Date: Sat, 30 May 1998 23:04:27 +1200 From: Angela Haughey Subject: "A Letter To Jonathan." Sender: owner-tales@mcfeeley.cc.utexas.edu X-Sender: haughey@pop.ihug.co.nz To: tales@mcfeeley.cc.utexas.edu Reply-to: tales@mcfeeley.cc.utexas.edu X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 1.5.2 X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by mcfeeley.cc.utexas.edu id GAA06641 Letter to Jonathan Wrote this during a lecture earlier in the year..just found it among my notes and thought I'd type it out. This is a liberal dose of soap, mixed with a lot of poetic license when it comes to Our Heroes, so be warned. I'm completely aware that ninety percent of Questies won't agree with me, but if you feel like mailing me and telling me *why*, feel free. ::smiles::. History of the world according to Angela, etc etc. Just a *very* short little thing. :) (They seem to be what I'm best at.) This is also liable to change..i'll probably fill it out as I feel like playing with it. With thanks to Jessi, who helps me in so many ways. DISCLAIMER: The character of Katherine Hitchcock and Jonathan Ford do not belong to me: they are the property of Amblin Entertainment and I meant no harm or commercial enterprise through their use. The characters of Claudia, David, Stephanie and Isaac are mine - please do not use without first contacting me. (Not that anyone would ever want to..) Thanks. :) Gee..that was almost as long as this letter. ::grins:: San Francisco 12/08/32 Dear Jonathan. Hi. I'm sorry for not contacting you sooner. I know I should have. Somehow, while watching the news and seeing your pictures on television, it was easy to keep things at bay. Pretend you were just images on the screen, trying not to consider you real. But you are real, you're back from god knows where, and I should have contacted you sooner. Well, I guess I'm doing it now. It wasn't easy for anyone, when you vanished. Just gone, they told everyone - it's classified. Apparently joining the Navy demolished any chances I had of still belonging to the "need to know" circle. So I never knew. Is it true, that no one understood, that no one knew where you'd gone? I still don't know whether I ever trusted those who kept me "informed", but since I had no choice I hung onto the only source of information I had. Not that there was much of that. I've always regreted losing contact with you that last year. Yes, I know there were letters and the odd phone call, but we let each other slip away, and even Vegas couldn't prevent that. We should have talked about what that meant sooner. Losing you, everyone, was like a death, but there was no closure and no mourning. Sometimes you make yourself believe what's easiest to comprehend. And time heals, cliché and all. Being told by the UEO that you'd been found safe was an opening of healed wounds, and brought up issues. I left the sea Jonathan. After you were lost, and the UEO failed to do its job - there was nothing in it for me. I chose to give my time to the one person who helped me through losing everyone I knew and loved on the SeaQuest. Claudia, our daughter. Yes, we have a daughter Jonathan. She's nine years old. She looks like her father. Claudia has a brother and a sister, five and two years old. I work part time because Stephanie - my baby - is too young for daycare. Isaac is six next month. No, I never saw myself as a homemaker either! People change. David works at the university. I think you'd like him. He's a busy man, always working and very focused. More so than I was once, although I look back now and see how much living I wasted through making the sea my life. I don't think you'll agree with me, because we're on different paths now. Maybe I never realised how easy it is to switch tracks, to refocus your energies or go insane trying. I'd never dreamed that my father's call for help would change our - my life. Ironic, really. He always managed to change something, everytime he contacted me. It's been one of my most painful regrets that I never told you, and I won't lie to you now, not for either of us but for her. I missed you Jon. Don't get me wrong, I'm at ease with my life, and my family, but one never forgets a first love. I married David because I couldn't have you. Yes, you were my first love. But I think you've always known that too. And I never let myself accept that. I have a good life. I'm content - David is good to me, and he always will be. But I don't think I'm happy. I haven't really been happy since I lost you. But I needed to move on. I'm sorry, I digress. I'll return to what you want to know. Claudia was a healthy baby, calm, intelligent and beautiful. Sometimes as she grew, I'd see in her a mannerism and a smile and tell her she reminded me of you. "Tell me about my father." And I'd have to tell her that there's a lot of things I just didn't know. She wanted to be like you, in every way. Now she she doesn't let me point that out - she's her own person with an old soul. Claudia's pretty, talkative, taking ballet classes which she loves - she's proud of being Tamara Ford's granddaughter. She's convinced the military is a waste of time, which makes me wonder which of us this artistic peacekeeper actually takes after! She spends her days dancing, reading, teasing her brother and carting her sister around like the latest accessory. She doesn't call my husband Daddy, because she knows she has you - somewhere. David's always been disappointed..but that wasn't my choice, it was always hers. But he is her father - she knows she's lucky to have two. I've always been one for keeping hope alive. I'm not going to send you a photograph - I want you to know Claudia as she is, not an image on a piece of paper. She used to ask about you all the time, wanting to know, always wondering. Now she doesn't ask. I don't want that. I'm hoping you don't either. I'd love for you to visit, once you've recovered. Claudia wants to see you - and so do I. It's been ten years Jonathan, I'm not the directive young officer I was then. You'll notice great change, but I like to think most of it has been in the right direction. Life sometimes drags you off the path you choose for yourself, consciously or otherwise. You can either let it happen and be happy with it, or try and hold onto what's gone. I don't hold on anymore. I know this must have been a shock for you, but it's always been your right to know. I'm sorry for not offering you that right sooner. I'm exorcising my ghosts, but I promise you're not one of them. I have every hope that you will find a place in your life for Claudia, if not me. I hope that you'll find a place for both of us. I'll always be here for you, if you need me. Waiting to hear from you, With love, Katherine Shaw & Claudia Ford. Copyright 1997 Angela Haughey. "In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams