Wishful Thinking by Allison McDonnell

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Timeline: During the events of "Survival Of The Fittest"

Devon Adair was absolutely beside herself. In fact, she'd felt completely powerless and overwhelmed. How could this have happened?

Fifteen days ago, Julia, Alonzo, Morgan and Danziger had embarked on a search for Cargo Pod #9 after Morgan had picked up its weak signal, courtesy of the Transrover's upgraded sensors which had originally been fashioned to locate an elusive Dell Curry. After their initial euphoria had dulled and reality had set in, it was acknowledged that venturing to Pod #9 would be a risky mission due to its length, its likely treacherous route through unknown territory and the alarming lack of food which would barely be enough to sustain them. As such, Eden Advance had been hesitant about committing four crew-members to the arduous task. However, there were three much-desired vehicles on the manifest which would mean four needed drivers, after taking into account the Dunerail already in their possession.

There was also a plethora of medical supplies on the inventory list and this dictated that Julia should be there to supervise which items to take now and which to leave behind to be retrieved at a later date. Alonzo accompanied the crew because, simply put, he didn't want to be separated from Julia for such a large span of time. Morgan's cabin fever had escalated to the point that he'd actually volunteered for the mission, despite the many perils of the journey.

As for John Danziger, he'd barely been given enough time to learn about and to fully process the scope of the havoc wreaked on him and the rest of Eden Advance after the Ancient Terrian energy had taken over his body. Instead, he'd centered his concentration on immediately stepping forward to organize and lead this newest scout. Among his many reasons were that he'd wanted to personally oversee the packing of the pod's general stockpile and to ensure that the chosen items were loaded as tightly as possible without overstraining the vehicles.

Devon had tried to impart as much wisdom- as well as a few gentle threats- to Danziger as she could before he'd left. Among other things, she'd told him not to risk his life needlessly and that he was much more important than three cases of spirolina and two solar converters. He'd brushed her off, stating that those three cases of food could be the difference between Eden Advance living and starving to death.

"I'm not comin' back here empty handed," he'd sworn to her, and she'd believed him.

If only she'd realized then that Danziger's zeal to keep his friends and family alive had yet again far outweighed his own efforts at self-preservation.

Almost a week ago, Yale had recalculated the Pod's coordinates and had deduced that its signal burst had likely been a final explosion, prompting Devon to make a desperate appeal to Danziger to turn back. Instead, John had ignored her pleas and the group had plowed forward, venturing yet another two days past fail safe with little to no expectation of success. And now it was likely too late to save any of them.

It had been more than sixty hours since the scouting party's already spotty gear transmissions had ceased entirely. Since that time, they seemed to be stationary with just a single gear signal serving as a general beacon. The Edenites at the BioDome had no idea what could have happened. Had there been an accident of some kind? Were there injuries? Or worse? What if the homing device had simply fallen out of the moving vehicle and Yale and Walman were racing toward the wrong location? Could the party be hunkered down in a cave or a temporary shelter of some kind awaiting rescue? Or were they stranded out in the open, exposed to the unforgiving weather, along with any number of unknown predators? Had they somehow been lucky enough to locate a food or water source?

As much as Devon tried, she could not share True's unflinching belief that her father would find a way to pull himself and the others through whatever hell they were currently experiencing. In fact, the leader's normally overt optimism had disintegrated into despondence and dread. She hadn't slept in days and barely tolerated any food in her stomach because she was too overpowered by guilt. After all, how could she possibly eat knowing that Danziger and the others had run out of rations days ago? To further add to her distress, Bess' sobering questions had continued to echo in Devon's ears from the moment she'd posed them.

"Devon, have you ever seen anyone starve to death? Have you ever watched anyone eat dirt, trying to suck the moisture out of mud?"

Bess had been right. As life-long station-dwellers, none of them truly had any idea what they were up against. And that frightened Devon more than she could ever imagine.

Exhausted and practically coasting on fumes, Devon was becoming more distraught by the moment and her thoughts were consumed by the possibility that she'd never see John alive again. Grasping at any and all straws- and really not thinking all that clearly at this juncture- Devon was struck by a new idea.

She recalled the events of just a few weeks before when the Ancient Terrian spirit had chosen Danziger as its new host. Though all evidence had pointed to Alonzo as being the infected party, Devon had had her suspicions. Those niggling doubts had ended up manifesting itself as a dream in which she'd been able to finally admit and accept her various concerns, as well as come up with a tentative scenario to save Danziger's life. And with the exception of nearly shooting John with a Mag-pro, her plan to bring him to the underground cave had worked like a charm.

In that case, something as seemingly inconsequential as a dream had been the key to helping her take a step back and see the precarious circumstances in a whole new light.

More recently, she'd experienced a series of dreams involving an adult Uly. It had all seemed so incredibly real at the time that she'd actually followed instructions imparted to her and had stolen her son's Bio-ID from Julia's med-files. She'd then directed Uly to place the pilfered material at a designated location nearby.

