DEVON ALONE III
A FRAGILE EXISTENCE
By
Nicole Mayer
Timeline: After "All About Eve" (Day 150)
Author's E-Mail: destiny@bluesky.net.au or destiny@wwdg.com
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Finally, here it is! I admit, this part took longer to write than I initially expected, and ended up with a quite a few more words than anticipated. I hope you enjoy it!
And as to the series itself, I *haven't* given up on it and fully intend to finish it very soon.
NOTE: "Devon, Alone III - A Fragile Existence" is part three of a 4 part series. Each part should be complete in itself, but forms a greater story when read sequentially.
If you are missing any previous parts, feel free to ask me for them. (Warning, I and II have NC-17 ratings.)
"Devon, Alone III - A Fragile Existence" is rated PG-13. It is a dark piece, contains a little language, and is perhaps unsuitable for younger readers.
A huge thanks goes to Sue Sadler. She has been a wonderful help in writing this saga; and her suggestions and comments have inspired many parts of the "Devon, Alone" series. And her affinity for diplomatic wording can't be ignored...thanks for rewriting The Letter!
Thank you to everyone else who wrote to me re parts I and II. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated!
DISCLAIMER: (Yes, it is the same one yet again. My imagination goes into the story, not disclaimers!)
Many of the characters and situations contained within belong to Universal/Amblin Entertainment. No copyright infringement is intended.
DEVON ALONE - PART III
A Fragile Existence (1/5)
by Nicole Mayer"Yeah, Kassidy," says John Danziger, the one person who keeps me sane. "My wife."
And with those simple words, I feel myself falling backwards, plunging forever into an abyss of darkness and pain. It is not possible that he is married, no, he belongs to me! I stare at his face in pure horror as the reality of his words begin to sink in. His wife... My world is shattering into a million pieces. He is married. To someone else. Kassidy - I hate her already.
How dare she? How could she marry him? How could *he* do that to me? Okay, so he didn't know that I existed, but surely, in some small part of his consciousness, he could sense me. Feel my presence, and know there was someone out there destined for him for all time.
But if he is with Kassidy, then I have nothing and will never have anything. What is the point in living if I am cursed to be forever alone?
*He* did this to me, that bastard Blalock, and I cannot ever forgive him for that. He played games with my mind and so callously destroyed my soul, only to further his own amusement. Now I live in a world where no one knows me, no one even cares, and John Danziger has become my only reason for living.
Call me crazy, call me obsessed, but this is my life and my only reality since being torn from G889, torn from the Program. Technology, the ultimate hope for the future, and the ultimate weapon is most frightening when in the possession of the evil Council, and worse when twisted as Blalock did. The only good that came from the Program was meeting John.
How can he be married? The computer database didn't hold that information...or perhaps it did.
When I found that he lived, I was too overcome with joy to check. Foolishly, I assumed that even though my entire world had changed, he would be the same because out of all my friends, the whole of Eden Advance, he was the only one who was there. Close by, even on the same station, and the sole friend within my reach.
Besides, he is the only one I want. John, how could you! He is saying something to me.
"Hey, what's wrong? We're friends, right? Don't worry, she's not going to get in some jealous rage or anything about our friendship. Kassidy's pretty cool."
I can't reply. My tongue has frozen in my mouth as I continue to stare at him, willing my face to be a mask. I will not cry, I have shed too many tears since that horrible awakening. And I will not betray my emotions in front of him.
Summoning all of my strength, I say, "You're married." My voice is dull and expressionless, but at least I have forced out some kind of a response.
Finally, John seems to realise that I am a little upset. I stare up into his eyes, and see him promising, "I'll still have time for you, Devon. Don't worry about that."
Does he sense my loneliness? Maybe there is still hope, and he can learn to care for me and love me in the way I love him - undyingly and forever. Or maybe I will have to get rid of Kassidy...a mining accident... NO! My own thoughts are scaring me. Have I really become so obsessed and ruthless?
Voices are creating a battleground out of my head. John is mine! If we're not together, then...
I need to meet Kassidy. See his reaction to her, see if they're truly in love. And then, I will decide whether or not to throw myself out of an airlock.
The void of space is calling me, a sweet, seductive voice which promises so much more than this life now. A silence so great that nothing and no one can ever touch me, even when I am alone. Most importantly, it promises the absence of all pain and heartache. Perhaps one day soon I will follow the call...
I close my eyes briefly, and see myself spinning as a star amongst the jewels set in the eternal night. Devon Adair, the inspiration for the stations, especially those whose lives were cursed by the Syndrome; the one who brought hope of a new world, now floats for an eternity in the true future.
A fitting obituary, as John Danziger stands silently by the viewport and wonders a little wistfully about me. An angel who touched his life... am I an angel? My existence is so confused...
No, Devon, think rationally! If I died, by my own hand, who would care? I can picture a more realistic headline : "Crazy Lady Jumps to Death". My history would be dragged out for everyone to mock, bringing down the Adair family name, and I will be unable to escape the wrath of my parents even in passing. Yale would grieve briefly, but his new life occupies his mind.
I *will not* die so easily. I *will not* give in. There has to be a chance for me to make a life. John Danziger will come around. I can even help Morgan Martin if given the opportunity...something I will endeavour to do. My Eden Project has been decimated, but I can have a new project now - to create friendship and compassion amongst people of the stations, regardless of their status. Work for peace and equality.
Join John's resistance which he *still* pretends does not exist will be a major step. Doesn't he know that he can trust me? Kassidy is a part of it, I'm sure. I need to know more...
And now, I know that I will not succumb to the darkness. I am tired of running, of crying, and of being alone. I will fight every adversary, conquer the demons. The first of these is Kassidy, John's wife.
Devon Adair took a deep breath, and squared her shoulders. "Tell me about Kassidy. Your marriage. I want to learn more about your life." Danziger didn't suspect how hard it was for her to force out those words, and as a result he gave a flippant reply.
"Our marriage...it was something that just kinda happened about two years ago. We were great pals, and it seemed natural." Danziger smiled as he fondly remembered their wedding day. It was nothing more than a formal registering of their names, but at the party afterward, everyone had kept saying what a wonderful match they made and how their lives were the perfect complement. Danziger continued, "She's a great person, full of laughter, fun... and someone you can depend on to always be there."
