WILL HE STAY OR WILL HE GO?
By
Paula Sanders
Timeline: At New Pacifica
Author's E-Mail: paula.sanders@shawnee.org
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
--- Read this Author's Note with heavy sarcasm. I'm feeling loopy today. %} PJS ---Hi all, Despite what Lia said about us seasoned fanfic writers not needing to or having time to do a short-short story, I needed to get away from the clutches of my mammoth and write something simple and cheerier. Never fear, "The Horror of Loneliness" will conclude in the near future (just how near that future is, is entirely up to the whims of my life, as it is now.)
Now, imagine if you will, the Eden Advance Crew already settled in New Pacifica. Devon has been healed (for whateverthehell reason she was) and she and Danz's relationship remained at the same level the whole rest of the journey. The colony ship has arrived, the children are healed and departure, to return to the stations is imminent. Decisions have to be made. Why must you imagine all this, you ask. Because I don't have time to write it all, that's why ;P And since Dev and Danz are the easiest couple for me to write, they are the ones who have big, life altering decisions to make. I hope this doesn't reflect the slap dash method with which it has been written. Enjoy!
A.J. -- Since you made the challenge. And because you *have* to be the most vocal, if not the loudest ;) of us Dev and Danz fans, this is for you. You better enjoy it. (evil cackle) So, it ran over the limit by two pages. Big deal. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. She bites. ;P
This is a work of amateur fiction not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by anyone involved in the making of Earth 2. (How many times have I typed this? I should just use the Copy button *sigh* I know I'm hopeless.)
So, without further ado.............. On with the show............. or story or whatever....
Stay Or Will He Go
by Paula Sanders
copyright February 1996
John Danziger stood out in the open, the blazing hot sun beating down on his shoulders, as he surveyed the growing New Pacifica Colony. He had not taken much time lately to just look around. He had been too busy buried in access tubes and panels, circuit boxes and engine parts to take the time to see what was happening right under his nose. The scruffy, ragtag, piece meal outpost the fifteen of them had managed to throw together before the Colony ship's arrival was steadily growing into a town. They had recovered a cargo pod with building materials and managed to get a functional, if improvised hospital ready for the sick children. That had been Devon's priority. Her first thought had been of the children. Danziger had not been the only one who wanted to shove Morgan Martin off a cliff for suggesting that they use the materials for housing. With a peculiar smile John remember the angry fire in Devon's eyes as she stood up, back arrow straight and slowly, yet dangerously, ambled over to the bureaucrat. She stared him directly in the eye, telling him in no uncertain terms that *none* of the building materials would be used for housing, until after the hospital was set up and running to her satisfaction. Her satisfaction had been nearly impossible to meet. There was little left over once the small hospital was fully functional. She had them using every last piece of sheeting and checking all the machinery for damage before installing it. Slowly, over these past few months, he saw the Devon Adair who had tried to stare him down many times in those first days on this planet reemerging. And with the Colony ship's arrival the Devon he had spent eight months with on the road, since she was healed, disappeared. He found himself missing that woman, hating to see her isolate herself, resisting any closeness or camaraderie they offered. She had thrown herself into the settling of the colony and the care of the children, nothing else mattered to her.
He gazed around, taking in all the buildings that had been constructed over the last month since the colonists had landed. There weren't many. A consensus had been reached to keep the colony small to start with. There was a main meeting hall which stood at the head of what Devon had come to call the Main Square, which was where most meetings had taken place and was the first building to be constructed. The next two buildings stood out amongst the others, towering over them with their three stories. The Dormitories was what Cameron, Baines and Denner took to calling them, all having spent a few years in an academic environment, the apartments reminded them of the flops they had lived in. This was where most of them lived, ones who had not already built houses. Most of the Eden Advance Crew still lived there. It was narrow and tall and faced the Watering Hole. That was what Yale had quaintly called his little establishment. He said in his studies of the American Pioneers there was always a tavern in ever town and what would their own Frontier Settlement be without one. The Watering Hole was where the Edenites congregated to cool off, ferret out or instigate the latest gossip, or discuss their plans for their new home. And a home it was.
John Danziger never thought he would ever have a home anywhere. Not since his home had been ripped away from him, with Elle's death. Without her there, nowhere had felt like home, and he thought that nothing would. Until Devon Adair and G889. As much as it pained him to admit, the once rich, spoiled and still arrogant socialite had given him this chance to make a home for his daughter and himself. But still he felt a hole, something was missing and he couldn't seem to fill it. A door slamming in the near distance caught his attention and while searching for the source his eyes landed on the woman who was occupying his thoughts. Adair was stalking purposefully across the Square away from the main buildings, toward the beach. Though he tried, he couldn't stop his feet from moving to follow her. He cursed the magnetic pull this woman had always had on him, all the way to the rocky ridge overlooking the Sea of Antius, where he found her sitting, hugging her knees.