Looking back now, the behavior she'd exhibited was rather odd and out of character for her, especially when she'd put her son in a potentially dangerous situation. But no harm had come to Uly or to anyone else, and she hadn't had another one of those dreams in weeks. In fact, unlike the prior dreams where she'd encountered the apparition of John which she could remember with amazing clarity, the particulars of the latter set of dreams were already beginning to slowly fade into the background.

All that mattered to Devon was that, for whatever reason, she'd apparently needed to complete that unusual errand. She was steadfast in her belief that it had been the right choice to make and it was yet another example where her dreams had opened a door to previously unexplored possibilities. And she was grateful for the opportunity.

To that end, Devon's current idea seemed obvious: The best way to help Danziger and the others was to have another dream.

Of course, because she was having difficulty sleeping, this was much easier said than done. However, Devon quickly deduced that, what couldn't occur naturally, could be brought about artificially courtesy of a sedaderm, just as she'd done to facilitate the dream with the adult version of Uly.

Devon hurried down the corridor as fast as her slightly shaky legs would carry her to Julia's designated quarters in the far corner of the BioDome. She went straight to the doctor's work station and hastily shoved aside whatever medical supplies she deemed unusable in order to give her a better view of a tray filled with brightly colored capsules. She intensely studied the various medications until her eyes fell upon the one that would serve her needs. She grabbed the nearby hypogun and slid the sleep aid into place.

She barely made it the final few feet to Julia's cot before pressing the apparatus to her neck and releasing the dose into her system, nor did she note the hiss of the hypogun or feel her head roughly land on the physician's pillow as she collapsed in a heap. Instead, all of her senses were focused solely on figuring out a way to bring Danziger and the others back home safely. She had to see John again, even if it was only a simulated version of him.

Very little time seemed to pass before Devon's eyes snapped open and she shot to her feet directly next to her cot. She understood that she was still asleep but immediately recognized that there were several monumental differences between her prior dreams and the current one. Although it was hard for her to define how or why, everything seemed to be slightly off-kilter. It was if the dream somehow lacked basic stability.

She rushed outside to further confirm her suspicion that many of the surrounding colors appeared muted and were slightly out of focus. And though she'd never bothered to pay attention to the presence of any background noise before, now that there was a startling lack of it, it was certainly noticeable now. Moreover, the sounds that she created on her own were dull with little to no reverberation.

Instinct took over and she began to run toward Danziger's tent at the opposite end of the field. However, she skidded to a stop at about the half-way point when she observed that the tent's crease was fully pulled back to reveal that it was vacant. Not only was the mechanic not inside, there was no longer even a bed.

Devon's gaze dropped to her feet and noted that the formerly healthy grass had been replaced with hardened, cracked earth. Moreover, the lush clusters of bushes which had peppered the landscape were now little more than piles of dried kindling.

This place could certainly use a good rain, was one of the first things that came to Devon's mind before she reminded herself that none of this was real. She also decided that she did not like this dream at all.

She widened her search, squinting into the blinding sun as she scoured the surrounding landscape for any signs of life. When her eyes yielded no positive results, she tried a different approach.

"Danziger!"

Recognizing that her voice lacked the impact that it normally had, she increased her volume to its limits.

"Answer me, John! Say something! Where are you?"

Devon's eyes darted back and forth as she continued to yell for him, her worry amplifying with every repetition of his name.

"I know you're here! You have to be!"

Her tone became strained with panic. "Please... please be here."

Devon took a few much needed breaths to calm herself and mentally regroup. She had just begun to admonish her subconscious for failing to abide by her wishes and produce the dream version of the mechanic when a flash of movement in the sun-scorched field caught her gaze.

The image was muted in color and quickly vanished, but it was more than enough to set Devon in motion and she sprinted the fifty or so yards away from both tents to the source. After a few moments of furious searching, she was rewarded with Danziger's ghostlike form fading into view almost directly next to her. The mechanic was seated on the hard earth with his head and shoulders slumped forward and his long legs pulled tightly against his chest. His visage was nearly transparent and he seemed to be barely lucid. And though Devon had difficulty deciphering some of John's features, there was no missing the extraordinary sadness reflected in his eyes.

"I'm not gonna make it outta this one," he said, his gaze looking straight ahead into space, his voice and delivery hollow. "You're not gonna find me in time."

Devon crouched down next to him and reached out to touch his translucent profile, but felt only air where the image of his shoulder was.

"Don't say that. Yale and Walman are on their way," she insisted, determined to put forth as optimistic a facade as she could, despite her true emotions.

"We'll be dead by then," Danziger replied flatly.

Another surge of fear gripped Devon as the the mechanic's vision vanished for a few agonizing seconds before finally rematerializing.

"God, I'm so hungry," he murmured, causing Devon to briefly turn away, overwhelmed by his obvious desperation.

She absolutely hated that her psyche had elected to translate her anguish regarding John's likely loss, as well as his probable current circumstances, into her dream. This was most certainly not the way that she'd wanted to envision him.

She attempted to take yet another mental step backward to steady herself and to compose her thoughts. After all, besides the prospect of seeing Danziger again, there was another purpose for having this dream. In the deepest recesses of her mind, there might be an as yet untapped idea that could be utilized to bring Danziger and the others back safely. As such, Devon did her best to ignore her pain at imagining him in such a mentally and physically depleted state, and she forced herself to get down to the business at hand.