Woodenly, Devon gave a tiny smile. "She sounds wonderful." Her hands were trembling, so she quickly hid them beneath the table.
"I can't wait for you to meet her," enthused Danziger. Devon nodded. "So how long has she been away?" she managed to ask. "Oh, about six or seven months," replied Danziger. "It doesn't bother us 'cause we know we need to make sacrifices to stay alive in this kind of society."
Impulsively, Danziger offered, "Hey, why don't you come along on Thursday morning? You can meet her then."
Devon refused to meet his eyes and mumbled her response downwards. Even after her internal resolution, she didn't know if she could cope with meeting Kassidy so soon. "I don't think that's such a good idea. You'll probably want to spend the day with her. And the next few as well."
"No," Danziger protested, "our beach trip's still on. Isn't it?" He wouldn't abandon Devon, not now that he'd seen how much she needed good friends. He suspected her fragile hold on life could be severed if Devon felt too alone, and now that he'd come to know her, he could be one of the anchors she needed.
"Come on, Devon, it'll be fun," he promised. Devon glanced up, and saw the pleading in his eyes. He was genuinely worried about her, and she realised that she had to start somewhere.
She would go with him on Thursday. "I'll see you then." "Great! Now I *really* have to go..." Danziger stood, and hurried from the restaurant. Lonely eyes followed his form all the way out, and beyond. Devon was alone.
DEVON ALONE - PART III
A Fragile Existence (2/5)
by Nicole MayerSquaring her shoulders, Devon calmly told her accountant, "I don't care how much it costs. I want the rights to that program."
"But Ms Adair..." he sputtered, "Why?" Devon wanted the Program, and the equipment that came with it for several reasons. Firstly, to show John Danziger the beach she promised. But more importantly, to ensure that Blalock's superiors, or Blalock himself if he recovered from the demotion, could never use it on other unsuspecting pawns in his game. She couldn't stop him from recreating the technology, but she could prevent the specific use of *her* G889.
<And if I die,> Devon thought numbly, <I will take the secrets with me so that it never happens again.>
"Just set up a meeting," ordered Devon. "I can negotiate..." "You realise that the Council has very little respect left for you," cautioned her accountant. "You may be rich, but your corporations were set up years ago. You haven't done anything notable lately."
"I don't care!" flared Devon. "This program already belongs to me. Now I'm going to make it legal."
The accountant turned to his computer, and worked busily for a few minutes.
"Okay, you're meeting with a Mr Morgan Martin this afternoon." "Morgan?"
"Do you know him?"
Devon started to say yes, but then realised she didn't. "I know *of* him," she amended, silently cursing her mind for still being confused."He's expecting you at eleven. Level 10-A, office 6.2. Ms Adair, I hope you know what you're doing." The accountant didn't really care about his employer's actions, but he was being paid a lot of money to advise her. A salary that could decrease if she shelled out millions for some VR program he'd never even heard of.
Devon didn't respond, but went to prepare herself for a negotiations. At precisely eleven hundred hours, she entered the office of Mr Morgan Martin. He was reclining in his chair, a pompous expression on his face.
"We meet again, Ms Adair," Morgan said. He didn't bother with formalities when dealing with 'the little people'. Morgan was on his way up in the Council, and was trying to emulate those he most admired. Those in control, those who had the power he craved...
"Mr Martin, I must apologise for my behaviour to you. I have been in trying circumstances, however, I have dealt with these in the appropriate manner; and they have no connection with today's transaction."
And it was true that Morgan Martin had never seen this side of Devon. Perfectly dressed, her face a mask, she was outwardly in control of her feelings and her situation. There was no way she was backing down.
Her negotiating was slick, even against one of the Council's most effective stumbling blocks. Within ten minutes, she had the rights to the Program, and an order preventing its use by any unauthorised person. Devon allowed herself a small amount of satisfaction, but she was not finished her mission yet.
Morgan reclined in his chair, a smile on his face. The Council had just gained a substantial credit from the sale, finances that could possibly be shared with him as he had personally executed the deal.
Besides, there was the other matter to consider as well, one that he wasn't even supposed to think about. Watching Devon as she seemed to struggle for words, he wondered exactly why the Council was so interested in her. Unofficially, of course. His instructions, instructions that did not even exist, had been to grant Ms Adair whatever she wanted without seeming too compliant. Morgan had briefly looked over her record, but still didn't quite see why she was considered a threat to the Council, one that had to be scrutinised with the utmost care until the time was right.
He jumped as he noticed that Devon had finally completed her silent musings and was addressing him once again. "Morgan, and I hope you don't mind that I call you that, but, well, I was sort of wondering...uh, you seem like an interesting person."
Morgan blinked. This he had not expected. Was she trying to acquire information from him? In that case, he had not only the duty to protect the Council, but also to investigate further into Devon Adair's situation.
"Devon," he replied, the emphasis on her name, "I'm not sure what you're leading up to." He placed his hands on the desk and looked directly into his eyes.
"Are you happy?" Devon suddenly burst out. Inwardly, she cringed at her choice of phrase, realising that she should have rehearsed this encounter before the actual meeting.
"Happy?" repeated Morgan. No one had ever asked him that before. That must be Devon's tactic - to throw him off balance so that he would accidentally reveal more. He took a controlled breath and replied, "I am content with my work, and look forward to the prospect of promotion."
"Yes, but are you happy?" asked Devon again. "Do you long for friendship? Do you dream of a time when you can be free from the mundane responsibilities of everyday life? Are you looking for love?"
"Devon," Morgan said flatly, "are you coming on to me?" "No!" she gasped, almost bursting into laughter. The day when she would see Morgan Martin in that kind of way would be the day she knew she was crazy. Or perhaps not...
Morgan looked her straight in the eye. "Then I really don't see what you're trying to say. You're wasting my time."
"No, Morgan, I'm not!" protested Devon. "I'm concerned about you."
"Concerned?" he scoffed. "We barely know each other." "That's true," admitted Devon, tiredly running a hand through her hair. "But I know what life is like in the Council. I know how you have to fight every step of the way, and how the rewards are few and far between."
Morgan was interested in spite of himself. "Is that why you abandoned the Eden Project?"
"Abandoned it?" asked Devon incredulously. "Is that the story everyone's been told?"
Morgan nodded in response. That was the 'official' scenario, anyway, but he suspected there was much more to it than that. Why else was the Council so interested, almost to the point of paranoia, in Devon Adair's life?
"I *did not* give up on the Eden Project," vehemently spat Devon. "The Council didn't give me permission to go ahead with it. They've done some appalling things, you know..."
Her voice drifted off as terrifying memories she tried so desperately to suppress resurged into her mind. Staring at the woman, Morgan sensed the sadness within her. He knew it wasn't the Council's fault, no, the Council was all-powerful and knew what was best for everyone. He dreamed of the day when he, too, would sit in the chamber of directors.
Yet he couldn't help feeling one small fraction of sorrow for Devon Adair. She'd faced so much pain already, but had no idea of what was coming to her next. Morgan didn't exactly know either, but he had his suspicions plus the whisper that Devon Adair was extremely dangerous.
Quickly, Morgan pushed all thoughts of compassion from his mind.
"Ms Adair, your past really has nothing to do with me. I suggest that if you're going to continue in such a manner, you should leave."
"No, Morgan! If you'd listen to me, I'm sure we could, well, become friends..."
The man laughed mockingly. "Friendship is for fools. That's a lesson I learnt a long time ago, and I suggest you learn it too. Now if you're finished-"
"Please, Morgan?" Devon almost whispered. "Give me a chance?" Morgan stared blankly at her.
"Try and get away from this office once in a while. Go and meet some new people, not just those in the Council. Visit Earth if you have the opportunity."
"Earth? Why should I want to go down there?" <To find another Bess...> whispered Devon's heart. "For the experience," said her voice.
Sighing heavily, Morgan finally offered, "I'll think about it."
"Make sure that you do," asserted Devon. "I promise you, there is so much more to life that you're missing out on..."
"I said I'll think about it," Morgan repeated. "Okay," said Devon softly, "Okay." She got up to leave, pausing briefly to shake Morgan's hand. He warily accepted the gesture and then she turned, allowing a brief smile to reach her lips. Devon had the Program and could ensure that no one ever used it again. Better than that, she had made progress with Morgan. Devon was determined to save him from the darkness within himself, but she knew it would take time. Time that she had.
There were advantages to being an outcast, after all.
The docking port was bustling. Teams of people worked heavy machinery in every direction, preparing for the arrival of the ship. After six long months of mining one of Jupiter's moons, it contained a wealth of valuable minerals to be used for a variety of means, not the least of which was building more stations for the ever-expanding population.
A siren suddenly sounded, signalling the imminent arrival of the ship. The area was cleared of workers bar those in pressurised suits as a portal slowly opened. The ship had already been through the first airlock so there was theoretically no danger, however, accidents throughout history proved that safety was better than taking unnecessary risks.
High above the bay, John Danziger stood alone by the viewport. He was disappointed that Devon hadn't showed up, for he genuinely liked the woman. She seemed a little strange, but that only made her more interesting and appealing to him. Again he wondered about the dark secrets of her past.
His attention was drawn again to the scene below as the ship majestically made its way into the docking port. In many cases, it was more practical to have a ship simply connect to the station via one docking tunnel, but this mining ship was primarily filled with ore. Retrieval had to be carried out by the easiest means possible, which in this case was landing the ship inside the breathable atmosphere of the stations.
The all clear siren rang out as the ship drew to a stop and workers immediately swarmed back into the bay. Hatches opened from every possible direction on the ship as tired, dirty miners began to exit.
Someone touched Danziger's arm. "Hey..." a soft voice said. He turned to see Devon Adair smiling sadly at him. "I came."
"Great to see you!" enthused Danziger. Beckoning for her to come over to the window, he said, "The ship's just docked. I expect to see Kassidy any moment now."
"That's good, I mean, that's great," amended Devon, swallowing hard. Her eyes scanned the bustling port below, searching for the one who was Kassidy, and wondering if she could guess correctly. A swarm of tired miners exited the ship - some running excitedly, others dragging their feet as they realised their lives were back to the dreary routines of the stations.
"There she is," pointed Danziger, his eyes lighting up as he recognised his wife.
Staring hard at the group of people, Devon asked, "Which one?" She caught sight of a head of wild, curly hair, and felt her heart jump a little. But just as quickly, she banished the thought, telling herself to stop looking for ghosts of the past in the real world. Her friends did not exist. She *had* to remember that, and remind herself every day.
Devon noticed another woman, one small and dark haired like herself. Was it possible that Danziger had fallen in love with someone who looked just like Devon? It would be the ultimate cosmic irony, Devon realised. She tapped Danziger's shoulder. "Is that her?"
Devon pointed, but the group of people disappeared underneath them.
"You'll meet her in a second, anyway," Danziger told Devon. He was smiling broadly, a sight not often enough seen on his stern face. "It won't take Kass long to race up to this level."
"Great," responded Devon, furtively moving herself closer to the man she believed she loved. First impressions always counted, and to Kassidy, Devon wanted to be someone in control. She realised that she *wanted* Kassidy to dislike her. Who better to play the rejected friend by a cruel, heartless wife than Devon?
"John!" someone shouted. He turned. Devon turned. Danziger opened his arms. Kassidy raced across to embrace him. Devon almost fainted.
Hugging John Danziger, *her* John Danziger, was Bess Martin.
DEVON ALONE - PART III
A Fragile Existence (3/5)
by Nicole MayerWhen Kassidy's joyous laughter had subsided, and Danziger's grin had faded a little, they finally parted and faced Devon. "Kassidy," he began, "I'd like to introduce you to Devon Adair. Devon, this is Kassidy Quinn, my wife."
"Kassidy, nice to meet you," Devon said automatically, holding out her hand. Inside, she was reeling. The physical resemblance was more than that, Kassidy was identical in every way to the Bess that Devon remembered. Hearing the woman speak, Devon decided that they shared the same voice, and the same mannerisms as well.
Feeling more than a little dizzy, Devon shook her head. This latest revelation was completely unexpected, and opened up a new realm of possibilities. <Julia?> she thought with sudden hope.
"Devon? Is something wrong?" asked Kassidy kindly. "No, no, I'm sorry. You just remind me of someone I...used to know."
"Oh, um, well, I do have a few sisters," Kassidy explained helpfully. "They're younger than me, and they still live on Earth, so maybe you wouldn't have met them after all. Who knows?" she finished brightly.
Devon looked from Kassidy to Danziger, very confused. Aside from the apparent age difference, she had never suspected the two would get along so well. Yet in this reality, they had fallen in love.