Devon Adair plopped down on the ridge overlooking the Sea of Antius trying to regain her composure and reign in her temper. The sound of the waves and the way the breeze tugged at her hair and clothing always had a calming effect on her. And she hoped it would not fail her today. *Blast!* She hated dealing with these people; the greedy, selfish, high and mighty types. They didn't think of anyone but themselves. Michael and Melony Reardon, her only compatriots probably would have had to pull her off of Thomas Pearsol if she had stayed in that room for much longer. They just took and took, never even giving an instant's thought to giving back. It had been so long since she had been up against this kind of resistance. After a year plus of struggling to survive and realizing that the only way to survive was to respect the land and it's inhabitants, the small group of fifteen had learned their lessons well. They showed respect and tried to teach it to the others. But some heads were still too thick to penetrate. And she wanted to wring all of their necks. Devon breathed in a sigh, calming herself, listening to the breeze and the waves crashing against the surf.
In a flash she saw herself standing with John Danziger on this very ridge, both gazing out over the beach and deep blue water. He had commented on how this spot was even more beautiful than that beach they had mistakenly been thrown onto. He had been smoothing down his daughter's hair at the time. True had stood before him, a silent "Wow" repeatedly playing on her lips. A question had been trapped in Devon's throat that afternoon and ever since. *Will he stay or will he go?*
It rang in her mind every day, every waking and sleeping moment it haunted her. But she could never call up the courage to ask it. What took greater courage was for her to imagine life here without him around to harass her, to challenge her, and to support her. She hated herself for needing anyone so much. So, she had plunged into her work, the politics and logistics of setting up New Pacifica, needing to see that she still was capable of functioning solo. It had worked perfectly, until Yale had brought to her attention that the Colony ship would be departing tomorrow. The old question had screamed across her mind, drowning out all else. Thoughts of her son, now taking larger steps, since the children were healed, towards being the Human/Terrian link, the figure head for the Terrians and healed Syndrome children, Uly had disappeared to the back of her mind. He was safe, there was nothing she could do for him now. So, her mind had latched onto another concern; John Danziger. He could so easily return to the stations, picking up and moving on as though nothing had changed. He seemed to adapt so quickly to whatever the circumstances were. True would want to return, there wasn't anything to keep her here. There was nothing to keep any of the Eden Advance Crew here. They had all expressed their thoughts about returning, some wanting to, some unsure. The only people she could ever trust, in whom she had put her trust were just going to up and leave her, as if all they had been through had never happened.
Breathing in the salty sea air Devon Adair hugged her knees tightly, feeling more lonely than she had ever felt before. "Devon, are you all right?"
*Oh god,* her mind moaned. *Not John Danziger. That's the last thing I needed right now.*
"I saw you leave the meeting hall," he told her. "Did something happen?" Devon pushed herself to her feet, saying, "I'm fine. I just needed to get out of there, that's all." She brushed the grass from her pants and decided to try to find another place to be alone. But Danziger had other ideas. He seemed to anticipate her movement and planted himself right where she was going. He was damned infuriating sometimes. *Scratch that, most of the time.* "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, kindly. "No, I can handle it," she said. "They just got to me, this time. I guess I'm not as good at this as I used to be." She cursed the quiver in her voice. Danziger had the gall to step closer to her and place a hand on her shoulder. And she was too dumbstruck and frozen by the compassion of his touch, that she couldn't stop him. Suddenly, anger flared up in her and she shrugged his hand away.
"I have to get back. They're probably wondering where I've gone." "I'd say they're probably glad you're gone," he said, grinning playfully. "Those suits are probably sitting back and breathing a sigh of relief, right now."
*Damn him!* He had made her laugh. That was the last thing she wanted to do. "Listen, Danziger," she said, and she saw him step back a bit at her use of his last name. "I don't need to talk about anything. I'm fine. I just walked out of an important meeting because if I didn't I would have wrapped a tie very tightly around someone's neck. Now my composure is back and I need to get back to work. The Colony needs me." "The Colony needs everyone," he told her. "And I think they can do without you for a little while. Don't go."
The emotional content of those last two, simple words froze her feet to their spot in front of him. She couldn't move, couldn't break eye contact, as suddenly her world crumbled around her. "Do you think the colony needs you?" she asked, her voice barely audible above the roar of the surf.
