empty, and her bed looked like it had not been slept in all night. Shepherd frowned; should take better care of herself, he would speak with her about it later on.
She wasn't in the common area either, though every other Advancer seemed to be. From the looks of them all it seemed only Shepherd had gotten any sleep last night. Each and every one of them looked about ready to drop. The weasel's wife -///Bess//, he reminded himself - was the only one up and about, she was pouring glass after glass of what the Eden Advance deigned to call coffee.
///No,/// he noted, looking around again ///Devon is not here with the others...nor is True...neither is the doctor./// Given these absences and the air of mourning that hung over the assembled group, Shepherd had good cause to wonder what had transpired while he slept.
He was about to go over and ask Yale just what was going on, when the door to the common area swung wide open. Behind the open door was Julia, flanked on one side by True. Heller looked exhausted but triumphant; True was rubbing at eyes that were suspiciously red. At the sight of the twosome conversation picked up, rose to a crescendo as the others shushed the talkers, then all the voices died down.
When Julia spoke, it was as tired as Shepherd ever heard a human being sound, but she also sounded on the edge of tears. Tears of joy and success that is.
"It was a rough night, but I can now safely say that, given time, John will be just fine." Julia smiled broadly at the end of this pronouncement.
Pandemonium broke out as the Advance reacted to the good news their doctor had brought them. Baines and Walman gave each other a high five, going on about how they knew the man was just too stubborn to die. The normally recalcitrant Cameron swept Magus up in a bear hug and twirled her around. Bess folded her hands and sent up a silent prayer of thanks, then turned and embraced her husband. Uly said something to that actually made True laugh. Yale just watched over them all, though he was smiling as well.
But though Shepherd noticed all of them, he didn't really see them at all. The world had narrowed down; all that was left was one burning question: where was Devon?
He had a sickening feeling swimming in his stomach. ///Do I want to know?///
Another voice, one he usually told immediately to please be quiet, chimed in. ///I think you already know.///
Pushing his way through the still rejoicing crowd, he made his way out of the common area. He headed off to the area deemed the infirmary.
"How do you feel?"
Danziger groaned in reply. "Was it really necessary to drive 'Rail my so hard on the return trip?" he managed to rasp out.
Devon nearly fell off her precarious perch on the edge of his bed. He had almost died and all he wanted to know was why she was such a bad driver? "Danziger..." she sputtered.
If it didn't hurt so bad would have liked to roll his eyes at her. "It was a joke, Devon, remember those?"
"A joke?" Devon exclaimed. "Danziger, you True, Julia, and I were up all night with you, wondering if you'd even be alive this morning. The rest of camp was waiting in the biodome. No one got any sleep last night," //Except Shepherd, // a voice at the back of Devon's head piped in. "And do you know why?" Devon glared down at John, trying to disguise the worry in her eyes. "It was because you decided to almost get yourself killed, *again*."
"It wasn't^Å" John started to protest, but then he stopped when he saw the look in Devon's eyes. "I'm sorry, Dev," he said quietly.
He noticed that Devon flinched a bit at his applying her diminutive. ///But it doesn't matter does it? You've chickened out again haven't you? All those nice words you had all thought out last night, and now you're not going to say a word./// No he wasn't and she was already retreating, he could see it.
"I'm sorry too," she said, looking away from him, "you should be resting. If Julia came in here and saw me screaming at you^Å"
"She'd join you," he said with a smile, trying to put Devon at ease again.
It almost worked. Devon smiled a little at this, but she was still retreating from him. She got to her feet and said, "I'd better be going."
"Dev, wait," John said, reaching for her hand and wincing at the pain it caused him. "Don't go."
She just stood there for a moment, torn between fleeing the room and staying with John. Finally she decided, and she slowly sat back down on the edge of his bed. He took Devon's hand, now in easy reach, and began talking. "The other night, when those goons had me, I realized something." John felt like taking a deep breath, but he had learned the hard way that his newly healed lungs didn't like that much. As he poured his heart out, Devon looked like she was ready to bolt at any second, but John held tight to her hand. He told her about all of the feelings that he had just realized existed in his heart. When he finished, Devon was silent, almost in shock. It killed John to say the next part, hurt worse than all of his injuries combined, but he went on anyway. "Devon, I know this is all sorta^Å unexpected, and^Å" John swallowed and looked at their joined hands. "I want you to know, if you tell me that you love Shepherd, then we^Å we can just forget this, I won't do anything, I won't bring it up ever again."
