From kw@escapenet.org Sun Sep 7 02:21:19 1997 Date: Sun, 3 Aug 1997 13:19:35 -0400 From: Kathy Wolenczak Reply-To: seaquest-ff@escapenet.org To: FF-List Subject: (SQFF) "Dream-Mac Followup" Resent-Date: Sun, 3 Aug 1997 12:33:41 -0500 (CDT) Resent-From: seaquest-ff-request@escapenet.org [The following text is in the "ISO-8859-1" character set] [Your display is set for the "US-ASCII" character set] [Some characters may be displayed incorrectly] A followup to "Macronesian War Story", based on a dream I had. A decent title will be appreciated..... ::shrugs:: The year is 2034. New York has had the spotlight moved away, further south, to New Cape Quest. Sadly not many people come here anymore, and no one sees how wonderful it^Òs become. Mayor Shannon Tobin in 2023 got this city back on it^Òs feet, cleaned up the projects, and brought violence down to a level no worse than any other large city. It^Òs back to being the classy, upscale place it was at the turn of the _twentieth_ century. Columbia University still stands, stately, as the snow falls two days before Christmas. Dorms are more or less empty, and pretty much everyone^Òs gone home for the holidays. Some professors remain, as well as maintenance crews preparing for the next semester. In a large, architecturally hall there is a small apartment occupied by a young man who no one can quite figure out what his occupation or purpose is at this college. As far as anyone can tell he _should_ be a student, but he never goes to class. He lives in a professor^Òs hall but he^Òs far too young to teach. He^Òs often seen sitting outside with a book, reading, until the weather got cold and he moved his books into his room. No one could even find out his _name_. His room was large and cluttered into a restrained mess. Large bookshelves jammed with texts, novels, and paperbacks lined the walls. There was a large wooden desk to the right of the door, and a couch facing the door in the middle of the room, with a coffee table before it. Books and magazines lay strewn across it. In the other corner, to the left of the door, was a dark wooden table and two chairs. The table sat between a window and the bookshelves, and on the other side of the window was a small counter, an equally small functional stove, and a small, almost ^Óoffice^Ô, refrigerator. On the couch, sitting wrapped in a soft, worn blanket, was a young man. Lucas Wolenczak. He looked as we remembered him. His hair remained long, but not overly so, his eyes were still blue and bright, although slightly hidden by small, metallic-framed glasses. He sat reading a thick novel, and drinking a mug of hot chocolate he just made. He was very, very happy. It was a very good birthday for him. He woke up and it was snowing, and then took his long walk across campus to the library and picked up some groceries for a dinner he had planned tonight. He was going to get to see Ann.... He looked up at the knocking on his door and smiled. Was she coming early to surprise him? How sweet.... He stood slowly, taking care to set his mug down on the coffee table, and untangle himself from his blanket. ^ÓHang on....^Ô He walked across the room, passed the coffee table and desk, and unlocked the door. He stared in shock at who stood on the other side. Two people he had not seen for two years of his life. Hudson smiled. The young man looked wonderful. He was growing up nicely. He was standing tall, obviously the therapy on his legs had gone well, but Hudson couldn^Òt see the progress on his mind... ^ÓHello, Lucas.^Ô He couldn^Òt think of anything to say...what do you say to a man you^Òve been hiding from for two years. ^ÓHow did you find me?^Ô He wasn^Òt accusing Hudson, in fact, he seemed almost relieved to be found. ^ÓWith a lot of patience. Can we come in?^Ô Lucas looked to the captain^Òs companion. J.J. Fredericks. It had been such a long time, and, to Lucas^Ò eyes, she was just as beautiful. He could barely nod, but once he could manage, they walked inside. J.J. looked around, smiling, looking at how ^ÓLucas^Ô this room truly was, but nobody ever knew until now. It was warm and inviting, filled with books and knowledge, better suited to comfort than aesthetic pleasure, but _still_ gorgeous. Lucas stood there, still in shock, wracking his half-shattered mind for what he should be doing right now. J.J. smiled at him and sat on the couch, moving the blanket he had been previously wrapped in to a comfy reading chair beside the couch. This seemed to snap Lucas out of his state. ^ÓUh....._yeah_, sit down, you guys want anything to drink? Coffee? I just made some water....