Wishful Thinking by Allison McDonnell

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Timeline: Directly after the events of "Brave New Pacifica"

Devon sank into her chair in the BioDome, emotionally and physically exhausted. Indeed, it had been one very long day for her, as well as for Danziger, Julia and Alonzo. That morning, the small group had stumbled upon a mysterious vacuum that served as a time/space fold; or as Julia had so aptly put it, it had seemed to be the planet's rapid transit system. They'd used the anomaly to travel several thousand miles to a beach which they'd mistakenly thought to be the shores of the Sea of Antius.

Among the afternoon's many draining activities, Julia and Danziger had been temporarily lost and, once found, the foursome had hiked several kilometers along the coastline in the search for the Comm Dish before finally realizing that they'd been transported thousands of miles in the opposite direction of New Pacifica. To further complicate matters, the group had accidentally disrupted the polarity of the surrounding spider webs which had stranded them at their current location. And just when they thought that things couldn't get worse, Alonzo had suffered the strange effects of a spider bite which had prompted a burst of physical aggression from Danziger.

Now that those issues had been more or less resolved and the four of them had returned safely and soundly to the slightly less dangerous confines of their winter camp, Devon had at last been provided an opportunity to reflect on the day's many events. And despite the abundance of information that she'd learned about G889 that day, she found herself more fixated upon the bombshell that John Danziger had dropped on her just after sunrise. In fact, many hours later, she had yet to recover from or even fully process the ramifications that his decision would have on Eden Advance. And on her.

He had been planning to leave Eden Advance and scout ahead with Alonzo.

If Devon Adair hadn't heard it from John's own lips, she would never have believed it. The mechanic had initiated everything from establishing a projected time line, to estimating their ground coverage, to the scheduling of their already drastically cut rations, to the construction of a long range beacon system using spare parts, to making the necessary arrangements for his daughter's care. Danziger had even gone so far as to design G889's first snowshoes. And all of this had been accomplished without consulting her or even alerting her of his monumental undertaking.

"It won't be so bad getting there."

Devon set her elbows on the table and rested her head in her hands, letting out a strained sigh. Comments like his only served as a painful reminder to her that the group's dynamics would eventually be irreparably altered.

No, of course it won't be so bad getting to New Pacifica, despite the various inherent dangers of trekking across an unknown planet with unknown variables, Devon reflected sadly as she buried her face further into her hands.

Danziger's subsequent statement that he was glad that New Pacifica was on the coastline also didn't make much of a difference in Devon's mind after she remembered that, once Eden Advance had built a colony from scratch and the Jamestown arrived within a year, John would be abandoning this new life that he'd worked so hard to establish on G889 in order to return to the much less green pastures of the sterile Space Stations.

Danziger had made friends here and Devon couldn't fathom how or why he could just pick up and leave after all that they'd experienced together. How could he choose to leave the colorful, limitless paradise of G889 for the strangling infrastructure of the Stations where everything is black and white; where his wide range of skills would be perpetually stifled due to something as ridiculous as birthright and his keen intellect would never be appreciated or nurtured to achieve its full potential?

There was little doubt in Devon's mind that John Danziger had changed for the better since his arrival on G889. Of course, he was certainly still a constant thorn in her side and one of the most bullheaded men that she'd ever met. Yet over these past few weeks- especially recently- he'd seemed to mellow a bit, though it wasn't readily apparent unless one looked closely for it. And though he wasn't always successful, he appeared to be making a concerted effort to improve his demeanor as they worked alongside each other.

A perfect example of John taking positive strides to modify his behavior for the better had occurred about two weeks before. After repeatedly being warned not to stray beyond the perimeters alone after dark, Devon had caught Danziger red-handed as he'd snuck back into camp in the middle of the night. It had almost escalated into yet another one of their loud altercations where hurtful words and accusations were tossed around, but nothing was ever resolved. But that night, Devon had tried something different.

She hadn't resorted to threats or to screaming at him and, instead, she'd chosen to simply walk away. And although she was at a loss as to why, somehow this had done the trick for Danziger. After that night, he'd never left camp alone again. It had been an amazing breakthrough in their working relationship.