Just outside, Shepherd slumped against the wall, surprised at what he had heard, and yet, not surprised at all. For a split second, Shepherd wished Danziger had died during the night. It was a heartless thought, and Shepherd was ashamed for thinking it, but he was terrified of losing Devon. And Shepherd knew that they were already growing apart. He waited for Devon to speak and decide his fate.
"I need to know how you feel, Dev." Danziger's voice, again.
Devon finally broke her silence. "I^Å God, John, this^Å I have to^Å"
Shepherd heard footsteps coming toward the door, but it was too late to move away. Devon rushed out and saw him standing there. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Devon rushed off without saying a word.
The Elder barely had time to recover himself, nevermind time to say anything to the fleeing Devon Adair. All he could do was stare after her. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a shadow shift. A shadow that looked like a man. Instinctively the Elder knew who it was. Shepherd, who had heard every word exchanged. He was probably miserable about right now.
The Elder looked in on John Danziger. The mechanic was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. The words he was shouting to the Heavens were less than devout.
Then there was the cause of it all, Devon Adair, who was probably half way across the continent by now, judging by the speed she'd taken that last corner with.
The Elder sighed; what a tangled web...
He walked over to Danziger, who was still tempting fate with less than complimentary terms.
"They must have taught you recruits something new," the Elder broke into the stream of obscenities, tone so dry it could cut paper, "because I was in the service for fifteen years and never have I heard such language."
"Yeah that and other things," the battered mechanic managed to rasp. "What are you doing here?"
The Elder set down the tray, on a table across from Danziger's make shift bed. "Some of the men from the Community assisted in rescuing of you and Devon. Myself included. A handful of us followed your group back to camp."
The chief mechanic for the Eden Advance winced, eyes adjusting to the light streaming in from the door that had been left open. "That for me?" blue eyes flickered over to the abandoned dinner tray.
The Elder nodded in the affirmative. "Do you want it?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
It was no great shock when Danziger refused the food. "Well," the Elder joked, a purpose in mind, "I had to at least offer, or live in fear of Bess. In my short time with your group I have learned that she is one woman you don't argue with when it comes to certain things." //Time to get to it// "Only one worse is Devon Adair."
As if it were the most off hand casual question in the world, the Elder added, "Do women always run out on you that way, or just Devon?"
Tone showing much more than words could ever convey, Danziger admitted, "No, just Devon."
Deciding to let that sink in for a minute or two, the Elder watched the other man struggle with the implications of the otherwise simple statement. When he could wait no longer, he had to say, "You told her." The words came out more as a statement than question.
Danziger winced again, except this time it wasn't from pain. "Yeah," he reached back a hand to his shoulder, rubbing at his sore muscles.
"And you meant it?"
"I wouldn't have said it those things if I didn't mean them!"
"Still," the Elder persisted, "you told her how you felt."
Tone. Tone told everything, colored in the true meanings of the words. "Yeah I told her. Look what it got me. Geez, I'm overwhelmed." At the moment Danziger's tone was suited to the blackest of black humor.
The Elder blew out air between his teeth, trying not to become exasperated. Little did either Devon or Danziger know the matter was already out of their hands. Someday he'd have to tell them both *all* that he had seen in their dreams of each other. Feeling it was time to step things up, he pressed "Anything else you care to add?"
Shooting his interrogator a look of annoyance, John Danziger must have realized there was no way of getting out of this with out some sort of admission. So he finally told the man what he wanted to hear.
"Yes. I am in love with Devon Adair."
No sooner had the words left Danziger's mouth then there was a huge crash! from somewhere outside.
"What the he..." Danziger barely got out the words and started to get out of bed before the Elder cut him off.
"Probably just someone knocking something over," the Elder postulated glibly, shoving him back down onto the bed. "I'll go and look. Stay and rest."
At the door, the Elder paused then turned back. "Something I forgot, John."
"Do I really want to know?" Danziger mused to himself. With a painful looking shrug of his shoulders, he decided "Sure, why not. What did you forget?"