"I've been wanting Devon to meet you," said Danziger. There was a question in Kassidy's eyes, and Devon was suddenly compelled to answer. This was Bess, her friend, Devon's heart kept screaming. She couldn't be cruel to her!
"John and I met a few weeks ago," Devon explained. "We're learning a lot from each other."
"She's rich and powerful, something we'll never be," Danziger mock-whispered to Kassidy, and all three of them laughed, although Devon's mirth was forced.
Kassidy slung her arm around Danziger's waist, beaming. "I want to hear all about the last six months, and I have so much to tell *you*," she said. He planted a soft kiss on her head. "I can't wait to hear it. But why don't we have lunch first, I know you must be starving for some real food."
"Yeah, no more rations!" Kassidy laughed. She returned a kiss to his cheek.
"Devon, do you want to join us?" Danziger offered, noticing the traces of sadness (that eternal sadness) in her eyes.
"No," replied Devon. "You two go enjoy your reunion." "You sure?" asked Kassidy. "I don't mind." <If I were Kassidy, I'd want to learn all about the opposition too> said a small part of Devon's consciousness. She ignored the thought. There was no way she could ever hate Bess.
"I'll be fine," lied Devon. "I'll see you around sometime. It was nice meeting you, Kassidy."
"Likewise," the younger woman returned. Kassidy and Danziger exited the spaceport, their arms linked, while Devon watched through her pain. Kassidy-Bess. Incredible. Although it was entirely possible that Kassidy had her mind copied at the same time as Danziger. And Devon knew that Blalock wouldn't hesitate to toy with the players on G889. He seemed to have a special interest in tormenting the female characters : Julia the spy, Bess married to a worthless bureaucrat, Eben dying...
Yet good things had come out of it as well, when the program began, as Blalock had once put it, 'mutating'. Julia had redeemed herself, an image fighting against her programming and winning. Morgan had proved he was of greater character than anyone ever suspected, and Bess (or was it Kassidy) had finished with an enviable relationship.
But it wasn't nearly as enviable as the one Kassidy now had with John Danziger. Devon felt herself slumping against the wall, the fight flowing from her body. She loved John, and she also loved Bess. Who was she to destroy their happiness? What right did she have to intrude on their world where she never belonged in the first place?
"I have to leave them alone," she said dully. There were no more tears to be shed, she felt as though she were an empty and lifeless shell. Even the joy of discovering Bess alive could inspire no happiness. "They have their life, I have mine. I should let John go."
Yet events had already been set in motion that Devon could not escape from. She felt a buzzing in her head, and tiredly rubbed her temples. Another headache, but that was nothing unusual. In fact, she had come to expect them as of late.
Devon replayed her words of only a few seconds ago. She had to let John go? <NO!> her mind screamed. He was everything to her!
Two conflicting emotions battled for supremacy inside Devon's mind. The old Devon, the one before the Program ended, before the beginning of the end, would have backed away without another word. The old Devon would never have been so needy, either.
But this new personality, one that frightened her on occasion, desperately needed someone to care. Anyone, but especially *him*. She loved him to the point of obsession.
"I just can't face being alone..." Devon moaned aloud. A few people stared at her strangely.
Suddenly very frightened, Devon whispered, "What's happening to me?" The pain in her head intensified, and she closed her eyes. She had to get home, and rest, and try to sort it out when she could think clearly again.
If that opportunity ever came.
Yet by the time Devon stumbled home, the moment, the conflict, and the fear, was already forgotten and she felt ready to deal with the world again. She would go on living, the best she could, but Devon couldn't leave Danziger alone. She would wait, observe, see what life would deal up next. And part of that process was opening herself up to new experiences, and learning, finally, to face up to the past.
"Your report?" rudely snapped the shadowy figure, and Morgan Martin anxiously wrung his hands together. The great Council seemed to grow more mysterious as Morgan worked his way up, and he couldn't help but wonder if it were part of some plot to intimidate and alienate the general populace.
Whatever the plan, it was working. His superior - Morgan didn't even know his name - was seated in a large, plush chair but no light illuminated his face. The only illumination in the room was focussed on the nervous bureaucrat whose duty it was to obey without question. And report anything, everything, to this mysterious figure.
Morgan was a little surprised at the secrecy involved with Devon Adair. In his usual work and dealings for the Council, bright rooms formed the location for the general meetings, where executives looked on with bored faces. This private conference was a far cry from that.
Realising that this involvement could mean a promotion, Morgan felt a little happier. Finally, he was given the chance to prove what he could do. He opened his mouth and began to speak.
"The deal with Ms Adair was concluded to your satisfaction, I believe." Morgan was hoping he was correct as he displayed the figures to his superior. "She is now the exclusive owner of this technology, although, Sir, I can't imagine why the Council would want to sell something like this. The potential is overwhelming - I can think of a dozen places where we could use it!"
"Enough," snapped the mysterious Councillor. "The Council is in control of its arrangements. Do not concern yourself with matters that are not for you."
Morgan was instantly chagrined, and kicking himself for getting carried away again.
"I'm sorry Sir," he quickly apologised. The Councillor drummed his fingers on the table top, and demanded, "What of Devon Adair?"
This was the part Morgan had been dreading. To know that the Council was keeping a close watch on the woman was something he didn't like to think about too much. From what he'd seen of Devon, she seemed like a genuinely nice person, and someone who actually took an interest in Morgan. He was flattered by this, for so often in his life he was ignored, or treated as an arrogant Council member by the drones.
Devon was a little off balance, perhaps, but wouldn't anyone be nervous if they had even the slightest hint that the Council was watching them?
Morgan took a deep breath. "Ms Adair seemed quite happy with the deal."
"Did she mention *why* she wanted to purchase the technology?" fired the Councillor.
"Uh, no, Sir, she didn't."
"And how would you judge her mental status?" Morgan was almost shocked, but not quite. He suspected that the Council pried into people's lives, quizzing others like himself on the mental health of those under scrutiny; although to be faced with undeniable proof of this sent a shiver through Morgan."I don't know if I'm qualified to make that judgement." Morgan swallowed nervously, waiting for the anger he knew would follow. But the Councillor surprised him.
"Citizen Martin, you are a member of the Council and under my authority. It is your obligation to answer any questions I ask of you," he said with a deadly purpose in his voice. "Tell me about Devon Adair."