"Tell me what I can do for you, John. Tell me how I can help," she implored to his washed out vision.

For the first time, Danziger met her eyes. "Take care of True. Raise her right," he relayed gloomily. "And don't let her forget her Dad."

This was obviously not the answer that Devon had expected. "John, please don't lose hope," she pleaded. "Tell me how to save you. There must be something that I can do. There just has to be."

Danziger diverted his gaze elsewhere. "It's too late," he sighed, weakly shaking his head as his body began to gradually fade away into nothingness. "I'd give anything to see True again. I wish that I could've told her that I love her one more time."

"No, wait!" Devon called out, instinctually diving toward him in a futile effort to keep him there. Instead, she propelled herself straight through his vanishing form and tumbled to the ground.

Devon rebounded immediately, rocketing back to her feet and panning the barren landscape for John's reappearance. Unable to locate him, she started shouting at the top of her lungs in the hope that he could somehow hear her.

"Don't go! It's not too late!"

She became more emotional with each syllable. "You can't leave True! You can't leave me! Don't you dare give up, John! You do whatever it takes to stay alive, do you hear me? Dammit, come back! Don't leave! Tell me what to do!"

Suddenly a distant, though familiar, voice pierced the stagnant air.

"Devon, you have to wake up."

The leader instantly recognized what was happening and she did her best to ignore the suggestion. She wanted to hold onto the dream for as long as she possibly could in order to continue her frantic search for the mechanic.

"Danziger! Please! Tell me how to help you!" she yelled.

Barely a moment passed before the compassionate voice repeated, "You're having a nightmare, Devon. You need to wake up now."

Devon continued to resist and was still screaming Danziger's name when she felt her shoulders being gently shaken and her senses go dark.

She opened her eyes to view Bess who was holding vigil next to her on Julia's cot and trying to transition the leader back to reality as gingerly as possible.

Now that Bess finally had Devon's attention, she explained, "I stopped by to see if Walman and Yale had checked in, and I heard noises coming from Julia's quarters. You were talking in your sleep."

Devon nodded, still disoriented. Her breaths were short and ragged, and her lungs felt constricted as she wiped the moisture from her tear-streaked face. Through puffy eyes, she glanced at her chronometer which relayed that she'd been asleep for several hours.

"What did I say?" she asked hesitantly, noting that Bess' weary expression and swollen eyes closely mirrored her own.

The Earth-res fully understood that nothing positive could come from repeating Devon's desperate cries.

"I could only make out bits and pieces," she lied. "Something about helping John. Did you have a dream about him?"

"Yes, I mean, no, uh... maybe. I'm not sure," Devon replied, choosing to match Bess' fib with one of her own. "I don't really remember much about it."

Bess wasn't the least bit fooled and she gave Devon a sympathetic smile. "Why don't you stay here and get some more sleep," she suggested, not waiting for an answer as she began to tuck the covers around the leader's frame.

She added, "I'll be just down the hall monitoring the gear channels and I promise to let you know as soon as anyone checks in, okay?"

"Okay," Devon reluctantly agreed.

As Bess continued to adjust the blankets, the discarded hypogun fell to the floor with a clang. Bess picked up the apparatus as nonchalantly as possible and set it back on Julia's work station before making her way toward the exit. Once she reached the doorway of the enclosure, she paused in deep contemplation before slowly turning back to face Devon.

Her eyes glistened with tears and her voice faltered slightly as she imparted, "I know how hard this is, Devon, but we'll all get through it; whatever the outcome."

Unable to speak due to the lump forming in her throat, Devon could only nod her acknowledgment. The pair of beleaguered women traded one last sad smile before Bess reinitiated her short journey back into the main room of the BioDome.

Now alone with her thoughts, Devon attempted to look beyond her anguish and, instead, began to reflect on how different this latest dream had been from the others. Even more unsettling was that she had not been able to gain any insight whatsoever when it came to how to save Danziger. It was if her mind had played a cruel trick on her by forcing her to imagine a man whom she greatly cared for enduring what was likely the final few agonizing hours of his life. It was almost too much to bear.

She hypothesized that perhaps the use of the sleep aid had somehow factored into her negative experience. Maybe without a sedaderm, her subconscious could have provided her with useful knowledge that was buried in the deepest recesses of her psyche. At the very least, she might have been given a more encouraging perspective on the scouting party's current circumstances. But there was really no way of knowing whether an absence of medication in her system would have rendered a different outcome. And as much as Devon's dream had only served to increase her despair and anxiety, she didn't want to find out the hard way by falling back asleep.

As such, she passed the next few hours in Julia's darkened quarters staring wide-eyed at the ceiling. She spent the entirety of her time there attempting to convince herself that all was not lost and that Yale and Walman would reach her friends at any moment. And despite what the nightmare version of Danziger had bleakly predicted, it wasn't too late. It just couldn't be.

She also continually replayed True's steadfast assurances that her father would find a way to keep himself and the others alive long enough to be rescued. Somehow, John would be the key to bringing them all back safe and sound.

Devon prayed for a miracle.

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