^Ô Hudson smiles. Lucas nearly blushes as he sits down on the comfy chair, holding the blanket in his lap. The room is all ready nearing an uncomfortable silence. J.J. looked around, then finally spoke up. ^ÓSo Lucas....what made you decide to come here?^Ô He thought a long while. ^ÓI love snow. And it^Òs big enough for me to get lost in a crowd, but not too big for me to get lost and not be able to get home. They have a great library, and the people here are nice.... I needed someplace where nobody would recognize me, and that^Òs the only reason I didn^Òt go back to Stanford.^Ô Hudson was dry of ideas. J.J. had plenty. ^ÓAre you taking any classes?^Ô Lucas shook his head slowly. ^ÓMy doctor says it^Òs not a good idea just yet. I want to, though...^Ô He looked at them. ^ÓHow did you find me?^Ô J.J. looked to Hudson to field that one. He sighed and cleared his throat. ^ÓWell, when we couldn^Òt find any evidence of you taking any plane trips we assumed you were still in the New York where you had gone in the first place, but we couldn^Òt find anyone who had heard of you and you hadn^Òt used any of your credit cards. You changed your handle on the Internex, so once we found your new one we tracked down your Nex usage to here.^Ô Lucas swallowed hard. He felt like they^Òd violated his privacy. They knew things about him... He couldn^Òt get away, he has no secrets. He looked at them. ^ÓWhy^Òd you come now?^Ô Grinning, Hudson turned to him. ^ÓTwenty-first birthday, it^Òs a big deal. We didn^Òt want you to be alone.^Ô ^ÓBut, I^Òm _not_ alone, in fact...I have plans.^Ô J.J. wondered if this was a bad idea. ^ÓAre we interrupting something? Should we leave?^Ô ^ÓOh, no, that^Òs okay...it^Òs not for hours.... I^Òm going out to dinner with a ....friend.^Ô Hudson suspected something more. ^ÓA _friend_?^Ô Lucas blushed. ^ÓWell....my fiancé.^Ô Hudson nearly choked. *Lucas?! Mentally-ill, can^Òt-show-his-emotions, practically _insane_ Lucas?! With a _fiancé_?!* Finally, Hudson regained a _little_ of his composure. ^ÓWhen did this happen?^Ô ^ÓThanksgiving. We^Òve been going out for 13 months. I felt we were ready for it. My doctor doesn^Òt approve, but she makes me happy and I can see _no_ danger in that...^Ô It warmed J.J. to see him so happy. ^ÓIs she from around here?^Ô ^ÓShe^Òs a student...^Ô ^ÓWhere^Òd you two meet?^Ô Lucas struggled with that one. He took a long, slow deep breath. ^ÓShe^Òs a psych major in her internship with my doctor. We met the day my doctor was forcing me to recall things from a long time ago. I couldn^Òt handle it and broke down, and Ann was the one who got me through that.^Ô J.J. smiled. ^ÓThat^Òs so sweet...^Ô Lucas blushed. He looked down at his watch and pushed at his still-long hair. ^ÓI^Òm sorry, but I^Òve really got to eat something, do you guys want anything? Anything at all?^Ô J.J. and Hudson both declined. ^ÓAre you sure?^Ô They nodded. Lucas sighed and went over, pulling something from his refrigerator and sticking it in the microwave. He swallowed hard and took a gamble with his question. ^ÓSo Captain....how^Òs seaQuest?^Ô ^ÓFine. Everyone misses you....^Ô Lucas blushed. Hudson smiled. ^ÓTony^Òs having a blast, he made Lieutenant.^Ô Lucas smiled to himself. ^ÓYeah. I know.^Ô ^ÓYou know all ready? How?^Ô ^ÓYou forget, Captain. I^Òm still a hacker, there^Òs no two ways about it. I watch over you guys...^Ô Lucas turned to J.J. and smiles graciously. ^ÓCongratulations, Commander.^Ô It was J.J.^Òs turn to be humble now. Lucas^Ò microwave beeped softly. He took out the hot pasta and cheesy-sauce concotion and put it on the table. He then went to his counter, picked up a small bottle of prescription pills, and took one. J.J. watched with interest, then walked over to see what it is Lucas was eating. ^ÓSmells good. What is it?^Ô Lucas took another sip of his drink and sighed. ^ÓTuna, cheese, and pasta.^Ô He shrugged passively. ^ÓIt^Òs one of the few things I can make without burning or melting.