Devon inwardly pat herself on the back for thinking outside of the box on that one. Perhaps she was changing for the better, too.

She leaned back in her chair, gazing blankly at the ceiling as she retreated further inward. That had also been the night that she'd dreamed of John for the second time. Danziger's knack for eliciting extreme reactions from her had held true and she remembered being so filled with rage that she was ready to throttle him- even the dream version of him. As such, Devon had exited that tent loaded for bear. And despite the restraint she'd managed to exhibit in real life just hours before, it had felt extremely satisfying to unload all of her emotions on him. And unload on him she had.

Devon exhaled another sigh as she recalled the moment that their acrimony had evolved into a passionate embrace. She'd been careful not to let her fantasy get away from her and when she'd started to lose control- as soon as she'd imagined that Danziger had wanted her as much as she'd wanted him- she promptly put a halt to the proceedings.

Of course, she hadn't really wanted to stop, but she knew in her heart that imagining John as her lover would have taken things too far. Though it would have felt right, in many ways it would have also felt wrong. And the worst of it would have been waking up and knowing that none of it had been real; and that it would never ever happen in real life. That simply would have been too much of a disappointment to bear.

The swinging of the double doors behind her shook Devon from her reverie and she lowered her head to view Alonzo as he made his way over to the nearby coffee station.

"You still up, huh?" the pilot asked as he poured himself a cup of the lukewarm brew.

"Couldn't sleep," Devon sighed, her gaze centering in on his slightly swollen face. "How's your jaw feeling?"

"Sore," Alonzo relayed with honesty, instinctively rubbing at the ever-deepening bruise. "It's probably gonna be turning some interesting colors over the next few days."

He leaned against the table and added with a slight wink, "Good thing I'm already under a doctor's care."

Devon failed to see any humor in the situation. "I still don't understand what happened between you two," she exclaimed, shaking her head. "Why on earth did Danziger punch you?"

Alonzo paused a moment in obvious consideration before shrugging his shoulders noncommittally. "You'll have to ask him."

Displeased with Alonzo's evasiveness and with her exhausted body appealing to her brain that it required immediate rest, Devon rose to her feet.

"Maybe I will," she declared before wishing him goodnight and returning to her tent before sleep could fully claim her.

After she'd left, Alonzo brought the mug to his lips and arched his head backward, emptying its contents. It sounded to him as if Devon and Danziger had some issues that needed to be worked out in light of today's events. Well, that could be easily rectified, the sleep-jumper inwardly concluded. .

"Yep," he parroted under his breath, the mirth returning to his eyes. "Maybe you will."

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It felt good to get some much needed sleep, Danziger inwardly acknowledged as he shut his eyes. He'd already had a full day of constant activity thanks to the spider caves, yet to his initial dismay, he'd originally been scheduled for eight hours of sentry duty. But thankfully, Baines had generously offered to trade guard shifts with him which would permit him a full night's rest. The mechanic had appreciated the kind gesture and he was gratified to have friends who looked out for his best interests and were watching his back.

Of course, he hadn't been allowed to go straight to bed because True was practically jumping out of her skin in excitement from the moment of his return from the East coast. She'd ended up keeping him awake for a good portion of the evening, bursting with questions about his latest adventure and begging to be regaled with detailed descriptions of practically every wave and grain of sand that he'd seen while standing on the shoreline. He'd felt terrible for not having the foresight to bring her a seashell as a souvenir, but he'd done his best to describe them. At last, True had fallen asleep, though she'd insisted that she be draped in Danziger's Ops jacket because it still smelled of salt.

Of course, he'd been sure to thoroughly inspect the pockets for spiders before relinquishing it to her.

Danziger smiled as he thought about his little girl and her intense yearning for the ocean. He couldn't wait for her to experience the sensations for real when they finally reached New Pacifica. Not only would the coastland setting be a perfect fit for her, she deserved it. And as far as John was concerned, he owed it to her. He was determined to give True the world, and that sandy beach outlining the Sea of Antius was just another small piece of it.