Danziger dug below the surface of her words to find the true meaning, the meaning he wanted to hear. Devon needed him. She would never say it to his face, but he had to believe that was what she was trying to say to him. "Yeah, I think the colony needs me," he admitted. "There isn't a mechanic worth his weight among that bunch. You think I'm gonna leave *my* equipment in the hands of Larry, Moe, and Curly?" *A smile,* the thought danced a jig in his subconscious. Even if it did come with a frown.
"Who?" she asked, totally missing the reference. "Nevermind, it's a bad joke." He was standing mere inches from her, but would not dare to touch her. Though he ached with the need to take her in his arms, to make himself a part of her and her of him.
Finally, drawing on all his strength and courage, with a generous dash of foolhardiness thrown in, he spoke,
"Devon, I'm not going anywhere."
Her eyes grew wide and frightened, but she quickly covered it. "When did I say anything about you going anywhere?" *Damn her and her pride,* he wanted to yell. "Fine, if that's the way you want it," he spat, throwing up his arms and turning away from her. As he started to walk away he felt as if something were being torn away from his soul.
"John, wait!" she called loudly, over the crashing waves. His heart practically leapt for joy and he turned slowly back to her, meeting her unsteady gaze with a careful mask in place. "You want to hear it, fine I'll say it," she threw at him, her gaze locking with his, chin high, defiance and strength in every gorgeous line of her body. "I don't want you to leave on the colony ship. We need you here." "I never planned on leaving," he replied, tactfully. "I couldn't take True away from the only place we have a hope of making a home in. I can't believe the change in her. Hell, I can't believe the change in me. I thought you had changed," he added.
"I have," she said quietly. "That's why I had to be alone. I had to know that I could go back to what I was." She turned her eyes to the sea and his heart constricted sharply at the hunch in her shoulders. "If you all left me, I had to know I would be all right alone." "You'll never be alone again, Devon," he told her, his feet moving without his consent, taking small steps towards her. "That's what a family is for. And we're a family."
Her head snapped around, sending tendrils of hair streaking across her face. "Are we?" she asked, her voice disbelieving and hopeful. John acted on instinct, taking the last remaining steps to her in record time. And here at the edge of the beach, the realization of all Devon had dreamed, he swept her into his arms and kissed her without mercy. And to his surprise she returned it, the same.Devon sank into John's embrace, disbelieving that anything could taste or feel as good as he did at that moment. These sensations, so long denied her in her isolation, were mysterious and intoxicating. She drew it out for as long as she could. Memorizing his taste, the way his lips felt as they molded to hers, and his strong arms holding her, pulling her closer. She purred deep in her throat as his tongue glided across her lips. Suddenly frightened she pulled back.
"Oh god," she breathed, rushing away from him, leaving him standing like a lost soul. Her hand flew to her mouth.
"I'm sorry, Devon," he said hastily. "If I did anything...." "No, I just..." she began then started to laugh, staring at him. She couldn't believe what she was feeling, the thoughts that were in her head. "....God, you're good," she breathed and his deep laugh joined her gentle one. Devon gazed at him, mentally cataloguing every precious inch of him. For a few moments she closed her eyes, trying to take him out of her life, to imagine what that would be like. But she couldn't. No matter how she tried, his presence was always there with her. She slowly opened her eyes again to find him standing close, in front of her. "Don't go," she pleaded in a quiet whisper as the sound of the waves were silent.
"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her, slipping a hand up to cup her cheek. "I can't leave you. I love you." "You do?" she asked, lost in his gentle eyes. He nodded and caressed her cheek, twinning his fingers in her hair. Those three words were not something either of them took lightly, and she knew it. She had not had many occasions to say it and they were the hardest three words she had ever had to utter. But looking into his bright blue eyes, they flowed out effortlessly.
"I love you, John."
He leaned in to kiss her again, only this time with loving gentleness. With a sigh, he broke the kiss and pulled her into a secure embrace, her head rested against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat soothed her nerves more thenthe sound of the surf ever could. She finally felt at peace and complete.
Danziger shifted his arms to hold Devon more securely, and she settled into his embrace easily, as if she was always meant to be there. He was struck by the thought that after all they had been through, all those months spent here, he had never held her in his arms. Now he understood where the hole in his life was and who would fill it. With Devon here in his arms he finally felt at home and complete.-The End-
Comments and feedback required ;) and greatly appreciated at: paula.sanders@shawnee.org
This text file was ran through PERL script made by Andy. Original text file is available in Andy's Earth 2 Fan Fiction Archive.