Date: Tue, 02 Jun 1998 05:55:05 -0400 From: Georgie Subject: Fanfic from the brain of Georgie Sender: owner-tales@mcfeeley.cc.utexas.edu X-Sender: Georgie To: Tales Reply-to: tales@mcfeeley.cc.utexas.edu X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by mcfeeley.cc.utexas.edu id EAA11540 Ever wonder what happens in the mind of a questie when severely drunk? Well.. last year, I decided to test it out.. and I came up with this. I posted it on the stgenesis list, although I dont actually remember doing so, but I thought I would also share it with you since I have been silent for so long :-> ENJOY! ************************************************************************* A Story from the drunken mind of a Questie by Georgie *All disclaimers apply* "All crew to general quarters, repeat all crew to general quarters" The flashing red lights and the piercing yell of the sirens told the crew that they were once again in danger. Ever since the fall of the UEO governing group known only as "the season one writers", the world had gone to hell. The planet was in total chaos, and the only thing that seemed to be holding what little peace there was together was the seaQuest, and above all.. her Captain. "Captain to the Bridge" The Captain was as noble a man to have ever served in the navy, and his crew knew that. The man was incredible. He had nerves of steel, an intellect that would bring Socrates to his knees and to top it off, he was gorgeous. He looked up from his studies of ancient art and collected himself. He drew a deep breath and calmly reached out with a steady hand and flicked a com switch. " On my way " his voice was like the singing of angels, and yet, it commanded the respect and total trust of all those under his command. The bridge was a blistering scene of action and tension. Each member knew exactly what they had to do. They tapped furiously at their keyboards, determining vectors, distances, tactics and other vital information. As the captain entered, he knew that whatever happened, his was the best crew in the fleet and he would trust his life to any one of them. "Commander Wolenczak?" "Captain, the seaQuest is under attack. The vessel is unknown to us, but from its lollipop style design, we believe that the "season twos" are responsible" "Damn them". The season twos had haunted the crew for so long.. it seemed that no matter what they did, something strange would happen and the season twos were usually responsible. The captain adjusted his glasses. "You would have thought that they would have learned their lesson after that killer prehistoric dog food episode! Ensign Hudson, what is our status?" "Erm.. working on it sir.." The ensign always seemed a little slow.. Captain O'Neil had often contemplated throwing him across the bridge in an attempt to wake him up, but he would never do such a thing. The Captain gave him an expectant stare, but had to turn away from the glare of his head. "We have sustained only minor damage sir, the enemy vessel seems to be firing big red books at us sir" "Books?" "Yes, sir.. sensors identify them as old copies of "the red badge of courage" "So, the "season threes" are involved too.. this could be messy. Get them on screen" The screen flashed up a picture of an irritating looking young woman with sparing clothes, bright red lip-stick and overdone eye shadow. Commander Wolenczak cringed at the sight of her. In the background, another young woman is standing with short-curly hair, bright white teeth and a virgin on each arm. " Relax Commander, their appearance is supposed to create a reaction of nausea, don't let them get to you" the captain whispered wisely to his brilliant young first officer. "Aye sir" he replied, controlling the retching feeling swelling inside of him.. apparently with more success than the other crewmen as Ensign Hudson throws up all over seaman Brody's head. " I am Captain Wendy Smith of the Good Ship Lollipop, and I declare this sea mine in the name of Advil." " I am Captain Timothy O'Neil of the seaQuest. Your claim is not recognized and I suggest that you arm down and prepare to be boarded. Your ship will be escorted to "season two" waters where you will be allowed to go free " The Captain stood tall in command, his fearful voice echoing through the bridge. A female extra faints, another nearby extra initiates the special "in case of overtimness fainting procedure and carries her off. "I do not accept your terms, as that would be sensible and it has been a long time since my crew were allowed to strip to their tank tops in the heat of battle. I have heard the tales of the Great Tim O'Neil, and I don't believe them. No-one could be that dashing, witty and debonair.. Defend yourself captain, for in the name of Hasburgh, reality must be bent!" The screen goes blank. "Arm all weapons" " Sir, they are firing.. sir, they are pink glasses!" reported Lieutenant Ortiz, having taken over from the now sick Ensign Hudson, who had been escorted off the bridge by the now soggy Seaman Brody. "No!!! No!!!". Lieutenant Piccolo had been dreading this day. He had tried to prepare, but it was just too much! Panicked, he starts hyperventilating. "Piccolo, pull yourself together, they can't hurt you.. try to calm down" Even the Captains soothing voice could not help him.. he was beyond help.. Piccolo runs from the bridge screaming, catching Ortiz's hair in a zip on his way. Ortiz has no choice but to be dragged along with him. " Now you're going to pay!.. Fire all weapons on my mark.." The Captain looks around the bridge, but to his horror, he finds he is completely alone.. all of his crew has left for one reason or another, all except Wolenczak. Wolenczak notices the state of the bridge and rushes to the nearest station. Wolenczak had always been a fine officer, and a snazzy dresser to boot. "On your mark, sir.." "Fire!" The ocean is set alight as thundering bolts of reality are fired from the tubes and hurtle their way towards the enemy ship. "Minimal damage sir, they seem to have put up some sort of reality warping field" "This can mean but one thing.. we have to use the big ones.." "Oh no, surely not the big ones.. they have the power to totally annihilate our whole existence.. dare we risk it?" "Im afraid we must Commander, in the interests of sanity.. we must!" Commander Wolenczak takes a deep breath and flips a few switches. His large blue eyes shining bright, his silky, flowing hair shimmering in the flashing of warning lights and computer screens, his angelic appearance reveals nothing of the knot of tension and fear growing within him. If the big ones were fired, and the power of the "season ones" was not powerful enough, all could be lost. "If we don't make it, I would like you to know how much I love your hair commander" " Thank you sir, and may I say how much I admire your honor, integrity and funky frames" The two men exchange respectful and caring smiles for a moment, before returning to their destinies. "Fire" The outer hull of the seaQuest is seen to peel back, revealing a large door. The door quickly opens and out fires the thundering mass of dates, regulations and common sense that is "CONTINUITY". The mass seems to bubble and ooze as it heads towards the Lollipop. The light becomes more and more intense, until... **** The light streamed in. His eyes scrunched to prevent the early morning light from waking him too quickly. He was so comfortable in his bed, and hated when his dreams were interrupted. What a dream he though.. I mean _me_ as captain of the seaQuest! I don't think so. There was a knock at the door. "Come in" "Im sorry to wake you sir, but we need you" "Oh, what is it?" "King Lucas is here to see you, from Blondonia" Ah yes, I'll just be a moment.." The servant leaves and the once sleepy figure sits up. "Stupid dream.. me a Navy Captain?" Emperor Joxer simply laughs and hops out of bed, ready for the Imperial duties ahead of him. THE END *************************************************************************** Lots of Love Georgie Georgie2032@csi.com BTW.. its not supposed to be good, but you can at least tell me what ya think