With his best 'got you!' smile, the Elder proclaimed, "I told you so." With that he ducked out the door. Another stream of muffled curses followed him out.
///My but that hurts./// Gingerly, Shepherd clinched and unclenched his fist, getting only flashes of pain for his troubles. That crate had weighed more than it looked. Still the crash had been quite satisfying.
"Damn you John Danziger," he muttered, noticing now that the cut was bleeding quite freely, "you are making my life exceedingly... difficult." Whether he meant the wounded hand or the whole burgeoning mess with Devon, not even Shepherd was sure. With his uninjured hand he tore a strip from the hem of his already ragged overshirt, and then began to wrap the makeshift bandage around his other hand.
The door to the room slammed shut; Shepherd looked up hopefully. Was Danziger coming out to investigate the little outburst? ///I certainly hope so. I could use a private talk with that man.///
To his disappointment, only the Elder emerged from the doorway. Making sure the door was tightly shut behind him, he leaned against it. He looked around and then shook his head.
Shepherd gave a mental shrug and went back to tending his wound. Until he heard what the Elder had to say next.
"You may as well show yourself."
Shepherd started; the Elder knew he was here? Did he know how long he'd been right in that spot? With an expression common to all eavesdroppers who get caught, Shepherd emerged from his hiding place.
Never one to waste words, the Elder went headlong into the conversation. "You heard it all then?"
Just as headstrong by nature, Shepherd nodded curtly. "I did."
The Elder looked to Shepherd then to the broken pieces of the crate that laid scattered on the ground, then looked back to Shepherd. "I take it you didn't like what you heard."
"No." Understatement of the century. "No I did not."
The Elder was about to say something else, when Walman came strolling by. Nodding cordially, faces neutral, both men waited until he had turned the corner. When he was sure that they were once again alone, the Elder ushered Shepherd over to a near by bench. Sitting down, the Elder continued
"I wish I knew what to tell you, friend. The sad fact is, every word you heard, whether it be from Devon, from Danziger, or from myself, was the honest truth."
///I don't believe it!!// "Ummmmmphhh...." Shepherd's supposed disinterest was a distraction ploy he wasn't surprised the Elder saw right through.
"You know as well as I do there is no place for you in Devon's active life."
>From a place deep in Shepherd, the old rage stirred, began to simmer. Long practice in keeping it sublimated was the only thing that kept him in control.
"I never expected there to be a ready made place for me in Devon's life," he explained smoothly. "Even after what we experienced. There was too much time, too much distance between us for those memories to sustain to an emotional relationship. But once, once she loved me."
"Once, "it seemed the Elder was deliberately baiting him, "but no longer."
Shepherd bristled at the Elder's words. "She still cares for me."
"Ah," the Elder replied, "but she no longer loves you,"
No use to struggle against it any more; the rage boiled over and Shepherd let it have its way. "And who does she love? John Danziger? What has he done for her? Nothing! No! When she found out that Uly had the Syndrome? No! When all her friends abandoned her? No! He was not!"
"Neither were you," the Elder pointed out quietly.
"I was!" he hissed. "In spirit. Which was the best that either of us could do at the time!"
The Elder argued for John Danziger. "He would have if he could have. Circumstances, all circumstances."
Shepherd whirled, turning his back on the Elder, lest he say something he regret. When he next spoke his voice was strained. "Why, why must you persist in playing my devil's advocate?"
"Because," the Elder answered calmly, "it's worked so well for the past 30 years or so."
Acknowledging that simple fact, Shepherd conceded, "And if I know you you're not through yet."
"You know me well." The Elder shifted on the bench in order to get more comfortable. At one point she loved you, but no longer. We both know that. As I see it you have two choices."
Shepherd didn't like the tone of the words but knew he had no choice but to listen. "Those choices are."
The Elder must have decided to start with the worst possibility, because his words made Shepherd's blood run cold.
"Leave," he said with a terrible amount of certainty. "Return with the others and I to the Community. We need you; I am no use as a leader on my own."
"And the other alternative?" asked Shepherd grimly. "Devon Adair," the Elder began, leaving Shepherd wondering where this topic was going, "is a good woman, loyal to a fault."
"Don't you think *I* know that?"
"I know you do," the Elder assured his friend, "which should make you more sensitive to her situation."