Well, a man had to do what he had to do if he ever wanted to get anywhere in his life. Morgan took a deep breath, calming himself. He wanted to get to the top. Who was he to let some mysterious woman get in the way of that?
"Devon Adair is a threat..."
DEVON ALONE - PART III
A Fragile Existence (4/5)
by Nicole MayerDevon rapidly spoke and keyed instructions into the shining, black terminal situated within the heart of the Program control room. Now that it was hers, she had permission to come and go as she pleased and was exercising that right in its fullest capacity.
A day earlier, she had discussed the Program with the top technicians, whom Devon had hired after purchasing the Program. The inside knowledge they held was invaluable to her, and she had spent many hours devouring the information of its inner workings and most importantly of all, how to control it.
Devon did *not* want to accidentally run into any of the computer-created characters during her upcoming expedition back into the world of virtual reality. She didn't know if she could stand it. Instead, she would use the Program purely for recreation, and believe a little in the magic of old Earth. Devon now appreciated why G889 was so similar to humanity's home planet as it was in the days before the great immigration to the stations.
Smiling as she imagined Danziger's reaction to the beach, Devon keyed the last instruction with a flourish. Now the Program would respond to her vocal instructions, and *her* voice alone, whether she be inside VR or outside at a terminal. She knew that to use the program, it required intricate machinery to be wired directly into her brain and a special suit - all necessary for the illusion to be so complete. She shuddered, remembering the horror of discovering that she had been fed by nutrients pumped into her bloodstream for a year inside the Program. She had breathed in much the same manner. Monitors had been permanently attached to so many parts of her body and sometimes in the night, Devon woke up screaming as she remembered the crushing darkness of the wires wrapped around her head...
Dizziness threatened to overtake Devon, and she braced herself against the bench. The spells had come frequently ever since she was re-introduced into her *real* life, but she had only collapsed once. <Right into John's arms...> Devon remembered fondly. Suddenly, her head snapped up. He would be here in a matter of minutes! Devon wished for more time to test her alterations, and prayed that she had done the right thing.
Devon was, finally, going to New Pacifica. A brisk tap on the door caused her to whirl around, and she smiled in greeting at the blonde head that poked itself in. "Hey, Devon," said Danziger. He whistled in appreciation at the impressive computer network. "This is some fancy stuff."
"The best," replied Devon, nodding. Her heart pounding, she walked across to the table in the centre of the room and carefully lifted a helmet-like device. "Are you ready?"
Danziger strode across to join her, and took the device that Devon offered him. He held it up to the light, scrutinising it from every angle as reflected lights played across his serious expression. "How does it work?" he asked.
"It's a lot like gear," began Devon, "except this program has extra sensory inputs that you can't usually experience. Smells, a complete panorama in every direction with no lags, you can even eat and believe that you're really having a full dinner! Also, there can't be any outside interruptions, unless they take form as a character within the program." Like Blalock, and his alternate personality as Reilly. Devon smiled wistfully as she added, "And there's a touch that feels *so* real when you reach out to someone..."
Devon's eyes briefly misted over as she recalled hugging her son. She could almost see him running across a field into her waiting arms...and there were other touches, as well. Like-
"So we just put these on?" Danziger's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Yes, only we have to use them in the next room. There." Devon pointed to an inner chamber, a dark place that held the secrets of her worst fears. The place where she had been torn from G889 into a world of lies and corruption controlled by the Council. In essence, it was her birthplace. Devon did not want to face it again.
As if sensing her nervousness, Danziger gently touched her shoulder and said, "Let's go." He guided her forward, just like he used to do in the Program, and then the couple were in the cold, dark crypt with its glowing red lights and eerie wires hanging from the ceiling.
"I've never seen anything like this," murmured Danziger. Devon swallowed hard, fighting the impulse to run screaming from those wires. She would beat this, and the best way was to clinically explain the source of her fears to Danziger. Or at least explain the Program. Maybe.
"This program was designed for long-term simulation," said Devon, her voice quavering only a little. "We're only going in for a short while, so we don't need most of the wires connected. Only the interface to the mind."
"Are you sure about this?" Danziger asked a little hesitantly. He'd always lived by what he could physically see and touch, and was reluctant to trust technology, especially since the accident with Eleanor, his first love.
Taking a deep breath, Devon courageously offered, "I'll go in first. You can join me, when you see that I'm okay." Danziger nodded, and she rapidly showed him the procedure for program access, modifying the voice command program so that he, too, had outside control.
Devon took a last look around, her heart beating wildly inside her chest. Now was the moment to back out if she couldn't face the truth of the other reality. As she battled internally, Devon realised that it was impossible for her to ever block out the scars and memories of life on G889. If she were ever to live happily, she had to face the planet again.
Slowly, she pulled the mask over her face and closed her eyes. The darkness engulfed her and she spoke the command, "Run Program." She was in.
A mild breeze wandered lazily past Devon's body, carrying so many things. It heralded her arrival on another world and Devon inhaled deeply, savouring the warm scent of the ocean. Listening closely, Devon first heard the rushing sound of the waves as they crashed repeatedly, and then the stranger, more alien cries of birds who flew along the seashore.
Devon opened her eyes. New Pacifica. "I finally made it..." she whispered to herself, taking in the glorious sight. Stunning hills of green meandered down to a perfect, white beach that stretched for miles in each direction. The ocean was a deep, perfect blue as wave after wave lazily rolled into shore. It was a paradise.
*This* was the place she had dreamed about for so long, for so much of her life. The profound sense of finality hit Devon hard and she felt tears rise in her eyes. There was no Uly to joyfully race down and splash in the shallows (or more likely, splash True) no Yale to tell her she accomplished her goal, no Alonzo, Julia, Bess or Morgan to share the laughter and celebrate...
But John was there, and as he appeared beside her, Devon turned. He took one look at her anguished features, and drew her into his arms as she cried.
"Shhh, it'll be alright," soothed Danziger, gently stroking her hair. He was confused by her sudden breakdown, and deeply troubled by the signs of scars Devon carried on her heart. Devon clung tightly to him as her tears dampened the front of his shirt. "We never made it," she sobbed quietly. "I tried so hard...I promised them so much..."
