Kamikaze by Jayel

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Kamikaze, Part 4
by Jayel

Even though I had known everyone felt bad about leaving Devon behind, I couldn't have predicted how happy and relieved everyone was to be going back for her. Even Morgan, the first one who had advocated leaving the EVE ship as far behind us as possible, was positively scurrying to get things packed up to go.

I had decided to leave some of my surplus equipment-- supplies I had in bulk, mostly, and an extra diagnostic kit-- secured in the Donahoe's shelter until we came back through. Yale was helping me sort out things that could be left behind, and while he was being very patient and thorough, I could tell he was in a hurry to leave. "Don't bother going through those vials individually," I told him with a smile. "I'll just take the whole box to save time."

"That sounds wonderful," he replied, smiling back before he stacked the box on the "to-go" pile we were forming by the door. "Are you sure the things you're leaving will be safe here?"

"I think the Donahoe's can be trusted to take care of them," I said, checking that box off my list.

Yale looked surprised. "Aren't they going with us?" he asked.

"I don't think so," I said. "As a matter of fact, I'm sure they're not. Val told Alonzo and me this morning that he wished us luck, but he wasn't going to risk letting EVE see Tara. Apparently he thinks the computer is some sort of threat to her."

"Yes, I know," Yale said slowly. "Danziger told me what you told him about her parents . . . but Julia, I distinctly heard Tara tell Uly this morning that they would be going with us, not only back to the EVE ship but to New Pacifica."

Now it was my turn to look surprised, not only that Tara and Val were telling different stories but that Tara was interacting with Uly. Val had been quick to try and make friends with both children, and he and True were now boon companions. But Tara had been somewhat distant--not uncommon in a former only child, as I well knew. And I had definitely gotten the impression that Uly was no great fan of either of the Donahoe's from our conversation the night before. "When was Tara talking to Uly?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"They went for a walk this morning," Yale answered, moving to the next box. "And yes, it surprised me, too. But according to Uly, they found a great deal to talk about." He straightened up and looked at me, as if trying to decide whether to change the subject or continue. "Julia, do you . . . I'm not even sure what the right word would be. If Val and Tara weren't such old friends of Alonzo, would you like them?"

"Yes," I answered decisively, meeting his worried eyes. "I think I probably would. I don't think they're being entirely upfront with us, but I don't think they mean us any harm."

"Nor do I," Yale agreed. "Still, if we've learned nothing else on this planet, we should know that even the best of intentions can sometimes go awry." He went over to the tent flap and looked out, watching Uly and True wrestle one of the larger tents down. "Tara told Ulysses that she was adopted," he remarked casually, but I could tell this seemed significant to him somehow.

"She didn't mention that to me," I said, putting down my clipboard to join him. "Still, it isn't really unusual--a lot of Council members from that period were unable to have kids of their own because of the radiation from Earth and the early colonial power stations. I'm sure many of them adopted orphans from the migration."

"Or bought children in exchange for passage to the stations," Yale finished. "You forget, adoption records are part of my memory banks. But the fact of Tara Donahoe's adoption isn't what concerns me."

"Then what?" I asked.

"Uly said that Tara told him how hard it was for her to accept new parents," he said, turning to me. "She was almost his age, and she said she missed her father, her 'real' father, terribly. But she promised Ulysses that she did eventually get over it, and when her 'real' father wanted her back, she didn't want to go. She was happier with both a mother and a father than she had been with just a father." He looked back out at Uly, and to me he seemed ready to scoop the boy up and flee to safety with him, he looked so tense. "Julia, doesn't it seem odd to you that two people, so obviously in love, have been married so long without ever having a child?"

"Not necessarily," I said carefully. I could understand his concern, and I shared it, but I knew how much he cared for Uly, and I didn't want his love getting the better of his judgment. "They're sleep jumpers, after all--not the best conditions for either pregnancy or child-rearing. From all the suppressors in their shelter, I'd say they've been pretty careful about contraception."

