TRUST
By
Maxine McBrinn
Timeline: After "Survival of the Fittest" (Day 117)
Author's E-Mail: Kenneth.W.Howard@att.com
Fellow FanFic fans <g>,
I wrote this short romantic story for Rosa Moran, or Saint Rosa, as some of us have started to think of her. Rosa, thanks for all your help, generousity and enthusiasm. It's a pleasure to know you.
This takes place after "Survival of the Fittest." I hope you all enjoy it.
Maxine McBrinn
Standard Disclaimer: This is a piece of fan fiction, and is not meant to infringe on the rights of the creators of Earth 2, to whom the characters belong.
Trust
*For Rosa*
Maxine McBrinn - copywrite May 1996It was well past time that she should have been asleep, but Julia lay wake, her mind racing. Her face still hurt from their accident, but that was not what was keeping her up. The throbbing pain tended to lull her to sleep, but her mind kept going back a couple of days . . .
"You agree with *him*?" Alonzo's face showed his disbelief and his horror. The woman he loved was siding against him, agreeing with Danziger.
Julia's mind replayed that scene over and over. They had buried the Grendler that day, John digging the grave while the Grendler's mate grieved over the body of his loved one, grieved, for all they knew, for a life with a loving partner and a family, a life that had been brutally wrested from him as John's finger touched the firing button of his Magpro. *Did Grendlers also dream of white picket fences and gingham table clothes?* Julia moaned and rolled over again, searching for comfort on her narrow cot. What time was it, anyway? Maybe she should just get up, and maybe even get something useful done. But, the crew needed her rested if she was going to be able to look after them . . .
Alonzo's stunned expression floated in front of her every time she tried to close her eyes. That hurt little boy look that made her want to keep him safe, keep him happy. That hurt look that she knew so well, that he only ever showed her. It said, "I've let you in like I've never let anyone else in. I've given up the cocky charade, because I knew that to win you, I had to be the real me. But now my hurt is visible. You made me be honest." Julia's heart thudded painfully and her chest felt tight as she thought about how precious his love and his trust were to her, how they anchored her to this planet and to these people. Had she let him down? Would he start to pull away from her? Did she disgust him?
In exasperation, she suddenly sat up and threw the blankets back, not noticing the cool night air as it rushed in around her legs. She had to go see him, to know that he had forgiven her, again.
Alonzo woke to a whisper at his tent flap, "'Lonzo? 'Lonzo, are you awake?"
"Julia?" He sat up, not able to see inside his dark tent in the dim light of a single crescent moon.
"Can I come in?" Julia was a dark amorphous figure outside his tent.
"Uh, sure. Is everything all right?" As he woke further, Alonzo began to worry. This was completely out of character for the cool, collected woman.
Julia stepped silently into the tent, pulling the flap closed after her, and hesitantly crept forward, toward where she knew his cot was.
"Should I turn on a light?"
"No, I'm okay." Julia felt the edge of the cot, and lowered herself so that she was kneeling, leaning against the side of it, her face close to Alonzo's. "Alonzo, I'm sorry to wake you up. I'm just feeling a little lost --"
"Julia, hey, it's okay . . ." Alonzo reached for her.
"No -- I've got to talk to you. Please --" Julia's usually calm voice was strained, but Alonzo fought down his desire to comfort and sat still, waiting. "I was lying awake thinking about the Grendler --. I feel so bad, I'm not sure that we did the right thing --"
"Julia . . . Hey, what else could we have done? It helped John and True, and it helped the Grendler." Alonzo's mind was busy trying to sort, trying to understand why burying the Grendler had upset Julia.
"No-- Not that--. Eating it--" Alonzo heard a catch in Julia's voice, "I think I was wrong. And I'm sorry--"
Alonzo gathered her in his arms, pulling her in to him and onto the cot, feeling how tensely she held herself, and how cool her skin was. "Hey, Julia. It's okay, it's okay." He rocked her gently as he tried to calm her.