John's introspections next drifted to Devon. Although he would never have considered the possibility if he hadn't witnessed it first-hand, she seemed to belong on a beach, too. It was hard to believe that this was the same woman who'd been the darling of the Station news chips and had always appeared perfectly coiffed and composed. Back then, Devon had rarely permitted a strand of hair out of place or a wrinkle in her seemingly endless wardrobe of three thousand credit business suits. But today she had looked incredibly natural as she'd casually walked along the surf with wind-tousled hair, bare feet, and her pants haphazardly rolled up to just below her knees. Danziger definitely liked Devon much better this way and he hoped that she continued to embrace this new, more casual image after New Pacifica was up and running.

As he finally drifted off to sleep, his mind centered in on the hours-old memory of standing with Devon alone as they admired the quiet simplicity of the East coast shoreline.

"It won't be so bad getting there."

He'd told her this and he'd meant it. John couldn't help but wonder if she'd felt the same.

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Despite his exhaustion, Danziger was unable to resist a sudden overpowering urge to open his eyes. Though he remained outstretched in his cot, he immediately realized that he wasn't actually awake. Once again, he'd been unwittingly thrust center stage into the same conditions that he'd become familiar with in the previous two dreams: the absence of True, the warmer temperature and the lighter surroundings. However, by far, the most telltale hint that he wasn't truly awake was the presence of Devon sitting directly next to him on his bed, staring at him intently. There was no way in hell that that would ever happen in real life.

Danziger immediately made the assumption that, for some reason as yet unknown to him, the recesses of his subconscious had decided that he needed another reality check of some sort. And whatever the trouble was, his obviously twisted mind had chosen to again have the image of Devon show up to present the issue to him. And despite the few seconds where they'd kissed passionately, if the rest of the last dream was any indication as to how the facts would be presented to him, Devon would likely be screaming at him at the top of her lungs. Just perfect.

Danziger let out a tired groan. Unfortunately, he couldn't blame this newest bout with his conscience on Mazatl's cooking. If this trend continued, the mechanic wondered if he would need to seek professional help in order to rid Devon from his mind. Or maybe an exorcism.

"What now, Adair?" John grimaced, hoping to get this over with so he could get some real rest.

Devon was unfazed by his negative attitude. She was more than used to it by now.

"You're an extremely difficult man, do you know that?" she relayed in a no-nonsense tone.

John shrugged. "Yeah, I do."

Ask an honest question, get an honest answer, he reasoned. Besides, didn't they cover this ground already in the last dream? At least this time she wasn't screeching out her insults.

But one thing that Danziger wasn't so thrilled about was the fact that Dream Devon was looming over him as he laid in bed. To rectify the situation, he pushed himself up to the seated position to enable them to meet eye to eye.

"Sometimes I don't know what to do with you," she continued in sincerity. "But I've come to believe that the only thing worse than having you around is not having you around."

"Thanks. I think," he replied, trying to keep his eyes from rolling out of his head.

Let's just get these backhanded compliments over with so I can find out why the hell I'm here, he inwardly plead with his psyche. He just wanted to get some sleep.

Devon exuded a deep sigh. "You challenge me, John. I mean, there have been a few times when you've seriously made me question my sanity. And there's certainly been other times when you've seriously made me question your sanity. I don't think that I've ever yelled as much as I have these past five months."

"That's just cuz you're always used to gettin' your way," he exclaimed honestly and without malice. More than a tinge of smugness was added to the mix as he furthered, "'Bout time someone stood up to you."

Dream Devon cracked a smile. "Maybe it is," she conceded; an admission that she would never ever voice aloud while awake.

Her expression turned serious. "Today, when you were stuck in that dead-end tunnel and we thought that something terrible might've happened to you, I was scared to death. I told Alonzo that, even if we could've used the tunnels to bring everyone to New Pacifica, but we lost someone in the process, it wouldn't be worth it."

Well, that's not exactly what you said, but close enough, Danziger thought to himself. He briefly wondered why his subconscious' version of Devon hadn't repeated her actual words back to him verbatim. After all, despite being just around the corner from where the exchange between Devon and Alonzo had taken place, along with being practically buried up to his neck in rock and debris- not to mention breathing in enough dust to choke an entire warren of Grendlers- John had been pretty damn sure that he'd heard a slightly different version of that conversation. Maybe he was just remembering it wrong.