"But what if they've decided to settle down?" he persisted. "Look at this place--this isn't a temporary shelter; this is a home." He let the tent flap fall and turned back to the task at hand. "I realize how ridiculous this must sound to you, but I can't help wondering if perhaps at least one of these people sees Ulysses Adair as a conveniently available orphan," he finished brusquely.

"It doesn't sound ridiculous at all," I assured him. "But Yale, Uly isn't an orphan. His mother is very much alive, and we are going to bring her back to him."

He smiled at me gently. "I do hope so, Doctor," he said. "You can't possibly know how much I hope you're right."

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Once Yale and I had finished sorting the medical supplies, Alonzo and Val started helping me move the ones we were leaving into the shelter. When we went inside, we found Tara dismantling the wall coverings. "Hey, honey, what are you doing?" Val demanded, putting down the box he was carrying.

"Packing," Tara said stubbornly. "We can secure the door and windows well enough to keep the Grendlers out for a month or so." She neatly folded the mat she was holding and reached for the next one. "But we don't have a tent, and we're going to need someplace to sleep--"

"Tara, stop it," Val said, going to her. "We're not going anywhere--"

"Yes, we are," she said firmly. "Val, we have to--"

"We do not have to do any such thing!" he snapped, making Alonzo and me stare at each other wide-eyed. Even after a less-than-twenty-four-hour acquaintance with this man, I knew this was uncharacteristic. He usually spoke to his wife like she might have been a princess. He snatched the mat she was holding away from her and flung it on the floor. "We've already talked about this--"

"No, you've talked about it," Tara retorted, catching hold of his wrist. "And I've listened, up until now. But Val, this is that little boy's mother; we can't just--"

"And how is our going with them going to help that little boy's mother?" Val demanded, tearing free of her grasp.

"That's what I want to know," Alonzo interrupted. "Hey buddy, what aren't you telling us?"

"Nothing," Val said coldly without looking at him.

"Dreams," Tara said. She put her hands on her husband's arm and kept them there in spite of his thunderous expression. "Baby, we have to tell them." She reached up and touched his cheek. "We have to."

"What kind of dreams?" I asked. I didn't want to press-- my conversation with Yale had made me think leaving the Donahoe's behind might not be a bad idea, and I could see how genuinely upset Val was, how afraid they both were. But if they knew something that could help Devon, they were damned well going to tell us, whether they went back with us or not.

Val glared down at Tara for a long moment, his blue eyes like burning ice. Then he inclined his head and tenderly kissed her brow. "Go ahead, tell them," he said, kissing her cheek. "I'll be outside."

She watched him go with tears in her eyes, then turned back to me and Alonzo. "Terrian dreams," she answered. "When we first came here, the Terrians were very . . . they obviously didn't want us here. We both had some real screamers about them coming to us in our sleep and circling around us, although they never really tried to hurt us, even in the dreams." She looked up at Alonzo. "We never understood them the way you do, still don't. And for the first four years or so, we never stayed in one place long enough to develop any real attachment to a particular tribe. We were flying around looking for New Pacifica."

"So you can really use that thing for surface travel?" Alonzo asked.

"Sure," she replied with a grin. "You should try it, kid; you'd love it. Unfortunately, we started running low on fuel. The good news was that we had finally figured out where New Pacifica was, and we went there." She shuddered. "That's when we found EVE. Val figured we had just enough fuel to take us to the other side of the continent--he didn't want to risk flying over the ocean for fear we'd run down."

"So you came here," I said.

"Exactly. We had been here before and built the shelter, planning to come back if we didn't find you," she explained. "But once we'd settled in, the dreams came back, much more powerfully than before. We started to recognize the individual Terrians--we even knew what to call them." She looked out the window to where Uly was struggling to hoist a ridiculously heavy bundle up to Danziger in the back of the transrover. "And we saw that little boy."

"Uly?" I breathed, almost wishing Yale and I had never talked. Tara sounded so sincere; surely she wasn't just making this up so she could steal another woman's child. Surely Val wouldn't let her.