^Ô Lucas smiled and looked to Hudson, who was still slightly upset by watching Lucas take his medication. Lucas sighed deeply. ^ÓIt^Òs to settle my stomach, Captain.^Ô Hudson nodded without so much as a recognition he^Òd heard. Since he found out Lucas tried to kill himself nearly a year ago, he had been terribly worried about Lucas living on his own. ^ÓHave you talked to Captain Bridger lately?^Ô Lucas had to smile at that one. ^ÓHe called this morning to wish me a happy birthday. I think I^Òve gotten more e-mail today than I have in the passed _year_. J.J., _do you want some_?^Ô She smiled and so did Lucas. He got out another ceramic bowl and dished some of the food out to her. ^ÓCaptain?^Ô, he raised his eyebrows. Hudson still stubbornly refused. Lucas shrugged and went over to sit back down on the comfy-chair, his bowl in his lap on top of the blanket to avoid burning his legs. The silence was tangible as both J.J. and Hudson stared at Lucas as he slowly ate. The expression on his face became pained as he sighed and looked at them both. ^ÓI think you both should leave. I didn^Òt ask you to come here and you^Òre making me really uncomfortable in my own home. I^Òm..._so_ sorry, but there^Òs no way I^Òm going to be able to relax with you here, and I have to take a shower and get dressed before Ann gets here later. Maybe you guys could come back a little later? Maybe tomorrow? I really want you guys to meet her.... She really wants to meet _you_.^Ô Hudson nodded softly. He could sympathize. Both him and J.J. stood, and so did Lucas. He walked them to the door. Unexpectedly, he hugged J.J. She smiled and held him close, too. ^ÓI really missed you, J.J.....^Ô ^ÓI miss you, too, Lucas.^Ô He pulled away and pushed at his long hair. ^ÓI^Òm sorry.^Ô ^ÓNo, it^Òs okay. I feel the same was you do.^Ô He managed a weak smile. Hudson turned to him and gave him a gentle hug, too. Lucas rested his head on his ex-captain^Òs chest and let the hot tears soak into his off-duty shirt. Hudson gave Lucas^Ò long hair a gentle stroke, and slowly pulled away. ^ÓYou^Òve made it this far, ensign. Don^Òt give up now.^Ô Lucas swallowed hard and nodded forcefully, pushing his feelings down. Hudson smiled and gave Lucas^Ò shoulder a firm pat before leaving. Lucas closed the door and rested back against it. This half hour had been more stressful than any one moment in the passed two years. And on his _birthday_. He couldn^Òt let Ann see him this way. He walked into the small bathroom in his apartment and ran himself a shower. He quickly and quietly took care of his eating....problem with no more than a second thought. He brushed his teeth thoroughly and then stood in the pounding shower for the better part of an hour. He washed himself twice and once he was done, stayed longer. And thought. He looked down towards his feet and looked at the heavy white scarring cris-crossing his legs. Now the problem most bothersome to Lucas was the fact he could _never_ tell when a flashback was coming.... * He was laying on a table screaming in pain. Doctors were poking at his swollen, infected, horribly painful legs. They were trying to decide where to break them again. Alexander Bourne stood not far away, watching as Lucas cried out. Lucas tried to struggle but was securely tied to his bed by restraints. He screamed loudly for help, but they were absolutely deaf to him. He wanted to be let go more desperately than he had ever wanted _anything_ in his entire life. Through the corner of his tear-blurred eyes he could see a doctor coming towards him with a needle. He wanted to get away, he needed to get away _now_. But the restraints were too strong for even his feverish rage. The needle plunged into his skin like fire, and he cried out once more. He looked to the man who monitored his vital signs and pleaded with him. ^ÓPlease, don^Òt let them do this. They^Òre hurting me, don^Òt you see how they^Òre hurting me? Don^Òt let them do this, please!