Wishful Thinking by Allison McDonnell

[Reviews - 0]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer

- Text Size +

Timeline: Six days after "All About Eve"

It had been just shy of a week since Eden Advance had been forced to place Devon in a state of hibernation in order to stave off the shutting down of her vital organs. No sooner had Uly slipped his child-sized Terrian staff into the door handle of his mother's cold sleep crypt when the crew had gotten down to the business of unpacking their few belonging and reestablishing their campsite at the base of the hill in which Franklin Bennett's Mercury class starship was embedded.

And now it seemed that the mission to establish a thriving colony at New Pacifica had ground to a physical and metaphorical standstill. The group's collective near death experience due to the bio-probe malfunctions had already shaken them to their core, and they were clearly unprepared for this latest turn of events. As such, the individual members of Eden Project were handling the loss of their leader in a wide range of ways.

Uly was practically inconsolable, and Bess and True seemed to make it their life's goal to steer the boy's attention toward games or schoolwork or anything else the pair could come up with that was unrelated to his mother's grave condition. Morgan emotionally separated himself from the others by thrusting his VR fixation into overdrive, escaping to his jazz-filled sanctuary for hours at a time. Yale was practically in mourning over what was perhaps the permanent loss of his former pupil and best friend. Julia was rarely seen and had chosen to barricade herself in the Med-tent as she searched for the source of Devon's illness.

Many of the Ops crew focused their energies on fiddling with the newest- though in many instances antique and obsolete- machinery which had been 'permanently borrowed' from several storage crates discovered in the bowels of Bennett's ship. Others like Denner and Cameron spent the long days performing menial, needless tasks such as taking extra inventories or reorganizing the navigational equipment in a futile effort to stay busy.

As for John Danziger, he fell into his new role as leader of Eden Advance as smoothly as could be expected under the circumstances. Though he was actively involved in every decision made in camp, he remained aloof and distant when it came to his interactions with the crew. He was under an almost incalculable amount of stress and his friends treaded lightly in his presence, trying their best not to tax him any more than absolutely necessary.

But as time marched forward and Eden Advance stayed in one place, there was an elephant in the room which could only be ignored for so long. Moreover, John was aware that it was up to him to address it and he'd elected to do so just hours earlier when everyone had gathered around the evening campfire. After Julia had provided the latest update on Devon's unchanging status, sadly relaying that with the limited information and medical equipment available to her, there was nothing more that she could think to do, Danziger had solemnly made the announcement that it was time for the group to cut its losses and move on. His stony expression was belied by his strained tone and the pronounced furrows etched deep into his brow as he added that Eden Advance would be leaving at first light.

When Morgan asked if there would be a vote on the subject, the mechanic told them no, explaining that camp morale was already fractured enough without splintering it further through debate. Anguish permeated his eyes and voice as he furthered that, in truth, leaving Devon behind was never their or even his decision to make in the first place. This had been Devon's choice all along and she was counting on each and every one of them to continue her dream of having New Pacifica fully operational in time for the arrival of the colony ship. And he was going to see to it that they didn't let her down.

The mood remained subdued as the group fell in line with Danziger's assertion without any opposition and it wasn't long before everyone retreated to their quarters to privately contemplate the gravity of what they were going to do. Knowing that Julia was likely an emotional wreck due to her inability to pull Devon back from the brink of death, Alonzo sought to comfort her the best that he could. But when he suggested that she rest, Julia refused, insisting on utilizing every minute left to hunt for clues regarding the fallen leader's condition. As much as Alonzo worried about her, he appreciated and respected the idea that Julia had to try, even if all that was left for her to do at this point was to wildly grasp at straws.

He watched his lover from their shared cot in their personal quarters which also served as the Med-tent, remaining as quiet as a church mouse while she dutifully, desperately toiled away at her work station into the early hours of the morning. Her concentration was so great that she failed to hear the approaching footsteps or the subsequent light rapping of knuckles against the entrance's nylon tarp. She also barely looked up from her slides when Alonzo slipped out of the doorway to address their visitor.