"'Lonzo, I'm so sorry, so sorry." She fought back the sobs that she could feel welling up inside, but his comfort was breaking down her barriers before she could say what she needed to say. "Please-- Let me say this-- I need to tell you." She tried to push him back, to give herself some space to gather up her reserves.
"Hey, Doc. It's okay." Alonzo loosened his hug a bit, so that she could pull herself up, but she stayed on the cot next to him.
"Alonzo . . ." She paused to focus and take a full breath, "Maybe I was wrong. We shouldn't have eaten that Grendler. You were right. I'm sorry . . ." Julia lowered her head, trying to decide whether she had said what she needed to say.
The pilot spoke firmly in the pause, "No Julia, I was wrong and you and Danziger were right. We are alive because of that. The Grendler gave us energy and fluids. Morgan was so ill already. . ."
Julia sat quietly, listening intently, trying to see his expression in the dim light.
"Baines was right, it was like eating one of us. But I know that if it was my body, I wouldn't mind if I was already dead. It felt like cannibalism while we were out there. But now . . ." He laughed wryly, "Well, it sounds kinda weird, but now it feels like it was a sacrament. Given freely to save us. Know what I mean?" He reached for her again, and enfolded her cool body with his. His lips touched her forehead. "Julia, it's okay. I wish we hadn't had to do it, but we did. And you were right, and I was wrong."
Julia allowed herself to relax into his embrace, though her eyes stayed focused on his face, or at least as much of it as she could see. "But you were so-- Alonzo-- You looked like I shocked you and horrified you-- I thought you might hate me--" Now that she had managed to say exactly what she was worried about, she could no longer stop the tears. She wept silently, feeling the salty drops as they ran down her cheeks, tasting them as they seeped past her lips.
"Hate you? Julia, I love you. And that's not going to change because we disagree every once in a while. You're different from me, but that's what works. That's why I fell for you." Alonzo felt a drop of water fall onto his bare arm, and reached up to her face to feel her tears. "Why are you crying? Julia, it's okay, it's okay . . ." He rocked her gently in his arms, kissing her cheek and brow tenderly while she cried herself out.
After a while, Julia's sobs calmed, and she lay there sniffling, rubbing her face against his warm chest, taking comfort in his strength. "'Lonzo, I'm sorry. I just had to talk to you. I was lying awake worrying about it." She ran her hand against his chest, playing with the soft, silky hair. He leaned over her further, kissing the remaining tears off her face.
"Hey Doc. You can wake me any time, to talk or to . . . , well, you know." His mouth captured hers in a tender kiss.
The next morning, Julia and Alonzo woke snuggled together on his cot. "Hey sunshine." Alonzo teased her, kissing her lightly.
"'Morning." Julia smiled sleepily at him. "Hmmmm, you're so nice and warm." She cuddled in closer, curving her body more tightly against his.
"Julia?" Alonzo's arms encircled her more tightly.
"Hmm?"
"How do you want to do this? It's kinda late." Julia gazed at him, her question clear on her face. "I know you don't like to be seen, you know, leaving my tent." Alonzo explained. "Usually, we wake up early, but . . ."
Julia just looked at him blankly, then smiled. "Know what? I don't care. Heck, they all know anyway." Alonzo looked pleased as his eyebrows lifted in mock surprise. "In fact," Julia kissed him firmly, her resolve clear, "You're right. I think we should move into a single tent. I'm tired of sneaking around." She kissed him again, more intensely, as his eyes focused on hers. "And then we can do more of this . . ."
The few remaining crew lingering over breakfast in the biodome looked up as the doors slammed open when Alonzo and Julia walked in very late for breakfast. His arm was around her shoulders, her head leaned against his. The worn, exhausted, lost look they had both worn for the few days since their return from the ill-fated cargo retrieval trip had been replaced with open and calm expressions. Somehow, they had found peace over night.
-The End-
Please send any comments to:
Maxine McBrinn
howard@drmail.dr.att.com
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.