^Ô The man held his emotions tightly in check, President Bourne was staring at him. All he could do was his job, and he placed an oxygen mask over Lucas^Ò face. Lucas pulled away, he didn^Òt want it. He knew they were trying to keep him lucid, for what, he didn^Òt know. Doctors were spreading a brownish or reddish liquid across is legs. In the dim light he couldn^Òt tell. Was it someone else^Òs blood? That would be very strange.... Iodine? Bourne walked over to him. Lucas hated the sight of him. He contemplated spitting at the man to voice his distaste, but decided it would be best to save that for another time. Bourne wanted answers ^ÔMr. Wolenczak... do you feel like telling me where your friends are today?^Ô ^ÓHow many times do I have to tell you, I _don^Òt_ know!^Ô ^ÓWhen are they planning on breaking you free?^Ô ^ÓThey^Òre dead for all I know!^Ô Lucas then screamed in agony as somehow, someone put an extreme pressure on his left leg. The pain was more than he^Òd ever imagined possible. Through the haze Bourne was still speaking. ^ÓWhere are the plans for the new metal, Lucas...^Ô ^ÓI DON^ÒT KNOW!!! If I knew I^Òd tell you, now just please stop!!!!^Ô The pressure continued and he screamed aloud, there was an audible snap as his leg was broken. He laid there in silence, sweating heavily, in agonizing pain. He breathed heavily. Eyeing Lucas^Ò legs, he Bourne spoke to the hesitating doctors. ^ÓThe other one. Now.^Ô A man in a surgeon^Òs mask and scrubs looked up in horror. ^ÓSir, if I... he doesn^Òt have any anesthesia, his heart^Òs liable to give out under that kind of strain. Just give him a few minutes longer.^Ô ^ÓNow!^Ô He was at the end of his rope. If one more man disobeyed him today, _they^Òd_ be the one lying on this table. The man once again placed the oxygen mask over Lucas^Ò face. This time, he didn^Òt complain. His chest rose and fell methodically with his shallow breathing. The doctors who were doing this horrible, horrible ^Óprocedure^Ô knew what they were doing was wrong, but they had no choice. They whispered amongst themselves. ^ÓHe^Òs going to die if we do this now.^Ô ^ÓDo you see any other choice?^Ô The doctor looked to Lucas^Òs face. His eyelids were fluttering as he took each strained breath, his eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. He was soaked with sweat and nearly moaning in terrible pain. He was shivering as shock set in, and his legs lay in a pool of blood and bacteria-killing fluids. He was a tiny, tiny person by way of body mass, and he was too young and too frail to subject to this. ^ÓHe^Òs _going_ to die.^Ô Another man hissed to him. ^ÓAnd President Bourne^Òs going to kill us if we don^Òt do what he wants. There^Òs really no other choice.^Ô The doctor sighed deeply. ^ÓForgive us^Ô, and Lucas screamed at the very top of his lungs, ending it with painful, back-breaking sobbing. Bourne smiled. ^ÓMr. Wolenczak....can you hear me?^Ô Through his fog of pain and terrible fear, he could only think of one more thing to say. ^ÓGo to hell^Ô. ^ÓAw....is that any way to speak to the man who decides whether or not you get food or blankets or medicine to control that pain you^Òre so weakly letting get to you?^Ô Lucas had to wrack his brain just to think of something to say in reply. ^ÓI don^Òt want anything from you.^Ô ^ÓI don^Òt think that^Òs true^Ô. Bourne looked to the doctors. ^ÓHurt him. Make him scream again.^Ô They were at a loss. What was this man asking him to do? ^ÓDo it!^Ô Might as well kill two birds with one stone, eh? A doctor reached down to Lucas^Ò leg and pressed his bones into motion so they might meet up correctly. Lucas screamed in agony once more. ^ÓTell me where the plans are, Ensign!^Ô ^ÓMy name is Lucas Wolenczak! Serial number ENS-3255-23-ZZ2! Ensign, United States Navy, December twenty-third 2003! Go to hell!^Ô ^ÓPlease, I^Òm so tired of this.^Ô He turns to another doctor. ^ÓAgain!^Ô Lucas screamed again, his consciousness slowly fading. His voice was soft now, as he spoke. He looked at Bourne with his wide blue eyes, which were rimmed with red and bloodshot. ^ÓLucas Wolenczak. Serial number ENS-3255-23-ZZ2. Ensign, United States Navy, December twenty-third 2003.^Ô He slipped out of consciousness. * Lucas awoke from his flashback in a cold sweat, shivering as he laid naked on top of his bed. He didn^Òt know how he had gotten here, or how long his flashback had taken. He lifted is head and pushed as his dark, wet hair. He sat up and wrapped a towel around himself before continuing, albeit shakily, with his post-shower routine. Later on, Lucas was dressed in suit-pants and a jacket, along with a white collarless shirt, no tie. His hair was brushed back and he was quietly slipping his nausea medication into his pocket when the door was knocked upon. He pushed a hand through his long hair as he walked across his now-neat apartment to the door. He opened it and smiled at Hudson and J.J.. J.J.