"Situation?"
"If you stayed then she would feel bound to stay with you."
Shepherd turned back around to face the Elder, a hurt look on his face. "Ridiculous. Devon is a modern independent woman. If she wanted to leave me then she would."
"No, no she wouldn't. You two are so bound up together that she feels confused; she thinks she still loves you." The Elder held up a hand to forestall Shepherd's protests to the contrary. "No let me finish. You have seen both the dreams of Devon and Danziger; you know that they are meant for each other."
"Yes, but," Shepherd grumbled.
"They are meant for each other," the Elder continued "but she would still be with you. She just wouldn't be happy. You want her to be happy."
"I would give my life to make her happy" Shepherd answered honestly.
"Then give her freedom."
"Freedom," Shepherd echoed softly, placing his head in his hands. He felt the vibrations of the Elder's footsteps, pacing up to him then he sensed his presence before him.
"I leave you to your decision," he barely heard the Elder say, and then he was lost in his own indecision.
Devon Adair had never run from a possible fight... before now. But when faced with John Danziger's true feelings, she took the easy way out.
She ran out on him.
She ran until her legs gave out. Unfortunately for Devon, her adrenaline carried her a fair ways from camp, then it ran out before she was able to stop. She went crashing into a snowbank, and nearly knocked herself unconscious. The end result was Devon, stranded at least a mile from camp, on her own, with no gear.
///Oh great. On my own, possibly injured, no gear. Danziger's gonna love this./// The irony of it all made her burst out laughing, despite her situation.
///It's all his fault anyway!/// came a voice that Devon had been hearing a lot of lately. She had learned that it was pointless to ignore her "other self"; it would just get louder and more obnoxious if denied.
Devon sat up, brushed the snow off her clothes and out of her hair, reconciled to having to having another two-sided conversation with herself. ///Partly my fault too. I don't know why he made me so angry, so afraid.///
///He was making you feel threatened.///
///What?!///
///Danziger was making you feel threatened///
For some insane reason, Devon felt irritated by this observation. ///That man does _not_ make me feel at all threatened.///
///Yes, he does.///
///Fine/// Devon acceded, really too tired to argue with herself. //He does. Why?///
///Think back to our childhood. Your parents, you loved them -they took what they wanted from you, and ignored the rest of you. You loved Michael, and he took what he wanted from you and _he hurt you_. All your life you've been starved for love. At the same time, you wanted to control, you wanted to be the taker. That's what makes you think you are in love with Shepherd.///
Her other self hit a nerve, and it stung. ///I do love Shepherd.///
///No you don't. There is no give and take to that relationship; you are both takers. You have never known true, unselfish love. You have never been in love with a giver; the idea terrifies and attracts you at the same time. Someone who could care for you as much as you care for them. Someone who loves you for you. Most importantly, someone who has just as much at stake as you do. John Danziger is a giver and that's why he threatens you. Why you had to run away just now.///
///You're crazy!/// Devon screamed, anything to keep away the hard truth she'd been
avoiding for so long.Her other self's laughter rippled fluid around her ///Maybe I am crazy. I am a part of you, after all.///
Devon was unable to think of a rejoinder for that, and still too stunned to care. The troublesome voice receded and was alone.
She had no idea how long she sat there, before she noticed the light. Once, twice, three times blinking against the sudden brightness of the landscape. Craning her neck back to look up at the sky, Devon could see that the sun was hidden behind a cloud. Where was the light coming from? The sensation that the air was alive somehow, constantly sweeping past, over, under, and through her? Like a caress. It was a familiar touch, she was sure she'd felt it before. The sensation set off something in her memory. Before she was even aware of it, she was calling out his name.
"Shepherd!"
The mental buzz was back, only this time it used a different voice. ///Yes, it's me Devon.///
///The Dreamplane. We're dreaming together again.///
///Yes///
///That would mean...///
///When you fell, you struck your head. You're dreaming now, while the snow covers your body from view.///
Devon experienced a vague feeling of panic; like watching someone else face their own tragic death ///I'm going to freeze to death, aren't I?///
///NO!!! No you're not. You're going to get up and return to camp.///
///I've tried. I can't wake up.///
///Please, Devon. Follow your head and your heart.///
///That doesn't make any sense!///
///That doesn't matter so much now. Trust yourself, and you'll find your way out.///
The Project Leader scanned the snowy world slowly closing in on her. There! A sheet of white, brighter than anything else around her. ///Follow your head./// Something told that this was her way out. She approached the shimmering portal slowly, stopping just short of going through it. Hesitantly, she reached out her hands. And stared in amazement as they passed right through. Tingling, not unpleasant, shot through her hands, up her arms, and diffused all over her body.
