CONFLICT OF THE SOUL
By
Nancy
Timeline: After "Grendlers in the Myst" (Day 72)
Author's E-Mail: rapture@visi.net
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Yes, this is another Julia story. It took me awhile to write this one. Elizabeth Heckert and Chris Eldredge thank you for proof reading it and for the encouragement. And Elizabeth, thank you for the suggestions. And now time for the story.Earth2 and its characters belong to Universal and Amblin. No infrigement of copyright is intended.
Nancy
Conflict of the Soul
Written by NancyVoice of Alonzo: It has been three weeks now since Julia found a cure for Devon. Devon made a quick recovery and is doing well. We should reach New Pacifica within two months if everything goes according to plan. However, we are well aware that things seldom go as planned on this planet....
The days journey had begun and the Eden Advance was once again on the move. Walman was driving the Transrover and Magus was riding with him. John, Devon, and their children were riding in the four passenger ATV, while Morgan and Bess were in the remaining vehicle. Julia was walking ahead of the group.
"Hey Julia slow down, you're going to wear yourself out!!" Alonzo called after her.
"Calm down flyboy I'll stop before that happens!!" She yelled back at him.Suddenly she bumps into something which causes her to fall to the ground. Her Magpro lands a few feet away. "No, you're dead!!", Julia exclaimed she scrambles to her feet and retrieves the magpro.
"What the hell." Devon says not believing what she sees. "Stop, everyone stop!!"The journey comes to a halt.
"Hello Julia. Any last words before I kill you before I kill all of you." He laughs evilly and procededs toward her mocking at her to fire. "Stay back Gaal I mean it." She says not taking her eyes off of him she aims the weapon at him.He takes out a knife and prepares to attack her with it, so Julia fires at him despite the inner conflict raging inside of her due to the oath she took when she became a doctor.
Gaal grasps his chest with his left hand and falls to the ground. Julia just stands there in a state of shock. Everyone runs over there to them. John checks Gaals vitals.
"Julia are you ok?" Devon inquires. Julia doesn't respond. "Julia?" Devon grows worried. "Alonzo get over here."
Alonzo approaches Julia and Devon.
"Good the bastard is really dead this time", John says.
Alonzo removes the magpro from Julia's clutches. "Honey it's ok it's over he's dead, he can't hurt us." Julia?
Julia blinks and looks at her lover. "What? Oh Gaal, I thought he was dead the first time. What the hell happened?"
"Babe you're trembling" Alonzo reaches for Julia.
She pushes him away and walks away.
"Let's bury him and get going New Pacifica isn't getting any closer" Exclaimed John.
Walman and Baines help Danzinger bury Gaal and then they continue.....
Later at camp while everyone is setting up their tents. John finishes setting up his and Trues tent and finds Devon observing Julia's every move. He notices Devon's worried expression and approaches her.
"What's wrong Adair?" John asks as he sits down beside her.
"What do you mean?" Devon asks him.
"Why are you watching Julia's every move." He says as he looks into her eyes.
"Well aren't you worried?"
"About what?"
What does he mean about what? I swear this man can be so dense sometimes Devon fumes to herself. Finally trusting her voice she replies.
"She hasn't said a word since she killed Gaal."
"Well she is a doctor, maybe she feels like she broke her hippocratic oath or something."
"Duh, tell me something that I don't already know." She heads over to the med tent. He stops her.
"Don't."
"Someone has to talk to her."
"Give her time."
"No." She breaks free and heads inside the tent.
"What do you need?" Julia asks
"Are you ok?"
"I don't want to talk about what happened today, so please drop it. "
"Julia, you can't keep it all bottled up inside." Said Devon
"Will you please leave me alone I have research to do."
"The research can wait, this can't."
Julia gets up and walks out of tent. Devon goes after her. She finds her with John.
"Sorry Julia I can't let you have the ATV. It'll be too worn out to run tomorrow." John Explains.
"I won't be gone long, I just need to get away for a little while." Julia says edgidly.
"I don't think that's such a good idea, we don't know what's out there." Devon says.
"I'll be ok."
Alonzo comes over.
"What's going on?"
Devon tells him.
"Querida we need to talk." Alonzo worriedly states. "No we don't. I just need to be alone for awhile. Why can't everyone respect that?" She returns to her tent.
Later that night. Walman is on watch and the rest of Eden Advance is sleeping except for one of them. She sneaks past Walman and leaves camp undetected.
The next morning after breakfast. Devon is going over travel plans with John and Yale when Alonzo comes over.
"Have any of you seen Julia this morning?" He worriedly asks. "No, maybe she's still sleeping." Devon offers. "I already checked and she's not in her tent." Alonzo states.
They search the camp. Twenty minutes later. While the group is discussing their next move.
"Maybe we should just wait for her to return. We have no idea where she went and she's not answering her gear." Magus says. "No, we don't know what's out there. It's too dangerous for her to be out there alone." Devon states with conviction. "Well she should know better anyway." Morgan chides. "Morgan!!" Bess seeths.
"Come on Bess she's a grown woman. She should have enough sense not to wander off like she did."
"She's not thinking clearly right now. Now stop, this isn't helping." Bess argues.
"We're going to set up search teams and we are going to look for her. Discussion over." John says in a tone daring anyone to argue with him.They set up three teams of three. John, Walman, and Baines on the first. Devon, Alonzo, and Cameron on the second. Denner, Mazatl, and Yale on the third. Bess stays behind to watch the children and Morgan stays behind and monitors everyone's position while trying to get a fix on Julia's location.