Meanwhile, Devon implored in her most persuasive tone, "I don't want to lose you, John. And I don't want you to leave. Don't scout ahead with Alonzo."

She took a breath before adding, "And when we reach New Pacifica, don't go back to the Stations. Stay with us. Stay with me."

There was only a slight pause before Danziger answered softly, "Okay."

Devon arched back in surprise. "Okay? Really?"

"We've been through this. I'm not leaving on the colony ship," the mechanic stated, attempting to remind his psyche that this issue had been resolved weeks before in his first dream of Devon.

He added with a shrug. "And as for scouting ahead, seems I don't have much of a choice since 'Lonz bailed on me earlier tonight. Apparently, he'd rather stick around here and freeze his ass off with Julia. Go figure."

As Danziger spoke, it hit him for the first time that, though he'd initially considered asking Walman or Magus to replace Alonzo on the months long journey, in truth, his heart just wasn't in it. As far as Danziger was concerned, the scout was permanently canceled, and not just because of Alonzo's cold feet, but because Danziger wanted to stay with the group, too.

And he was more than a bit surprised by the self-revelation. After all, he'd spent weeks organizing the many details of the trip to ensure that he would be physically prepared for any and all obstacles that might be tossed into their snow covered path. However, the mechanic now acknowledged that he'd done little to nothing to prepare himself for the emotional upheaval of being cutoff from his friends and family in Eden Advance. And that made a world of difference.

"So I guess I'm stuck here, too," he declared.

At first, Devon appeared extremely relieved, but then her face saddened a bit.

"I wish it was all this easy," she relayed wistfully, forcing herself to remember that the real world was much more complicated than the inner musings of her mind as she slept. How she longed to be able to communicate with Danziger this efficiently and fluently while she was awake. If only John were as patient and forthcoming as the man she'd imagined him to be in her dreams.

"Yeah, well, nothin' worth its salt is ever easy, Adair. But it'll all work out in the end."

Danziger seemed to realize that his statement could have been easily mistaken for Devon's all but patented brand of head-in-the-sand idealism. As such, he was compelled to balance his comments with an equal dose of negativity. He just couldn't help himself.

"Or maybe it won't work out. Who the hell knows? Neither of us has a shankin' crystal ball or anything."

John's unique version of realism was Devon's cue that maybe it was time to end this dream before it disintegrated into a nightmare. She had all day to listen to the real Danziger's seemingly interminable state of pessimism if she'd wanted to experience that.

"Where are you goin'?" he asked in surprise as the apparition of Devon stood up and made her way toward the exit. And here he'd been hoping that the two of them could pick up where they'd left off in the prior dream.

Devon completely ignored John's question as she reached the threshold, instead posing a query of her own.

"Why did you punch Alonzo?"

There was a devilish twinkle in Danziger's eyes that Devon couldn't help but find disarming, as much as she tried to fight it.

"Maybe someday I'll tell you," he offered with a sideways grin.

Devon lifted the nylon flap before returning his smile with one of her own.

"Maybe you will," she relayed, unknowingly mirroring Alonzo's words from earlier in the evening.

Devon didn't give John an opportunity to offer any further comment as she strode into the false sunlight, allowing the fabric to fall to a close behind her. Her thoughts were completely centered on Danziger and this newest imagined conversation with his illusion as she crossed the field and entered her own simulated tent.

As Devon climbed into her cot, she remained completely confounded that, as often as she'd envisioned strangling the breath out of Danziger, she also couldn't picture her life without him there to harass her on a constant basis. Obviously, her inner conflict was serious enough that it was continuing to affect her sleep patterns. And she was grateful for it. In fact, she very much hoped that she dreamed of him again soon.

Devon closed her eyes and, several hours later, awoke feeling refreshed and ready to attack the day. Always one of the first to rise, the leader began her morning ritual by braving the subzero temperature and persevering to the BioDome for coffee. She was powerless to stifle a broad smile when she opened the door to view Danziger, who had just finished brewing a large canister of the hot liquid and was in the process of pouring himself a mug.

It was almost as if he was waiting for her.

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