^Òs mouth nearly fell open in shock. ^ÓWow. Don^Òt you look nice?^Ô Lucas blushed and ran another hand through his hair. ^ÓWell... it^Òs kindof a big deal for us.^Ô J.J. smiled and nodded as the pair entered. Hudson looked around. ^ÓOh, I get it, you clean for her but not us?^Ô Lucas looked at Hudson in terror. ^ÓBut I....I didn^Òt know you were coming....^Ô He was in an absolute, completely sudden _panic_. ^ÓNo, Lucas, I was kidding....^Ô Lucas looked at Hudson a long moment, trying to figure out what he was saying. Finally it dawned upon him. ^ÓOhh....^Ô He looked at the floor in shame. Everyone in the room was uncomfortable now. Lucas walked across to his desk to get his keys. J.J. walked over, caught by Lucas^Ò keyring. ^ÓLucas, can I see that?^Ô He looked around in confusion. ^ÓSee what?^Ô she took the clump of keys from him. ^ÓOh...^Ô She gazed in awe at the tiny blue metal seaQuest that was his keychain. It was accurate in every respect, even with the propulsion ^Ótentacles^Ô where the metal links attached it to the circular ring. ^ÓWhere^Òd you get this?^Ô Protectively taking it back, he slipped the keychain into his pocket, ^ÓIt was a gift^Ô. Hudson looked at Lucas. ^ÓA gift from Ann?^Ô Lucas looked at Hudson. He gave a curt nod and turned away. There was a knock at his door. He instantly brightened and opened wide the door. It was a girl. Ann. Her hair was long and blonde, she stood several inches shorter than Lucas, and was his age. She was also very slender, they could practically be brother and sister. She wrapped her arms around Lucas and kissed him passionately. She finally pulled back and gazed into Lucas^Ò eyes. ^ÓHappy birthday, honey.^Ô He smiled at her and let her see Hudson and J.J. ^ÓAnn, this is Captain Hudson and Lieutenant Commander J.J. Fredericks.^Ô Ann looked deeply into Lucas^Ò eyes. ^Ó_The_ Captain Hudson?^Ô Lucas nodded, he had hoped this would work out.... Ann saw the apprehension and fear in Lucas^Ò eyes and decided not to let her personal feelings get in the way, but merely shake hands and do it for him. She managed a somewhat sickly smile as she met Hudson, and a very emphatic one for J.J. This woman kept her fiancé alive in the most difficult time of his life. She had a lot to be grateful for. ^ÓThank you, Commander^Ô. ^ÓWhat are you thanking me for?^Ô J.J.^Òs wholly bewildered. ^ÓFor keeping my Lucas alive.^Ô ^ÓOh, well, don^Òt thank me, Captain Hudson^Òs the one who got him out of there...^Ô Lucas was growing more and more fidgety by the second, he wanted it over, now, he was anxious and claustrophobic, he wanted only to leave, he wanted to leave _now_. Ann can not contain the emotions she was feeling. ^ÓI^Òm sorry, but if it wasn^Òt for Captain Hudson none of this would have happened.^Ô ^ÓNO!^Ô Ann, Hudson, and J.J. all turned to Lucas, who was practically hyperventilating, very frightened. ^ÓCaptain Hudson did what was right, he was looking out for me, you think that decision was _easy_ on him? He knew what he was doing! Ann, please don^Òt be mad at him. _Please_. I think he was wrong as hell, I think that every day of my life, but he did what he had to do. Personally, I think his only other choice would be to let my legs get infected and have me be a double amputee, or kill me right there. If I could have any choice in it, I would^Òve gladly pulled the trigger on myself, but since Captain Hudson made the choice then, I^Òm here with you today! You should thank him for at least letting me be able to live a physically normal life!^Ô ^ÓEverybody lost hope, everybody told Captain Hudson I couldn^Òt survive there for three months, but Captain Hudson kept looking, he wouldn^Òt believe that I was dead, he saved my life, Ann. I owe him everything!^Ô Lucas stood there, shaking. It had been a long time since he got mad at anyone, and he didn^Òt like the feeling. Hudson went over and rubbed his shoulder. ^ÓIt^Òs okay to be mad at me, ensign. I^Òm very mad at myself over it, too. I^Òll never make the same mistake again, I promised you that.