///This is it, isn't it?///
///Yes. One last burden, love. Do you forgive me?///
The question came suddenly out of nowhere. Startled, Devon drew back from the portal.
///For what?///
///For leaving you.///
Then, she realized it. If Shepherd was here in her dreams , then he must have returned to the Community. There were no Terrians to be found elsewhere this time of year.
///Why?/// She knew there would be no attempt at pretense, no sugar coating the truth. He had never lied to her before.
///Devon. I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone else. But it could never work. We have our separate lives, our separate responsibilities. I have the Community and you have an entire Colony depending on you! Asking either of us to give that up is just selfish. And would always be all or nothing with us. That's just the way we both are.///
Devon had to acknowledge those facts as true. That didn't mean that she had to like them. Or that she wasn't going to fight every last step of the way his attempt to leave her. ///What if I still need you?///
///You don't need me, Devon. Not any more. So many other possibilities are open to you now. Take them. Follow your heart. Go now. Time is growing short. //
///Wait! Shepherd!///
///Good-bye./// And with that Devon left the Dreamplane, against her will.
She awoke, lying half-frozen in the snow. Every muscle screaming its complaint. The only warmth came from the tears streaming down her face.
Thoughts and miles away, a heartbroken man was stepping away from a Terrian. "It's finished," he proclaimed in no louder than a whisper.
The Elder nodded, "You did the right thing."
"The right thing," Shepherd echoed. "Then why do I feel so wrong?"
The *real* End.
(With epilogue and endnotes to follow!)Send praise, criticism, flames, and psychiatric bills to Lilly_Beth@hotmail.com and mcstarlight@hotmail.com
Ananda - Epilogue
by Elizabeth Jones
and Margaret CzarneyLater in the week, Danziger was finally released from Julia's clutches. Late one evening, Danziger found Devon Adair, who had been secluding herself from the group and especially from him. As he suspected, the Eden Project leader had retreated to one of one of her favorite places in the biodome: the top level of the greenhouse. Next to a window that gave the best view in the place. So quiet was he and so absorbed was Devon that both barely noticed his coming up to sit next to her. One moment he wasn't there, the next moment, he was.
"Counting stars?" he asked, his voice a surprise even to himself.
When he first saw Devon, she was sitting in profile. Now when she turned to look at him, Danziger felt his breath catch in his chest. Honestly, she looked like hell. By now he knew her well enough to know how to read her face, to see what emotions were playing under her cool exterior. Tonight was no different. In her blue eyes Danziger saw many things, chief of which were grief, anger, and self blame. This mixed bag of emotions was no stranger to him. She was in shock. He'd seen the symptoms before; hell, he'd lived the symptoms before.
"No," she said, her voice low and ragged, "though if you found the wishing star, would you tell me?"
Sensing an opening, Danziger asked, "What would you wish for if you found it?"
There was a pause, and then, "All I ever wanted^Å" Hearing her was a strain, he had to come in closer, "the feeling that I... that I...." A pained expression played across her pale, drawn features. Still, she was born and bred an Adair; no messy personal issues were going to derail her train of thought. Her voice barely caught, the flow of words never ran dry. "The feeling that I belonged."
"Devon, you do belong. You belong here with us, with Eden Advance."
Devon's next words damn near broke Danziger's heart. Turning her clear eyes to him, she explained simply. "Shepherd made me feel that I belonged to someone. I mean I know that's terribly antiquated," Devon rambled, "especially for someone like me who's pretty much lived on my own my whole life but DAMN it..." the rest was lost when she buried her face in her hands.
This was cutting it too close to the bone; Danziger was too close to saying what was on his mind, again. For one moment, just one small moment, he almost spoke anyway. The air gathered in his lungs, ready to push out the words that were on the tip of his tongue.
Do all women run away from you or just Devon?