"Is Julia going to kill herself?" True says out of the blue. "Huh?" Bess says momentarily stunned. "Oh honey no. I know Julia is going through a rough time right now. But she wouldn't do that." "I hope you're right. I wish she would come back." True says worriedly.
"She'll come back True don't worry." Says Uly.Currently five kilometers away from camp. In a cave. Julia awakens and takes in her surroundings. The memory of the events the day before sinks in again.
"What kind of doctor am I?" She whispers to no one in particular. "Doctors don't take lives they save them." She takes out the gun she took with her when she escaped from camp. "There's only one way to rectify the situation. I'm sorry my friends. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I love all of you you're like the family I never had. And Alonzo, my dearest Alonzo. I don't want to leave you, but please believe me when I say this is the only way. I'll always love you, always." She turns off the recorder and places it on the ground.Meanwhile outside the cave.
"Cameron, stand watch and signal if you see anything." Devon says. "Ok, will do, be careful in there." Cameron says as she and Alonzo enter the caverns.
They enter and see Julia load the gun and shakingly place it to her left temple. Alonzo rushes into action and takes the gun from her. Unloads it and tosses it aside away from Julia's reach. He then takes her into his arms and holds her tightly.
"He is not worth dying over Julia. You had no choice. And I'm not going to lose you." Alonzo states with tears in his eyes.
Devon retrieves the gun and locks it away with the rest of her supplies.
"I killed somebody, I'm supposed to save lives not take them. I don't deserve to be a doctor anymore, and I definetly don't deserve to live after I took a life." Julia says through her tears.
"That is bs." Devon states with conviction. "Julia you had no choice. Gaal was a very dangerous man."
"Hey Devon, any luck yet?" Morgan comes in on gear. "Yes Morgan, we found her, she's unharmed. But we're going to be awhile. I'll keep checking in. Adair out." She signs off. "If you think we're going to let you go through with this you have another thing coming. I'm not going to lose my best friend. Because you were forced to do something that goes against your medical ethics." Devon says worriedly.
"Was I? I could've aimed for his leg or something." Julia says calming down a little.
"Do you think Gaal would be upset if the tables were turned and he would've killed you before you had the chance to fire?" Alonzo says. "No way, he wouldn't give it a second thought. It was either you or him. You had no choice."
"Will you two please stop breaking down my reasoning." Julia says. "No," Devon says as she hugs her. "We won't. And I'm not letting this go until I am sure that we talked you out of this."Two hours later. Tired of wondering why they haven't returned yet, Danziger heads for the cave.
"What's going on in there Cameron?"
"Alonzo and Devon are talking with Julia." "What about?" John inquires.
"Julia was about to kill herself when we arrived." Cameron states. "What?!" John rushes in there.And finds the three of them laughing and talking about something totally irrelavant. Julia spots John first and sees the worry and confusion on his face. And raises an eyebrow.
"Um, what's wrong John?
"Uh uh," he stammers. "Cameron said."
"John everything's all right now. We have it under control. She's going to be ok." Devon assures him.He sighs in relief.
"Julia now that I know everything is all right I have a bone to pick with you." John states.
"Yeah what did I do?"
"What did you do?! I can't believe this. You leave camp all by yourself. When God knows what's out there." "John don't she wasn't thinking clearly." Devon interrupts. "Yeah backoff man." Alonzo threatens.
"Ok already." John laughs. Moments later. "Hey doc are you sure you're ok?
"For the moment, but the fact that the thought even entered my head worries me."
"I'll see if Yale has a therapy program for VR." Devon offers. "Thanks Devon." Julia says.
"You don't have to thank me." Devon smiles at her. "Now lets get back to camp."They gather their supplies and prepare to head back. Alonzo picks up her recording device and hands it to her. She takes out the tape and smashes it.
"What did you do that for?" Alonzo asks. "Suicide note flyboy. I don't think I'll be needing it anymore." She says as she kisses him.
He smiles and returns the kiss. Then they all head back to camp. When they arrive. True rushes to Julia and hugs her. Julia returns the hug.
"Are you ok Julia?" True asks.
"I'm fine sweetie, sorry I worried everyone." "Why were you guys gone so long?" True asks. "We had some things to discuss." Julia answers.The rest of the group comes to greet her and then they all settle down to eat dinner. They found some food in that cave. Later after dinner at the campfire.
"So what happened in the cavern?" Morgan inquires. "It's personal." Alonzo states.
"I think we have a right to know." Morgan continues. "How do you figure?" Julia jumps in.
"Morgan she's back. Everyone is fine. Let's drop it." Bess says. "No, she risked her life and the lives of the search party. By running off like she did."
"Can it Morgan." John warns.
"What if there would have been an emergency while she was gone?" Morgan continues.
"Damn it Morgan shut up. She tries to kill herself and all you can think about is yourself!!" Cameron says before he can stop himself.There's a stunned silence. Julia closes her eyes and prays that this didn't really happen.
"Julia I'm sorry, I didn't mean to it just slipped out." Cameron says. "I told you Uly." True says.
"It's ok Cameron. Wait True how did you know?" Julia finally says. "I just sensed it." True muses. "Are you ok now?" "Yes I'm ok, I mean I'm going to be ok." "Good." True smiles at her.The Eden Advance eventually goes to bed and puts out the campfire after a long night of conversation both light and deep.
Voice of Alonzo: I admit when I saw Gaal approaching Julia that I was scared, afraid for her safety but she took him out and almost paid a high price for it. As we continue to New Pacifica we are constantly reminded of our struggle to remain true to what we believe in and to also do what is necessary to survive here. Hopefully, as long as we keep the two balanced we'll be successful in building a new life here.....
-The End-
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.