"I saw the light on," Danziger said with concern as he gazed past Alonzo to view the physician as she intensely studied a grouping of blood samples. "She doin' all right?"

"She's just running last minute checks, I think," came Alonzo's hushed reply. "She wants to be sure she's tried everything possible."

The mechanic let out a slow breath. "Make sure she gets some sleep." His eyes briefly bounced to his shoes as he added, "And tell her we all know that she did her best. No one here blames her."

Alonzo nodded his acknowledgment before arching his head backward slightly. "You're not on guard duty tonight, are you?"

"Nah, it's Baines' first shift back. I know Julia cleared him for duty, but as bad off as he was a few days ago, I wanted to check on him one more time to make sure he was still feeling up to it."

It was impossible for Alonzo to miss Danziger's fatigued expression and posturing. "You need to get some sleep, too," he suggested.

"Yeah, I'm headin' off to bed right now," John answered, his legs already in motion, though he barely lifted his feet as he trudged back toward his own quarters. "'Night."

"See you in the morning," Alonzo called out to his retreating back.

He stepped back into his tent and let the canvas flap fall to a close behind him, doing his best not to disturb Julia as he crept back into bed. Unable to fall asleep, his mind began to focus on Danziger's heartbreaking situation. Because the pilot had puppeteered three different Dreamplane excursions over the past months for the two temperamental leaders, he's been privy to the depth of John's attachment to Devon. Alonzo's heart had been in the right place when he'd tricked the pair into relaying their true feelings to one another which had resulted in plenty of fireworks, confessions of allegiance and of love.

Alonzo had assumed that these Dreamplane declarations would somehow work their way into Devon and Danziger's waking lives. The couple's friendship had clearly strengthened over time and, although they still could fight like cats and dogs, their sparring had become much less mean-spirited and adversarial. It was even widely speculated by many in the group that, on some strange level, the leaders actually enjoyed the conflict to a degree.

Alonzo had only wanted the best for Devon and John and, while his intention had been to play the honorable role of an unseen matchmaker, upon further introspection over his actions, he'd opted to put a halt to the proceedings. After all, he'd had a front row seat to emotions that were most certainly not for his eyes and ears. And in all fairness, it felt wrong on many levels that he'd basically manipulated the pair into exposing their deepest desires to each other instead of allowing them to vocalize and act upon their feelings at their own pace.

Since then, he'd only summoned them to the Dreamscape once more in order to alert Devon that Danziger's body had been overtaken by the ancient Terrian spirit, as well as to provide her with instructions to bring him to the Elder's cave before it was too late. It was obvious that neither leader had ever figured out the truth and Alonzo had thought it best not to tell them, for their sake and for his own. In fact, he'd never confided his actions to anyone, including Julia.

But now things had changed considerably, and seeing Danziger in such a grief-stricken state was prompting Alonzo to reconsider his choice not to utilize the Dreamplane. Though he'd never personally dreamed during any of his countless cold sleep runs, he was considered to be the exception to the rule. Most people dreamed despite their bodies being cryogenically frozen and Alonzo even recalled Danziger's initial comment after awakening from his twenty-two year hibernation of experiencing a rather strange one. As such, there was no reason to think that Devon would be any different. And Alonzo knew that he had to try.

Of course, transporting Danziger to the alternate reality wouldn't be a difficult task, but finding a way to reach Devon would be another matter entirely. However, if Alonzo was successful, there was a good chance that Devon could dispense some much-needed insight as to why she'd fallen ill as well as to how to bring her back to the land of the living. And if it turned out that she had no helpful information to impart, at least the pair would be afforded the opportunity to temporarily reconnect, perhaps providing them with some semblance of peace with the sobering decision to leave her behind.