She nodded. "Calling for his mother," she said tersely. "At first we thought it was just some sort of shared nightmare- -that's happened to us before. But then we saw the Terrians with him, and they told us . . . they said we had to find him. That he would die without us, that the whole planet would die with him."

"That's crazy," Alonzo said. "Devon's the one who's sick. Uly's fine--he didn't even get sick when the rest of us had EVE's virus--"

"Maybe it isn't crazy," I objected, wishing I had found time to tell him what Yale had said. "Devon told me once that she thinks time is different for Terrians, that because of their strong connection to the metaphysical plane, they live in all times at once." I looked at Tara, who still looked like a perfectly ordinary woman to me, and tried to see what the Terrians saw. "Maybe Tara and Val are meant to do something to save Uly in the future."

"Or his mother," Tara said. "I don't know . . . all I do know is I couldn't live here and be happy even with Val if I thought we had let something happen to that child, something we could have prevented." She bent forward and pressed her forehead to Alonzo's chest. "So that's how it is, 'Zo," she finished.

"It's okay," he soothed, stroking her hair, and I was gratified to notice that I wasn't the least bit jealous. "Everything's gonna be fine."

She straightened up with a rather sickly smile. "From your lips to God's ears," she joked weakly. "I'd better find Val. If he doesn't help me pack, he'll never be able to find anything."

We watched her go, then Alonzo let out a huge breath. "This is not good," he said, putting his arm around my shoulders and drawing me close to his chest.

"I thought you said everything's going to be fine," I said, savoring his warmth.

"That's what you say to girls like Tara," he replied. "You've got to understand; she's always had Val to take care of her."

I wrapped my arms around him, for once oblivious to who might walk in at any moment. "I can see where that might have a certain appeal," I said. "But Alonzo, seriously, why are you so worried?"

"Because it's a kid," he said, as if that explained everything. Seeing I didn't understand, he went on. "I'm not sure why, but Tara has always had this thing about kids . . . it's like she adores them one minute, but the next . . ." He shrugged. "I don't know--it isn't that she doesn't like them. It's almost like she's afraid of them, like they make her really nervous. I mean, you've seen how touchy-feely she and Val are with one another."

"Yes," I said, suppressing a smile. "Although your technical terminology for human relations is a little beyond me . . ."

"But they've never had a kid," he went on, ignoring my teasing. "Val loves kids--he's even told me how much he'd like to have one, but Tara . . . "

"He's afraid that Tara is afraid," I finished. "Alonzo, you know these people better than any of the rest of us. Yale and I were talking earlier, and I think I'd better run a theory by you." I told him what Yale had said, but as soon as I suggested that Tara might be inclined to "adopt" Uly, he started shaking his head.

"No way," he said. "Or maybe--I just don't see Tara as a kidnapper. And you heard what she said about the Terrians."

"If she was telling the truth," I pointed out gently. "Do you think she was?"

"Absolutely," he said, taking my hand. "I don't know how to explain it, doc, but if she were lying about the Terrians, I think I would know."

I looked up into his eyes, marveling again at just how beautiful he was. "I think you would, too," I answered, trying to show him how I felt with my smile.

"Still," he continued, smiling back to let me know he understood. "I hope the Terrians know what they're doing."

"Hey," I said, punching him lightly. "Sometimes you have to just let go and let nature take its course, remember?"

He grinned, shaking his head. "Trust a woman to use my own words against me," he grumbled, kissing me. "But you're right, of course."

I kissed him again. "Of course."

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*from the personal journal of Tara Reilly Donahoe; encoded @ VALLIFE

Another child . . . I might have known he would use another child to finally bring me home . . .

Bless me father, for I have sinned . . . I betrayed your all-powerful presence and added to your power . . . I escaped your cruelty to one generation and brought torture to another . . .

But the true God is just if not merciful, Papa . . . He has brought them to creatures more powerful than you or I, creatures that may well punish us both . . .

But please, Dear God, don't take this child's mother as Your sacrifice to correct our wrong . . . and please, please, not my love . . .*

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