Her tears gradually subsided as Danziger held her. "This was my dream," Devon murmured. "New Pacifica, it's so beautiful, but it's so empty!" She sniffed, trails of tears glistening on her face in the brilliant sunlight. Staring beyond Danziger's shoulder she saw a place of more beauty and wonder that was ever possible. It wasn't real, and that hurt *so* much.
Finally, Danziger asked, "Do you want to talk about it?" Devon looked up into his eyes, and suddenly pulled away. What would he know about her pain, anyway? How could he *possibly* comprehend what she had gone through? No one could! Devon shuddered, alone.
She also knew that if he were to ever love her, there was no way she could dump these personal problems on him. Or reveal the truth. This whole beach trip had been a bad idea from the start.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here," was all the explanation Devon offered as she strode quickly up the beach. Danziger watched her, a forlorn figure receding into the distance. The aura of sadness that surrounded her was almost too much for him to bear, and Danziger shook his head in frustration. Devon seemed to want to get to know him, but every time he got close, he was pushed away.
It was as if she was afraid to get close to anyone.
Kassidy Quinn surreptitiously crept along the dark corridor. The hour was late and few people were around. Not that there were many people who normally traversed these corridors, anyway. She was elated over the turn out of the meeting from which she had come, and now her new concern was too many people getting involved. It was all so dangerous, especially for her husband.
He was still there, she knew. Danziger had sent her ahead home (or the tiny unit they lived in) while he cleared up new difficulties that had arisen for the Resistance. And then he had to visit someone very special to both of them.
She reached a corner, and paused. Distant voices drifted to her ears and glancing at her watch, Kassidy knew that it was the standard security patrol. One sweep each night was all they bothered with in the drone areas, and they completely avoided the lower corridors. Which was just as well, as these tunnels provided a perfect meeting place for the growing numbers of the Resistance.
Hearing the patrol turn into the next web of tunnels, Kassidy breathed a sigh of relief. There wasn't anything wrong with her being there, but if too many drones were caught wandering late at night, questions would be raised. Right now, the Resistance was biding their time as they grew in strength. The time for attack would come much later, when they could be sure of their support in some parts of the Council. Kassidy herself was assigned to making such contacts.
She mentally reviewed the index of lower Council members that she had to check out. Dison Blalock was listed, a name that John had placed a warning question mark next to when he read the list. When asked about it, he had replied vaguely about rumours concerning a scrapped project almost two years ago.
Kassidy smiled as she thought of her husband. She was so proud of him - the initiative he showed, and the great danger he placed himself in by volunteering to lead such a risky mission. He often wished aloud that he could keep her from the danger, but Kassidy would have none of that. She believed in equality and freedom as much as, or perhaps more than, anyone. It was something she had learnt soon after emigrating from Earth.
She briskly increased her pace as the corridors became more well lighted and the hum of heavy machinery less. The 'civilised living quarters' as they were described. What a joke. Violence was quite common amongst the disgruntled people, but Kassidy knew how to defend herself. After all, she had lived her entire life amongst people like this and was more than proficient in handling a weapon.
Finally arriving home, Kassidy let herself in the door. Noticing the flashing light on the standard issue computer, the woman crossed the room and keyed in her access code. She quickly brought up the new message.
"Dear Clients,
The second and final payment for your marriage contract is due in thirty days. Should this payment not be received by the due date, the aforementioned Marriage Contract will be declared null and void. To avoid this clause being invoked, may I suggest you remit any relevant fees without delay.Subsequent renewals for a further two-year contract must be submitted via the New Contracts Department.
Yours Faithfully
Mr L Calrissian
The Marriage Bureau
The Council."What followed were specific details to Kassidy and John's licence, such as their full names and cost of renewal.
Kassidy saved the message and then sat down, deep in thought. Did John want to renew their marriage contract? Or more importantly, did she? The past two years had been great together, a lot of laughs as they kept each other sane through the trials life threw at them. She had comforted him when they decided the inevitable solution to a troublesome problem, a decision that had almost broken Danziger's heart.
Everyone always said they made the perfect couple. Yet Kassidy couldn't help but wonder if it were a relationship born out of friendship more than anything else.
She needed to discuss this with her husband. Did she still love him? Or had the path of life now separated the bond they once shared? She'd made some wonderful friends on the mining expedition, people that Danziger didn't even know. And he, too, had met others. Like Devon Adair, or perhaps he was only using her to infiltrate the upper ranks. She certainly was rich enough to be an important, powerful influence.
Kassidy's mind turned over the endless questions for what seemed hours until John Danziger finally arrived home. As he wearily sunk into a chair, Kassidy asked, "How was she?"
"Fine. A little scared, a little sad, but that's to be expected. She knows we're doing everything we can to protect her and that it isn't permanent. She'll survive, she's tough enough."
Smiling sadly, Kassidy replied, "I know." It was the Resistance that caused this situation in the first place, and Danziger was tormenting himself over which was more important - her, or the future of humanity. But now was not the time to discuss it (again).
"We got a message today," stated Kassidy. "Mmmm," mumbled Danziger. They received a couple of messages every day, and there was nothing that would make one stand out...or was there.
"Was it from Devon Adair?" Danziger asked. "She was pretty upset the other day, and I haven't heard from her since."
"You know, John, you could always call her," pointed out Kassidy. "We don't want to lose a valuable ally."
"You're right," he agreed, "but she's not just an ally. She's a friend, as well. Admittedly, though, a confused friend...I just don't know what's going on with her half the time. Devon's always really glad to see me, but if I mention anything remotely to do with her personal life, she clams up."
"Yeah, well, maybe she should see a counsellor. Or a psychiatrist. Maybe you should just stay the hell away from her."
"What?!" Danziger was surprised at Kassidy's uncharacteristic display of anger. She was usually so sweet and forgiving, and rarely had anything bad to say about anyone. But when Kassidy lost her temper, Danziger *knew* that something was up.
"Do you ever wonder if you can trust Devon? She could be *working* for the Council!" burst out Kassidy as the idea gathered momentum.
"Nah, she's okay," protested Danziger. "I already went through all that when I met her."
"John," said Kassidy, lowering her voice into more soothing tones, "I'm just worried about you. What do you *really* know about her?"
He paused, pondering the question. "I guess, not much at all. But I can't believe that she's a Council spy. We get along great, whenever she's not clammed up about something...her past life..."