The memory of the Elder's words was like a punch to the stomach; it knocked the wind out of him. Exhaling harshly, all the breath escaping his body at once, Danziger brought himself back to reality.
No, Devon Adair did not need his spilling his guts for the second time that week. What she needed was someone to listen, even if all that person could do was mouth platitudes. It didn't matter what was said. He doubted she was even registering the words, tonight. Simple human warmth was all that mattered now. If that's what needed then he was damned well going to give it to her.
When Devon looked up again, Danziger felt the proverbial rug pulled right out from under him.
"If you don't mind," the Project leader struggled to keep her composure, "I'd really prefer to be alone right now."
Her words floored him. She wasn't going to let him even try and help her! What else had he expected? She was so stubborn - but he was twice as stubborn. He gave what he hoped was a nonchalant shrug and began to rise from his chair. "If that's what you need, fine."
"Wait! Wait," Devon's blue eyes locked with his and the look in them was almost accusatory. "What, you're not even going to try and talk me out of it?"
Allowing the frustration of the week to show, the mechanic threw his hands up in a gesture of exasperation. "I don't know what you want from me, Adair."
Devon backed down from the incendiary nature of that question. Danziger knew he'd lost her again when she stammered, "I... I don't know. Some tired old cliché..." she trailed off.
"Time heals all wounds," he offered softly.
"That's _such_ a cliché," Devon sniffed. Her free hand came up to her face, wiping away a stray tear. Danziger had the oddest urge to lean over and wipe it away. Such an intimate gesture would only embarrass them both at this point in time. His hand stayed before him on the table.
Danziger countered, "Most clichés are clichés because they're halfway right."
Despite herself, Devon let out a hollow chuckle. "That makes absolutely no sense."
Danziger shot his companion a look, what you expected logic at this time of night?
Honoring Devon's request for solitude, Danziger began to take his leave. Yawning for effect, he stretched then rose to his feet. Heading towards the stairway, he couldn't resist one last piece of advice.
"Get some sleep," he rumbled. "Good night, Devon."
"Goodnight John."
Though incredibly hard to do, and getting harder each day, he had walked away from her. To the steps, down the steps, and to the door, each step was heavy. With each step he took, Danziger wanted to turn around, go back up and sit back down next to Devon. To sit with her the entire night, no matter how many times she tried to chase him off.
Still, he knew he had made the right decision. Devon needed this time to herself. There would come a day when he would never leave her side. Tonight was just not that night. "Not now," a silent promise was made, with only the night for a witness. "Not now, but someday." Danziger turned and walked out the door; it shut softly behind him.
-The End-
Send praise, criticism, flames, and psychiatric bills to Lilly_Beth@hotmail.com and mcstarlight@hotmail.com
Ellie: Hey Maggie, look! Ananda is _finally_ finished, and we're still alive!
Maggie: Yeah, but are we sure they recalled the hitmen?
Ellie: Probably not, knowing some of them. Do you think it's safe to come out yet, Maggie?
Maggie: Nope, we'll probably be stuck in here forever! But then again, they're our friends, I'm sure they forgive us for tricking them into thinking that ending was the real ending when it wasn't and for snickering about the story in chat all these months... right?
Ellie: :::Looks uncertain:::: Uhhh yeah, they'll forgive us. Right guys? Guys?
Maggie: Come on, guys, we were only having fun... you have no idea how hard it was to keep a secret that big!
Ellie: Seriously, Maggie and I had great fun writing "Ananda" We sincerely hope that on some secret level you enjoyed reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it! *eg*
Maggie: Yep, we had fun writing it. *S* I had a blast, and boy, I really have to applaud the people who gave us feedback, it was great fun to read, especially Becky's and Nic's. *S* Thank you so much, guys. (Pst, Becky, can we have our D/D statuses back now? : )
Ellie: Yeah, it was a riot! Maggie now that it's done does that mean we can start on a sequel? *laughing all the way out*
Maggie: A sequel? ::laughs:: And how could we *possibly* top this story? Although I'm sure we could come up with something... *EG*
Ellie: We always do! *EG*
Maggie & Ellie: Thank you for reading our story! :)
Send praise, criticism, flames, and psychiatric bills to Lilly_Beth@hotmail.com and mcstarlight@hotmail.com
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.