Alonzo closed his eyes and focused his efforts on setting up the previously established parameters for the leaders' Dreamscape encounter. He hoped that he would be able to pull it off. For everyone's sake.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As much as Danziger had hoped to dream of Devon, he feared it at the same time; so much so that he tried to remain awake for as long as he could. Even though he knew that none of it was real, he just couldn't face her- or himself, for that matter- for basically hijacking the voting process and insisting on abandoning her. That he was simply following through on the promise Devon had extracted from him to keep the group moving forward did nothing to diminish his guilt and misery over the idea that he'd failed her. He wasn't sure how he was going to live with himself.

He continued to berate himself as the unforgiving night stretched onward. How in the world could he have been so oblivious to Devon's illness? It should have been blatantly obvious to him that she'd remained sick while he and the others returned to full health.

The image of Devon crumbling to the ground in agony outside of her quarters on that fateful morning played itself for the thousandth time in John's agonized mind. If he'd only gone to find her just a few minutes earlier, things might have ended very differently. He could have whisked her away to Julia in time; or at the very least, Devon could have communicated to him her symptoms and what- if any- actions could be taken in order to save her.

But instead he'd spent most of the morning packing up the camp's belongings while selfishly working out the details of his self-made vow to approach Devon about his feelings for her. Of course, he wouldn't have confessed anything embarrassing that he could be held accountable for later. Ironically, he'd planned to open the conversation by noting his relief that she was fully recovered and that his life wouldn't have been the same without her around to constantly piss him off. He would have then segued the topic to his appreciation of her trust in him to take over leadership of the group and to raise her son if she hadn't survived. After that, he would have carefully evaluated how receptive she was to his remarks and then would have played the rest of their exchange by ear... very carefully. He understood that the deck was stacked against him and there was no way in hell that he was going to endanger their working relationship by making a complete jack-ass out of himself.

But now it was too late.

As his physical and emotional fatigue overtook him, he tried to take comfort in the knowledge that, because Devon's cryogenic state precluded her from deteriorating any further, she was no longer suffering in pain or experiencing any worry or fear. At this point, Danziger was the only one who felt as though he was dying inside.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alonzo was securely tucked in the shadows just outside of Danziger's tent when he finally heard a tired groan from inside the dwelling, signaling that the mechanic had arrived on the Dreamscape. There was a pregnant pause and Alonzo wondered if Danziger was weighing the pros and cons of pursuing the unknown possibilities of what he believed to be an ordinary dream. Once Danziger had decided not to let his apprehension get the best of him by either forcing himself into a deeper sleep or by staging a sit-in, he barreled over the threshold and out into the faux sunlight. And his commitment to the proceedings was obvious as he stared down Devon's tent at the opposite end of the field.

"Get your ass out here, Adair!" he demanded, looking and sounding like a drill sergeant, complete with his all but patented thousand yard glare.

Still obscured from Danziger's view, Alonzo was momentarily stunned by the mechanic's aggressive outburst and wondered if his posturing was an attempt to mask his anxiety. Or maybe it was simply a preemptive strike in anticipation of a verbal, and possibly physical, onslaught from Devon over his actions of late. Either way, he was certainly ready for a fight.

Alonzo tried to block out John's antics and focus his concentration on locating and bringing Devon's subconscious to the alternative reality; a task that was proving to be more difficult than first thought.

Meanwhile, John began to march toward the leader's simulated quarters, bellowing, "I know you're in there, and you and I are gonna hash all of this shit out right now!"

Alonzo was becoming increasingly panicked when he was still unable to locate Devon and summon her to the Dreamplane. And it was clear that Danziger was also realizing the potential for his dream to actually be a nightmare when he parted the tent's crease with a deliberate sweep of his arm to reveal an empty room.

He squinted into the semi-darkness. "Devon! Front and center!" he ordered, his commands and attitude seemingly tailor-made to provoke yet another knock-down, drag-out battle of wills.