Kassidy seized his last sentence. "See - her past life! You don't know what she's been involved in since her 'save-thechildren' campaign. She could just be biding her time until she brings down the Resistance, and *you*, once and for all."
Kassidy's words rang out through the small quarters. Suddenly, Danziger recognised the possibility of truth. If Devon was a spy, it would explain a lot. It would explain almost everything, and it would mean that Devon Adair was a much better actor than he had ever suspected.
And the beach trip - Danziger cringed as he remembered how sorry he had felt for her. If it were nothing more than a ruse... "You could be right," he finally admitted to Kassidy. Her face transformed into a sad smile.
"I don't want to be right," she admitted. "Devon seemed like an nice person. But I'm just so worried about you!"
"It can't go on like this," Danziger vowed. "If she doesn't give me the truth next time we meet, I don't think I can see her again."
"Thank you, John," said Kassidy, moving behind him so she could wrap her arms around his neck. He leaned into her embrace, and murmured, "So what was that message we received, anyway?"
"Oh, nothing much," replied Kassidy guiltily. She would bring up their marriage contract another time, when they could concentrate on each other and not the mysteries of Devon Adair.
"I love you, you know?" whispered Danziger gruffly, pulling her around into his arms.
"I love you too," she replied almost automatically. Then there were no more words between them as Danziger brought his lips to hers.
DEVON ALONE - PART III
A Fragile Existence (5/5)
by Nicole MayerThe door chime sounded, and Devon instinctively looked up. She wasn't expecting anyone, in fact, she was curled in her favourite chair (the one she used to rock Uly in). Every day, it seemed, she saw some trace of the son she loved dearly. A fleeting presence in the corners of the room or a heartwarming recollection of happier times : the memory of his young voice haunted her. Devon missed Uly terribly.
She was staring at a holo-image of him as she ordered the doors to open. John Danziger stepped inside.
"John!" Devon was startled. She hadn't expected to see him for a while yet, at least not until she had collected her thoughts and decided what to do. She knew that she couldn't go on lying to him, but Devon couldn't stand the idea of a life without John in it.
Perhaps it was time to tell him the truth, after all. "Devon," Danziger began, his voice a little strained, "I think we need to talk."
Smiling bravely, Devon motioned him inside. Danziger remained standing by the door although he did allow it to slide shut behind him.
Danziger shifted from foot to foot, unsure as how to begin. He didn't want to alienate Devon, and he didn't want to hurt her if it turned out that it was all a big misunderstanding. On the other hand, if she *was* a Council spy, he wasn't leaving until he knew.
Finally, he gathered the courage to speak. "Devon...I'm worried about you."
Devon allowed herself an inward smile. He cared. That was a step in the right direction. But her happiness was short lived as she heard the rest of Danziger's words.
"You live in a world of secrets. And forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think I have a right to know what's going on."
Danziger's attention was caught by the small holographic imager that Devon turned over and over in her hands. The picture was of a young boy, one who showed the visible signs of the Syndrome. "Who is he?" Danziger asked.
Nervously, Devon said, "Maybe it is time..." "For the truth?"
"John," she replied, and her voice was wavering, "I never told you about my son. Ulysses.""Is that him?" Danziger softened his voice, and was rewarded by Devon's mute nod. "He looks like a great kid."
"He was," she whispered.
Danziger heard the past tense in her voice, and felt a rush of compassion for Devon. He crossed the room and knelt beside her, taking her hand."He died," Devon managed to say.
"I know," soothed Danziger, caressing her face in a comforting manner. "I can see it in your eyes.""I tried so hard to save him," Devon explained, tears filling her eyes. "The whole campaign, my whole life, everything was for Uly. But in the end, nothing I did made any difference. I couldn't save him, and I couldn't save any of those other children either."
"I'm sorry." There wasn't much else Danziger could say. Devon swallowed hard.
"That's why I've been a little, well, crazy recently," she admitted, hoping that he would leave it at that. "I felt as though I'd lost my purpose. I'm sorry for dragging you into it."
"Into what?" Danziger asked, feeling his suspicions rise again.
"Into my depression," Devon quickly amended. Her eyes darted across his face, almost if she could see the distrust that lurked there.
"You know, talking about it helps," suggested Danziger. "Tell me about your son. Was it the Syndrome?"
"Yes..."
Now came the crucial question for Danziger. There were still a lot of holes, and time discrepancies, in Devon's story. "How long ago did he die?""Six mon...no, almost two years ago," replied Devon, confused. For her, there was no exact moment that Uly had died. She didn't remember his actual parting, only the horror of leaving the Program and finding out that Uly was gone quite a while ago.
"Maybe you should go see someone. Two years is an awful long time to be grieving so much," suggested Danziger wryly.
"And what would *you* know about it?" Devon suddenly flared. She had to *make* him understand and accept this, she had to! "My son, my only son, died! Doesn't that give me the right to be upset?"
"Yes, but..."
"How would you feel if True died?!" Devon burst out. Danziger paused. "It would be..." His voice took on a new tone as a realisation struck him. "How the hell," he began, fury growing in his voice, "did you know about True?!"Devon gasped. How could she have made such a slip? "It was in your record," she quickly ventured. "I read about her, and I always wondered why you didn't mention that you had a daughter..."
Danziger jumped to his feet, pulling Devon up with him. "My record," he spat, "says that True died almost three years ago."
"But she's not dead!" protested Devon. "No she's not, but no one knows that. You hear me? NO ONE!" Danziger roared, anger and fear surging through his body. If Devon knew about True, then how many others did? All the trauma he and Kassidy had endured to hide the girl, and get her to safety, was useless if the Council knew that True was still alive!
"I'm so *sick* of your lies," raged Danziger. "You've been lying to me from the first moment we met. Oh, you had your quick answers ready, but they don't cut it anymore. I want the truth."
Defiantly, Devon stared him straight in the eye. She'd never seen John Danziger this angry before, and was a little afraid. Yet deep in her heart, she realised that it was time to end the madness. It was time to tell him the truth.
Slowly, she backed away from his menacing stare. "John, have you ever had your mind copied?"
He was taken aback by the question. "What the hell does that have to do with anything? The Council..." Possibilities suddenly ran rampant through his mind. The Council had injected him with a monitoring device, they knew everything! Or...
"Trust me, John," Devon said softly. "I'm not with the Council. I just need you to tell me this. Please," her big eyes begged. Danziger felt his heart softening a little.