^Ô Ann was still furious, but she backed down. Her feelings meant little when they conflicted so violently with those of the man she loved so dearly. ^ÓI^Òm sorry, Lucas. It^Òs just that it^Òs _very_ hard for me to tell how you^Òre feeling sometimes....^Ô He looked to her, his eyes pained. ^ÓC^Òmon, honey...let^Òs go out to dinner.^Ô He nodded softly in agreement and looked to Hudson and J.J. ^ÓAre you guys leaving today? Like, the port?^Ô Hudson nodded. ^ÓThen I guess I won^Òt be seeing you guys anytime soon. Just leave me a number where I can reach you if I need to, OK?^Ô Hudson nodded softly. ^ÓYou can leave when you^Òre done.^Ô J.J. was surprised he held such trust in them. Both him and Ann left silently. Hudson and J.J. looked to each other, bewildered. In a classy restaurant, Lucas and Ann were having a meal together. Lucas ate slowly and quietly, not looking at Ann. She wanted to talk. ^ÓLucas, I^Òm sorry.^Ô He looked at her. ^ÓI know, and I told you I forgive you.^Ô ^ÓThen why do I get the feeling you^Òre still mad at me?^Ô ^ÓBecause you^Òre paranoid.^Ô He didn^Òt want to blame her specifically, but he was very much tired of blaming himself. ^ÓAnn....I love Captain Hudson, he^Òs one of the only people, outside of you, who still really cares about me. He treats me very much differently than he does other people, and I feel _very_ special when he shows emotion towards me. It^Òs not something he does lightly. I don^Òt like it when you act so mad at him, because you really don^Òt _know_ him. I^Òm not saying....^Ô She cut him off by slowly shaking her head and placing a gentle hand on his. ^ÓI know what you^Òre saying, gorgeous. It^Òs OK. I very much believe you.^Ô He blushed slightly. Ann smiled and held his hand a while. ^ÓYou want your present now?^Ô ^ÓBut there are people here....^Ô, he grinned. She playfully slapped at his hand and reached into her purse for a small box. He took it curiously and opened the top. Inside lay a small velvet jewelry box. He took it out and opened it. Inside was a silver necklace. He looked closely at it. It was a Star of David, just like the one his Dad gave him when he was very little, and then received from Captain Bridger after he returned from Hyperion. Lucas looked to Ann for an explanation. ^ÓTo replace the one you lost....^Ô Lucas looked up at her, tears filling his eyes. He stood and hugged her tightly. ^ÓThank you Ann. You don^Òt know how much this means to me....^Ô She smiled and hugged him back. He knelt before her and gazed up into her eyes. He held her left hand, because on that hand she had a silver ring, _his_ silver ring. His _engagement_ ring. He held her close. She smiled and stroked his long hair. ^ÓHappy Birthday, Lucas.^Ô Later on, in Lucas^Ò apartment, he lay in bed with Ann. They made love, not for the first time, but this was their most special time. She held him close under the blankets and stroked his long blonde hair. Her voice was very soft. He was staring out the window at the still-falling snow. His new silver necklace lay around his neck. ^ÓLucas?^Ô His eyes were so blue... ^ÓWhat^Òs wrong?^Ô ^ÓThat^Òs what I^Òd like to ask you.^Ô ^ÓWhat do you mean?^Ô He was avoiding the question and she knew it. ^ÓLucas, you^Òve been acting strangely all night. Was it just Captain Hudson being here...or something more?^Ô Lucas sighed deeply, from the very bottom of his soul. ^ÓI had a flashback. Not a little one, either.^Ô ^ÓOh, honey....^Ô She reached out to touch his chest, but he shook his head. He didn^Òt really want to be touched. ^ÓWhen am I gonna get over this?^Ô ^ÓLucas, you^Òre doing really well. You^Òre getting a lot better. You just need to give it some more time.^Ô ^ÓTime I don^Òt have....^Ô ^ÓLucas, what do you mean?^Ô He only shook his head and slid from out of the covers. She sat up, holding the blanket over herself to hide from the winter chill still present even in the warm room. Lucas sat on the edge of the bed in his boxer shorts, sighing. ^ÓLucas, talk to me. Tell me.^Ô He slowly shook his head. ^ÓYou must be freezing.