As Danziger stepped inside to continue the search, Alonzo took the opportunity to edge closer to the dwelling, all the while desperately attempting to contact Devon to no avail. The pilot had absolutely no idea how to proceed. Because he'd become so adept at navigating the alternate dimension, he hadn't given enough serious consideration to the idea that Devon would be beyond his reach. Hindsight was twenty-twenty and now he was abundantly aware that he should have confirmed his ability to bring Devon to the Dreamplane first before sending for Danziger. This had been a terrible miscalculation and the woman's glaring absence could potentially upset an already emotionally raw Danziger even more than he already was.

The pilot feared that he was about to witness a train wreck of monumental proportions. And worse yet, he was the one who had set up the tracks and put the train in motion.

As he wrestled with several different ideas to minimize the damage, including everything from forcing Danziger from the Dreamscape, to making his presence known and providing a full confession of his well-intentioned transgressions, cracks began to surface in the mechanic's steel veneer after he'd concluded that Devon was not to be found.

John's fury and overall pacing slowed as he ventured inward. By the time he reached the center of the room, his once angry breaths now resembled shudders and he withered to his knees on the spot where Devon's bed should have been.

Devon's lack of presence failed to deter John from speaking his mind. His grief had a slightly acrimonious edge to it as he acknowledged, "This isn't what I signed up for and you damn well know it, Adair. I don't have a shankin' clue what I'm doin'."

Alonzo was cemented in place as he watched from a small, conveniently placed slit in the fabric as the awful truth continued to spill out of the mechanic.

"I'm not you. I can't be you."

There was an almost painfully long pause before he continued. "Already been way too much loss 'round here. And now you're gone, too," came the strained whisper. "No one here knows how to fix you and, as far as I can tell, the Diggers don't give a shit. So I guess that means you gotta get better on your own."

The mechanic let out another raspy breath. "Who knows? Maybe the rest'll do you some good."

Another few moments of contemplation passed before Danziger slowly lumbered to his feet. He barely lifted his legs as he took a few paces toward the door before suddenly halting, realizing that there was one more thing that he needed to get off of his chest.

His gaze dropped to his boots. "I'm gonna do everything that you asked of me," he reflected, his voice still a mixture of sorrow and bitterness. "But that sure as hell don't mean that I'm gonna like it."

As Danziger resumed his journey out of Devon's tent, Alonzo didn't have time to conceal his close proximity. However, luckily for the pilot it didn't make any difference because John's eyes never veered from straight ahead of him as he crossed the field and returned to his quarters. What had started with a roar had practically ended with a whimper, and there was no missing the defeated stance of the mechanic's dropped shoulders or that his head was held lower than usual.

Without another word, Danziger climbed back into his own cot, facing the opposite wall of the enclosure and pulled the covers over top of him.

As the dream came to a close, Alonzo was again racked with guilt over what he'd done and he reconsidered outing himself regarding his role in the deception. However, upon further thought, he concluded that it would be best for them both if the current dream was ended as quickly as possible without him openly accepting responsibility for his actions and letting John know that he'd yet again overheard privileged information regarding his personal life. Alonzo also made a promise to himself that, no matter how much he'd wanted to help Devon and Danziger in the future, he would stick to his former pledge to never ever trick them onto the Dreamplane again. Of course, the whole point of his promise would be moot if Eden Project was unable to locate a cure for whatever had caused Devon's sickness.

But regardless of that fact, Alonzo was certain that he had learned his lesson. The pilot only wished that causing John more mental suffering hadn't been a painful byproduct of his schooling. But Alonzo vowed to make it up to the mechanic by actively supporting his efforts at leading the group and doing whatever he could to lighten his already overwhelming workload.

And most importantly, Alonzo decided then and there that he was going to make it his life's mission to hound the Terrians until they understood or cared enough to take the necessary steps to bring Devon back to them in good health. Even though he'd struck out so far in his few meetings with the creatures, it stood to reason that they were more than equipped to help her, just as they'd done for Uly. And he wasn't going to give up until they relented.

This was far from over.

You must login (register) to review.