"Yes, I had my mind copied, just before True went away." "And Kassidy?"
"Her too," Danziger admitted. "It was a good way to make a lot of credits, fast. But I always regretted it, for putting my memories into the hands of the Council.""There was nothing incriminating in your memories," Devon assured him, suddenly taking on the stronger role in this confrontation. "And I'm the only one who knows that."
Danziger placed his hands on his hips, exasperated. "Do you wanna try explaining just *how* you know all of this?"
Devon took a deep breath. "Okay," she finally said. Now there was no backing away from it. She would tell John the whole story, and then, then he would understand everything. Especially that they were destined to be together.
"I would have done *anything* to save my son," Devon began. "When he died, I was stricken with grief, or so they tell me. I really can't remember any of it. But Blalock - you know who he is?"
"I know *of* him," replied Danziger in a dark voice, suggesting that his knowledge was grim in nature.
Devon went on. "Blalock offered me the chance to see other children saved. I had faced so much opposition in my quest to colonise a distant planet, that I grasped at any straw, no matter how slim my chances were. I agreed to the Program.
"The Program was a VR simulation of colonising a new planet designed to test me. And everything that could go wrong, did. I was inside the program for a year."
"So that beach - it was part of that planet you were on in VR?" interrupted Danziger.
Devon nodded. "That was New Pacifica, my final goal. *Our* final goal. Because you were there."
Now things were beginning to make sense to Danziger. "John, they used the copy of your mind to, in essence, make another John Danziger. And another Kassidy, only she was called Bess, and she was married to someone else, called Morgan Martin, and he's real too..." Devon was babbling, and she knew it.
"The thing is," she tried to explain, "I didn't know that it was an illusion. I thought the whole thing was real, I lived every day as if it were my last on that beautiful, forsaken planet. It was my dream, and it became my life."
Danziger was curious in spite of himself. "So what happened?" Devon dipped her eyes to the floor. "They pulled me out of the Program. With no warning. One moment, my life was near perfect, and the next, I woke up here, with no one. No friends, no son, no life..." Involuntarily, Devon sniffed.
"I thought that none of you were real," she went on. "Most of you weren't." She was speaking as if all of her friends from G889 were there to listen to her. "But John, then I found out that you, of all people, were alive and real! It was the most wonderful moment of my life since VR," Devon admitted.
Danziger was nervous. Devon was staring at him with a strange kind of intensity in her eyes. "Why me?" he managed to ask.
"Oh, John, can't you feel it? Don't you sense it in your heart? You and I are meant to be together!" Devon gazed at him lovingly, her whole soul shining from her eyes as everything was focussed on him. "We were together in the Program, and that's when I learnt that I love you. And you love me." Her heart was beating wildly. This was it, the moment when he would realise it too...
His next words almost destroyed her. "Devon, as much as I like you...you fell in love with a computer image!" Danziger burst out.
"No!" Devon protested. "He was you, you are him, you're identical...you love me, you have to!"
"And what about Kassidy?" protested Danziger. "She's my wife!"
"We can fix that," giggled Devon, her eyes glazing over. "Kassidy, no, Bess, no, Kassidy...you just wait until she meets Morgan Martin. They're another perfect couple."
Danziger was stunned. Never had he dreamt of revelations like this. And he had *never* heard of anything like Devon Adair was telling him now.
"You think," he sputtered, "that you can just arrange everyone's lives like this? Based on a *simulation* with computercontrolled characters?"
"But they were *us*!" cried Devon. "John, I love you! I tried to tell you so hard through that glass, when I was dying! You have to know it, you have to love me!"
To her horror, Devon saw him shaking his head. In desperation, she wrapped her arms around Danziger's neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss.
"No!" Danziger was pushing her away. "Not like this, Devon. I don't know you."
"You *have* to love me!" Devon burst out. She reached for him again, but he was backing away.
"You can't control people's lives!" Danziger shouted. "You're not God here!"
"John-" she shrieked. He keyed open the door. "You need help, Devon!" he yelled. "And I can't give it to you." He stormed through the door.
"No! Don't leave me alone!!!" Devon screamed. "Not alone...Please John, I love you!"
Dison Blalock threw back his head and laughed. He felt invigorated, he felt powerful, he felt in control. He had just been promoted.
Gone from his record was that nasty mess with Devon Adair. Blalock shouldn't have worried so much about that situation, for the Council took care of its own. He knew that. Well, he knew that now.
He was vaguely curious about his reinstatement as head of the VR technology which caused all the trouble in the first place. One would expect the Council to keep him well away from it. But in the meeting with his superiors that morning, there had been a strange gleam in their eyes.
Almost as if they were...studying Blalock. Masters with their new creation. The man shook his head, fighting the odd thought. He needed to focus his entire life on the well being of the Council now. No more annoying distractions, no more flirtations with women, no more wasting his time.
Blalock belonged to the Council, and now everything was so clear. He laughed.
John Danziger was gone. He had just walked out of her life with no compassion, no looking back. "John, no!" Devon cried again. "No, no, nononono...not alone, not alone..." She sank to her knees. She had lost John Danziger forever.
"No," she whispered again, the realisation sinking in. "No..." Devon was alone. And it was a loneliness far greater than she had faced before.
There was nothing left for her. Gone were the hopes and the dreams, and the promises. She had been foolish to ever think she could make a difference. Uly was dead forever, Morgan would never change, Bess hated her, and Danziger - John, would never love her in the way Devon needed him to, the way she knew he should.
"There's nothing left," whispered Devon. A grim sense of acceptance began to come over her. She was doomed.
"I cannot live like this," she stated into the empty, dark room. Time seemed to have stopped. The world was silent save for Devon's heavy breathing as she picked herself up from the ground.
Everything stood out in stark detail. Devon watched, with a detached interest, at each step her feet took across the indifferent floor. Nothing in this world seemed to touch her anymore, for she was beyond caring. A great darkness called to her, a call she knew she could not resist. For she could never return to the awful pain and horror of the living world.
"I will not be alone," Devon vowed. The months of pain and suffering had finally come to a head, and now she would put them behind her forever. There was only one thing left for Devon to do. "Not alone..." she whispered, feeling her links to the reality of life grow thinner with every passing moment. "Not alone."
-The End-
As always, comments and feedback on the series is greatly appreciated at destiny@wwdg.com
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.