^Ô She crawled across the bed to wrap the blanket around his shoulders * He lay on the floor of the ^Ócell^Ô he had been occupying for the past nine days. He shivered in fear and cold, not sure when his next meal would come or if he would get beaten or, God help him, ^Óinterrogated^Ô once more. His legs wracked him with pain from the vile infections and broken splinters of bone that poked him _from the inside_. His head ached and he needed water. The room was damp and there was no toilet....he was almost happy they never fed him anything he had to chew. He curled up tighter into his protective ball, shivering. He had a very bad feeling about what was to happen next. The door to his cell was suddenly thrown up by a barrage of pulse weapon fire and he shrieked in fear, a primitive reaction he couldn^Òt control and _really_ didn^Òt want at the moment. The heavy metal door was flung open and soldiers came in. Lucas buried his face in the cloth of the _very_ thin blanket that was his only protection. Someone grabbed him around his rib cage and pulled him to his feet. He didn^Òt have the strength or will to fight anymore. If they killed him, so be it. Rather, someone grabbed him and held him against their chest, laughing. It took a long time, almost 2 full minutes to figure out whose voice it was the was speaking to him. Commander Ford. ^ÓEnsign! We all thought you were gone... but we knew you wouldn^Òt give up this easy.^Ô Lucas managed to look at him through his aching, dry eyes. The commander^Òs smile faded like it had never even been there. ^ÓEnsign? Ensign, are you all right? Lucas?^Ô Lucas managed a painful swallow. ^ÓI haven^Òt eaten in two weeks....or had something to drink for almost four days. They interrogated me, and wouldn^Òt let me sleep. They tortured me, and you weren^Òt there for me.^Ô He hadn^Òt meant to accuse the commander, only let him know how difficult this was. Ford grabbed a bottle of water from J.J. and held it to Lucas^Ò lips. He drank eagerly. Once he took all his tiny stomach could handle, he leaned heavily on Ford. ^ÓTake me home....^Ô Ford gently tried to lead Lucas away. Lucas pulled back. ^ÓLucas, what is it?^Ô ^ÓI can^Òt walk. My legs hurt.^Ô Sighing, Ford turned to Dagwood and gave him a look. Lucas sighed deeply, terribly ashamed. In the shuttle on the way home, Lucas sat on a bench, alone. Piccolo slowly walked to him. ^ÓLucas?^Ô His eyes were bloodshot and filled with tears, but he wasn^Òt allowing them to fall. His face was filled with pain. ^ÓWhat is it, Tony?^Ô ^ÓIs there anything I can do...? Can I help you with anything?^Ô ^ÓI^Òd like a little more water. If it^Òs okay....^Ô ^ÓSure it^Òs okay, Lucas...^Ô Tony walked to Lucas and gave him the clear plastic container, watching as Lucas continued to drink eagerly. Lucas finally finished and looked down at his hands. He looked up again, right at Tony. Sighing deeply, Tony wrapped his arms around Lucas. Lucas stayed there as his friend and ex-roommate showed the first sign of friendly affection Lucas had ever seen him give anyone. * ^ÓLucas? Lucas, honey, come back.^Ô Her Lucas had been spaced out for nearly five full minutes, and it was really frightening her. ^ÓLucas?^Ô He turned to her, passive. ^ÓI^Òm very sick. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I^Òm coming to terms with this very slowly. I^Òm hiding things from _myself_, not you. You have to wait as long as I do, okay, Ann?^Ô His voice was very tired, and his mind was overworked and weary. She knew he was having as hard a time as she was, even more so. she loved him dearly, and that^Òs why she had to give up her pursuit of this. She was only hurting him by insisting on information he didn^Òt have, not helping him as she would be by letting the memories come to him. She nodded slowly and gently rubbed his back. ^ÓI^Òm sorry, Lucas. I know it^Òs hard. I just want to help you, but I see I^Òm doing just the opposite. I^Òm sorry.^Ô ^ÓIt^Òs okay. I love you, Ann.^Ô He held her close. This was the only person who loved him. He loved her too, because passed all the horrible things he had to deal with in his life, she still loved him, and saw the goodness in him. She^Òd be there when he got better, and still love him then. Ann was the one good things that came out of this hell. He wouldn^Òt trade the hell for anything, because he had finally found what he had been searching all his life for, because of it. The End. Copyright Kathleen Brown, July 1997 K.W.